Confused and alone

[GreyKnight]

Hello:

I am 52 years old.

I lost my wife to breast cancer last November. She died on Thanksgiving. We had no children and I have almost no living relatives. Except for my cat I have no-one in this world.

I have severe depression and PTSD. They bought me a discharge from the Air National Guard.

Currently I sm a member of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod.

However, I am really confused about where to go.

Since my wife died almost no-one at my home congregation has much to do with me. My wife was very friendly and outgoing and I am very much an introvert. I think they have trouble accepting me without her. I go on Sundays, sit alone, maybe get one or two "hellos" and I come home and often get drunk because I am so alone.

I have visited another LCMS congregation but there are not many people there my age - most are much older or much younger.

I was baptised a United Methodist and am considering visiting a UMC congregation.

However, the LCMS basically teaches that denominations outside the LCMS are "heterodox" and falling apart theologically and we are the only ones who "get it right." I often feel like to go anywhere outside the LCMS would jeopardise my salvation.

My pastor is a great guy but he can't make the people in my congregation like me. I can also tell he is not wild about me going outside the LCMS.

My conundrum is this:

Staying where I am to ensure I receive "correct doctrine" and die on the vine of loneliness, or maybe go somewhere else where the people are friendlier and more welcoming and risk the ecclesiastical wrath of the LCMS and betraying my pastor.

Help...please help!

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Hello:

I am 52 years old.

I lost my wife to breast cancer last November. She died on Thanksgiving. We had no children and I have almost no living relatives. Except for my cat I have no-one in this world.

I have severe depression and PTSD. They bought me a discharge from the Air National Guard.

Currently I sm a member of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod.

However, I am really confused about where to go.

Since my wife died almost no-one at my home congregation has much to do with me. My wife was very friendly and outgoing and I am very much an introvert. I think they have trouble accepting me without her. I go on Sundays, sit alone, maybe get one or two "hellos" and I come home and often get drunk because I am so alone.

I have visited another LCMS congregation but there are not many people there my age - most are much older or much younger.

I was baptised a United Methodist and am considering visiting a UMC congregation.

However, the LCMS basically teaches that denominations outside the LCMS are "heterodox" and falling apart theologically and we are the only ones who "get it right." I often feel like to go anywhere outside the LCMS would jeopardise my salvation.

My pastor is a great guy but he can't make the people in my congregation like me. I can also tell he is not wild about me going outside the LCMS.

My conundrum is this:

Staying where I am to ensure I receive "correct doctrine" and die on the vine of loneliness, or maybe go somewhere else where the people are friendlier and more welcoming and risk the ecclesiastical wrath of the LCMS and betraying my pastor.

Help...please help!

I have a suggestion for you:

To strengthen your personal fellowship with God, say these things in the presence of God in your private prayer room:
I am:
A child of God
A new creation in Christ
Jesus is my brother
Seated with Jesus at the right hand of God
Part of the family of God
Totally righteous in Christ
Not under any condemnation at all
Filled with the Holy Spirit
Blessed with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places
Have all authority over the devil and his demons
Able to come boldly to the throne of grace to find mercy and grace to help in time of need
Jesus is my refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble
The law of the Spirit of life has set me free from the law of sin and death
Jesus has set me free from the body of death
My sins have been removed from you as far as the east is from the west.
God has buried my sins in the deepest sea of His forgetfulness and put up a sign, "No fishing!"

Also, make these statements before God:

The armour of God is for, to provide me with the weapons of my warfare.
I have the helmet of salvation as a born again Christian,
I have the breastplate of the righteousness of Christ which has been given to me as a free gift from God,
I have the shield of faith to quench the fiery darts of the enemy,
I have the belt of truth - the foundation of God's Word,
My feet are shod with the gospel of peace.
I also have the sword of the Spirit, using the Word of God as a weapon against the doubts and fears the enemy would attack me in my mind,
I have the weapon of all-prayer, in which I can pour out my heart to God. The book of Psalms is a good guide about what to pray, and I am going to turn the psalms into my personal prayers.

