Church Girls vs Girls from the World

[Lostbreed_ofchampion]

Hello brothers in Christ,
First of all, my english is far from being perfect. I am from Montreal where french is the first Language we learn at school. I am also hispanic, so before english turned into a linguistical obligation, i had two languages interfering with the natural process of learning a new tongue.

I am 26 years old and it has been 1 year that i came back to my christian ways. I believe in Jesus Christ as my saviour, i grew up in a pentecostal family. I am 3-4 months away from getting a degree in sound engineering and recording arts.

I feel the Holy Spirit touches my soul, as i praise God at the church but as i go back to my daily obligations, i feel confused even tho i don't think i'll ever go back to my darkest days. Unfortunately for me, i still struggle to have friends, to make new friends wherever it's in church or in the secular world. My personality is off, i am what you can call an "akward person". Which always inflicts me with constant insecurity issues even tho i know God loves me.

I never came back to my original church, where my parents took me as a kid for personal justified reasons such as the time was flying. There was no young woman about my age at church and i don't wanna be single forever, so i decided to leave. The big church that i'm attending now is a place where i can feel a renewed spiritual energy, especially from the male leaders and the married young couples of the church. That church is amazing and perfect for me, i see many single women at that specific church that would be perfect for me. Many of them are the way i like them too (physically speaking) and a beautiful christian woman that loves God over anything signifies the perfect option to me. I go to church on fridays for young adults reunions and sundays for the general service.


ThE Story ***

. There is a girl at the church, that accepted Christ six to eight months ago, comes from a non-practicant orthodox family. She searches God by her own basically, which i find very admirable, her mom died and i'm not sure how long ago. Her search for God is outstanding for the born and raised in a christian family guy that I am. I developped a strong attraction towards Amy (not her real name) that is studying to become a nurse. She is a white girl but because we are the same faith I don't believe there should be a line separating us. At first, she didn't caught my attention but one night i spoke to her and i realized she was very happy to have found the church. She is a shy person, very talkative once you break the ice.. btw, I refuse to believe that as a christian you are not allowed to look at physical beauty first because this is the most natural thing to do and why marrying a woman that you don't find pretty to a certain level. For months i've been wondering if she could be the one. Asking God, if that's His will. I would finally have the woman of my life and the perfect help and joy like the Bible says in genesis and proverbs 18:22.

Unfortunately, evidence is telling me otherwise. I never had a girlfriend in my entire life which can be cringeworthy to many. All the girls that have turned me down, did it the same way. By suddenly stopping to respond to my messages, telling me they have stuff to do in person when i invited them to go eat something". A few weeks ago, Amy seemed nice and now she seems distant again. I've been treating her nicely, being nice to her friends and making them laugh. I am not the most attractive guy, especially not with the Hollywood and media standards influence. I am fully aware that i don't meet those standards but i'm a very fit guy with great sense of humor, that does music and has shown chivalry towards women all his life. Somehow that is not enough for her to be polite enough to respond, none of my messages are invitations to go out so i don't see what she has to gain by not answering.

I always thought christian women were different until very recently as I never really been to big churches before. I feel they are exactly as the girls that never accepted Jesus as their Saviour. Despite being very attracted by Amy, i refuse to put all my eggs in the same basket and i try my best to connect with other girls from time to time. Unfortunately, they behave the same as the women of the world, especially when they are pretty. Also, if you talk to a girl, and she has a friend with her that suspects you're interested by your crush, she will behave exactly like the girls of the world by trying to make you feel uncomfortable and even pulling their more desirable friend out of the situation. That is sadly how it is.

At many occasions, i was talking with Amy, and some other girl she met two or three weeks ago, comes at us and cuts right into our conversation without aknowledging me, like it's no big deal. I also know there are at least 4 single guys at the moment that are trying to "score points" on Amy and I don't feel threatened at all even tho some of them broke into our conversation too. Let the best man have her. Right?

OnFinal Note..
I really like Amy, but she hasn't added me on facebook, she hasn't responded to a single message on her phone. I like to think she is just busy. I've been teached to never ignore people, that is disrespectful and as someone that has been ignored in high school for not being crazy popular i feel bad to just contemplate the thought of ignoring someone. I always respond to my messages, no matter who it is. For that reason only, i get frustrated when people do that. I know girls of the world are teached to treat men like they're feces and to don't aknowledge them, but i never expected this to be the case with most church girls. Amy is fairly attractive and she probably knows it. I am almost losing hope. She is pretty much the only girl i like, i have hard time meeting new people and i feel that i will never have her. I am very disappointed and i wonder sometimes if God really changes people in 2016.

