Confusing aspects of dating a European girl

[Deus_magnus_est]

Please don't judge me to be a homophobe, I certainly am not. Even so, I think I’m completely losing all feelings for a girl after she told me she was questioning her sexuality, maybe even a bit emasculated too. Please excuse any ignorance towards lgbt in this post from being raised in a very rural part of the country where I didn't have any exposure to any of this stuff.

So this girl and I have been talking since lockdown started about the mutual feelings we have for each other. I felt like it was going well and we’d be a couple by the time I could see her again. She feels really comfortable sharing anything with me, I’m more of a guarded person.

She drops this bombshell on me that she’s been questioning her sexuality for a while, even before we met. I feel cold because the more I consider it, the more I think not really interested in pursuing her anymore. I feel like this is more complicated than I want my life to be. She’s European and I suppose more free? My worry is, years later, she'll resent me for being a man and not being free to experiment with women.

I don't want any dramatics or heartbreak, all I want is an uncomplicated life with a woman that loves me.

I understand being confused about something but if so, why does she say she loves me and is trying to pursue a relationship with me?? This is all complicated further by the fact my little sister was raped by an older lesbian when this lockdown happened which I’m still reeling from. I didn’t tell her this.

I know one isn’t representative of all but I can’t help feeling some disgust about same sex acts which I could never bring myself to tell her. I need to be very clear, I am not disgusted by her, just at the thought of her engaging in sexual acts with the same sex. I’m probably being selfish to protect myself, I mean, I’m SOL if she decides not to like dudes anymore. But you should decide because I don’t trust myself to think freely from emotions with this at all.

 

[marc b]

If she is also christian and hasn't had same sex relationship then there is still hope for her. If you're up to it and you really love her then you can help her by going through scriptures together. It could drive you closer. If she resists then thats the signal/reason/excuse not to pursue the relationship. If she repents then you've just saved another soul. You can ask help from your church.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I wouldn't date her mainly because if she tells you this this early on then that means it's still a problem. If she was just bicurious but refuses to act on it then thats one thing, but it seems shes not over it which will cause you long term problems. Relationships without bisexuality have a high failure rate, throw in bisexuality and it's that much more likely you are wasting your time.

 

[seeking.IAM]

... I feel like this is more complicated than I want my life to be...

I think this is the most salient thing you have said. I have always thought that relationship decisions need to have both heart and head involved. Too many people make decisions based upon romantic feelings without critical intellectual evaluation of how their life may be affected if they enter into a relationship with a person. I suggest you use your head and listen to whatever it tells you.

 

[bèlla]

Women who've had same sex relations (and still desire men) are bisexual. Those who've contemplated doing so are bi-curious.

It's impossible to know if her desires will change or remain the same. Some women are attracted to their sex but never act on it. Others will. Acknowledging her feelings may be disconcerting but consider the alternative. How would you feel if she kept it to herself?

Bisexuality isn't viewed negatively by most heterosexual men. Her openness doesn't mean she's wild or crossed the line. It's simply a topic that few find bothersome. Mainly because of their interests.

If you're feeling emasculated and troubled that's a warning. This isn't a situation you can walk out comfortably. Dealing with questions on sexuality isn't for the faint of heart. Depending on the ferocity of her yearnings; they may not go away. That's the chance you take in this situation.

Listen to your gut.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Red Gold]

Confusing aspects of dating a European girl

What exactly is meant by "EUROPEAN girl"?

 

[renniks]

Just don't be surprised when she leaves you for the neighbors wife.
If you want a Biblical marriage, you might want to find someone else.

 

[Sketcher]

Please don't judge me to be a homophobe, I certainly am not. Even so, I think I’m completely losing all feelings for a girl after she told me she was questioning her sexuality, maybe even a bit emasculated too. Please excuse any ignorance towards lgbt in this post from being raised in a very rural part of the country where I didn't have any exposure to any of this stuff.

So this girl and I have been talking since lockdown started about the mutual feelings we have for each other. I felt like it was going well and we’d be a couple by the time I could see her again. She feels really comfortable sharing anything with me, I’m more of a guarded person.

