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dies-l
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I believe that, in the context of an appropriate relationship (e.g., friend, family, marriage), genuine love will lead is to help the other to see the harm that their choices are making. If I see a friend making a foolish decision and I care about them, I should be willing to confront them about their choice. However, if I see a person making an unwise choice, and I do not have a trust relationship with that person, it seems to me that to confront that person is really quite arrogant and judgmental. The difference, in my mind, is the motives and the likely result.
For example, let's say that I believe that homosexual sex is harmful. If I go up to a random openly gay person on the street or even perhaps a coworker who is gay, and tell them what I think of their lifestyle, I have really only alienated myself from them and closed off the possibility of building with that person a meaningful relationship in which we can disciple one another in Christian love. The other person is likely going to dismiss what I tell him (or her) as none being none of my business (and rightly so). And, if I go into this confrontation knowing that there is no reason for them to respond to my belief, the only conceivable motive I would have to confront him anyway would be to show off my own moral superiority (which is exactly the opposite of what we are called to do as Christians).
On the other hand, the situation is different in the context of a proper relationship. For example, my wife and I have some friends that are in the middle of what appears to be a looming divorce. We have heard both of their perspectives, and it seems that both of them are acting out of incredibly selfish motives. My wife, who is close friends with the woman, decided that it was important that she say something to her to remind her to seek God and His plan for their marriage, rather than clinging to her own selfish desires, which were helping to tear apart the marriage. I know that there are guys that we know, who are close friends with the husband, who are telling him pretty much the same thing. I don't know that this is going to prevent them from divorcing, but I do believe that the message that is sent in this scenario is one of love and concern, rather than arrogance and judgmentalism.
But, the only way I see this working out for good is that we continue to love and support our friends, even if they make what we believe to be a sinful choice. We (well not me personally, because I am not really as close to either of them as those who have been counseling them) have said our peace and have tried to show them why we believe that their choice is dishonoring to one another and to God. Thus, we are not condoning their conduct. By the same token, if we were to condition our friendship on the choices that they make, we would fail to exhibit to them the love of Christ.
In short, to say nothing to those whom God has placed us into spiritually intimate relationships with is to "condone sin." On the other hand, to condition our friendship on their choices is to exhibit conditional love (if that can even truly be called love). Neither extreme is Christlike, in my opinion.
For example, let's say that I believe that homosexual sex is harmful. If I go up to a random openly gay person on the street or even perhaps a coworker who is gay, and tell them what I think of their lifestyle, I have really only alienated myself from them and closed off the possibility of building with that person a meaningful relationship in which we can disciple one another in Christian love. The other person is likely going to dismiss what I tell him (or her) as none being none of my business (and rightly so). And, if I go into this confrontation knowing that there is no reason for them to respond to my belief, the only conceivable motive I would have to confront him anyway would be to show off my own moral superiority (which is exactly the opposite of what we are called to do as Christians).
On the other hand, the situation is different in the context of a proper relationship. For example, my wife and I have some friends that are in the middle of what appears to be a looming divorce. We have heard both of their perspectives, and it seems that both of them are acting out of incredibly selfish motives. My wife, who is close friends with the woman, decided that it was important that she say something to her to remind her to seek God and His plan for their marriage, rather than clinging to her own selfish desires, which were helping to tear apart the marriage. I know that there are guys that we know, who are close friends with the husband, who are telling him pretty much the same thing. I don't know that this is going to prevent them from divorcing, but I do believe that the message that is sent in this scenario is one of love and concern, rather than arrogance and judgmentalism.
But, the only way I see this working out for good is that we continue to love and support our friends, even if they make what we believe to be a sinful choice. We (well not me personally, because I am not really as close to either of them as those who have been counseling them) have said our peace and have tried to show them why we believe that their choice is dishonoring to one another and to God. Thus, we are not condoning their conduct. By the same token, if we were to condition our friendship on the choices that they make, we would fail to exhibit to them the love of Christ.
In short, to say nothing to those whom God has placed us into spiritually intimate relationships with is to "condone sin." On the other hand, to condition our friendship on their choices is to exhibit conditional love (if that can even truly be called love). Neither extreme is Christlike, in my opinion.
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