Considering Sleeping with this Guy and Not Feeling Guilty About It..

Hopeful said:

i am not looking down on you becuase of your age, but you are acting your age and so i will let that slide

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I don't mean to be rude, but do you really think that comments like this serve some purpose here? By saying something like this, you aren't acting with any amount of maturity. Regardless of her age, this young lady is asking for help and comments like these are not helpful.

i didnt mean it as an insult nor did i mean to be rude, and of course i don't have any maturity whatsoever, you would know.

Hopeful said:

i didnt mean it as an insult nor did i mean to be rude, and of course i don't have any maturity whatsoever, you would know.

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I don't know what you meant by that comment, but on its face it is very insulting. Please do not twist my words. I said that you were acting without maturity in making that comment, not that you have no maturity whatsoever.

jesus_freak_for_life said:

loving mother-
do not misunderstand. he's not pressuring me at all. im doing this all very willingly. i get a high from making others happy and satisfied. it makes me feel wanted.

whitehorse-
please dont be mean. ive come because i need help. i feel distant and i dont know what to do. i dont know how to deal with my stubborness. i dont know how to break it. i need to be convinced that it's wrong. i need to understand why.
otherwise
it. just. wont. stick.
that's just how i work.

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Well this will also sound pretty simple.
Why is it wrong? Because God Said it is wrong.
Of course there are other reasons behind it as well.


Why is murder wrong?

I say this to make you contemplate why. Why is anything wrong?
God's ways are not like our ways, nor his thoughts like our thoughts.
This is His Universe, play by his rules or lose.

Its like a board game, we all start in the same place, born into sin.
Then we are presented with a two way fork in the road. To the left
looks like a home stretch to the finish line with as many points as
possible. To the right is a narrow path that avoids a lot of places on the map but they look like they would be fun to go to, but lo and behold, the left path goes to all those places as well. But what those who took the path to the left didn't know yet is, that they don't know all the rules. The number one rule that would have saved them all they heeded not unto. On each and every step taken on the path to the left is a force that drains life points, takes away stamina, impedes progress, and tears at your life game piece's frame structure. What they also didn't know is, 100% of the persons on the left path fail. On the path to the right, each of those obstacles is either entirely avoided or there is a noticeable escape route with kool stuff like bonus points, like crowns for your player if he maintains its path until it reaches the objective at the other side, or spiritual gifts that act like little cheats along the path that allows one to destroy this principality here, to elude this power there, and to annihilate that ruler of darkness in his high place AND his whole mini-kingdom there. So much cooler is that side, as well as so much better the outcome.

To make all that short. Choose the right path.

well now you know what it feels to have your words twisted

JFFL, i dont want to turn you thread into something else and i am sorry if i am not going to pat your back and tell you to be careful and things like that. you are to young to be thinking about sex, i am not looking down on your age, there are just many things that could go wrong and could affect you in the long run, like i said before i am not going to tell you what to do either, i only wish you God's guidance

jesus_freak_for_life said:

i know in my HEAD that sleeping with this guy would be wrong.

but im so focused on pleasing HIM.

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Just a few posts ago, you mentioned that you are an independent girl. If you're independent, you don't need to please him. Please yourself. Please God. You do not by any means need to please this guy.

jesus_freak -

Please do not make this mistake. It will hurt you. It will hurt God. It will hurt your future husband.

Sex is a gift from God that is meant to be something beautiful shared between husband and wife.

I made mistakes at a young age.

Everything that I did in the past I regret now.

Having sex will mess up your head. You will regret it for years to come. There are consequences that come with having sex.

Pregnancy. STDs. Grades dropping because you can't concentrate in school. Losing focus on God. Gossip. (High schoolers love to gossip about who's having sex with who, and who might be pregnant.)

You are a precious child of God. Know that He loves you and will never turn His back on you. Embrace Him, and He will help take away your desires.

JFFL -

You said, "i get a high from making others happy and satisfied. it makes me feel wanted."


Can you imagine how happy and satisfied your future husband is going to be when you are able to tell him you saved yourself just for him? It's such a beautiful thing! You can give this guy a gift that will last five minutes now, or you can give your future husband a gift that will last the rest of his life - your purity. But you can't do both. You must choose.

When I was 15, I thought I was a complete freak and that no one ever would understand me. I thought about suicide constantly. I was fat and rejected by guys, but if they would have wanted me, I probably would have messed around. I thought I had no future, that life was going to be just one big confusing ball of pain.

I am now 28, engaged to a wonderful man who thinks I'm drop-dead gorgeous, very happy, with great friends and a job I love. And I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad that I do not have the regret of having to tell my future hubby that I gave myself away to others!!! I may not have felt guilty when I did it - but after I met the love of my life, the guilt would have been a knife in my heart.

My beloved cannot say the same - he gave himself away a long time ago. It was terribly painful to accept, but with prayer and God's grace, I've put it behind us. But how much pain we both we would have spared if he'd said no! I wonder if maybe the whole ordeal wasn't even more painful for him than it was for me. And all for sex that he says wasn't even any good, because he did not love those girls!

