Constantly being told Christians MUST Fellowship

[Glass*Soul]

I have a different opinion. I dont think Aspergers is an excuse for us to not do what will help us be all we're created to be. The Word of God is pretty clear that as a member of Christ's body we are called to be part of a community. In practice, I dont feel like shaking hands or going or socializing sometimes, but I've grown to realize that's spiritual warfare of evil trying to hold me back from glorifying God. As iron sharpens iron is so true. Other Christians speaking into my life and holding me accountable has been the best way to make sure I'm living in the Spirit, walking with God.

1Cor12 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Hi Jesus Freak.

I agree with you that Asperger's is not an excuse. It has no need to be one. A diagnosis of Asperger's is information about a person's way of being in the world. If this means that what is enjoyable or at least tolerable for the majority of church goers is actually Very Uncomfortable for an Aspie, this is good and useful information to have. After all, if one part suffers, every part suffers. The Aspies in a church are indispensable. And things that are indispensable don't need to be apologized for or excused. Honoring their way of being is healthy for everyone. Right?

Luckily, loud music, sermons designed to tug at the emotions, complicated surroundings, glad-handing, back-slapping, elbow rubbing, chatting and even hugging are neither fellowship nor community. Fellowship and community may take place while all of this is going on. Then again, it may not. For anyone. Aspie or not. It is possible for a group of people to go to church, sing, recite prayers, shake hands, chit-chat, listen to a sermon, have good feelings about it all and experience not a whit of fellowship or community.

On the other hand, it is possible to enjoy an activity, like quietly organizing and cleaning up at the local food bank, and to have fellowship doing it. Maintaining the church library on off hours when there's no one else in the church, because you love books and in your mind there's no greater gift to give to the people you love, can be community.

 

[Miserere]

I have a different opinion. I dont think Aspergers is an excuse for us to not do what will help us be all we're created to be. The Word of God is pretty clear that as a member of Christ's body we are called to be part of a community. In practice, I dont feel like shaking hands or going or socializing sometimes, but I've grown to realize that's spiritual warfare of evil trying to hold me back from glorifying God. As iron sharpens iron is so true. Other Christians speaking into my life and holding me accountable has been the best way to make sure I'm living in the Spirit, walking with God.

1Cor12 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Hey Jesus Freak,
No offense intended, but please get off your judgmental high horse and recognize that people with Asperger's do have a hard time socializing. I have Asperger's--I know what I'm talking about. To see people like you basically belittling those with the condition makes me furious.

I don't like socializing. I'm coming out of a denomination (it's no concern which denomination it is, so please don't ask) that requires a handshake during one part of the liturgy, and I have always hated that. This has NOTHING to do with Satan, and to suggest that is a huge insult to those of us with Asperger's. Before you talk, try actually getting to know someone with Asperger's.

 

[MoeSzyslak]

I have a different opinion. I dont think Aspergers is an excuse for us to not do what will help us be all we're created to be. The Word of God is pretty clear that as a member of Christ's body we are called to be part of a community. In practice, I dont feel like shaking hands or going or socializing sometimes, but I've grown to realize that's spiritual warfare of evil trying to hold me back from glorifying God. As iron sharpens iron is so true. Other Christians speaking into my life and holding me accountable has been the best way to make sure I'm living in the Spirit, walking with God.

1Cor12 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

I agree its not an excuse. If you want to know why I don't fellowship, then your asking the wrong person. Go ask the long line of people who shun and want nothing to do with me for the past 20 years. That's my point. Your asking the wrong person, the pointing finger needs to be pointed at the body of believers; a.k.a. The church. They are failing.

 

[JesusFreak2011]

Miserere. I dont think you read my post very thoroughly or if you did you would have read Aspergers is not an excuse for US - meaning ME included. I've had AS for 50 years so I don't think I need to get to know someone who has it. I'm not belittling anyone. I think the purpose of the forum is to help each other grow. If you're not interested in growing or even if you disagree there is no need to attack. This is supposed to be a Christian forum. If you are a Christian then I'm telling you in love that you are the one being judgmental and your "I know what I'm talking about" attitude is not going to help you grow in Christ.

