Trigger Warning Confession of truth.

[2BHealed]

I am a SURVIVOR of severe and extreme PTSD. Met some pretty bad men in my past. Twisted my mind, my heart and my soul and my body. Its been many years since i have been willing to trust a man.

BUT I believe in the power of healing. Who here believes as i do...that we can heal? Who here...has healed from...Sexual Assault??? And if you have...what helped? ..how did you get beyond your rage and hate toward them???....because i'm stuck. I just can't forgive yet ..I want to..but i feel soo ...enraged. I want them to die. God forgive me..but I just...can't forgive.

This hate in me...is destroying me. It is. So..here is one of my confessions. Hope someone else can relate.

Well..hope to hear from some others that might have some advice??

Thank you!!!

PS. I have conquered Cancer, Addiction, Mental Illness....but THIS...is my armageddon!!!

PLEASE HELP ME

 

[Saint Beloved]

I am a SURVIVOR of severe and extreme PTSD. Met some pretty bad men in my past. Twisted my mind, my heart and my soul and my body. Its been many years since i have been willing to trust a man.

BUT I believe in the power of healing. Who here believes as i do...that we can heal? Who here...has healed from...Sexual Assault??? And if you have...what helped? ..how did you get beyond your rage and hate toward them???....because i'm stuck. I just can't forgive yet ..I want to..but i feel soo ...enraged. I want them to die. God forgive me..but I just...can't forgive.

This hate in me...is destroying me. It is. So..here is one of my confessions. Hope someone else can relate.

Well..hope to hear from some others that might have some advice??

Thank you!!!

PS. I have conquered Cancer, Addiction, Mental Illness....but THIS...is my armageddon!!!

PLEASE HELP ME

I don't know if this will help but it might...

There are things we can't forgive and forget easily, things we've done and have been done to us but when we give it to God He can forgive and forget completely.

Forgiveness and trust take time allow yourself some time.
God bless you.

 

[AvgJoe]

I am a SURVIVOR of severe and extreme PTSD. Met some pretty bad men in my past. Twisted my mind, my heart and my soul and my body. Its been many years since i have been willing to trust a man.

BUT I believe in the power of healing. Who here believes as i do...that we can heal? Who here...has healed from...Sexual Assault??? And if you have...what helped? ..how did you get beyond your rage and hate toward them???....because i'm stuck. I just can't forgive yet ..I want to..but i feel soo ...enraged. I want them to die. God forgive me..but I just...can't forgive.

This hate in me...is destroying me. It is. So..here is one of my confessions. Hope someone else can relate.

Well..hope to hear from some others that might have some advice??

Thank you!!!

PS. I have conquered Cancer, Addiction, Mental Illness....but THIS...is my armageddon!!!

PLEASE HELP ME

I'm so sorry that you've went through such traumatic experiences. I've never went through anything like that, so can't be of much help, myself. I offer the following eBooks, hoping that they will be helpful to you:

https://d3uet6ae1sqvww.cloudfront.n...-lost-healing-for-victims-of-sexual-abuse.pdf , https://d3uet6ae1sqvww.cloudfront.net/pdf/discovery-series/when-forgiveness-seems-impossible.pdf & https://d3uet6ae1sqvww.cloudfront.net/pdf/discovery-series/when-anger-burns.pdf

Prayer for you.

 

[Solomons Porch]

Have you been to counseling or therapy for this, and if so, has it helped? What have you done to try and help yourself, and I agree God is our healer and He is readily available and more than capable of doing so, I hear the pain in your words and I hurt for you. Does having a friendly ear help?

 

[Dan61861]

Be honest with the Lord. Every time that rage hits you, say I can't do this my Lord...it's in your hands. I give it to you. I am yours, I am your possession. May your will be done.

In Christ
Daniel

 

[2BHealed]

I don't know if this will help but it might...

There are things we can't forgive and forget easily, things we've done and have been done to us but when we give it to God He can forgive and forget completely.

Forgiveness and trust take time allow yourself some time.
God bless you.

Thank you and yes i agree. I have often heard it said, 'Time heals all wounds", I just wish, that "Time" was now. Guess i'm not the most patient. Ugh. Bane of my existence. I want God to heal this part of me NOW!!..and so far, its a waiting game.

But, I believe in miracles. So, Just have to wait my furn again.

Thank you!!!



GBU!!!

 

[2BHealed]

I'm so sorry that you've went through such traumatic experiences. I've never went through anything like that, so can't be of much help, myself. I offer the following eBooks, hoping that they will be helpful to you:

https://d3uet6ae1sqvww.cloudfront.n...-lost-healing-for-victims-of-sexual-abuse.pdf , https://d3uet6ae1sqvww.cloudfront.net/pdf/discovery-series/when-forgiveness-seems-impossible.pdf & https://d3uet6ae1sqvww.cloudfront.net/pdf/discovery-series/when-anger-burns.pdf

Prayer for you.

Thank you so very much for the informative e books. ..I will definitely take a peek at all three.

The one book title that speaks to me...is "When Forgiveness seems impossible".

I guess part of me...wants truly to forgive. I guess I am just sooo tired of being controlled by anger and inner hate. I am. I just want peace now.

I will be honest about something. (I keep thinking...IF i refuse to forgive them)...then maybe GOD also...will never forgive them. And they will suffer forever in life...(and beyond) into eternal hell. I just HATE The thought...of sharing ...the eternal realm of heaven with them. (even if they are sorry now) ..I just...don't care. (sorry if that sounds really evil of me) but Its how i feel.