What should i do? Has anyone experienced the same things? Does it sound like something you know?

Thoughts?

Thanks a lot, i'll never have the courage to say those things outside the internet. God bless!!!

 

[Sketcher]

Amy probably doesn't like you if she hasn't responded to your messages or even added you on Facebook. Sorry. If it's any consolation, she will be changing quite a bit over the next couple of years, so the Amy you are attracted to now will be different long-term as she finds herself in her new faith. I'm not saying she will or won't like you then, I'm just saying she'll be very different.

As to Christian women, they're like worldly women except they have been born again, and they have higher moral standards for themselves and for the men they say they want to date. More of them are also likely to have conservative long-term plans (settle down, get married, have kids). It doesn't make them more likely to overlook something that women in general find unattractive in you, because like it or not, that's not a holiness issue.

 

[SnowyMacie]

She's just not into you, sorry, but that's seems to be the case. The best thing for you do to is to move on. Just because she is a Christian doesn't mean she is going to change what she finds attractive or unattractive. As Sketcher said, the only real difference is higher moral standards and probably more conservative long-term plans, and unless it's blatant vanity or lust, attractiveness isn't a Christian issue, sorry. Even if it was, would you honestly really want to date someone who only agrees to the date because of some moral obligation to say yes?

 

[timewerx]

As to Christian women, they're like worldly women except they have been born again, and they have higher moral standards

It's sad to say this is the norm today, not just for women.

There are Bible verses that clearly say it's not how things should be.

 

[Sketcher]

It's sad to say this is the norm today, not just for women.

There are Bible verses that clearly say it's not how things should be.

Such as? These differences are not insignificant, they just don't help unattractive guys get dates.

 

[Senkaku]

I don't want to open a can of worms here...sounds like you have been failing "compliance tests"

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Girls, especially highly sought after ones, are really not worth all of the fuss most people make out of them; been there, done that. They really don't bring much to the Table, but expect any guy who they deem worthy to fit an exceptional standard. Most can't cook, are awful with children (they want to be the center of attention), have Juvenile conversations, and won't grow as a person unless they are absolutely forced to do so (they tend to think they have this whole 'life' thing figured out), they're selfish, unaccomplished, unoriginal, and really nothing more than a walking/talking trash magazine or meme.

Do yourself a favour, forget her and keep improving you and eventually you'll see exactly what I mean.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Once you get to the point of complete self-confidence you'll wonder why you bothered with anybody like her in the first place, girls will chase you, and you'll be able to decide who is worthy of your life, not the other way aroud.

 

[Cearbhall]

Unfortunately, evidence is telling me otherwise. I never had a girlfriend in my entire life which can be cringeworthy to many. All the girls that have turned me down, did it the same way. By suddenly stopping to respond to my messages, telling me they have stuff to do in person when i invited them to go eat something".

I always thought christian women were different until very recently as I never really been to big churches before. I feel they are exactly as the girls that never accepted Jesus as their Saviour. Despite being very attracted by Amy, i refuse to put all my eggs in the same basket and i try my best to connect with other girls from time to time. Unfortunately, they behave the same as the women of the world, especially when they are pretty.

Statistically, based on where you are, most of the girls who turned you down in the past were probably Christian as well (unless you had that conversation with all of them and know that they weren't; then nevermind). Either way, I wouldn't expect to see any significant differences between them and someone you happened to meet through your church. Any girl who goes to church lives in the "secular world" the rest of the week, just like everyone else. Religious identity doesn't have much to do with a person's personality or manners.

 

[AmericanSamurai]

Church women aren't too different from secular women at all.

 

[rickster]

I assume Amy is roughly your age (26), and not 18-19?

It seems like you over value your nice quality. Most women don't want a guy who is a pushover who will do whatever they tell him to do. They want someone who is independent and interesting. Complimenting her, holding the door open for her and her friends, letting your conversations be interrupted is such beta male behavior (in this context). Your behavior shows that you don't have much self worth, so do you think she should respect you?

If you're sick of the women in your area, you should try looking in Eastern Europe and Japan. The woman there aren't as feminized as they are in the west.

I would cut contact with Amy. She will only see you as a friend.

 

[TheRealAriel]

I would think the biggest difference would be that Christian women, like any believer, will bear many fruits of the spirit. They will also generally operate with a higher moral code than secular women, because we are trying to live in a way that glorifies God.

