- Jan 5, 2019
- 48
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- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Baptist
- Marital Status
- Married
I was very lucky to marry my best friend 8 years ago so every day I am very very thankful for that. However, I have been doing a lot of praying lately and am starting to get concerned about some of the fruits of my wife's spirit.
First of all, I better clarify what I have been taught about good and bad fruit. Our pastor had said that the fruits to look for are not the big things we do consciously because for the most part we all know how a Christian should act so it is easy to put on a good act. But the things to really look for are the small things that are done or if habit and even more telling are the things that a person thinks are "not big deals".
Anyways I have been married to my wife for 8 years but we knew of each other pretty much since 9th grade, became friends junior year of college and dated senior year and got married 2 weeks after she graduated. In all the time I have know her she had always been the wilder one where as I have always been more calm and disciplined. Also yes she professes Christianity, we actually became friends when she joined the campus ministry some time during junior year. Before that she was much wilder and we ran with different crowds. She actually calmed down a lot that first year in our ministry. Before that she was constantly in trouble for things like drinking , shoplifting, and disorderly conduct. Actually one of the first things we did as friends was picking up trash at a park because she had to complete her community service for stealing a pair of boots and she didn't want to go alone. Well after joining our ministry she calmed down a whole lot and straightened out. When we started dating she still had some of her tendencies and I would remind her to think about what Jesus would want and over time it seemed that she pretty much got it. After 10 years she still needs the occasional reminder but it seemed that the mischievous spark in her had been replace with the light of faith. At least that's what I believed until I accompanied her on a recent business trip.
Last November my wife told me that she was going on one of her many business trips to her company's head office in Edmonton 4 days before Christmas and that she would be there until the 5th of January. To me this seemed very odd since during that 2 week period there were a total of 5 holidays. It would make no sense to fly some one in for 10 working days when 5 of those were company holidays. Since we have a lot of trust in the relationship I said OK.
I knew the holy spirit was telling me to say something because I had this nagging feeling pestering me to press her for more information. So later that day I pressed her for more details and she conceded that her supervisor, who is stationed out of the Edmonton office was having a blow out Christmas party followed by a blow out new years party and she was invited. This really didn't sit well with me because I thought she was lying about the nature of the trip. She said that she wasn't lying, she said that her supervisor scheduled her to be in the head office for "training" and an "inspection" ergo this trip would be a business trip and since she was in town anyways she would attend the parties when she was off work hours. I told her that to me this seems really really sketchy and that I didn't like it, she then told me that if I felt felt uncomfortable I was welcome to tag along but she could not cancel her trip. Again I felt the holy spirit telling me to go so I said I would go but an air ticket for me was a little out of our budget right now. She said that it was fine and charged it to her company card. To me this didn't seem correct but I went along with it since she was dead set on going.
On the day of our flight we had to check our bags, she checked her two bags with her company card. When it was my turn she wanted to use her company card but I told her no and that it wasn't correct to use her company card for a personal expense, she rolled her eyes but then let me pay.
When we first got there it was actually pretty pleasant, it was snowing and I had never been to Canada and it was absolutely beautiful. We went directly to her company's head office and we were met by a couple young guys and girls. She introduced me as "the ball and chain" and told them that her dance cards for both parties were full. They seemed like a nice group of kids, one of them gave her a set of keys and then took her to her company truck. The first thing she did when we got to her truck was take snow and pack it to the bumper to cover up the licence plate. I asked her what she was doing and she replied that there are a lot of red light and speed camera in Alberta so it's important to keep the plates covered up since the company will take the tickets directly out of her check. I then asked her, if she knows there are cameras everywhere shouldn't she just obey the speed limit and stop at the red lights. That's when the young guy who took us to the truck just laughed and made some joke about how in that case it would be cheaper to just hire a helicopter to fly her around when ever she is in town (basically implying that this is normal for her when ever she goes to Edmonton). I didn't feel comfortable but I didn't want to embarrass my wife in front of her coworker so I just kept my criticism to my self.