I'd be very surprised if after saying all this in God's presence that you don't start sensing the burden lifting off you and joy and peace entering your heart, stabilising you in your faith again.

Then once you have established your personal foundation in Christ, He will then be able to guide you in the way you should go.

 

[Neogaia777]

I was gonna ask you if you have any friends...? and then ask you if you thought you maybe needed to go somewhere else to do that or not...?

I've been recently divorced after raising a family and now live alone, (with my cat also)...

And while she's still alive (my ex wife) it's like she's dead now, and were dead to each other pretty much now, we know absolutely nothing about each other, where one another's at, who they are with, what they are doing, definitely not how to contact one another, ect, none of it...

Anyway, where I live now, although alone, I've met and made a few friends, two of them my neighbors in my apartment building... One friend I met or made, we visit with each other and sit and talk nearly daily, and we do neighborly things for one another...

I also tried to get back in touch with some people that I might have lost touch with over the years, relatives, old friends, some people even back before I was married... There are many ways to find people nowadays and that's one of the good things about technology today in my book (if it's not used for bad that is, anyway)...

What do you think...?

God Bless!

 

[Dave L]

Hello:

I am 52 years old.

I lost my wife to breast cancer last November. She died on Thanksgiving. We had no children and I have almost no living relatives. Except for my cat I have no-one in this world.

I have severe depression and PTSD. They bought me a discharge from the Air National Guard.

Currently I sm a member of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod.

However, I am really confused about where to go.

Since my wife died almost no-one at my home congregation has much to do with me. My wife was very friendly and outgoing and I am very much an introvert. I think they have trouble accepting me without her. I go on Sundays, sit alone, maybe get one or two "hellos" and I come home and often get drunk because I am so alone.

I have visited another LCMS congregation but there are not many people there my age - most are much older or much younger.

I was baptised a United Methodist and am considering visiting a UMC congregation.

However, the LCMS basically teaches that denominations outside the LCMS are "heterodox" and falling apart theologically and we are the only ones who "get it right." I often feel like to go anywhere outside the LCMS would jeopardise my salvation.

My pastor is a great guy but he can't make the people in my congregation like me. I can also tell he is not wild about me going outside the LCMS.

My conundrum is this:

Staying where I am to ensure I receive "correct doctrine" and die on the vine of loneliness, or maybe go somewhere else where the people are friendlier and more welcoming and risk the ecclesiastical wrath of the LCMS and betraying my pastor.

Help...please help!

I worked for many years along side of LCMS members and we had many interesting exchanges. I didn't think for a minute I wasn't accepted by them as not being a genuine brother in Christ. I used to share my favorite Luther quotes with them and even gave one a copy of Luther's Bondage of the Will.

You must obey your conscience because Paul says we sin even if we are not sinning, if our conscience condemns us. Because whatever is not of faith is sin. So I would look for the fruit of the Holy Spirit in the lives of those from other persuasions and consider they might not be all that heterodox or wrong. I've learned much from many denominations including the LCMS. Christendom is New Covenant Israel to which all believers belong.

 

[joshua 1 9]

Hello:

I am 52 years old.

I lost my wife to breast cancer last November. She died on Thanksgiving. We had no children and I have almost no living relatives. Except for my cat I have no-one in this world.

I have severe depression and PTSD. They bought me a discharge from the Air National Guard.

Currently I sm a member of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod.

However, I am really confused about where to go.

Since my wife died almost no-one at my home congregation has much to do with me. My wife was very friendly and outgoing and I am very much an introvert. I think they have trouble accepting me without her. I go on Sundays, sit alone, maybe get one or two "hellos" and I come home and often get drunk because I am so alone.

I have visited another LCMS congregation but there are not many people there my age - most are much older or much younger.

I was baptised a United Methodist and am considering visiting a UMC congregation.

However, the LCMS basically teaches that denominations outside the LCMS are "heterodox" and falling apart theologically and we are the only ones who "get it right." I often feel like to go anywhere outside the LCMS would jeopardise my salvation.