As far as it influencing their preferences, I don't think there's a huge difference. A Christian woman will of course desire a Christian partner, and likely will be drawn to others who bear fruits of the spirit, but after that tastes will vary on a case by case basis. Amy might not be interested, but I think if you want to know for sure it's better to directly tell her you're interested and give her a chance to respond. Girls, like anybody, aren't the biggest fan of potential suitors diversifying their investments in them. If they see you browsing through girls like a catalog they will see a serial dater and lose interest/possibly act defensively. If you approach her like a singular intelligent human being you have a desire to date and directly say how you feel or ask her out, she will take you more seriously.

 

[DawnStar]

If you're sick of the women in your area, you should try looking in Eastern Europe and Japan. The woman there aren't as feminized as they are in the west.

Yes. You should look for a woman who wants a free ticket out of where she is at. Once you marry her and she gets her hooks into you she can then divorce you and take you for at least half of what you have.
I hope you know I am being sarcastic. My advice is do not go out on the internet and look for a woman who lives in another country. You never know what you are going to get.
Also forget about Amy if she has no interest in you. It is not worth the hassle.

 

[Cearbhall]

If you're sick of the women in your area, you should try looking in Eastern Europe and Japan. The woman there aren't as feminized as they are in the west.

I assume you mean feminist? Feminized means feminine.

 

[DawnStar]

I assume you mean feminist? Feminized means feminine.

Maybe he likes women with husky builds and facial hair.

 

[Lostbreed_ofchampion]

I assume Amy is roughly your age (26), and not 18-19?

It seems like you over value your nice quality. Most women don't want a guy who is a pushover who will do whatever they tell him to do. They want someone who is independent and interesting. Complimenting her, holding the door open for her and her friends, letting your conversations be interrupted is such beta male behavior (in this context). Your behavior shows that you don't have much self worth, so do you think she should respect you?

If you're sick of the women in your area, you should try looking in Eastern Europe and Japan. The woman there aren't as feminized as they are in the west.

I would cut contact with Amy. She will only see you as a friend.

THANKS FOR THE REPLY BROTHER..I LIKE WHAT you said because this is exactly what i was doing in the past. Being too much of a good guy doesn't pay dividends and I totally can testify for it. She is from Eastern European Descent but unfortunately grew up in Montreal. Needless to say she is a feminist type of girl. I paid her an ice cream the other day after church. She told my brother that she was an independant woman and that she feels bad when boys pay for her. in a joking tone but i am a firm believer that jokes are the mirror of your soul.

 

[Lostbreed_ofchampion]

I assume Amy is roughly your age (26), and not 18-19?

She is like 3 years younger but was super shocked to know i am 26. She thought i was 20 since she saw me. I look super young and healthy from my strong latin genes. I take it as a good thing but i struggle to get taken seriously sometimes. I am unfortunately a little shorter than her.

 

[Cearbhall]

Needless to say she is a feminist type of girl. I paid her an ice cream the other day after church. She told my brother that she was an independant woman and that she feels bad when boys pay for her. in a joking tone but i am a firm believer that jokes are the mirror of your soul.

I wouldn't say anything about an ice cream because that's so cheap, but I do personally feel bad when males have been socially conditioned to believe that I have a right to their money. For me, it's less about me being an independent woman and more about men losing out because expectations haven't changed with the times. Even at 14, my boyfriend thought he had to pay for both of us. It's not like he had a job!

 

[Lostbreed_ofchampion]

Maybe he likes women with husky builds and facial hair.

I like athletic women soooo much..but to be fair hairy women are a turn off, especially when you consider i'm not a hairy mofo. I understand the confusion in his words and it killed me Good one lad!

 

[Lostbreed_ofchampion]

Thanks for the reply.. Amy actually seems to look up to marriage and a stable relationship. She at many occasions told me things like " time is flying , soon i'll have that job and i will have to look up for myself" . I unfortunately made a silly joke on marriage. We and other church members were sharing some time all together and to be fair my joke was not appropriate, funny but a little bit worldly.. one of the fellows is a DJ and he operates mostly at Marriage ceremonies. This is where he earns most of his money. I told him that he was making his money on people's biggest mistake. They all laughed but Amy told me " You don't want to get married?"... i can't remember what i answered exactly but i don't feel i gave an absolute answer. She sat next to me on Sunday. After the service, we were talking about life and she called me out on what i said on that day. I said, i want to marry even tho things are never as simple as we would wish. I feel stupid since that time, and i haven't seen her in a while.