I am very concerned with something and I hope you can give me your advice or at least your prayers.
My family is a good Christian family and I live in a good Christian area. My oldest daughter Lauren is 17 and recently she has been hanging out with a group of kids who I think are gays, and saying things that make me think she is turning into a Lesbian. How can I prevent this from happening before it is too late and she becomes permanently gay? I have tried praying for her but nothing has changed, and telling her to stop hanging out with the gays only makes her want to be with them more. Being a gay is not only sinful but also a very hard life, and I am afraid for her. I love her very much so I am very concerned that she may burn in the fiery pits of Hell...
~Carol
Hello Carol, and welcome to CF!
My advice may not sit well with some denominations, but for what it's worth ... (and I have two nearly opposite things to say, so don't assume from the first part ... )
One thing I have seen in public schools is a great deal of encouragement to "experienent" and find out "what you are". As a result, young people are sometimes trying out activities that tantalize them a little, and because we are talking biology, things can be stimulated and feel good even when the person (or thing) does not actually appeal to us in that way. But because it feels good, they assume it is a reflection of who they are. Most of the teens I've seen who do this come to the conclusion that they are bisexual. In reality, I think what they discovered is that certain things can feel good regardless of who is doing it.
Now, for the opposite part. I don't think a person can very often be "turned gay". I'm not wanting to get into the mechanisms and such, but unless there is trauma or an extreme situation, real sexual preference doesn't just happen to switch. (But keeping in mind what I wrote above.)
Lord have mercy, part of the problem I think is that we are often talking about people who are just too young to have sorted everything out, and who are dealing with massive hormonal influence, as well as social/peer influence.
But the real reason I wanted to post is this. And this may be hard to hear, but there is actually a lot of hope in it. For anyone who really absolutely is same-sex attracted, it is not a sin to be attracted. It becomes a sin when those impulses are acted on, because the only ratified sexual activity is between a married husband and wife.
But what that means is that a person who IS same-sex attracted has just as much of a place in receiving God, in being one of His people, and so on. The problem is that their cross is very heavy - they should try to be celibate. Some have gone into lifelong service to God to help keep that control. My heart actually goes out to anyone with that problem.
(And keep in mind, we also should not commit adultery, or fornicate, or be prideful, or a host of other things. Same-sex attraction is not some special class of sin somehow worse than all others. They are all sin. It's just a heavy cross in their case.)
And the reason I said all of that, is that if it were me, I would want to have a talk with my daughter.
(By the way, my daughter was essentially kidnapped by her father and I didn't see her for a few years - I was so stressed and worried if she was ok and trying to contact her ... she came back into my life at 16, and her father had told her so many terrible lies about me ... it was strained between us. She actually told me that she was gay - just to see how I would react, apparently, because she expected me to reject her because I was Christian .... so ... I have just a tiny understanding of how some of this feels.)
Anyway, I would have a very frank talk with her. Not condemning those who are same-sex attracted. God does not condemn them. But as you say, it is VERY HARD for them. If she does not see that it is wrong to engage in same-sex practices, then if it were me, I'd try to have a friendly talk about why she maybe thinks she is.
I work in the school system, and what I wrote above is VERY prevalent here. And kids talked about it all the time in my hearing. (I was a substitute teacher, so they didn't need to worry about an ongoing opinion of them.) But you might talk to her about those kinds of things happening, and how it can cause confusion, and see if you get anywhere with it.
There is the added titillation factor of it being seen as "sin" or kind of rebellious, etc. that make it more attractive to some teens than they would be otherwise. I don't know if that's a factor or not.
I've also known probably far more than my share of same-sex-attracted persons. For several years my neighbors and best friends were, as are some family members and other friends. And they tend to have more friends the same. I know the history of many of them - they talk to me - and I've seen that often it's there from early childhood. But there are curiosity factors that, if explored, can lead to confusion.
Anyway, I'm speaking again against the idea of people "turning gay" ... I think in reality, that doesn't happen. But being tempted and becoming confused could.
Prayers for you.
