Considering Sleeping with this Guy and Not Feeling Guilty About It..

Lord I pray that jesus_freak_for_life will have the courage to follow Your Law all the way through on this difficult situation. Do not let any evil temptation or infestation get to her. Strengthen her in body, soul, and spirit. Amen.

May God be with you this Sunday. I hope everything turns out well, good job so far

jesus_freak_for_life said:

im scared.. it's going to be so hard sunday night..

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Just don't forget, if you get in there and don't feel like you can do it yourself, get help! You don't have to go it alone!

I am so proud of you for standing up to this guy. If you need help, get it. Even if it is just one of your friends. If you can't tell her the situation, just tell her to stay with you, all through the service and afterwards when it is all over. I think that you will find that if this guy has any decent bones in his body, he will be cool about it and not persue you any further.

mamaneenie said:

I am so proud of you for standing up to this guy. If you need help, get it. Even if it is just one of your friends. If you can't tell her the situation, just tell her to stay with you, all through the service and afterwards when it is all over. I think that you will find that if this guy has any decent bones in his body, he will be cool about it and not persue you any further.

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Ditto!! Way to go!! If you need the help and support of your friends this Sunday and beyond, don't hesitate to ask them; that's what friends are for! I'm so very proud of you! Lots and lots of zzzz to you!

jesus_freak_for_life said:

im scared.. it's going to be so hard sunday night..

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Don't worry, I'll pray for you (and I'm sure I won't be alone in doing that...). God bless you, not many girls these days would have the guts even to send that e-mail...

Email him right back and tell him something like: I'm not sure if I was clear on this, so please: do not speak to me, do not email me, do not IM me, do not make eyes at me. Right now I need to work hard on my relationship with God. (if you want to resume a friendship later, add) When God lets me know that the time is right, maybe we can try being friends again. I know you're mature enough to understand what I'm saying and to respect my wishes.

Sometimes we need things spelled out in plain english before we truly understand them.

I'm praying for you and him.

thanks.. well.. he replied.. and i dont think he gets the point that i need to stop talking to him.. so what do i do?

__________________

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Yes, I said I wouldn't reply, but it wasn't written in stone.

He is harrassing you when he won't take no for an answer. He has sexually harrassed you in the past, and now not listening to your words of cutting off the communication, so this is plain harrassment.

You've been through this many times in the past, with many people, and its time you learn to deal with this.

You should train yourself not to give a rat's behind what he thinks. You don't care about him anymore. Brainwash yourself and discipline yourself, your feelings that is, till it is clear to you that you are not going to react when you see him even if he looks hurt. Who cares? He doesn't love you at all anyhow. These guys thrive on playing to look hurt when they want sex and they brag about it to other guyswhen they get it and will make faces in public that look hurt to both manipulate you and to not draw attention to themselves to cause a scene where they look like the bad guy. Spend some time alone visualizing him and your reactions to him until you are not reacting inside and feeling guilty toward him. Train yourself to not react to his face, his eyes, certain expressions of false innocence, or things you know he may say, and see yourself not emotionally reacting and if you start to, controlling and mastering your feelings letting the Spirit have control, what you know is best. Keep doing it and visualizing this until your feelings match a firm stance where you are not feeling guilty or thinking he is nice or any of what you know is really pure total garbage.

You might wish to consider telling him that you now consider this harrassment and he is harrassing you if he continues to contact you, and that you will not put up with that and or any sexual harrassment either and you will get support including church leadership involved if he does not respect your wishes as a person. Look him in the eyes if you need to and don't emotionally flinch. Spend time training yourself like what I said. And plan to be with other people. Don't smile at him, don't glare or scowl. Just have a sober firm expression. You can do it.

Sometimes it takes extreme measures to get it through a guy's head that you are through. I had a bad experience with a guy and I knew I needed to cut it off, but he wouldn't leave me alone. He would call every couple hours, send emails, etc. He knew that I didn't want to talk to him anymore and was blatantly disrespecting my wishes at that point, so I took my phone off the hook and went to a friend's house where I could hang out and just forget about the guy for a while. After a few days, he got the point. It seems harsh, but I know if I hadn't done that, it would have been too tempting to give into what he was trying to say.

jesus_freak_for_life said:

no. and i dont plan on it.

my parents and i don't get along.

..and they're not saved and therefore not worth talking to on a subject like this.

i can get the pill confidentially and for free from a clinic my friends taking me to next saturday.. i dont even need an exam to get the prescription.. and like i said.. we're gonna use a condom and other methods to prevent pregnancy..

i really dont see anything wrong with it..

but then again i wanna be my own person right now.. and im starting to really despise conformity. why suppress the urges i naturally have?