We went to drop off our stuff at the hotel and to go eat, I noticed that she was driving extremely aggressively, I gently reminded her to keep cool and for the most part she reigned it in. Lunch, sightseeing and dinner were all fun, Canada at this time of year is a winter wonderland. I did notice though that I was gently correcting her behavior slightly more than at home in the states. Initially I just chalked it up to my anxiety of being in a new place.
The next day she said that she needed to go into work for her "inspection/training session" and told me I was welcome to either stay in the hotel, or she could drop me off at the indoor Waterpark or I could come with her. Again I felt that God was prompting me to go with her so I did. When we got there she showed me to her office and it was very nice, and we meet up with that group of youngsters from the day before and they were all super nice.
I noticed that no one was really working, everyone was just hanging out and talking. I asked her what was going on and that I thought that she had work to do. She responded by saying "what work? it's the Friday before Christmas there isn't anything to do". She reaffirmed that the whole reason she was flown in was for the two parties and that she just needs to sit in the office for at least a couple hours to justify the air ticket, hotel, car, and food stipend. I asked her and the other guys there if that really was OK and they all laughed and told me to just "relax". Then one of the girls suggested that we should all go skiing at Snow Valley because they were doing all day lift passes half off that day. Apparently my wife is the most senior of the group so they all looked to her, she said that it's against company policy but since "the boss" (her supervisor) isn't in, it should be fine. I wanted to speak up but everyone was chanting snow valley by that time. As we were about to climb into the truck her supervisor pulled up, blocked her truck in, got out and started shouting at her. He demanded to know where everyone was going and why her rear plate was covered up with snow. I honestly thought my wife was about to be fired. Then I realized it was all a joke when he berated her for not dusting the snow packed on the plate with fresh powder to make it look "natural". They both laughed and he gave her a really big hug and she introduced him to me. Again she introduced me as the ball and chain. We all chatted for a few minutes and she told him that we were going to snow valley, instead of telling everyone to go back to work he told us to get him 2 lift tickets too and that he would meet us out there once he picks up his wife. So we all went skiing, it was a lot of fun but it didn't seem right.
The rest of the trip was pretty much like this too. The days we spent in the office were filled with horseplay and gossip, and very little work, and the parties were blowouts. There was a lot of drink and even some Marijuana use. At the first party, when the Marijuana pipe was passed to my wife, I quickly reminded her that she shouldn't be smoking pot, she simply waved it off by saying it's legal in Canada. Then some one yelled for her to blow smoke rings which she happily obliged. This tells me again this is normal behavior for her when she is in Canada on her business trips. I didn't say anything at the time because I didn't want to cause her any embarrassment in front of her coworkers.
In the two weeks we were in Canada, there were a lot of "little things" I just held my tongue on since at the time I just figured this is a different culture so who am I to judge. To be fair to my wife, she didn't do anything particularly awful and from the stories I heard about her from her boss, her coworkers and her Canadian friends, she gets a bit rowdy when she is in Edmonton but no one had any thing negative to say about her virtue as a wife or otherwise so at the time I figured this may just be a when in Rome type situation.
However, as I reflected more on the "when in Rome " justification, I began to get concerned. Mainly because that's exactly the issue the early church had with Rome. We as Christians are not suppose to be life the Romans. That's when I prayed more and remembered what our pastor said about the fruits of the spirit and what to watch out for. Like I said she doesn't do anything particularly terrible, but it seemed that when she is away from home more of her true nature, the wild free spirited party girl comes out. So that's why I am concerned. I am concerned that it seems like in her heart of hearts she sees no issues with abusing company funds (like the unfaithful servant), she is not concerned about the laws of the land (not submitting to authority), and that she sees nothing wrong with mind altering substances (be not impaired).
Now that we are back home she seems so much more careful about her behavior. She is much more demure, and cautious. So the question is, what is the state of her spirit? When she behaves her self is it because she has the holy spirit dwelling within her or is it her conconciously telling herself she must act a certain way to please those around her?
