church is intimidating

[Leah3018]

I'm a college student, and recently, I've been thinking about whether a church would be good to join. My family are also Christians, but we've never gone to church regularly. There are a lot of different churches advertised on campus, but it's hard to choose one. I also have some worries about attending church. I feel that many people often attend church regularly, but just do it for the image. I'm nervous about attending services, mostly because I'm shy and I don't feel completely comfortable talking about my personal experiences with spirituality. I don't want to feel pressured towards having to attend every Sunday, just to show my face. Church just seems very intimidating to me, but I feel that I should give it a shot. How do you know if you have found a good church?

 

[salt-n-light]

I'm a college student, and recently, I've been thinking about whether a church would be good to join. My family are also Christians, but we've never gone to church regularly. There are a lot of different churches advertised on campus, but it's hard to choose one. I also have some worries about attending church. I feel that many people often attend church regularly, but just do it for the image. I'm nervous about attending services, mostly because I'm shy and I don't feel completely comfortable talking about my personal experiences with spirituality. I don't want to feel pressured towards having to attend every Sunday, just to show my face. Church just seems very intimidating to me, but I feel that I should give it a shot. How do you know if you have found a good church?

How do you find a good group of people you want to share time on a normal basis with?

1. They must know how to properly deal with and respect the Word
2. You should be able to see yourself be comfortable with them
3. They must provide opportunities to be involved
4. Should be a place you see yourself growing in.

How would one know this? By praying about it, by talking to people, by asking questions and getting to know the leaders, and by giving back to the church and supporting.

If you are seeking, don't be lazy about it. Not being active is a huge blockage, and it can be the difference between growing with people and prematurely dismissing it. Give things a chance.

 

[WESTOZZIE]

Hi, first of all, there are no perfect church groups because they all have people in them You ask the Lord to lead you and then go to one...You may like the preaching but not like the music...you may like the music and not like the preaching....you may like the coffee and chat afterwards and not like anything else....so many variables and so many different kinds of groups!
I know many will disagree with me, but do not think you have to attend a church....you don't. If you want to you can. So on that basis be wary of groups that hint at or directly quote scripture at you to make you feel bound to them or to their group.
Another way of feeling a group out may be if they have a night service for youth or something that is not their main service...you can get to meet some of the people and take a step by step approach before going to a morning service.
I pray that the Father will lead your steps and guide your heart...grace to you!

 

[Rescued One]

How do you find a good group of people you want to share time on a normal basis with?

1. They must know how to properly deal with and respect the Word
2. You should be able to see yourself be comfortable with them
3. They must provide opportunities to be involved
4. Should be a place you see yourself growing in.

How would one know this? By praying about it, by talking to people, by asking questions and getting to know the leaders, and by giving back to the church and supporting.

If you are seeking, don't be lazy about it. Not being active is a huge blockage, and it can be the difference between growing with people and prematurely dismissing it. Give things a chance.

"They must provide opportunities to be involved"
What do you mean?

 

[Rescued One]

Leah, the only thing I can think of is a mega church with several small group Bible studies you can attend. In a mega church, you can kind of go in without being noticed by everyone. Or find a friend on campus (at the cafeteria or library or between classes.)
Maybe a friend will go with you.

 

[salt-n-light]

"They must provide opportunities to be involved"
What do you mean?

Such as, do they have church activities? Department or groups to be involved in? Do they make it open for people to join or make suggestions?

 

[Rescued One]

Such as, do they have church activities? Department or groups to be involved in? Do they make it open for people to join or make suggestions?

Oh. Thanks.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

When I first went to university as a 30 year old, I met someone who was a member of a Christian homegroup. I started going to that homegroup and found that they were a very friendly and supportive bunch of people. After a while, they invited me to their Baptist church and I attended that church for three years while I was in that city. Because I had already met and befriended that group of young people, going to the church was a pleasant experience. I ended up being a deacon of that church. When I went to another city for my first teaching job, I boarded with the pastor of a suburban Baptist church, and ended up going to his church and was a member there for three years, before moving to Hamilton NZ.

I would feel a bit threatened going to a church where I didn't know anyone if I was younger. But I was 44 years of age when I wandered down the road from my home to the local Presbyterian church. I didn't know anyone there, but I got such a friendly welcome that I stayed, and now I am an elder, treasurer and on the preaching schedule!

We need to fellowship with other Christians so that we can be encouraged in the faith, and being in the right church can be a very rewarding experience.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

look for small group bible studies first through the Chaplin.
Pick a church with a good Library and a lot of how women who read.

 

[Leah3018]

Wow thank you for all the replies! I’ll try to keep all the advice I got in mind.

 

[Tolworth John]

I'm a college student, and recently, I've been thinking about whether a church would be good to join

A practical thought. Is there a student christian ghroup meeting near you on campus? Arange to meet with them and to go with them to their church.

Would a church be good to join? Why do you want to attend church?
As a means of meeting people or of meeting the right type of people?

Most people go because they love Jesus and want to worship him, because he is important to them they attend regularly, like each week.

 

[FireDragon76]

I'm a college student, and recently, I've been thinking about whether a church would be good to join. My family are also Christians, but we've never gone to church regularly. There are a lot of different churches advertised on campus, but it's hard to choose one. I also have some worries about attending church. I feel that many people often attend church regularly, but just do it for the image. I'm nervous about attending services, mostly because I'm shy and I don't feel completely comfortable talking about my personal experiences with spirituality. I don't want to feel pressured towards having to attend every Sunday, just to show my face. Church just seems very intimidating to me, but I feel that I should give it a shot. How do you know if you have found a good church?

