Confused, sad, and lost. Please need help?

[sleva2455]

I met a wonderful man and were together for three years and we were suppose to get married on a cruise ship in three weeks. We had the rings and everything. And out of the blue he calls me on the phone and tells me he doesn't think we should be getting married because all of a sudden he's a born again christian? This was a couple of days before we moved into our apartment. I was all packed. He said the bible says he can't marry someone who is not a christine. But I told him before that I don't know if I believe in God because of all the bad things in the world, but I do believe in something. But now I'm starting to believe. I lost him because he tryed to convert me to baptism when he was really a catholic, which is what I man. What do I do?

 

[Yummi]

Yes a born-again christian cannot get married with a non-christian because he is committed to Christ and the person he can share his life with is only a person also committed to Christ.

I'm sorry to learn that you've been so far in your relationship. But I think there's nothing you can do.

If you want my advice, you should think about yourself. Where will you go after your death ? The Christ offered us a wonderful gift to spend the eternity with him. It's free, you'll have it at the time you decide to take it. Your ex chose it and has got a new life starting in this earth. Regardless of his decision, God is also expecting you to make the good choice.

You're not the first person who faced this situation. I met someone else who was left by his christian bf, but it was for her I think the call from God to turn to him, she gave her life to Jesus. I lost contact with her after but I pray for her to grow in faith.

I wish the same for you. I wish you Jesus.

 

[Serapha]

I met a wonderful man and were together for three years and we were suppose to get married on a cruise ship in three weeks. We had the rings and everything. And out of the blue he calls me on the phone and tells me he doesn't think we should be getting married because all of a sudden he's a born again christian? This was a couple of days before we moved into our apartment. I was all packed. He said the bible says he can't marry someone who is not a christine. But I told him before that I don't know if I believe in God because of all the bad things in the world, but I do believe in something. But now I'm starting to believe. I lost him because he tryed to convert me to baptism when he was really a catholic, which is what I man. What do I do?

Hi there!



Welcome to the forums...


You certainly are in the midst of a crisis.


I believe the one thing in your relationship that was never considered was whether God was leading your life or not. Your partner has found God in a special way, and obviously, he wants a wife that will complement his relationship with Christ.

I recommend that you talk to your friend and come to an agreement for marriage counseling with a pastor/priest or Christian counselor. There is a tremendous amount that both of you need to learn about marriage where God is the head of the union.

Your friend has found Christ and is building his life on a foundation in Christian teachings. I invite you to seek that same Christ for your life and to grow together as a couple.

I don't know if I believe in God because of all the bad things in the world, but I do believe in something. But now I'm starting to believe. I lost him because he tryed to convert me to baptism when he was really a catholic, which is what I man. What do I do

Bad things happen to good people. It rains on the just and the unjust. That isn't a measurement of the existence of God. God exists.

Life is tough. It can be tough and you walk it alone, or it can be tough and you walk it with Christ at your side leading you through the valleys.

Jesus Christ is a friend who loves you exactly where you are in life, accepts you where you are, and will accept you exactly how you are right now. If Jesus doesn't like who or what you are, then He will tell you to change.

I will be praying for you and for God's will in your life.



~serapha~

 

[sleva2455]

I know i probably didn't explain the situation clearly because I'm still in shock about everything that's happened. My boyfriend has two kids and he was never married. I accepted those kids as my own and for the longest time he would tell them and me that he couldn't wait to marry me and get an apartment together. And a week before he broke up with me he told me how much he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with me. It just doesn't make sense that all of a sudden he changed his mind. He said he just isn't in love with me anymore. A couple of months ago I asked him if he really wanted to marry me and he said yes. He got sad and cried because he thought I didn't want to be with him. He also told me that he was always so scared that i'm going to die because I spoke. He said he's been feeling like this for a year but he didn't want to hurt me. I can't believe he waited until 3 weeks before our wedding. I was all packed to move into our apartment. He said the Bible says we can't be together because he is a Baptist, while I am a Catholic (wasn't sure though how I felt about God). I thought the Bible also said you can't have kids before your married and sex. But he's already done those things. I talked to a catholic priest about what happened and he said the bible doesn't say that. In fact people interpret things differtly. I was willing to go to church with him at the church even though he new how I felt about it. How do you love someone so much and see a future with them and then have it taken away. I thought God was non-judgemental. That's what I believe. But if My Boyfriend really believes that God wants him to be away from me it doesn't make sense. I told my boyfriend I will accept his decision because I love him and I hope he finds happiness. I haven't talked to him in days. It's killing me. But I have to stay away for my self. I don't know what else to do.