There's a big difference between the kind of lovemaking intimacy when you just want to crawl inside someone's soul, see through their eyes, truly become one with them - and just opening your legs for some guy so he can get his rocks off. You're thinking of doing the second, and you're much too valuble. Don't prostitute yourself. Wait for the man who would lay down his life for you.

My final point is, things that we think are reality when we are teenagers are not what we think are reality as adults. You sound deeply depressed. I would hate for you to get in some situation as a depressed teenager that as an adult is going to cause to go, "AUGH!!!!!!!!! WHY did I do that?!?!?!" The feelings you have now are very valid and very real - but you will very likely feel much different in a few years. But the decisions you make now will last forever.

Choose nonconformity. Wait for real love. I have, with no regrets. My beloved didn't, with deep regrets. He has sobbed, gut wrenching cries, in my arms over his guilt at the stupid things he did. All for things that ended up being what any two alley cats could do, that have nothing to do with love.

You are precious. Treat yourself like it.

Christ's peace,

Katherine

jesus_freak_for_life said:

i know in my HEAD that sleeping with this guy would be wrong.

but im so focused on pleasing HIM.

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JFFL...I really think that you should be focused on pleasing Jesus Christ as opposed to *him*...what do you think Jesus would think if you went ahead and ignored His words and had premarital sex? By pleasing him, you would be disappointing and letting Jesus down. He gave His life to you, can you not do as little as to obey this? Well, I'm really sorry, I know that I'm only 13 and know very little about sexual desires, therefore i can honestly say that I don't know how you feel. But when you said "i'm so focused on pleasing HIM" it sort of made me sad that you care so much about pleasing him, and not rly caring if you'll be DISpleasing Jesus. Its hard for you, but please don't let Jesus down, when He gave you His life and everything He had. No offense (not dissing your boyfriend) but what is your bf compared to Jesus Christ, our Saviour? Do you care more about pleasing him than pleasing JESUS? And moreover, as many ppl here have said, how wonderful it is to save it for the one you truely truely love? the perfect person for you, that God planned for you to spend the rest of your life with? Well, it makes me smile just thinking of it (Even though I'm only 13, lol)
And as the other ppl have said, I think you'll probably regret it....and even though you "dont care"..you WILL....you should at least care about yourself caring later on.
You don't want to conform to society, but the truth is, society now IS becoming have-sex-before-marriage...so, exactly. Don't conform to society. be smart abt it and obedient to the LORD! He has his reasons for makng these rules, and although we might not understand it, trust that He wants only the best for us. Trust in that!
Good lucccck. and pray lots...

jesus_freak_for_life said:

k so.. if i dont have intercourse with him.. oral sex and all the stuff that comes before it will more than likely happen.. and it wouldn't make that big of a deal since i've already experienced all these things..

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Are you saying that because you've done these things already that it's ok to continue to do them?

JFFL,

When my fiance was still living in the world and scorning God, he got a DUI. Does that mean he "should" do it again because he has before? Do we all "have" to keep sinning just because we've done it before?

You keep coming back here, because I believe you don't really want to do this, and you're hoping that someone will give you a compelling enough reason not to do it. You've been given many compelling reasons, but in the end, you're going to have to look into your own heart and decide: Do I want to repeat past mistakes and spiral downward in a path of self-destruction, and sink further and further into this pit of self-hatred? (which is what it sounds like to me) Or do I want to say no to what I know is wrong and do things right from now on? We can talk ourselves blue in the face, trying to help you, but the choice is ultimately yours. You are a young woman and you can either use your sexuality for sin and destruction, or for life, purity, and glorifying God. Purity is a direction we go towards, and it's not too late for you to make that choice.

I can't imagine why you even want to do these things. There's a thrill, I'm sure - it makes you feel wanted, desired - while it lasts. But do you really want to feel wanted only because you have certain body parts that this guy can use? Body parts that much of the rest of the earth's population ALSO has. Having a mouth, particular kinds of genitals, hands - everyone has these. It's not special. It's what any kid with the money could do with a prostitute. The only thing that makes it special is being with someone who loves you so much they'd die for you. And they prove that love by sacramentally committing themselves to you BEFORE they ask you to do such things.

Last night, my fiance and I were lying down in my bed, just watching TV, pretty innocent. It didn't stay innocent for long, though - I ended up saying something about wishing we could do such and such, then he added fuel to the fire by saying his own wishes, and within five minutes, we were both ready to climb the walls with frustration. We looked at each other and said, "Let's get out of here." We had to get out of that situation in order to not sin. And it's so difficult sometimes!! I know plenty about the urges you may be experiencing - they've been driving me bonkers on and off since I was about 14. And they're not sinful - only what we do with them can be sinful.
I look forward to the day when my husband and I will be one in every way. But to do it now would just be cheap and turn something sacramental into something blasphemous. Even if you stop short of intercourse, you're still cheapening yourself and your body. Oh, and BTW - there are many STDs that can be spread through oral sex. Ask your doctor about it.


