Church Pushing Us Away...

[3choes]

Good Morning!

Roughly 3 years ago, my girlfriend and I moved from our parents homes in South Florida to homestead outside of Greenwood, South Carolina. We are now engaged, bought a home, and are getting ready to be married in less than 30 days!
We both grew up in a fairly strict Protestant church and school where Rev. D. James Kennedy preached. I will say regarding our faith, it has had its ups and downs....but we are a little shocked to see the churches in the the "Bible Belt" of America..

We started off going to a church called New Covenant in Greenwood, SC - they are pretty contemporary with Sunday worship and all-in-all its a great place! They have a pretty large amount of people from the surrounding areas that attend. There have been a few things that have been bothering us though....

1.) The entire church seems "fake." I am not sure if we were raised a little differently, but this seems more like a social event with encouraging words than it is a bible study/sermon. The sad part is that many churches in the area seem to be this way as well.

2.) They rejected to marry us due to living together "in sin." We both agree that we are living out of wedlock together, but with the economy the way it is, we would have not been able to do what we have been blessed with in buying a home with acreage, or moving to South Carolina. We originally came to them specifically requesting help and pre-marital counseling and they completely turned us away. The assistant pastor said we needed to be more "involved" as they don't want to marry us and just disappear - which I understand! But the way we were treated really put a thorn in my side.

3.) The pastor has been speaking about community outreach, and how if you are going to church on Sunday, and not volunteering in small groups - then you have no place in church. This was the biggest shock these past few weeks. The pastor's sermons have become somewhat "angry" as he says he is very "passionate" about the community aspect. Even people we met in the church are a little put off. I will admit community and outreach is a large part of the church, but the way he words it is very..."offensive" sounding.

My fiancé and I now have resorted to having a friend of ours do our wedding ceremony as we cannot seem to find a pastor willing to marry us. It's sad to say but the churches up here have really left a sour taste in my mouth and I'm having a very hard time getting it out. Has anyone else had an experience like this? Or how to fix it?

 

[tampasteve]

2.) They rejected to marry us due to living together "in sin." We both agree that we are living out of wedlock together, but with the economy the way it is, we would have not been able to do what we have been blessed with in buying a home with acreage, or moving to South Carolina. We originally came to them specifically requesting help and pre-marital counseling and they completely turned us away. The assistant pastor said we needed to be more "involved" as they don't want to marry us and just disappear - which I understand! But the way we were treated really put a thorn in my side.

3.) The pastor has been speaking about community outreach, and how if you are going to church on Sunday, and not volunteering in small groups - then you have no place in church. This was the biggest shock these past few weeks. The pastor's sermons have become somewhat "angry" as he says he is very "passionate" about the community aspect. Even people we met in the church are a little put off. I will admit community and outreach is a large part of the church, but the way he words it is very..."offensive" sounding.

My fiancé and I now have resorted to having a friend of ours do our wedding ceremony as we cannot seem to find a pastor willing to marry us. It's sad to say but the churches up here have really left a sour taste in my mouth and I'm having a very hard time getting it out. Has anyone else had an experience like this? Or how to fix it?

First, welcome to the forums! It is great to have you here.

Second, you will find that many churches will hold issue with your "living in sin", and continuing to do so. Honestly, this issue will be tough to assuage even after you are married. You may need to find a different church than you are at, but not knowing the people or the pastor I cannot say if they will let it go or not once you have married and repented.

Third, I am certain that you could find a pastor that would marry you, if you want that. It may have to be from a more liberal denomination like the PCUSA, ELCA, EC, UMC, or similar. My wife and I were living together when we married, we were married in the ELCA church.

Lastly, as for outreach, that is nonsense. We are all called to be witnesses in some way, but not all of us are called to be it the way this pastor seems to be implying. Personally, I would not have anything to do with a church that required me to be a part of a small group or required I attend that church every Sunday.

 

[A_JAY]

Are you or your girlfriend members of that church? I can see the point they are making about the live-in thing. It points to lack of commitment, and possibly to lack of commitment to the teachings of Christ.

I am sure you will find some pastor somewhere to marry you if that is what you want. There are some who would rankle at the idea. My advice FWIW is to find a Justice of the Peace to marry you.