She drops this bombshell on me that she’s been questioning her sexuality for a while, even before we met. I feel cold because the more I consider it, the more I think not really interested in pursuing her anymore. I feel like this is more complicated than I want my life to be. She’s European and I suppose more free? My worry is, years later, she'll resent me for being a man and not being free to experiment with women.

I don't want any dramatics or heartbreak, all I want is an uncomplicated life with a woman that loves me.

I understand being confused about something but if so, why does she say she loves me and is trying to pursue a relationship with me?? This is all complicated further by the fact my little sister was raped by an older lesbian when this lockdown happened which I’m still reeling from. I didn’t tell her this.

I know one isn’t representative of all but I can’t help feeling some disgust about same sex acts which I could never bring myself to tell her. I need to be very clear, I am not disgusted by her, just at the thought of her engaging in sexual acts with the same sex. I’m probably being selfish to protect myself, I mean, I’m SOL if she decides not to like dudes anymore. But you should decide because I don’t trust myself to think freely from emotions with this at all.

• Does she consider her same-sex attraction to be sinful?
• Does she want to experiment with other women?
• Can she/will she commit to being 100% exclusive with you, if you want to be 100% exclusive with her, and the relationship is ready for that kind of commitment?

Bisexuality isn't viewed negatively by most heterosexual men.

Most probably haven't dated bisexual women and had a dose of that reality. I understand being cautious, especially if OP's sister would have a problem if she were to find out.

 

[bèlla]

Most probably haven't dated bisexual women and had a dose of that reality. I understand being cautious, especially if OP's sister would have a problem if she were to find out.

Bisexual doesn’t equal lesbian. I knew many like that and they remained with men. That was their preference in most instances. Some women never act on it. They remain bicurious.

~bella

 

[philadelphos]

Please don't judge me to be a homophobe, I certainly am not. Even so, I think I’m completely losing all feelings for a girl after she told me she was questioning her sexuality, maybe even a bit emasculated too. Please excuse any ignorance towards lgbt in this post from being raised in a very rural part of the country where I didn't have any exposure to any of this stuff.

So this girl and I have been talking since lockdown started about the mutual feelings we have for each other. I felt like it was going well and we’d be a couple by the time I could see her again. She feels really comfortable sharing anything with me, I’m more of a guarded person.

She drops this bombshell on me that she’s been questioning her sexuality for a while, even before we met. I feel cold because the more I consider it, the more I think not really interested in pursuing her anymore. I feel like this is more complicated than I want my life to be. She’s European and I suppose more free? My worry is, years later, she'll resent me for being a man and not being free to experiment with women.

I don't want any dramatics or heartbreak, all I want is an uncomplicated life with a woman that loves me.

I understand being confused about something but if so, why does she say she loves me and is trying to pursue a relationship with me?? This is all complicated further by the fact my little sister was raped by an older lesbian when this lockdown happened which I’m still reeling from. I didn’t tell her this.

I know one isn’t representative of all but I can’t help feeling some disgust about same sex acts which I could never bring myself to tell her. I need to be very clear, I am not disgusted by her, just at the thought of her engaging in sexual acts with the same sex. I’m probably being selfish to protect myself, I mean, I’m SOL if she decides not to like dudes anymore. But you should decide because I don’t trust myself to think freely from emotions with this at all.

It possibly gynophilia, where the object of attraction is a woman, not necessary homo-sexuality. She clearly likes/loves you, but she's got this other part of her that she's disclosing.

See diagram, Androphilia and gynephilia - Wikipedia

Since the sexual revolution in the 60s and fast forward now with posters of semi-nude women everywhere, women are ever obsessed with physical beauty ideals, plus prevalence of inappropriate content. Lots of women in cities in the West actually objectify women, the same way men do. Not sure about 'Europe', but the UK is very very liberal in the LGBTQ stuff with lots of ordinary women with sexuality crisis, having serious doubts whether they are attracted to men, want marriage, etc.

Scripture tells us it's divine judgement for neglecting the knowledge of God.

Rom 1:24, 26-29 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: ...For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication...

• Jude 7 Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication...
• Lev 18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Although same-sex sexual intercourse for women is not explicitly a sin/abomination, like the explicit prohibition for men, it IS implied in Ephesians and Titus that women should be chaste... not going from house to house... and to keep it in their skirts.

• Eph 4:19 Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness...
• Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.