 

[mmmhmmm]

Sadly enough, I have to agree. Before I was diagnosed, I just couldnt figure out what I was doing wrong. Church people would talk to me once and that was all. Never came back for seconds. I, too, am a Christian of long standing. For a very long time, I would cry and cry, extreme loneliness. I want so badly to be included and couldnt understand why I would be ignored. Now I understand and I'm okay with who I am, dont worry about what others think because I know for a certaintly that my God has my back. it has given me the ability to 'spot' others in the same predicament

 

[JesusFreak2011]

Communicating with neurotypicals is like learning a foreign language. It is not easy, but it can be done. Especially with God's help and guidance. I know people here will disagree with me, but I don't think we should expect them to be the ones to learn about us. In my opinion since 99% of the world is neurotypical we should learn their language. I wouldnt go to Tanzania and expect them to learn english. If I went there and didnt speak their language people probably wouldnt talk to me very long or more than once.

 

[artqween]

How do you deal with not having the close relationships that you see other women having? I go to church because I love God. I don't form relationships. I have tried and tried and tried in the past to get into groups and it's always a miserable failure.

How do you deal with the loneliness? I pray and pray for a Christian woman friend. I have a husband and kids, but I CONSTANTLY hear from preachers and teachers that people MUST fellowship.

We MUST be involved in play groups, and we MUST have close friends and we MUST do small group because God created us to do that.

Well, he didn't create ME to do that, and it causes a lot of guilt, stress and depression because I CAN'T do those things.

Any suggestions?

Why r u tring so hard? it should never be a must thing to do. Just going to church and getting involved. U will meet a christian lady friend. U also may want to discuss ur issue with ur hunny/family they can help as well. U arent gay r u? Just asking?? Hello btw..
It should never be a must for fellowship but of celebration of brothers and sisters to have fun in Gods Home/. u may want to discuss this issue with ur family and ur church
Pretaining to the must issue.
Hi to all bro.s and sisters out here

 

[SmallNation]

I have high functioning autism myself... and it took the longest time for me to realize that Jesus is my friend... for real. It might not make you a social butterfly, but you always have a friend. For eternity.

Be patient, and don't let the pressures of the world bully you into something that is not what God intended for you. Perhaps you will have many friends in time, but not necessarily according to the ways of the world.

If you feel pressured to make friends NOW, this is not God.

Another thing to consider is that you have strengths. People might not tell you because you may not be around them enough for them to say anything about it. But you likely have ways that you can edify and help others. But the only way you find out is by simple communications with people. It can be pointed, and not shallow small talk. The more people you talk to, the more you will learn and the more comfortable you will get. Many people have to learn the art of conversation... in fact there was a book by a pschologist named Albert Ellis called Intimate Connections, which teaches you some simple ways of making conversation with others. This is something that doesn't come naturally for us all (even neurotypicals). In fact, the art of conversation is being lost with many younger people, just like the art of flirting, as many people spend way too much time in front of computers and not in the world talking to people.

 

[artqween]

I have high functioning autism myself... and it took the longest time for me to realize that Jesus is my friend... for real. It might not make you a social butterfly, but you always have a friend. For eternity.

Be patient, and don't let the pressures of the world bully you into something that is not what God intended for you. Perhaps you will have many friends in time, but not necessarily according to the ways of the world.

If you feel pressured to make friends NOW, this is not God.

Another thing to consider is that you have strengths. People might not tell you because you may not be around them enough for them to say anything about it. But you likely have ways that you can edify and help others. But the only way you find out is by simple communications with people. It can be pointed, and not shallow small talk. The more people you talk to, the more you will learn and the more comfortable you will get. Many people have to learn the art of conversation... in fact there was a book by a pschologist named Albert Ellis called Intimate Connections, which teaches you some simple ways of making conversation with others. This is something that doesn't come naturally for us all (even neurotypicals). In fact, the art of conversation is being lost with many younger people, just like the art of flirting, as many people spend way too much time in front of computers and not in the world talking to people.

Hello to both..

 

[NIrelandGillian]

Hi, I am not on the autistic spectrum but have 3 adult children who are on it. One is autistic and the other 2 have Asperger Syndrome. They are all Christians.

Two of these live here. The autistic one enjoys coming to church and even goes on his bike when no one else is going that could give him a lift. He chats to people quite easily, but it's mostly to adults as the younger people don't give him a lot of time, apart from one young person who takes the time to talk and try to get to know him. My son is content to go along to church services and chat to anyone who speaks to him - he is really quite sociable - but does not wish to be any more involved than that.

The younger of the two with AS also comes to church, but not every week. If he is dealing with an issue that is upsetting him he finds it difficult to come out and I have learned to respect that and not force him to come out. He is very shy and finds it difficult to have a conversation. He enjoys being part of a group but mostly observes the action in the group rather than being anywhere near the centre of it.