 

[Serapha]

I know i probably didn't explain the situation clearly because I'm still in shock about everything that's happened. My boyfriend has two kids and he was never married. I accepted those kids as my own and for the longest time he would tell them and me that he couldn't wait to marry me and get an apartment together. And a week before he broke up with me he told me how much he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with me. It just doesn't make sense that all of a sudden he changed his mind. He said he just isn't in love with me anymore. A couple of months ago I asked him if he really wanted to marry me and he said yes. He got sad and cried because he thought I didn't want to be with him. He also told me that he was always so scared that i'm going to die because I spoke. He said he's been feeling like this for a year but he didn't want to hurt me. I can't believe he waited until 3 weeks before our wedding. I was all packed to move into our apartment. He said the Bible says we can't be together because he is a Baptist, while I am a Catholic (wasn't sure though how I felt about God). I thought the Bible also said you can't have kids before your married and sex. But he's already done those things. I talked to a catholic priest about what happened and he said the bible doesn't say that. In fact people interpret things differtly. I was willing to go to church with him at the church even though he new how I felt about it. How do you love someone so much and see a future with them and then have it taken away. I thought God was non-judgemental. That's what I believe. But if My Boyfriend really believes that God wants him to be away from me it doesn't make sense. I told my boyfriend I will accept his decision because I love him and I hope he finds happiness. I haven't talked to him in days. It's killing me. But I have to stay away for my self. I don't know what else to do.

Hi there!



I can tell that you are really hurting, and there are only two sources that can answer your question.

1) your boyfriend

2) God


Now... you stated

I thought God was non-judgemental.

No... there are various judgments from God. I don't know where you get the concept that God is not judgmental. The Bible is filled with past judgments and with judgments yet to come.

But that's another matter.

You and your boyfriend are not on the same page in Christianity, that's the first problem. The second is, the communications have fallen apart and it appears that he is not being totally forthright with himself or you.


Make an appointment with HIS pastor who is probably familiar with all the circumstances. Talk to the pastor alone first, and ask the questions you have asked here about forgiveness and also about marriage. This is not to be a blasting session about your boyfriend, but an information session to learn why he is thinking as he is... and for you to get the opportunity to get on the same "page" that your boyfriend is on in Christian understanding.

Then, seek pre-marriage counseling.


~serapha~

 

[sleva2455]

Is it possible for a born again christian to love someone who is unsure or even willing to try and accept Christ into their life?

 

[Serapha]

Is it possible for a born again christian to love someone who is unsure or even willing to try and accept Christ into their life?

<grin>

I'm a born again Christian, and I love ya!



Of course, it is possible to love anyone... God gives Christians the grace to love the unlovable (not that I think you are unlovable!)



The problem that arises is when there are marriages where both members are not in agreement on theology. That's where you are now. The Bible tells the believer not to be unequally "yoked". That is in reference to oxen whereas if the oxen are not well-matched, or pulling equally in the same direction, then the oxen just flounder, and they could even be injured in their efforts.


God's desire for marriage is that the man and woman complement each other... the roles of men and women are desigend to complement each other... but if you are not a Christian, then how will you be able to love your husband through Christ? How will you be able to understand what a Godly wife is, if you aren't Godly?


In actuality, you need to be setting aside your feelings right now for that man, and be concerned with your own spiritual state. From what you posted, you are about as lost as one can be. And that concerns me....not that being a Catholic isn't being a Christian, but you have no profesion of faith, and that means... you may have had a confirmation at some time in the past, but I suggest that they were only words and not a profession of faith in Jesus Christ from your heart.


I think you need to be asking

"What must I do to be saved?"


BTW... I don't think that being "unequally yoked" is your only problem... communications seem to have broken down at some time in the past... so don't focus on becoming a Christian on the hope that it will restore the relationship.


I wish I could give you an assurance that all will be well, but I can't.