 

[Sophrosyne]

Go church shopping for a pastor that will offer marriage counseling and marry you. I would greatly consider not engaging in any sex till you do marry as I think God is less concerned about living together than the sin part as even if both of you aren't living together as far as anyone knows in today's society you could still be engaged in sex together as society thinks this is normal behavior and condones it constantly in ways.
That pastor (to me) sounds more like he is more interested in a pristine small flock than the stragglers on the distant hill where the wolves are howling from.

 

[Tigger45]

I can see preaching and teaching against fornication but it never made sense to me for a pastor/church not to marry a couple who are already living together. I mean wouldn't that right the wrong?

It's like denying admittance into AA to practicing alcoholics.

Isn't the church a hospital for the sick?

 

[CMDRExorcist]

It breaks my heart to read things like this. Too many churches cherry-pick sins and turn people away without taking time to show the grace and mercy that God has shown to us. I can understand their apprehension about marrying you, but I don't agree that they should flat-out refuse. Some counseling before agreeing to marry you guys would go much further in strengthening your faith and your relationship with the church.

As for the small group thing, that just sounds really weird. A lot of fantastic work goes on in small groups, but demanding that people join them is not in line with the spirit of small group study and relationships. I hope that you find a reasonable church that can be a solid place for you to study and grow in your relationship with God.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Good Morning!

Roughly 3 years ago, my girlfriend and I moved from our parents homes in South Florida to homestead outside of Greenwood, South Carolina. We are now engaged, bought a home, and are getting ready to be married in less than 30 days!
We both grew up in a fairly strict Protestant church and school where Rev. D. James Kennedy preached. I will say regarding our faith, it has had its ups and downs....but we are a little shocked to see the churches in the the "Bible Belt" of America..

We started off going to a church called New Covenant in Greenwood, SC - they are pretty contemporary with Sunday worship and all-in-all its a great place! They have a pretty large amount of people from the surrounding areas that attend. There have been a few things that have been bothering us though....

1.) The entire church seems "fake." I am not sure if we were raised a little differently, but this seems more like a social event with encouraging words than it is a bible study/sermon. The sad part is that many churches in the area seem to be this way as well.

2.) They rejected to marry us due to living together "in sin." We both agree that we are living out of wedlock together, but with the economy the way it is, we would have not been able to do what we have been blessed with in buying a home with acreage, or moving to South Carolina. We originally came to them specifically requesting help and pre-marital counseling and they completely turned us away. The assistant pastor said we needed to be more "involved" as they don't want to marry us and just disappear - which I understand! But the way we were treated really put a thorn in my side.

3.) The pastor has been speaking about community outreach, and how if you are going to church on Sunday, and not volunteering in small groups - then you have no place in church. This was the biggest shock these past few weeks. The pastor's sermons have become somewhat "angry" as he says he is very "passionate" about the community aspect. Even people we met in the church are a little put off. I will admit community and outreach is a large part of the church, but the way he words it is very..."offensive" sounding.

My fiancé and I now have resorted to having a friend of ours do our wedding ceremony as we cannot seem to find a pastor willing to marry us. It's sad to say but the churches up here have really left a sour taste in my mouth and I'm having a very hard time getting it out. Has anyone else had an experience like this? Or how to fix it?

Welcome to CF!

 

[chevyontheriver]

Good Morning!

Roughly 3 years ago, my girlfriend and I moved from our parents homes in South Florida to homestead outside of Greenwood, South Carolina. We are now engaged, bought a home, and are getting ready to be married in less than 30 days!
We both grew up in a fairly strict Protestant church and school where Rev. D. James Kennedy preached. I will say regarding our faith, it has had its ups and downs....but we are a little shocked to see the churches in the the "Bible Belt" of America..

We started off going to a church called New Covenant in Greenwood, SC - they are pretty contemporary with Sunday worship and all-in-all its a great place! They have a pretty large amount of people from the surrounding areas that attend. There have been a few things that have been bothering us though....

1.) The entire church seems "fake." I am not sure if we were raised a little differently, but this seems more like a social event with encouraging words than it is a bible study/sermon. The sad part is that many churches in the area seem to be this way as well.

