Church Solves Tardiness Problem By Volunteering All Latecomers To Children’s Ministry

redleghunter

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From the Babylon Bee.

Church Solves Tardiness Problem By Volunteering All Latecomers To Children’s Ministry


LAKEBROOK, MS—Every church struggles with tardy folks—people who waltz in like they own the place a half-hour after the service starts. But one church in Lakebrook may finally have solved the issue once and for all: Lakebrook Community Church is now automatically volunteering all latecomers to serve in the church’s children’s ministry.

One month after instituting the new policy, church officials claim tardiness dropped off almost entirely.

“Anyone who is more than five minutes late will automatically be signed up for the 2–3 year olds’ class the following Sunday,” Pastor Rob said at a church business meeting several weeks ago. “No exceptions, and no excuses.”

According to the church, even a brief stint dealing with the horrors of the young toddlers in the church’s Kid Zone children’s ministry program is enough to make any church member shape up in no time.

“An hour or two taking toddlers to the bathroom, frantically trying to get Play-Doh out of a kid’s hair, and trying to preserve your sanity while the youngsters climb all over you like you’re some kind of jungle gym is more than enough time for the chronically tardy to rethink their actions,” the pastor said. “It’s tough love, but somebody’s gotta do it.”
 

redleghunter

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Love it.

Couldn't do it here, but love it.
I tagged this parody as no church would get away with this. There's an entertaining parody news site I get some of these articles from called the Babylon Bee. Thought those who deal regularly with church children's ministry might get a bit of comic relief.
 
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Grace2022

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From the Babylon Bee.

Church Solves Tardiness Problem By Volunteering All Latecomers To Children’s Ministry


LAKEBROOK, MS—Every church struggles with tardy folks—people who waltz in like they own the place a half-hour after the service starts. But one church in Lakebrook may finally have solved the issue once and for all: Lakebrook Community Church is now automatically volunteering all latecomers to serve in the church’s children’s ministry.

One month after instituting the new policy, church officials claim tardiness dropped off almost entirely.

“Anyone who is more than five minutes late will automatically be signed up for the 2–3 year olds’ class the following Sunday,” Pastor Rob said at a church business meeting several weeks ago. “No exceptions, and no excuses.”

According to the church, even a brief stint dealing with the horrors of the young toddlers in the church’s Kid Zone children’s ministry program is enough to make any church member shape up in no time.

“An hour or two taking toddlers to the bathroom, frantically trying to get Play-Doh out of a kid’s hair, and trying to preserve your sanity while the youngsters climb all over you like you’re some kind of jungle gym is more than enough time for the chronically tardy to rethink their actions,” the pastor said. “It’s tough love, but somebody’s gotta do it.”

Lol!
We have a few late ones in our church. I mean why always arrive as the first hymn is sung?
I arrive at least half an hour earky brcause i am then able to fill in for any duty if someone is not coming. Ours is a small elderly congregation. They even forget! I do love them. Sadly we have no children or young families. The elderly don't really want them there, they want quiet. But we all worry as our church will probably close one day. I am youngest at age 55.
It's just we are all human, and not perfect. But i am personally keen to always be early. I give lifts to two friends who are also happy to be early but if anyone else needs a lift they have to be prepared to be ready early.
If i have no duties, i love time to quietly sit and relax, get into the mood for worship. I hate being late for anything and rushing.
 
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redleghunter

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Lol!
We have a few late ones in our church. I mean why always arrive as the first hymn is sung?
I arrive at least half an hour earky brcause i am then able to fill in for any duty if someone is not coming. Ours is a small elderly congregation. They even forget! I do love them. Sadly we have no children or young families. The elderly don't really want them there, they want quiet. But we all worry as our church will probably close one day. I am youngest at age 55.
It's just we are all human, and not perfect. But i am personally keen to always be early. I give lifts to two friends who are also happy to be early but if anyone else needs a lift they have to be prepared to be ready early.
If i have no duties, i love time to quietly sit and relax, get into the mood for worship. I hate being late for anything and rushing.
Loads of young folks at my church. The young members of my church have large families. So good to see young Christian families with lots of little munchkins running around the pews before church. Me being a big kid at 50 help chase them around.
 
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Grace2022

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It just seems odd to me, because of Free Will mankind can refuse Gods' Salvation to them, but they cannot refuse the Pastors edict on The Children's Ministry.

True. We each have the right to say no to a duty. Diplomatically of course. I would not wish to look after small children at church. I go for the service. Leave it to their parents or the folk who like doing it. We each have different talents. I enjoy serving coffee, washing up and making conversation with older people. I would just say so. But then i am never late for church!
 
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Grace2022

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I always get to church early because i like to step in to do various duties in case. Our congregation are elderly. I also give two or three of them a lift. All in all i am a real goody two shoes! Lol!
 
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