~serapha~

 

[Rafael]

I know i probably didn't explain the situation clearly because I'm still in shock about everything that's happened. My boyfriend has two kids and he was never married. I accepted those kids as my own and for the longest time he would tell them and me that he couldn't wait to marry me and get an apartment together. And a week before he broke up with me he told me how much he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with me. It just doesn't make sense that all of a sudden he changed his mind. He said he just isn't in love with me anymore. A couple of months ago I asked him if he really wanted to marry me and he said yes. He got sad and cried because he thought I didn't want to be with him. He also told me that he was always so scared that i'm going to die because I spoke. He said he's been feeling like this for a year but he didn't want to hurt me. I can't believe he waited until 3 weeks before our wedding. I was all packed to move into our apartment. He said the Bible says we can't be together because he is a Baptist, while I am a Catholic (wasn't sure though how I felt about God). I thought the Bible also said you can't have kids before your married and sex. But he's already done those things. I talked to a catholic priest about what happened and he said the bible doesn't say that. In fact people interpret things differtly. I was willing to go to church with him at the church even though he new how I felt about it. How do you love someone so much and see a future with them and then have it taken away. I thought God was non-judgemental. That's what I believe. But if My Boyfriend really believes that God wants him to be away from me it doesn't make sense. I told my boyfriend I will accept his decision because I love him and I hope he finds happiness. I haven't talked to him in days. It's killing me. But I have to stay away for my self. I don't know what else to do.

Something doesn't sound right to me either. It looks like to me, that if you were willing to go to Church with him, that would have been a good start to him leading you into a stronger faith. Just by hearing your attitude, I think you would be open to the Lord's leading, which would be a good thing for you to pursue no matter how this relationship resolves. I hope he is not receiving unsound prejudicial advice or using this as an excuse for breaking up. It sounds as though he still loves you, though, and if he does, you should tell him to invite you to Church and let you hear the words of life before giving up on you. You right in that something isn't making sense.
Whatever happens, I hope you come to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus, and accept the free gift of life He has for you. He can make our lives full and worth living if we give them to Him and then trust with all our hearts.
God bless....

 

[sleva2455]

Thank you everyone for your advice. It's means alot to me. I know no one can truly understand what I am going through. I lost the person who I believed in my heart I would be with forever. I've come to the conclusion that I can't even talk to him anymore because when I do he says hurtful things to me. Things that I never believe would come out of his mouth. I wrote him a letter to tell him that I do believe God brought him and his kids into my life for a reason and even though we're not together now that ok because I feel I experience a kind of love that many people won't ever feel in a lifetime. I also told him that if I truly love him that I have to accept what he is going through and let him go. It hurts something awful, but I feel I have done everything I could. He just didn't want to meet me half way. I just hope I did the right thing.

 

[InnerPhyre]

Personally, I think your man needs to take a quick spin through the Bible.....

1 Cor, 7:12-14

To the rest I say (not the Lord): if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she is willing to go on living with him, he should not divorce her; and if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he is willing to go on living with her, she should not divorce her husband. For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through the brother.

 

[sleva2455]

Thanks InnerPhyre,

It helps to here things like that. I'm not a practicing Catholic. But through this hard time. I was angry at God because I felt like he took my ex-fiance away from me. But, ever since this happened I've been praying ever day. Hoping to get strength from God. I never really read the Bible, but I have to believe that people interpret things differently and if he's using the bible as an excuse not to be with me, then it probably wasn't meant to be. Only a coward would do what he did. And I'm praying that God will give me the strength to move on and hopefully meet the person that I'm suppose to be with someday.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

From the sound of things...It might secretly be a blessing you didn't get married to this guy.

Things always make more sense in hindsight. Still sucks when you're going through it though.
*hug*

 

[The-Doctor]

I agree with Mr Cheese as someone who decided not to marry having been engaged myself.

 

[sleva2455]

Ahhh, everyone's telling me stuff I don't want to hear. I know I'm just torturing myself for believing that there is hope. But, I just don't see how someone could all of a sudden out of the blue, change into someone different. I know it's not just me either because I confided in a mutual friend with my ex and he told me what I believed was happening. He said my ex defenitly has changed and he's not the same person. Oh well, maybe I should just give up and let nature take it's course. All I can say is this stinks. But thanks anyway for the insight. Would it be too much to ask if some of you would say a prayer for me. I would appreciate it. Thanks

 

[Serapha]

Would it be too much to ask if some of you would say a prayer for me. I would appreciate it. Thanks

Hi there!



sorry for being late in responding...


Of course, I will pray. Let me know how it goes... and you can post your concerns about Christianity in this area or the in Question in Christianity forum and maybe we can encourage you as you seek God's will in your life.