Is this something that we should talk about and what would be the best way to do it.
First of all, I better clarify what I have been taught about good and bad fruit. Our pastor had said that the fruits to look for are not the big things we do consciously because for the most part we all know how a Christian should act so it is easy to put on a good act. But the things to really look for are the small things that are done or if habit and even more telling are the things that a person thinks are "not big deals".
Anyways I have been married to my wife for 8 years but we knew of each other pretty much since 9th grade, became friends junior year of college and dated senior year and got married 2 weeks after she graduated. In all the time I have know her she had always been the wilder one where as I have always been more calm and disciplined. Also yes she professes Christianity, we actually became friends when she joined the campus ministry some time during junior year. Before that she was much wilder and we ran with different crowds. She actually calmed down a lot that first year in our ministry. Before that she was constantly in trouble for things like drinking , shoplifting, and disorderly conduct. Actually one of the first things we did as friends was picking up trash at a park because she had to complete her community service for stealing a pair of boots and she didn't want to go alone. Well after joining our ministry she calmed down a whole lot and straightened out. When we started dating she still had some of her tendencies and I would remind her to think about what Jesus would want and over time it seemed that she pretty much got it. After 10 years she still needs the occasional reminder but it seemed that the mischievous spark in her had been replace with the light of faith. At least that's what I believed until I accompanied her on a recent business trip.
Last November my wife told me that she was going on one of her many business trips to her company's head office in Edmonton 4 days before Christmas and that she would be there until the 5th of January. To me this seemed very odd since during that 2 week period there were a total of 5 holidays. It would make no sense to fly some one in for 10 working days when 5 of those were company holidays. Since we have a lot of trust in the relationship I said OK.
I knew the holy spirit was telling me to say something because I had this nagging feeling pestering me to press her for more information. So later that day I pressed her for more details and she conceded that her supervisor, who is stationed out of the Edmonton office was having a blow out Christmas party followed by a blow out new years party and she was invited. This really didn't sit well with me because I thought she was lying about the nature of the trip. She said that she wasn't lying, she said that her supervisor scheduled her to be in the head office for "training" and an "inspection" ergo this trip would be a business trip and since she was in town anyways she would attend the parties when she was off work hours. I told her that to me this seems really really sketchy and that I didn't like it, she then told me that if I felt felt uncomfortable I was welcome to tag along but she could not cancel her trip. Again I felt the holy spirit telling me to go so I said I would go but an air ticket for me was a little out of our budget right now. She said that it was fine and charged it to her company card. To me this didn't seem correct but I went along with it since she was dead set on going.
On the day of our flight we had to check our bags, she checked her two bags with her company card. When it was my turn she wanted to use her company card but I told her no and that it wasn't correct to use her company card for a personal expense, she rolled her eyes but then let me pay.
When we first got there it was actually pretty pleasant, it was snowing and I had never been to Canada and it was absolutely beautiful. We went directly to her company's head office and we were met by a couple young guys and girls. She introduced me as "the ball and chain" and told them that her dance cards for both parties were full. They seemed like a nice group of kids, one of them gave her a set of keys and then took her to her company truck. The first thing she did when we got to her truck was take snow and pack it to the bumper to cover up the licence plate. I asked her what she was doing and she replied that there are a lot of red light and speed camera in Alberta so it's important to keep the plates covered up since the company will take the tickets directly out of her check. I then asked her, if she knows there are cameras everywhere shouldn't she just obey the speed limit and stop at the red lights. That's when the young guy who took us to the truck just laughed and made some joke about how in that case it would be cheaper to just hire a helicopter to fly her around when ever she is in town (basically implying that this is normal for her when ever she goes to Edmonton). I didn't feel comfortable but I didn't want to embarrass my wife in front of her coworker so I just kept my criticism to my self.
