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Conflicted about certain aspects of girlfriend's personality

Discussion in 'Courting Couples' started by sccs, Jul 15, 2017.

  1. sccs

    sccs Member

    United States
    Hi there, I'm a mid 20s guy who is dating a wonderful Christian girl right now (for a little over a year so far). However, we are not without our squabbles and lately we've been talking bout the future and there's been some stuff recently that has caused me to raise my eyebrow and I don't know whether or not this is worth breaking up over.

    First, she makes quite a bit more money than me. Now I'd like to think that I am stronger than this and can be okay with it but it puts a lot of pressure on me to live up to that standard. She's been more than supportive though.

    Second, because of her earning potential and career, she wants to have kids but then wants to have them go to daycare or have a babysitter. I suppose this is okay but makes me a bit uneasy that we as the parents aren't raising our own kids. I don't want to be the one at home because I believe that I should be out there making money even though it is less than her since it is my mandate to provide for my family. I know this is a hairy topic and I'll probably be labeled as a misogynist or sexist for it though...

    Third, because she works hard at work, she doesn't want to do anything at home. We both come home from work and all she wants to do is have me sit by her side and give me hugs. It'll be way past dinner time and if I don't get up and do dinner prep, she doesn't want to move. She can do household chores but often doesn't want to and only does so begrudgingly when I ask (e.g. washing dishes, taking out trash, doing laundry).

    Fourth, I know she loves me and cares for me but she doesn't seem to ever show it. She'll talk for hours about her work and her life but never once asks me about mine. I don't feel like she cares about my work, my meals, my sleep, or my life at all.

    Finally, she is a great girlfriend to me. When I was unemployed, she kept encouraging me. She does good work with her church ministry and cares a lot about her coworkers.

    I guess my question is: are these all red flags and things that are worth breaking up over? Or should I try to bring it up to her and explain why I am upset?

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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  2. gennypearl

    gennypearl ... Supporter

    I'd go with bring it up to her first and explain why you're upset. Have a healthy discussion about it and your future. God bless your relationship! Let us know here how it will go should you want to.
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2017
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  3. ChristopherK

    ChristopherK Member

    United States
    Yeah, I'd have a conversation with her now to let her know your feelings. Be loving when you choose the words you say. Support her in her ambition to work and excel in her work, but let her know of your concerns, because if you let it slide now it could become a lot bigger an issue than need be.
  4. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

    In Relationship
    I agree, you see these issues and they are mostly about your feelings about what your life together will be like. So you need to be able to talk about those issues. If you don't talk about them then the longer you go with out talking about them, then harder it will be to talk about them.
    I would also say you need to talk about them till there is some conclusion. A plan on how to handle each of your feelings. Then revisit them in 6 months or less to see how you are doing. Many of them she may not be able to do anything as it is about your attitude.
    The one she does need to work on is to show interest in your feelings and your day/life/work.