Thanks for just..for just hearing me.

GBU

 

[2BHealed]

Have you been to counseling or therapy for this, and if so, has it helped? What have you done to try and help yourself, and I agree God is our healer and He is readily available and more than capable of doing so, I hear the pain in your words and I hurt for you. Does having a friendly ear help?

Yes...i have tried therapy. Its..not working. So i quit going. It was just too painful. So i just try to deal with the past on my own. (NOT doing real well). I honestly, don't know how to "let it go"...and move beyond..the abuse and trauma. I just..don't know how yet.

I think because i spent sooo many years ..numb. Just ..NUMB!!!....and now its worn off?...its been a complete nightmare. I feel things..I NEVER felt before...Like hate. and blame and rage and the deepest sadness that is indescribable. There truly are no words...for some of the deepest agony and pain...suffered. So...i guess...that is why..i don't talk to anyone. (out loud) its just..too painful. And i don't want pity or judgement leveled against me.

Thank you ..for just..bending your ear!!

GBU!!!

 

[2BHealed]

Be honest with the Lord. Every time that rage hits you, say I can't do this my Lord...it's in your hands. I give it to you. I am yours, I am your possession. May your will be done.

In Christ
Daniel

Thank you!!!!....but what if..a person..doesn't LIKE...God's will?....Its hard to accept..his requests...his commandments. Right now..i just want to do the opposite of some of the commandments. (and yes..I KNOW its wrong)...but ...i can' let go of my anger (Pain).

So...anyway...

Thanks for listening to me!!

GBU

 

[Solomons Porch]

Yes...i have tried therapy. Its..not working. So i quit going. It was just too painful. So i just try to deal with the past on my own. (NOT doing real well). I honestly, don't know how to "let it go"...and move beyond..the abuse and trauma. I just..don't know how yet.

I think because i spent sooo many years ..numb. Just ..NUMB!!!....and now its worn off?...its been a complete nightmare. I feel things..I NEVER felt before...Like hate. and blame and rage and the deepest sadness that is indescribable. There truly are no words...for some of the deepest agony and pain...suffered. So...i guess...that is why..i don't talk to anyone. (out loud) its just..too painful. And i don't want pity or judgement leveled against me.

Thank you ..for just..bending your ear!!

GBU!!!

I haven't been thru your situation. Ive been thru other things, but nothing similar to yours. I know verbal communication is probably most hardest, I suppose because you actually have to "speak" the words that you do not like your ears to hear. Does that make sense?

I rekon my question is....... what if you had someone to help you and listen to you, even when you dont make any sense at all, because truth be told, pain as severe as yours, WILL NEVER make sense when it's coming out. There was a time that I held in a certain pain for something/someone and it was 11 years before that pain was released (long story). But before my pain was released I actually "feared" what it would look like, sound like and feel like, especially if others were around when I finally "let it go". I knew it would be an awful thing to witness, because it had become a bitter root, and bitter roots are very deadly to the soul. And typing out the pain is probably more easier than letting your ears hear it.

It binds your mind, heart, emotions, judgments and basically just about everything in your life. I wouldnt mind being that ear for you, no judgment, no condemnation, just alot of understanding and patience. Dont want my sister in Christ to stay bound up, wanna help ya let it go. Peace in Jesus name and am praying for you.

BTW most of the time people will say, I dont wanna dump all this on you, and blah blah blah...... save it, it doesnt work on me, because so many people have been there for me, that I would love to be there for you

 

[AvgJoe]

Thank you so very much for the informative e books. ..I will definitely take a peek at all three.

The one book title that speaks to me...is "When Forgiveness seems impossible".

I guess part of me...wants truly to forgive. I guess I am just sooo tired of being controlled by anger and inner hate. I am. I just want peace now.

I will be honest about something. (I keep thinking...IF i refuse to forgive them)...then maybe GOD also...will never forgive them. And they will suffer forever in life...(and beyond) into eternal hell. I just HATE The thought...of sharing ...the eternal realm of heaven with them. (even if they are sorry now) ..I just...don't care. (sorry if that sounds really evil of me) but Its how i feel.

Thanks for just..for just hearing me.

GBU

You're welcome. Glad to help.

 

[Bluerose31]

I am a SURVIVOR of severe and extreme PTSD. Met some pretty bad men in my past. Twisted my mind, my heart and my soul and my body. Its been many years since i have been willing to trust a man.

BUT I believe in the power of healing. Who here believes as i do...that we can heal? Who here...has healed from...Sexual Assault??? And if you have...what helped? ..how did you get beyond your rage and hate toward them???....because i'm stuck. I just can't forgive yet ..I want to..but i feel soo ...enraged. I want them to die. God forgive me..but I just...can't forgive.

This hate in me...is destroying me. It is. So..here is one of my confessions. Hope someone else can relate.

Well..hope to hear from some others that might have some advice??

Thank you!!!

PS. I have conquered Cancer, Addiction, Mental Illness....but THIS...is my armageddon!!!

PLEASE HELP ME

I am so sorry you have experienced sexual assault and bad men. I am a sexual assault survivor as well. Being close to God helps me alot. Also writing about my trauma and God healing it helps me alot too. I pray for complete healing and restoration for you.