The eldest of the three is quite sociable and can converse quite easily but finds going to church quite difficult. She has, however, found a church where she feels comfortable and not overwhelmed.

What I pray for all of these as well as for my NT son is that they grow spiritually and feel a part of the church they are in even if they don't all feel like mixing or taking on responsibilities.

Gillian

 

[jackmt]

JesusFreak2011,

I withdraw. I did not read your later remarks before posting.

I have started a support group for Aspies. Several of us are Christians. Several of us have made friendships. Aspies get Aspies. That's why we're here on CF. It is better in person.

I formed the group with the help of a speech therapist who had several clients who were on the spectrum. She serves as our facilitator and keeps us from going down too many rabbit trails. We have met weekly for nearly 2 years now.

How about that? A loner's club that actually meets!

 

[jackmt]

Fellowship is absolutely necessary. But NT Christians fellowship with other NT Christians and shun us Aspies because we do not have the responses to Christ that they have and insist we should. I go to church where I have matters of faith in common with the other congregants. Why should I not fellowship there also with my like-minded Christian Aspie brothers?

In a large church there are likely to be many other Aspies. It is just a matter of finding them. Maybe you could take an advocate to your pastor or elder and see about promoting awareness in the congregation and perhaps starting a small fellowship within the church of believing Aspies.

 

[Ludicrus]

I have a different opinion. I dont think Aspergers is an excuse for us to not do what will help us be all we're created to be. The Word of God is pretty clear that as a member of Christ's body we are called to be part of a community. In practice, I dont feel like shaking hands or going or socializing sometimes, but I've grown to realize that's spiritual warfare of evil trying to hold me back from glorifying God. As iron sharpens iron is so true. Other Christians speaking into my life and holding me accountable has been the best way to make sure I'm living in the Spirit, walking with God.

1Cor12 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Actually, most of the time, it's them saying they don't need us because we are different and that makes others uncomfortable.

And then you have the "saying things that others immediately take offense to without meaning to offend anybody at all" issue.

I joined Christian Forums for the sole purpose of getting to know other Christians with Aspergers.

I am also bipolar.

Church has mostly lead to a bunch of heartache. And I was told, "Christians are the only ones who shoot their own wounded," by a prayer partner years ago, but I meet Christians outside of the corporate church who are wonderful.

I joined a house church prayer meeting group and it was fine until they started going way off on their doctrine.

I have visited several churches. Some, faithful to sound doctrine, some not so much. Some so far off they are working for the other side.

The last church I was serious about joining, I really enjoyed. The associate pastor, laid hands on me, confirmed my calling to ministry and then told me not to join the church. God had plans for me.

I soon moved to another town. I ministered there for awhile and God moved me again.

This has been my life for two decades. God puts me where He wants me and after I've accomplished what He wants....

Each time, I actually form some friendships, they are only temporary and I have to go through that loss all over again.


They move on and God moves me on.

I believe that each individual has to fulfill what God calls them to do. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. He knows us before we are in our mother's wombs and He has a plan and purpose for each one of us.

I think the biggest problem we have as Christians is trying to fit into someone else's mold instead of God's.

In my walk with the Lord, if I had a dollar for every time I was attacked for who I am in Christ Jesus, I'd be rich. But as it is, I am very wealthy in God's blessings and comfortable, at just above the poverty level, as far as man's ideas are concerned.

Just my 2 cents worth.

 

[MaddieD]

How do you deal with not having the close relationships that you see other women having? I go to church because I love God. I don't form relationships. I have tried and tried and tried in the past to get into groups and it's always a miserable failure.

How do you deal with the loneliness? I pray and pray for a Christian woman friend. I have a husband and kids, but I CONSTANTLY hear from preachers and teachers that people MUST fellowship.

We MUST be involved in play groups, and we MUST have close friends and we MUST do small group because God created us to do that.

Well, he didn't create ME to do that, and it causes a lot of guilt, stress and depression because I CAN'T do those things.

Any suggestions?

Hello, I have Asperger's and I'm going through the same kinds of things. I think that in our case, it's really the church's job to reach out to us, but they cannot do that unless we educate them about our needs. They need to understand that we have sensory and information processing differences and cannot socialize in the same ways that our typical peers do. We need to be clear about the fact that we want to socialize but need to do so in either a quiet environment, one on one situations, in the comfort of our own home, by using technology to communicate (language processing delays), etc. etc.

Self advocacy is really hard, but I think it's the only way out of this isolation, because whether we like it or not, we literally cannot will ourselves into socializing in typical ways. Our choices are to either be lonely, or accept help.