My pastor is a great guy but he can't make the people in my congregation like me. I can also tell he is not wild about me going outside the LCMS.

My conundrum is this:

Staying where I am to ensure I receive "correct doctrine" and die on the vine of loneliness, or maybe go somewhere else where the people are friendlier and more welcoming and risk the ecclesiastical wrath of the LCMS and betraying my pastor.

Help...please help!

You may want to consider looking for a wife from a third world nation. If you can find one that can speak English. I have a friend that went over seas to find a wife. He went to visit her four times before they got married. By then they had pretty well worked things out between them and the marriage is pretty good. In fact he is dealing with Parkinsons and she is pretty good at taking care of him.

Often girls from other countries have a high regard for Americans and they will have more respect for their husband compared to what he maybe able to receive from an american women. Immigration has done some research and usually these marriages work out pretty good with only a 20% divorce rate. So you have to be careful to stay away from the 20% of the girls that are just looking to take advantage of people.

Now a days with the internet it is real easy to find girls all over the world. They esp like to find a good Christian that is devoted to God. Because they want to avoid men who are into drugs or chasing after other women. Also they complain that the men in their country are just wanting them for sex and are not really interested in them for who they are.

 

[Hazelelponi]

God must give cats to lonely people.. I'm disabled (although married) and God gave me a cat too. She curls up with me when I can't get up and around.

I digress. Im not Lutheran, but as far as attending a church that doesn't teach your exact beliefs. To be honest, if our beliefs are solid and the church we are attending isn't teaching a satanic doctrine (a doctrine that would cause members to never know Jesus) then it's usually fine to attend, in my thinking.

The reason is this, your already saved, and church is less about being saved than it is about being a part of the Body of Christ, having brothers and sisters and mothers and daughters and sons who you encourage and whom encourage you in the Lord.

Church should be that. Yes we need to learn about discipleship, but today you can get that aspect from various online teachings from your own denomination as well as attend periodically for communion.

But in large part if what your missing needs to come from a different denomination then I don't see too much of a difficulty in attending. The denomination I attend (when I can) isn't the exact denomination of my beliefs, but they offer me exactly what I need from the Body of Christ, and allow me to give of myself within my own abilities. They are my type of people, and it's my type of church, and for me atm that's best... it doesn't stop me from having a relationship with Christ.

Maybe someday my beliefs will change on this topic, but for now this is where I am. Most differences are minor enough to be insignificant really. At least they seem so. So I don't see it as wrong to have fellowship with others.

 

[LaSorcia]

I am sorry for your losses and struggles.

Staying where I am to ensure I receive "correct doctrine" and die on the vine of loneliness, or maybe go somewhere else where the people are friendlier and more welcoming and risk the ecclesiastical wrath of the LCMS and betraying my pastor.

"Correct doctrine" is found in your heart, not in a pew. It sounds like you really need good fellowship right now. Is there an Orthodox Church nearby? Your pastor could hardly call them heterodox.

 

[Newtheran]

Hello:

I am 52 years old.

I lost my wife to breast cancer last November. She died on Thanksgiving. We had no children and I have almost no living relatives. Except for my cat I have no-one in this world.

I have severe depression and PTSD. They bought me a discharge from the Air National Guard.

Currently I sm a member of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod.

However, I am really confused about where to go.

Since my wife died almost no-one at my home congregation has much to do with me. My wife was very friendly and outgoing and I am very much an introvert. I think they have trouble accepting me without her. I go on Sundays, sit alone, maybe get one or two "hellos" and I come home and often get drunk because I am so alone.

I have visited another LCMS congregation but there are not many people there my age - most are much older or much younger.

I was baptised a United Methodist and am considering visiting a UMC congregation.

However, the LCMS basically teaches that denominations outside the LCMS are "heterodox" and falling apart theologically and we are the only ones who "get it right." I often feel like to go anywhere outside the LCMS would jeopardise my salvation.