We went to drop off our stuff at the hotel and to go eat, I noticed that she was driving extremely aggressively, I gently reminded her to keep cool and for the most part she reigned it in. Lunch, sightseeing and dinner were all fun, Canada at this time of year is a winter wonderland. I did notice though that I was gently correcting her behavior slightly more than at home in the states. Initially I just chalked it up to my anxiety of being in a new place.
The next day she said that she needed to go into work for her "inspection/training session" and told me I was welcome to either stay in the hotel, or she could drop me off at the indoor Waterpark or I could come with her. Again I felt that God was prompting me to go with her so I did. When we got there she showed me to her office and it was very nice, and we meet up with that group of youngsters from the day before and they were all super nice.
I noticed that no one was really working, everyone was just hanging out and talking. I asked her what was going on and that I thought that she had work to do. She responded by saying "what work? it's the Friday before Christmas there isn't anything to do". She reaffirmed that the whole reason she was flown in was for the two parties and that she just needs to sit in the office for at least a couple hours to justify the air ticket, hotel, car, and food stipend. I asked her and the other guys there if that really was OK and they all laughed and told me to just "relax". Then one of the girls suggested that we should all go skiing at Snow Valley because they were doing all day lift passes half off that day. Apparently my wife is the most senior of the group so they all looked to her, she said that it's against company policy but since "the boss" (her supervisor) isn't in, it should be fine. I wanted to speak up but everyone was chanting snow valley by that time. As we were about to climb into the truck her supervisor pulled up, blocked her truck in, got out and started shouting at her. He demanded to know where everyone was going and why her rear plate was covered up with snow. I honestly thought my wife was about to be fired. Then I realized it was all a joke when he berated her for not dusting the snow packed on the plate with fresh powder to make it look "natural". They both laughed and he gave her a really big hug and she introduced him to me. Again she introduced me as the ball and chain. We all chatted for a few minutes and she told him that we were going to snow valley, instead of telling everyone to go back to work he told us to get him 2 lift tickets too and that he would meet us out there once he picks up his wife. So we all went skiing, it was a lot of fun but it didn't seem right.
The rest of the trip was pretty much like this too. The days we spent in the office were filled with horseplay and gossip, and very little work, and the parties were blowouts. There was a lot of drink and even some Marijuana use. At the first party, when the Marijuana pipe was passed to my wife, I quickly reminded her that she shouldn't be smoking pot, she simply waved it off by saying it's legal in Canada. Then some one yelled for her to blow smoke rings which she happily obliged. This tells me again this is normal behavior for her when she is in Canada on her business trips. I didn't say anything at the time because I didn't want to cause her any embarrassment in front of her coworkers.
In the two weeks we were in Canada, there were a lot of "little things" I just held my tongue on since at the time I just figured this is a different culture so who am I to judge. To be fair to my wife, she didn't do anything particularly awful and from the stories I heard about her from her boss, her coworkers and her Canadian friends, she gets a bit rowdy when she is in Edmonton but no one had any thing negative to say about her virtue as a wife or otherwise so at the time I figured this may just be a when in Rome type situation.
However, as I reflected more on the "when in Rome " justification, I began to get concerned. Mainly because that's exactly the issue the early church had with Rome. We as Christians are not suppose to be life the Romans. That's when I prayed more and remembered what our pastor said about the fruits of the spirit and what to watch out for. Like I said she doesn't do anything particularly terrible, but it seemed that when she is away from home more of her true nature, the wild free spirited party girl comes out. So that's why I am concerned. I am concerned that it seems like in her heart of hearts she sees no issues with abusing company funds (like the unfaithful servant), she is not concerned about the laws of the land (not submitting to authority), and that she sees nothing wrong with mind altering substances (be not impaired).
Now that we are back home she seems so much more careful about her behavior. She is much more demure, and cautious. So the question is, what is the state of her spirit? When she behaves her self is it because she has the holy spirit dwelling within her or is it her conconciously telling herself she must act a certain way to please those around her?
Is this something that we should talk about and what would be the best way to do it.