Now, I'm speaking as much to myself as I am to you. I'm more depressed right now than I've ever been in my entire life, and I know it's a direct result of isolation. At least now I have the tools to give others to help me. Before I knew about Autism, I couldn't have told anyone what the problem was if I wanted to.

I'm sure that there are a lot of people who have met the both of us and honestly had no idea that we were struggling with these things. We owe it to ourselves to TELL them

 

[NIrelandGillian]

In our church my 2 sons are the only ones in their age group - late 20s - on the autistic spectrum. There is a 12 yearold whom I think may be autistic. My sons are accepted but only one other young person ever shows any interest in them. The youth leader also shows some interest. My younger son is quite outgoing and can have conversations, but mainly with older people. We have a men's group in our church, which he goes along to occasionally and enjoys. The older son is shyer and finds it difficult to have a conversation. When both attended the youth fellowship, they enjoyed being there just listening to and enjoying the banter, but not particularly joining in. It suited them nicely and nobody forced them to join in.

Praying for the spiritual growth of all ASD people here.

Gillian

 

[vigilantsoul]

No offense...., true fellowship with God means having no problem fellowshipping with others.

I am keenly interested to know how do people with disabilities that prevent verbal conversations have this fellowship with God?

I am not certain of somethings but of this I am sure, God loves people with disabilities, even if that prevents fellowship with Him.

He did say, 'When 1 or 2 or are gathered in my name I am there' I would call that a fellowship.


JESUSIAM you appear to be on a really narrow corridor.

 

[NIrelandGillian]

Fellowship with God and fellowship with other Christians are 2 separate things. We can spend time with God anytime and He's not going to turn us away just because we have problems with fellowshipping with other Christians or they with us.

Gillian

 

[bmjackson]

Hi

I'm trying to come to terms with what I am finding out about autism and recognising the problem in myself - after over 60 years of the problems involved. I am also very sick with mercury, pesticide poisoning and Lyme Disease, very alone in the world as my family have rejected me and unable to make friends so very pleased to find people here who understand.

It's only been a week since it hit me so early days. I don't know whether I will get a diagnosis at my age but I score high on the tests.

So just reaching out really and asking if anyone can recommend books articles etc. Thanks.

 

[Noxot]

stop giving in to things that make you suffer and feel bad and be happy with the Lord and whatever he has given you. everything we do and go through is part of our journey with God. both negative and positive feelings can tear us apart or build us up and it is good to both be torn down and built up though all that we go through and do is only truly good in Christ. your situation is absolutely unique and unrepeatable and this is one reason why being close to God in Spirit is important, because words alone and ideas and concepts alone are not enough to live the life God gives to us. if you feel alone... God knows the reasons and he has all the solutions. maybe someone on here has already given you the most perfect advice for your situation. God has endless solutions for all of us and "faith, hope, and love in the Holy Spirit" are one of the most important aspects to our life that God offers to all of us.

I don't believe that there is such a thing as "normal". "normal" is just another disorder in my eyes. it is just so common that people believe that that is the way things should be.

 

[Glass*Soul]

stop giving in to things that make you suffer and feel bad and be happy with the Lord and whatever he has given you. everything we do and go through is part of our journey with God. both negative and positive feelings can tear us apart or build us up and it is good to both be torn down and built up though all that we go through and do is only truly good in Christ. your situation is absolutely unique and unrepeatable and this is one reason why being close to God in Spirit is important, because words alone and ideas and concepts alone are not enough to live the life God gives to us. if you feel alone... God knows the reasons and he has all the solutions. maybe someone on here has already given you the most perfect advice for your situation. God has endless solutions for all of us and "faith, hope, and love in the Holy Spirit" are one of the most important aspects to our life that God offers to all of us.

I don't believe that there is such a thing as "normal". "normal" is just another disorder in my eyes. it is just so common that people believe that that is the way things should be.

For some of us, our brains are wired such that words and ideas and concepts are our joy. A real life friend of an online autistic friend of mine once commented that he was "made of analysis." I get the impression my online friend agreed as he went on to refer to himself in those terms. If you were to ask him to show you the picture that looks most like himself, he would show you a fractal. I get concerned when it is implied that all autistics must have some sort of ill-defined, warm and fuzzy interface with their faith, even if it is of the type that simply is not a part of their wiring, in order to be truly experiencing it. I think it is perfectly normal if they do not and that it is not a problem and that there is no solution needed. The only solution needed is advice as to how to deal gently yet firmly with those who might insist that they do.