Co-worker getting on my nerves! Help!

[Mister B]

Help!

I am currently serving at a very dysfunctional, large Church. Our Lead Pastor is not your typical Pastor. He has told me that even though our Church has Ministry and Department Leaders, he leans to the idea that none of us should have job descriptions and just serve wherever needed. He is very focused on being "Spirit-led".

Prior to me coming to this Church, they have had 4-5 Youth Pastors come and go in a four year time span due to either being let go or leaving for some other reason. During this whole time, a certain young man has been serving at the Church in other capacities such as the children's ministry and music ministry. When I came on 8 years ago as the Youth Pastor, he was hired under me as the Middle School Youth Pastor. I've had issues with his laziness and low initiative, but it was always met with "Oh, that's just how he is" or "You'll need to help him, he's young in the ministry". Our Lead Pastor and I have had "run ins" in the past about this and I felt he always sided with this young man or "You need to give him more training." This young man is a nice guy and he's been there through all the "rough years", so I had to be careful on what I said to others about his terrible work ethic. No one would believe that he was like that behind the scenes. Also, during that time, I did notice that this young man was very close to the Lead Pastor's children going through children and the student ministry. That played a part in the Lead Pastor's fondness of him. They are very close.

He has since been "promoted" to Millenial Pastor and I thought this would clear up some of the issues. A new Middle School Director has since replaced him and it is a much better working environment in the student ministry. We're on the same page.

So, this brings me to the problem at hand. While serving as the Middle School Youth Pastor, he had a group of Middle School guys over to his house on Tuesday evenings for a hangout/Bible Study night. This was a great idea and I encouraged MS guys to attend. These guys moved up into the High School (which I oversee our MS and HS ministries, but primarily the HS) and they continued to meet there. It was a little irritating that he was still doing this, but I grinned and bared it.

Now these guys are in College. Since he's now over the Millenial ministry, I would have expected him to continue this since they are now in college. He did stop for about a year or two, but he has started it back up, but this time there are Jr. and Sr. guys attending. I've seen photos on social media. Trust me, I'm not jealous. I just wish he would have the consideration to let me know or something. There are even some guys there that I've been trying for years to either come to the student ministry or that I've tried to build relationships with.

Just this week, I've had some Jr. and Sr. guys who I have been meeting for weekly discipleship all through HS telling me that they are going to his house and won't be able to meet anymore or that they would like to change the days we have meet for years. That's what really hurts. Am I being too sensitive? Am I being in the flesh? Am I being to possessive in the relationships I've been building and pouring into all these years with these guys? I know I can't go to our Lead Pastor again with some of these issues. He'll see me as "being in the flesh" and "not being lead by the Spirit." And I know that this young man (Now 33. I'm 49.) can't tell these Jr. and Sr. guys not to come to his house. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Hurt and torn in TN

 

[HereIStand]

Try to encourage the Jr. and Sr. guys to continue to study the Bible on their own. Also, maybe ask the younger pastor to incorporate a Bible study along with the social activities at his home. God bless.

 

[A_Thinker]

Help!

I am currently serving at a very dysfunctional, large Church. Our Lead Pastor is not your typical Pastor. He has told me that even though our Church has Ministry and Department Leaders, he leans to the idea that none of us should have job descriptions and just serve wherever needed. He is very focused on being "Spirit-led".

Prior to me coming to this Church, they have had 4-5 Youth Pastors come and go in a four year time span due to either being let go or leaving for some other reason. During this whole time, a certain young man has been serving at the Church in other capacities such as the children's ministry and music ministry. When I came on 8 years ago as the Youth Pastor, he was hired under me as the Middle School Youth Pastor. I've had issues with his laziness and low initiative, but it was always met with "Oh, that's just how he is" or "You'll need to help him, he's young in the ministry". Our Lead Pastor and I have had "run ins" in the past about this and I felt he always sided with this young man or "You need to give him more training." This young man is a nice guy and he's been there through all the "rough years", so I had to be careful on what I said to others about his terrible work ethic. No one would believe that he was like that behind the scenes. Also, during that time, I did notice that this young man was very close to the Lead Pastor's children going through children and the student ministry. That played a part in the Lead Pastor's fondness of him. They are very close.

He has since been "promoted" to Millenial Pastor and I thought this would clear up some of the issues. A new Middle School Director has since replaced him and it is a much better working environment in the student ministry. We're on the same page.

So, this brings me to the problem at hand. While serving as the Middle School Youth Pastor, he had a group of Middle School guys over to his house on Tuesday evenings for a hangout/Bible Study night. This was a great idea and I encouraged MS guys to attend. These guys moved up into the High School (which I oversee our MS and HS ministries, but primarily the HS) and they continued to meet there. It was a little irritating that he was still doing this, but I grinned and bared it.

Now these guys are in College. Since he's now over the Millenial ministry, I would have expected him to continue this since they are now in college. He did stop for about a year or two, but he has started it back up, but this time there are Jr. and Sr. guys attending. I've seen photos on social media. Trust me, I'm not jealous. I just wish he would have the consideration to let me know or something. There are even some guys there that I've been trying for years to either come to the student ministry or that I've tried to build relationships with.

Just this week, I've had some Jr. and Sr. guys who I have been meeting for weekly discipleship all through HS telling me that they are going to his house and won't be able to meet anymore or that they would like to change the days we have meet for years. That's what really hurts. Am I being too sensitive? Am I being in the flesh? Am I being to possessive in the relationships I've been building and pouring into all these years with these guys? I know I can't go to our Lead Pastor again with some of these issues. He'll see me as "being in the flesh" and "not being lead by the Spirit." And I know that this young man (Now 33. I'm 49.) can't tell these Jr. and Sr. guys not to come to his house. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Hurt and torn in TN

I think that you need to consider whether God's work/will is being accomplished.

It seems that your co-worker is maintaining significant relationship with these guys (who are going through the ages most critical to their proparation to be adults). That seems to trumo all of your concerns.

Let me share a bit of experience. I have served in the Youth Ministry at a much smaller church (75-100 members). When our latest Pastor took the reigns, ... we had a fairly thriving Youth Ministry, where we facilitated relationships and fellowship between all age groups, while having separate age-riented classes for the differing age groups.

When our new Pastor took the reigns, ... he insisted that all activity be age-segregated. We argued for a continuation of what we had built up to that point, citing the familal interactions currently taking place among the Youth (i.e. ther were watching out for one another, ministering to one another, enjoying fellowship with one another, etc.), ... but the new Pastor would not be moved.

So ... we reorganized according to the Pastor's wishes, ... and the Youth ministry fell apart within a year or two. (On a good note ... the Youth ministry has somewhat revived in recent years, ... but there was definitely a years-long gap in its effectiveness, once this change went into effect).

My point is ... that you don't necessarily want to change something, ... just because it doesn't fit the pre-planned course. If it ain't (really) broke ... and God's will is being accomplished, ... sometimes it's better to give God a little leeway to do His thing in whatever way He deems to do it.