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Confusion. Love? Or just a snake waiting in my boot?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Conker, Jul 10, 2017.

  1. Conker

    Conker A Soul Being Saved By God

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    So recently I went to the United Kingdom with a group. There I met a girl who at first glance, she seemed like a normal girl. I was definitely interested in her based on looks. No doubt about it that this blue eyed blonde was absolutely gorgeous. But there were certain factors that made me feel a bit ishy about it. She had a potty mouth (not to say I don't, so it meant a bit less to me), she kinda seemed a bit promiscuous, like she would be up to do some hanky-panky stuff. But I decided I'd still talk to her, because I mean what's the worst that could happen.

    So I talk to her, and I learn that she is a poet, musician (a coping strategy), as well as a mathematician (When I heard this I was surprised, "A girl, like math! Girls usually never like math! This girl might be something special!" and boy was she; there were two sides to the coin). Most importantly I learned, she is a very intelligent, bombastic, and vivacious girl putting up a person of a bad kid, because her father was an abusive alcoholic, her brother was a convict. To put it in a nutshell she didn't have a stable household. She would then tell me she also tried to kill her mother (because she would not let her see her brother that got out of prison [her brother is her best friend]), and that she used to do cocaine, but now she just smokes.

    I would ask her to promise me that she would try her best to go with the good and leave the bad behind, to see righteousness; and she would promise me that.

    I believed, and still believe every word she said, whether they were truthful or deceitful. She was one of the only girls I've ever let hug me (I believe hugging should be done only with those intimate or close to you because otherwise, it reduces it's value).

    Well after getting to know her I feelings started to arise for this girl (she thought I was cool, and a super sweet guy), but when thinking about it, it didn't seem one of the best investments to do. I was confused. I was torn, whether I pursue this girl who I feel I can help, who from my perception was just a rolling stone on the lost highway, or whether I was to stay away, for what if this girl was psychotic, and would attempt to kill me, like she did with her mother.

    Time passed, and I went back home. I regretted not getting any contact information, so I thought maybe I'd try to get in contact, but I thought "why?"

    So I prayed to God, and I asked him whether I should pursue her, whether she's a diamond. That night I had a dream I was in a car accident, and also I was hiding from a monster destroying buildings (Basically Godzilla). I had never before had a dream in which I was in a car accident or anything similar to mass destruction. I took this dream as an answer to my prayers, that I should not pursue her, for it would only lead to disaster, and grief.

    I know what I will do, but I would like to hear you're opinions, because I am still confused... a bit. I do have one question though, how do I soothe my conflicting emotions?
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2017
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  2. ChristIsSovereign

    ChristIsSovereign Well-Known Member

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    You dodged a massive bullet, sir.
     
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  3. Aleksandros

    Aleksandros Active Member

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    From everything you have mentioned here, especially about her past - regardless of the external behavior she has displayed, and all else, you have avoided big trouble.

    Always mind the red flags, and always be honest when you see them.
     
  4. JCFantasy23

    JCFantasy23 In a Kingdom by the Sea. Staff Member Administrator Supporter CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

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    It's hard when attraction is involved because it gives more self-doubt, but with all the signs it sounds like you did dodge a bullet and this would have been a stormy situation.
     
  5. ValleyGal

    ValleyGal Well-Known Member

    +1,695
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    I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, to believe in them, and to see their strengths. This girl obviously has a lot going both for her and against her. Just because she has come from an unstable home, does not mean she should be considered a red flag. After all, I did some drugs when I was young, I drank way too much and engaged in risky behaviours. But I found Jesus, and he is transforming my heart and mind by the Spirit...

    There is a different reason you should avoid this woman. You said "I was torn, whether I pursue this girl who I feel I can help,..."

    Red flag.

    Never, ever, ever get into a relationship with a woman you think you can help - or who you perceive needs help. That means you would be with her with the expectation of changing her - and that is God's job, not yours. When you find someone to date, make sure she is already the person you want to spend a lot of time with just the way she is. Otherwise it will never work.
     
  6. Acts2:38

    Acts2:38 Well-Known Member

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    Hello,

    This isn't to be rude or insulting, but more a learning experience for you.

    With all due respect and love, why in the world are you basing your life off dreams like your some sort of apostle with visions and prophecy?

    Do you not know 1 Corinthians 13:8-10?

    "that which is perfect" (see also James 1:25) is the bible my friend, and it was completed long ago, before the death of John the apostle. Therefore miraculous gifts such as visions, prophecy, and all the others are ceased.

    Not everyone shares the same thought/value about hugs. Everyone is different in their thoughts, however I would agree myself, that hugs are an affectionate thing.

    You are right to question yourself in pursuing her with haste. This is why you create dates/ get together to know each other so you both don't end up surprised if you should marry too fast or what have you. Many people hastily get hitched to find out they got in over their head. With that said people can also change on their own a bit with your influence, but you can also do the same. Notice long lived happy married couples are almost a like in thought. My wife and I are 5 years now and we have gotten quite a like in many areas. I suppose also the desire for Christ and obeying the gospel helps this substantially. Long story short, get to know someone well (longer than 6 months to me in my opinion) to know their habits, goals, etc.

    She does sound like she is in a struggle and had a harder life than some people, however my wife as well had the same. I got to know her (goals, thoughts, dreams, habits, etc) and found her the one for me and she the same. My wife had verbally abusive parents to a point I never seen before face to face. It was also a manipulative relationship as they would convince their love enough to get her to do things for them. They would only call her when they wanted something toward the end. I could go on and on about this part as I seen it first hand and dealt with it myself but you get the point I think. Once you get to know her, then you can decide if this is right for you and she the same. Not from a dream though that is just silly.

    It sounds like she has potential for her life if she so chooses to pursue her physical talents. If she has a desire to learn about Jesus, God, and the gospel, then she is seeking. Even if you don't get together, it would behoove you to get her on the path to salvation.

    Potty mouths are unacceptable for both of you. I use to be a marine and say words you never heard of in your life that would make people drop their jaws. Now that I follow the gospel call, this is a worldly thing I do no longer. (Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 3:8 for example)

    Obey the gospel, don't just be a weekend warrior for Christ, but an everyday warrior, showing people you don't know are watching you, your actions as a Christian, not a person of the world.
     
  7. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

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    I think you're seeing it correctly. If this were a healthy relationship, you would be experiencing peace in your spirit. That's not to say there wouldn't be manifest challenges, of course.

    How to soothe? I would say to keep asking for clarity and wisdom, and to keep "saying No to ungodliness", as Titus 2 tells us. Be obedient to what you know, and let that guide you forward. In a situation like this, the Lord would have to open the door in the spirit before I would do anything in the natural. Otherwise you would be in great danger.
     
  8. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    This comes to mind:

     
  9. Conker

    Conker A Soul Being Saved By God

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    You're absolutely right.
     
  10. Poppyseed78

    Poppyseed78 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,264
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    In my opinion, it's best not to pursue a relationship where you feel you have to rescue the other person. That is a recipe for an unhealthy relationship. Ideally, a relationship is of mutual benefit to both, where you are equals with the same goals in mind. From what you describe, it sounds like you want to rescue this girl, which would likely result in disappointment for you.
     
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  11. Kit Sigmon

    Kit Sigmon Well-Known Member

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