I feel despair and even self-hatred in your words. You just don't care anymore - it's hard for you to imagine a future that will be much different. You don't feel valued - you feel like you've messed up so much that you might as well keep messing up, because you're not worth trying to be pure now. Am I close?

I'd like to tell you a true story:

About 1800 or so years ago, there lived in Egypt a woman named Mary. She was a prostitute. One day, she had an encounter with Christ that was so powerful that she determined that turn her back on her old life forever. She fled to the desert and spent the remainder of her life there in repentance. Word spread about her wisdom, and soon people began flocking to the desert to seek her wisdom and counself about the Christian life. It was well-known that she had been a prostitute in her former life. But you know what she was known as, by those who sought her help? "The Wise Virgin". Even despite everything she'd done, it was never too late to earnestly seek purity and turn her back on everything wrong she'd done. Can you imagine if she felt like she "had" to be a prostitute forever, simply because she'd done it before?

I repeat: You are precious. Don't treat yourself like trash. Nothing you've done in the past could justify you throwing yourself away now.


Christ's peace,

Katherine

JJFL, I don't think there is anything more that people can say to you. You have been given an awesome gift of wisdom by the many people here who care about you and want you to value yourself. But you just throw away their words. It breaks my heart seeing you value yourself so little. You are a child of the Living God. Even if you don't tihnk about yourself, think of God. Will you honestly be able to stand before Him without any regret? I'm not trying to bash you, I'm really not. But you are so precious and you just don't see it and it tears me apart.

jesus_freak_for_life said:

im thinking it's okay.. i mean, what difference is it going to make?

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Most obviously, having oral sex still leaves you open to the possibility of STDs and all forms of sex leave you susceptable to emotional damage. Plus, the more you do it, the more you are desensitizing your body to the physical pleasure.

Have you ever heard married people joke about sex losing its interest in marriage? The more you engage in sexual behaviors, the more the gratification wanes. Your body gets used to the physical feelings and they become old and less enjoyable over time. If you desensitize your body to it now, you will be unable to enjoy it as much with the man you truly love in the future, which is likely to make it less enjoyable for him as well. The bottom line is, you won't regret it later if you save sex - in ALL forms - for your husband.

jesus_freak_for_life said:

im thinking it's okay.. i mean, what difference is it going to make?

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Enough has been said.
Now you take a stand and try to convince us that "its ok"
Truth is you can't. You can't even justify it to yourself.
That is why you are here. Independent people have a quality
called strength, which is what allows them to be independent.
Your words are especially picked in essence to counteract all
reason, the same argument has been presented and more than
one reason, good reason, good logic, good truth, has been given
all to be asked the same question once more. The decision is yours.
Light or darkness, there is no inbetween. You know what is right.
Have you prayed about this? That is a very good place to start.

Know what else? Oral sex falls in the area of sexual immorality
and sin is sin. Don't sin more just because you have already.
Adultery is sexual immorality, Fornication is sexual immorality.
See how it works? Having sex when one is not supposed to
is sexual immorality. Just because "intercourse" as it is so famous
to be argued is not had does not mean sexual immorality is not
at hand. Abstain.

k so.. if i dont have intercourse with him.. oral sex and all the stuff that comes before it will more than likely happen.. and it wouldn't make that big of a deal since i've already experienced all these things..

__________________

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The bible calls this lust indulgence.

I don't feel sorry for your problem. You aren't looking for a way out. You even said you have friends to back you. So I am out of this thread.

i think that maybe she IS looking for a way out and that's why she's here
JFFL- DON'T DO IT
I know teens at my school your age who have done it. one is pregnant. the others all regret what they have done. And most of all, by God's standards it is wrong.
Please think, please please please. If i were talking to you in person i would be BEGGING you PLEADING with you DON'T DO THIS!!!!!!! i promise, i would be on my knees in tears because it hurts me to see my sister in Christ hurting.
Physical is nothing. it doesn't last. It's your decision- one man for the rest of your life? or this guy for one night? what do you really want? deep down i pray that what i am saying gets to you. I want you to spare you the pain... you know how much pain it puts Jesus through too? he died on the cross to save you from sins. you accept his gift of salvation. and every time you sin if pains God. I know, i sin sooooo very very much. but i repent for what i am doing. REPENT means to turn away from it. THE BEST THING is to NOT do it in the first place.it hurts Jesus so much.
not just you. having sex before marriage is selfish and it means that you aren't following God's rules, which are for YOUR BENEFIT GOD KNOWS WHAT IS BEST
please listen to what we have said. stop seeing this guy, and don't be easy. be pure. i'll be praying for you! i know you're hurting. you like to make people happy- me too. but you will HATE FEELING USED even more. even if you are willing.