My pastor is a great guy but he can't make the people in my congregation like me. I can also tell he is not wild about me going outside the LCMS.

Consider starting a grief support group in your own congregation, or see if such a group exists in the town you are in. Or start one in your own congregation and then advertise it in town. It may become a ministry opportunity for you and your church.

Find a civic group to volunteer with - you have a cat, so I'm assuming you like animals...perhaps a local animal shelter, food bank, or thrift store?

Rather than shifting from the LCMS to the Methodist church and trying to deal with the doctrinal and moral variances that such a switch would entail, perhaps getting involved with a parachurch ministry would be a solution.

 

[GreyKnight]

Consider starting a grief support group in your own congregation, or see if such a group exists in the town you are in. Or start one in your own congregation and then advertise it in town. It may become a ministry opportunity for you and your church.

Find a civic group to volunteer with - you have a cat, so I'm assuming you like animals...perhaps a local animal shelter, food bank, or thrift store?

Rather than shifting from the LCMS to the Methodist church and trying to deal with the doctrinal and moral variances that such a switch would entail, perhaps getting involved with a parachurch ministry would be a solution.

You're LCMS, right? Only another Missouri Synod person would discourage me from looking outside the closed LCMS environment.

Maybe I wasn't clear enough...my congregation has TURNED ITS BACK on me since my wife died.

As for "starting a ministry," I am a disabled veteran with PTSD and severe depression. I barely have enough strength for day-to-day living, let alone being some organisationalist.

 

[Lost4words]

Sad that your church is cold to you.

You are in deep mourning and loneliness. Yes, you have us here friend but that is no solution.

Have you spoken to your pastor? Tell him how you are feeling. I think you need to have a good talk with him. If he cannot help then I suggest trying to join Christian groups. Look for them in your area. Pilgrimages, Bible study groups, Christian bereavement groups.

I hope you find help friend. May God be with you and guide you.

 

[GreyKnight]

Sad that your church is cold to you.

You are in deep mourning and loneliness. Yes, you have us here friend but that is no solution.

Have you spoken to your pastor? Tell him how you are feeling. I think you need to have a good talk with him. If he cannot help then I suggest trying to join Christian groups. Look for them in your area. Pilgrimages, Bible study groups, Christian bereavement groups.

I hope you find help friend. May God be with you and guide you.

Yes, I have spoken to him.

There is nothing he can do. He can't MAKE them like me.

The Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod does not allow its members to take part in ministries with other churches, which is why I am considering leaving.

At times I think my church would rather have me die of loneliness rather than "pollute" myself with "incorrect" doctrine.

 

[GreyKnight]

I am sorry for your losses and struggles.

"Correct doctrine" is found in your heart, not in a pew. It sounds like you really need good fellowship right now. Is there an Orthodox Church nearby? Your pastor could hardly call them heterodox.

Actually, yes he could. The Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod considers all church bodies not in altar and pulpit fellowship with us ro be "heterodox."

The closest Orthodox Church is over 50 miles away.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Hello:

I am 52 years old.

I lost my wife to breast cancer last November. She died on Thanksgiving. We had no children and I have almost no living relatives. Except for my cat I have no-one in this world.

I have severe depression and PTSD. They bought me a discharge from the Air National Guard.

Currently I sm a member of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod.

However, I am really confused about where to go.

Since my wife died almost no-one at my home congregation has much to do with me. My wife was very friendly and outgoing and I am very much an introvert. I think they have trouble accepting me without her. I go on Sundays, sit alone, maybe get one or two "hellos" and I come home and often get drunk because I am so alone.

I have visited another LCMS congregation but there are not many people there my age - most are much older or much younger.

I was baptised a United Methodist and am considering visiting a UMC congregation.

However, the LCMS basically teaches that denominations outside the LCMS are "heterodox" and falling apart theologically and we are the only ones who "get it right." I often feel like to go anywhere outside the LCMS would jeopardise my salvation.

My pastor is a great guy but he can't make the people in my congregation like me. I can also tell he is not wild about me going outside the LCMS.