There are churches that aren't as intrusive about putting your spirituality under a microscope. My religious denomination, the ELCA, typically has respect for individuals and sees spirituality as very personal. We are not, as a community, oriented around our individual spiritual experiences. We do have Bible studies but attendance is strictly optional and doesn't impact your standing at the church in any way.

Any smaller, mainline church (Disciples of Christ, UCC, PC-USA, ELCA, Episcopalians, etc.) should be relatively non-threatening, generally. Of course, many of these churches have shared rituals but it's OK if you don't know what to do. Typically, just following along with what everybody else is doing is a good guide.

 

[Newtheran]

How do you know if you have found a good church?

A good church presents both the gospel of Christ which saves you, and the law that presents the reality from which you need to be saved. Many denominations make the error of only presenting one of those points of view...or increasingly, ignoring it altogether to make it up as you go along.

But before you look for a church to go to, I'd take some time you explore your own 'spirituality' and see where you stand with regards to Jesus' question: "Who do you say that I am?"

If you'd like a list, I'd probably look at the following "denominations":

Eastern Orthodoxy
LCMS Lutheran
WELS Lutheran
Presbyterian Church of America
Baptists
Christian Reformed Church
Evangelicalism (Takes a LOT of investigating to see if you've found a good one)
Pentecostalism (Again, takes a LOT of investigating to see if you've found a good one)

Now not all of these churches are similar. They vary widely on certain doctrines and forms of worship. What they all share is that they are attempting, in their own way, to be faithful to God's moral law and gospel.


Christianity is something to which you must conform your life. If you're just looking for something to plug into your life without changing it too much, should you even bother going?

 

[The Tactical Christian]

I wouls also suggest you seek out an individual to help you. It's tough trying to do this alone. Find someone, preferrably someone you may have met before, and talk to them about your situation. Ask them to help you by introducing you to others, and helping you in Bible study. This is what discipleship is all about.

Newtheran's suggestions about churches to explore is pretty accurate. Most of all read your Bible and follow 1 Thessalonians 5:21, "21But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good;", and prove that what you are hearing form others is right and true.

 

[maintenance man]

You've received some good advice here. I'll just add that most churches welcome visitors to their worship services and will likely help you feel comfortable. Find a friend who is willing to explore different churches with you - that will make it a little less awkward. I do believe it is important to attend several churches in order to find the one where you feel the most comfortable.

 

[FormerGodHater]

To me, a "good church" first of all puts the authority of Jesus Christ above all else. Second, it accepts the entire Bible as truth, not bits and pieces of it. Third, the people aren't verbally or through body language trying to force anything upon you, and if you miss a service or two, they aren't wondering if you've 'backslidden.' Fourth, the people aren't gossipy or comparing themselves against other people as being "better" than them, or more 'together,' more spiritually upright, etc. Fifth, the pastor/preacher/reverend/father is humble and doesn't expect you to take his word as the final authority, but refers you to the ultimate and final authority, namely the Bible. These are the most important traits that I look for, off the top of my head.

 

[moonlit]

This is why I haven't joined a church as yet - I fear the pressure, expectation and judgement.

Perhaps one day when I feel God is really urging me to find one

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

This is why I haven't joined a church as yet - I fear the pressure, expectation and judgement.

Perhaps one day when I feel God is really urging me to find one

I am an elder in my church and last night at our elders meeting, I was subjected to a time of bullying and intimidation because I did not dot the i-s and cross the t-s that another elder wanted. The consequence was that I had to tell him fairly sharply to back off. Today, I announced that I am stepping down from all ministry and worship leading in the church for six months.

We don't have to put up with bullying in church. If that type of bullying happened in the workplace the organisation would be brought to the Employment Court and be sued for tens of thousands of dollars! If it wouldn't be tolerated in the workplace, why should it be tolerated in our churches?

Here is a good link about the 9 traits of church bullies:
9 Traits of Church Bullies

People should leave churches when they are bullied, because the only thing that can happen is that the bully and the victim should be separated, and if the leadership won't fire the bully, then the victim has no option but to leave, and find another church down the road where they aren't bullied.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

Before leaving one should try Matthew 18:15-18 before leaving.
If it occurs in a meeting, next meeting bring a lawyer with you and don't let others know who they are. Then bring up the subject of last time to discuss. Maybe, a church needs to experience a lawsuit to get rid of the bullies.

 

[moonlit]

I am an elder in my church and last night at our elders meeting, I was subjected to a time of bullying and intimidation because I did not dot the i-s and cross the t-s that another elder wanted. The consequence was that I had to tell him fairly sharply to back off. Today, I announced that I am stepping down from all ministry and worship leading in the church for six months.

We don't have to put up with bullying in church. If that type of bullying happened in the workplace the organisation would be brought to the Employment Court and be sued for tens of thousands of dollars! If it wouldn't be tolerated in the workplace, why should it be tolerated in our churches?

Here is a good link about the 9 traits of church bullies:
9 Traits of Church Bullies

People should leave churches when they are bullied, because the only thing that can happen is that the bully and the victim should be separated, and if the leadership won't fire the bully, then the victim has no option but to leave, and find another church down the road where they aren't bullied.

Glad you refused to put up with bullying - shame that it happened in your church