This is true, I have been very bad and have mocked God because I was hurt by christians because of my sexuality. It made me a troll on CF which I never intended to become, it made me a bad person. And the only one I can blame is myself. I can blame others and not change my ways, but what would that solve? Ok, here is my story, I feel I need to come clean and hoping I can find forgiveness by mods and members. I join CF a year ago planning on just making friends and chating with other christians. But I was slowly mistaken, people didn't treat me with kindness, they threw the bible at me and condem me without giving me a chance. I was beyond hurt and fell far from GOD, I started hating everything God, I wouldn't even listen to my christian music and church just upset me. I felt unworthy because christians didn't accept me, they were rude and nasty all because I didn't know much of the bible! I was a baby christian and I'm still am one. Of course, I don't know much of the bible. But people on here called me dumb for it! I was also told I can't go to heaven because I wasn't baptize! I was also told animals don't go to heaven and I won't see my dog in heaven, that stuff really hurt me, I've just lost my dog and I wanted to see him in heaven. I love animals alot and wanted to play with all the animals in heaven! I know that is childish but I just love animals because they can't hurt you like people. ok, back to the story, so the more I stay on CF the more my faith was screwing up, I didn't understand why christians can say so mean things to gays and other people. I didn't understand and I was new to the christian world! Then came the day I lost my icon on my old name, I was beyond hurt, it was because I didn't go by the creed, but I didn't know what the creed meant, I never even heard of it, it was in none of my bibles I thought I could say I'm a christian because I love people and believe in GOD, I didn't know it took going by a creed to claim to be a christian on here. So, then after that I doubted myself a long time, I even gave up on GOD, and anything christian, I went back to the world believing there is no GOD. I even wanted to burn my bibles because I felt I wasn't a christian anymore, and they were taking up space anyways. I cried alot, then my faith slowly rebuilt when I went to church again, but then it was destory again when I found out I like girls too, I came on CF hoping for comfort but I was told that its a sin, but I felt it wasn't a sin, because I couldn't control liking girls! I even wanted a girl friend! but it seems the more I read, the more I felt like a bad person for wanting a girl! I wanted girls before but it didn't take effect til this year. I felt nasty for it not because it was a sin, but because of the cruel things people said. I was hurt and felt sooo bad, I sunk into a deep depression I couldn't even sleep! I even felt a person like me shouldn't listen to christian music because I'm bisexual and that is evil! ok, then I toughen up a little bit and started trying to believe in GOD again, then came the marriage icon stuff that truly upset me, because I felt it wasn't right, I don't not know really why, but I felt it just wasn't something to do, because CF is a forum and has no say so in what people do in real life, its really none of their business, I also seen some of the higher mods say very cruel things, maybe they didn't think they were cruel, but they are. Just because this is online world doesn't mean people don't have feelings. words hurt, they really do! There is more then text by the screen! taking away someone icon hurts, gossiping about people hurts even if its online it still hurts and causes pain! anyways, I got so upset I was mad at CF, so dumb me made sockpuppets mocking christians(my britneyspears sockpuppet) I felt so bad about it, but I felt asking god forgiveness was not Good enough I had to admit my mistake and tell everyone I am sorry, I feel bad and dumb for the way I acted on cf and other forums but it was because I was hurting really bad, i didn't know how else to end the hurt but do dumb things. I don't think everyone will forgive me, I even think I might be banned from CF, but I don't care anymore, CF has not done much for my faith but hurt it, I wanted fellowship and not to be condem for being bisexual, or other things! I didn't want to be called dumb by people. I am still hurting but I think coming clean will make me feel a tiny bit better even if I'm banned or gossip about. I have done my part by being truthful. I never wanted to be a troll on CF, I dislike trolls, I never wanted to make sockpuppets but I did, I never wanted to hurt anyone but I did, I'm truly sorry for everything. Not most people will know who I am, but that's ok. I don't care anymore, I just pray people will have it in their heart to forgive me.
I don't hate gays, pagan, or non-christians.
I am a christian but not by CF standards
I do feel bad for making sockpuppets
I feel bad for all the things I have done, but I didn't know how else to deal with the hurt this forum was giving me, I couldn't leave because there are some very kind people here worth staying. All I know is I will never let my kids (if I have them on this forum unless they are very tough) This forum has been christian highschool kinda of. And like highschool I could never fit in.
god bless you all
sorry for all the pain I caused people who have known me or liked me. I'm not really a troll or even a bad person, I'm just hurting really bad by some of the things people say on here and some of the rules.
I just pray people will understand instead of gossiping about me or calling me fake.
Alot of the things I did was because I was also very depressed, I'm bi-polar and lose alot of control over my emotions easy.
I don't hate gays, pagan, or non-christians.
I am a christian but not by CF standards
I do feel bad for making sockpuppets
I feel bad for all the things I have done, but I didn't know how else to deal with the hurt this forum was giving me, I couldn't leave because there are some very kind people here worth staying. All I know is I will never let my kids (if I have them on this forum unless they are very tough) This forum has been christian highschool kinda of. And like highschool I could never fit in.
god bless you all
sorry for all the pain I caused people who have known me or liked me. I'm not really a troll or even a bad person, I'm just hurting really bad by some of the things people say on here and some of the rules.
I just pray people will understand instead of gossiping about me or calling me fake.
Alot of the things I did was because I was also very depressed, I'm bi-polar and lose alot of control over my emotions easy.
You have done a very God-pleasing thing in confessing your sins publicly. I hope that everyone here will honor that decision on your part. It was a very mature thing to do for a baby Christian.