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Jesus Freak for Life - I like that title! If you hate conformity, what you are planning on doing is "conforming" to the world. If you want to be different, be different in the way of Christ. You will have much success in your life. I started having sex at 14 years old and had a baby at 18. I have had sex with multiple men throughout my life and for the first time in my life since I was 14, have gone more than a year without sex and my drive is greater than it has been ever. Because I am turning to God and choosing to serve Him instead of myself or a man, God has opened doors that I never thought possible. He will do the same for you too. When we deny ourselves what we desire to do, He rewards us in this lifetime. I urge you to take a few hours one night in your room alone with God with the door locked and privacy. Pray, repent, sing and worship to Him for a while until you feel like you are literally bowing at His feet because you feel so close to Him. Then ask Him to show you what the plan is He has for your life. He may reveal something in your heart that is so big that you will not want to go through with this because this vision God gives you is far greater by choosing to follow Him. You will be in my prayers tonight. People care about you and want to see you turn from ways that we have followed that have nearly destroyed our lives. Also, if you do choose to go your way, it is never too late to turn back. I ran away from home, lived on the streets, did drugs, juvenile hall, dropped out of school in the 8th grade, was on welfare and a teenage mom. Since serving Christ, I am now working at a government job, have a degree in Law Enforcement and am working on another degree. I run a ministry working with the homeless and love life more than any time in my life. I want to see God bless your life like He has blessed mine. Don't ever give up and know that God is always with you and He will Never forsake you no matter what you do. God bless you!

WAY TO GO JFFL! I am so proud that you stood uo to him. Praise God!
As for this guy- he is harassing you. Make it clear that he needs to stop. don't butter it up with "well maybe we can be friends..." because trust me you DON'T wanna be friends with someone who is steering you away from Christ.
Make this CRYSTAL clear. I have had to do this before, this is almost exactly what i wrote to this person: "Don't talk to me, don't touch me, don't look at me, don't try anything with me. I have realized that I do not want to continue this relationship. It's drawing me away from God and I feel pressured. I do not want to have any contact with you right now. Please don't contact me again."
I know it sounds harsh. but please make it clear to this guy that you are worth more than one night of sex... you are a beautiful young woman that God has created in His image and you want to abstain to glorify Christ. Praise God for your decision you are in my prayers... you GO GIRL!

Has it been Sunday yet, where you are living? The reason I ask is I have been praying for you. It is Monday morning in Australia.

jesus_freak_for_life said:

Honestly, out all of all of the posts, I think you, Ceres, katelyn and loving mother have been the most helpful. Thank you for your heartful, understanding and compassionate posts.
And yeh ceres.. that post made me mad but I never responded to it for fear that I might say something to get me banned. I'm.. really feminist. And posts like those have gotten me in a lot of trouble. LoL.
And come to think of it, I actually believe that my whole feminism stand point really stands in my way. Cause guys sleep with whoever they want. And then I see things like "please your husband" and I get mad. That probably has a lot to do with the fact that I really don't understand the whole marriage thing just cause I love to have control and I'm not one to submit. Bleh.. maybe that's something you all can help me on. But if you do, please avoid the topic of women in the ministry, just because that is a very sensitive topic for me, and really upsets me.. anyway.
I know that I need to amputate this guy out of my life. Problem is, he's in my youth group. And the other problem? I REALLY like him. Plus it's a big pride thing for me. Cause my friends talk to him and stuff. And it'll make me upset.
If you can't tell, I'm incredibly sensitive..

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I do not think that guys sleep with whomever they want. If you were a guy making the same post I would say the same thing. Need to read the rest of the updates before further commenting...

wow, okay, so he likes some other girl. he is/was definitely trying to use you and control you by coercing you into sex. don't let that happen, looks like you are doing a good job. avoid avoid, very wise. make new friends. there were a lot of long posts to you-- hope they were good because i only read what you said thank you for following your instincts, you will not regret it. get involved in some good hobbies, what about a spring sport? i can believe he is in the youth group it always happens that way.... who cares what he or others think..... schma to them

jesus_freak_for_life said:

it's sunday. i avoided him.
aye.

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Good for you! I know it's not easy, but you are doing the right thing!

way to go... i'll be prayin 4 u

You say your parents are not saved. That is sad. But you, you imply you are saved. The angel said to Joseph: Thou shalt call His name Jesus, for He shall save His people from their sins (Matthew 1:21). What are you saved from? From sin. What have been saved to: to live for God. It makes no difference as to age, but as to state. Enjoying marriage in gratefulness to God is one thing. Soiling your body is another. You are not yours, you have been bought with a price, a tremendous price. Are you going to disregard God's love and His best will for your life?

Please, do consider this and place God first in your life, your loving Father who knows much better than us. The body is not for fornication but for the Lord ... (1 Corinthians 6:13). If you have been saved, your body is temple of the Holy Ghost, you are not your own (1 Corinthians 6:19). Please, please, keep yourself for God's best will for your life.

Lovingly in Him,

doulos