My conundrum is this:

Staying where I am to ensure I receive "correct doctrine" and die on the vine of loneliness, or maybe go somewhere else where the people are friendlier and more welcoming and risk the ecclesiastical wrath of the LCMS and betraying my pastor.

Help...please help!

Sorry to hear regarding your wife passing and your loneliness, especially within your church.

Seems most everyone I know have at one time or several times left the church they were attending and moved on to another church. In my case each time it worked out for the best. We are attending a Reformed Church at this time and appreciate the good solid teaching and preaching.

Does not hurt to shop around a little. The Holy Spirit may be wishing for you to leave and find a more comfortable fit?

M-Bob

 

[Lost4words]

Yes, I have spoken to him.

There is nothing he can do. He can't MAKE them like me.

The Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod does not allow its members to take part in ministries with other churches, which is why I am considering leaving.

At times I think my church would rather have me die of loneliness rather than "pollute" myself with "incorrect" doctrine.

Then you need to step out and look for other Christian friends. Your pastor can't make them like you but, he could have helped you find 'help' from somewhere.

The Catholic Church that i belong too encourages Catholics to meet 'other' Christians. Other denominations meet up and have discussions and social get togethers etc. Plus, we have a wealth of info in my diocese about Bible study, pilgrimages, prayer meetings, social gatherings etc.

Ask God to guide you. He will help.

 

[LaSorcia]

Missouri Synod considers all church bodies not in altar and pulpit fellowship with us ro be "heterodox."

The closest Orthodox Church is over 50 miles away.

That's a bit of a drive!

 

[GreyKnight]

Thanks to all who have responded.

At this point it's almost a given that I will be leaving my current congregation. It just sucks the life out of me to go there every Sunday and have to be alone and ignored.

I did tell my pastor about this and he said it was a sad commentary on the state of the congregation that I am having to look somewhere else.

A big part of it was that my wife was perfect - friendly, outgoing small-town girl - and she married an introvert from a big city who also has PTSD and severe depression. I just don't think my soon-to-be-former congregation was willing to accept me without her.

Right now, the next step is giving the other LCMS congregation I mentioned an honest chance. No-one knew my late wife there so I don't have to try to live up to what she was. In truth, she was so much more than me (though she never, ever encouraged that belief) so I can see why others who knew her can see me as inferior.

In truth, though, sometimes I do get very weary of the infighting and outright theological one-upmanship contests that go on within the LCMS. We are very, very isolationist, which goes way back to our history in Germany when Lutherans there left against a forced merger with the Reformed. Our pastors have been disciplined for taking part in public worship with other Christians, after 9/11 and after Sandy Hook. There is also a tendency among our leadership to teach that only we "get it right." Both of those distress me.

I did visit the Methodist congregation and they were nice to me, but when I told my pastor he indeed was not wild about it. If they'd had Communion that day and I would have accepted it...who knows what would have happened. At least someone there invited me to sit with them, which is more than what happens at my "home" congregation.

If it doesn't work out at this other LCMS congregation, there's a Presbyterian congregation I'm going to make contact with.

 

[LaSorcia]

It just sucks the life out of me to go there every Sunday and have to be alone and ignored.

Yeah, that's not the demonstration of the love of Christ we hope to see in church.

 

[GreyKnight]

I think the LCMS views itself as "defending traditional Lutheranism," but to be very frank, at this point in my life I'm much less interested in that than I am not dying of loneliness, which is what's happening right now. My last doctor's visit a couple of weeks ago showed high blood pressure and I have an enlarged spleen and liver, and she said my isolation has done none of that any favours.

Loneliness CAN KILL.

 

[Billy Evmur]

mebbe you could stay where you are but find a little prayer group, mebbe a prayer group that needs your experience.....mebbe something like a food bank [do you have those in the USA?] lot of Christians work at food banks.

prayers for you.

 

[Saint Black]

We are all children of God brother. I lost my mother to cancer. I feel your pain; it made me a stronger person though. God has a plan for all of us. Have faith and his love will fill you completely.