2.) They rejected to marry us due to living together "in sin." We both agree that we are living out of wedlock together, but with the economy the way it is, we would have not been able to do what we have been blessed with in buying a home with acreage, or moving to South Carolina. We originally came to them specifically requesting help and pre-marital counseling and they completely turned us away. The assistant pastor said we needed to be more "involved" as they don't want to marry us and just disappear - which I understand! But the way we were treated really put a thorn in my side.

3.) The pastor has been speaking about community outreach, and how if you are going to church on Sunday, and not volunteering in small groups - then you have no place in church. This was the biggest shock these past few weeks. The pastor's sermons have become somewhat "angry" as he says he is very "passionate" about the community aspect. Even people we met in the church are a little put off. I will admit community and outreach is a large part of the church, but the way he words it is very..."offensive" sounding.

My fiancé and I now have resorted to having a friend of ours do our wedding ceremony as we cannot seem to find a pastor willing to marry us. It's sad to say but the churches up here have really left a sour taste in my mouth and I'm having a very hard time getting it out. Has anyone else had an experience like this? Or how to fix it?

You may be able to find a church that is not fake, but I suspect they would also take issue with live in sex before marriage too. But if they are not fake they may have a solution. I have seen it where other couples in that situation were offered a place where one of them could stay before the wedding. If such a thing were offered would you accept? Marriage is about freely choosing each other and vowing to do so permanently. You have presently tied yourselves up together without permanent sacramental vows, which can be seen as a cart before the horse kind of thing. Some will have nothing to do with you because you got the cart before the horse. Others will help you get things ordered right. At least on the second try. I hope you can find such a thing in SC. I’m thinking SC is one of the few states I may have never been to before so I would be clueless.

 

[BobRyan]

Good Morning!

Roughly 3 years ago, my girlfriend and I moved from our parents homes in South Florida to homestead outside of Greenwood, South Carolina. We are now engaged, bought a home, and are getting ready to be married in less than 30 days!
We both grew up in a fairly strict Protestant church and school where Rev. D. James Kennedy preached. I will say regarding our faith, it has had its ups and downs....but we are a little shocked to see the churches in the the "Bible Belt" of America..

We started off going to a church called New Covenant in Greenwood, SC - they are pretty contemporary with Sunday worship and all-in-all its a great place! They have a pretty large amount of people from the surrounding areas that attend. There have been a few things that have been bothering us though....

1.) The entire church seems "fake." I am not sure if we were raised a little differently, but this seems more like a social event with encouraging words than it is a bible study/sermon. The sad part is that many churches in the area seem to be this way as well.

2.) They rejected to marry us due to living together "in sin." We both agree that we are living out of wedlock together, but with the economy the way it is, we would have not been able to do what we have been blessed with in buying a home with acreage, or moving to South Carolina. We originally came to them specifically requesting help and pre-marital counseling and they completely turned us away. The assistant pastor said we needed to be more "involved" as they don't want to marry us and just disappear - which I understand! But the way we were treated really put a thorn in my side.

3.) The pastor has been speaking about community outreach, and how if you are going to church on Sunday, and not volunteering in small groups - then you have no place in church. This was the biggest shock these past few weeks. The pastor's sermons have become somewhat "angry" as he says he is very "passionate" about the community aspect. Even people we met in the church are a little put off. I will admit community and outreach is a large part of the church, but the way he words it is very..."offensive" sounding.

My fiancé and I now have resorted to having a friend of ours do our wedding ceremony as we cannot seem to find a pastor willing to marry us. It's sad to say but the churches up here have really left a sour taste in my mouth and I'm having a very hard time getting it out. Has anyone else had an experience like this? Or how to fix it?

1. Marriage by the state - via marriage license
2. Marriage by a gospel minister. who then signs the license or not.

I really enjoyed listening to D.James Kennedy's messages. I am Seventh-day Adventist not Presbyterian but I still found Kennedy to have a lot of great sermons that I can agree with.

Many churches will allow couples to get married as long as they are both members of the same denomination whose minster is performing the marriage service.

 

[JIMINZ]

Joh 8:3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
Joh 8:4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
Joh 8:5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
Joh 8:6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
Joh 8:7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
Joh 8:8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
Joh 8:9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
Joh 8:10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
Joh 8:11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

Remember, you have less than 30 days until you do get Married.
Abstain until then.

Jas 5:19 Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him;
Jas 5:20 Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.

1Pe_4:8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

Neither do "WE" condemn you, go, and sin no more.