As I stated before, I am concerned about your spiritual stated... and I would want to ask you.... if you died today, do you know where you would spend eternity?


Your friend, he found that answer, and it has made him a new creature in Christ. That is why his friend described him as changed.

I've come to the conclusion that I can't even talk to him anymore because when I do he says hurtful things to me. Things that I never believe would come out of his mouth. I wrote him a letter to tell him that I do believe God brought him and his kids into my life for a reason and even though we're not together now that ok because I feel I experience a kind of love that many people won't ever feel in a lifetime. I also told him that if I truly love him that I have to accept what he is going through and let him go.

A "Christian" relationship isn't about how much you love the other person, but how much you love Christ, and because of that love through Christ, you want God's will for THEIR life as well as your own.

God's stretching your faith right now... and it hurts to stretch but that stretching strengthens you and will make you stronger. God does have the answer, keep praying for His will in your life. And while you're there with God in prayer... re-dedicate your life to Christ. That would be God's will for your life.


~serapha~

 

[sleva2455]

Thanks Serapha, I know I'm confused about everything that's been going on with me. And believe me ever since this happened, i've been praying every night hoping that God will lift the sadness away. I don't know if your going to say "God helps those who help themselves". Maybe this was God's way of leading me to find my spiritual state and maybe in time things will seem more clear.

 

[Serapha]

Thanks Serapha, I know I'm confused about everything that's been going on with me. And believe me ever since this happened, i've been praying every night hoping that God will lift the sadness away. I don't know if your going to say "God helps those who help themselves". Maybe this was God's way of leading me to find my spiritual state and maybe in time things will seem more clear.

Hello sleva...

"Confusion" doesn't come from God...

Just steady the course, that be diligent in talking to God.... Psalm 23 says that "Yea, though I walk through the valley...."

We all have valleys, but God doesn't tell us to stop in the valley, build a house and live there. God tells us to keep moving, to go through the valley... and a mountaintop experience awaits you.


still praying.

~serapha~

 

[Rafael]

Thanks Serapha, I know I'm confused about everything that's been going on with me. And believe me ever since this happened, i've been praying every night hoping that God will lift the sadness away. I don't know if your going to say "God helps those who help themselves". Maybe this was God's way of leading me to find my spiritual state and maybe in time things will seem more clear.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
If you seek God and His Kingdom first, all the other good things of life will fall into place for you.
God bless...

Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

 

[cleft_for_me]

Hi Sleva.

Wow. I don't know what to say. That would be devastating for me. I don't know what to say... but I'm thinking about you.

I honestly don't know what is right. Part of me wants to agree with InnerPhyre. It used to be that once a proposal for marriage was made, it was irrevocable (i.e. Joseph and Mary); the only way to back down from the engagement was to go through the process of divorce. Today the word "engagement" is used so lightly. To make a promise to a girl... it's just not fair.
I do not want to judge this guy's heart though; he may not realize what he's doing is wrong, if I am correct that it is wrong.

I'm very sorry. My advice: go to a "secret" place and be totally honest with your Creator. Spill your heart without a mask, even if it means anger, to One who already knows the truth. I can say that... because He actively listens to me. With all my heart, don't let your situation encourage you doubt God's faithfulness.

God bless you,
cleft_for_me

 

[Bartimaeus]

Yes a born-again christian cannot get married with a non-christian because he is committed to Christ and the person he can share his life with is only a person also committed to Christ.

I'm sorry to learn that you've been so far in your relationship. But I think there's nothing you can do.

If you want my advice, you should think about yourself. Where will you go after your death ? The Christ offered us a wonderful gift to spend the eternity with him. It's free, you'll have it at the time you decide to take it. Your ex chose it and has got a new life starting in this earth. Regardless of his decision, God is also expecting you to make the good choice.

You're not the first person who faced this situation. I met someone else who was left by his christian bf, but it was for her I think the call from God to turn to him, she gave her life to Jesus. I lost contact with her after but I pray for her to grow in faith.

I wish the same for you. I wish you Jesus.

I disagree with this idea that someone who is a believer shouldn't ever marry an unbeliever. Even the apostle Paul sprovided for the possibility:
1 Corinthians 7

12 But to the rest I—not the Lord—say, if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she is content to live with him, let him not leave her.
13 The woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he is content to live with her, let her not leave her husband.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now are they holy.