Chronic pain/illness' and depression seem to go hand in hand

[Colleen1]

Ok...having to give IV fluids to our kitty...kidney failure but she's hangin in there...A righteous man sees to the needs of his animals.

My point from earlier is this. When I am at my absolute lowest, wanting out...done...don't care about jack, I can choose to stay with my back turn to God, bitter and bent or turn to Him and say fine, ok, whatever...right your will not mine...what do you want to do with me. It's at that point that He meets me or better...uses me to encourage someone else who is hurting and it is at those moments that I feel the weight lifted from my shoulders...I can't explain it but I am sure there is a scripture to back it up because it never, and I mean never fails.

Maybe, God is calling you to start a study for those that are suffering...you would have no problem filling the seats as there are many more than you could ever imagine that are shut in and shut out of life. You can even get a kit to start one at home apart from a church from Joni and Friends as well as resources to help you where you are at. I can recommend Calvary Chapel in you area if you want support and accountability or you can simply go with Joni's program alone...you could make a difference in others lives which inturn would help you with you outlook.

....will be praying for ya bro.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Colleen1]

Kitchen update. If someone can tell me how to post a pic in the forum I would love to share. They are 99% done I just have to do some painting and finish the floor...they were able to work around the new floor I had put in last year saving us a few bucks. It has made the wife very happy. She choose a new kitchen rather than Hawaii for our 30th the 1st week in June...maybe we can go next year. We have only been on 3 vacations in 30 yrs of marriage and I really wanted to take her but she felt that the money was better used this way.

Thank you for this post. I was wondering how things were going. Congratulations on your 30th. I think it's great your wife is happy. Things like this can be a real treat. Take care.

 

[MaxxOmega]

Ok...having to give IV fluids to our kitty...kidney failure but she's hangin in there...A righteous man sees to the needs of his animals.

My point from earlier is this. When I am at my absolute lowest, wanting out...done...don't care about jack, I can choose to stay with my back turn to God, bitter and bent or turn to Him and say fine, ok, whatever...right your will not mine...what do you want to do with me. It's at that point that He meets me or better...uses me to encourage someone else who is hurting and it is at those moments that I feel the weight lifted from my shoulders...I can't explain it but I am sure there is a scripture to back it up because it never, and I mean never fails.

Maybe, God is calling you to start a study for those that are suffering...you would have no problem filling the seats as there are many more than you could ever imagine that are shut in and shut out of life. You can even get a kit to start one at home apart from a church from well as resources to help you where you are at. I can recommend Calvary Chapel in you area if you want support and accountability or you can simply go with Joni's program alone...you could make a difference in others lives which inturn would help you with you outlook.

....will be praying for ya bro.

IV fluids to the kitty? I cry to think of what is coming your way. On Monday May 9th, 12:35 EST my little dog Casey, died in my arms of heart failure. I simply can't believe that the Lord would allow that experience to happen to us. It was horrible to watch her little dog life leave her. I couldn't help her. I feel like such a Judas betraying my little girl I couldn't save with my substandard prayers. And my wife is in terrible shape...

This on top of everything else. Unfortunately because of my illness I have really become quite a useless human being. I can no longer be of much physical help to my wife. She gets stuck doing so much more now because of my inability to function correctly. Not much use to the Lord either, my meds keep me in a funk all of it's own. I think of being "without spot or wrinkle" and look at my deformed leg and think "yeah, sure". My wife and I haven't even had sex for six years now. The meds have destroyed my sex drive completely as well as the physical inability anyway. The only plus of this is I have no lust or inappropriate content addictions. LOL

The thing of all this is, my health problems, I'm not angry at the Lord for this. I always think, just imagine how bad it would be if I didn't HAVE the Lord. As well when I learned as a young Christian, the time will come when you gotta "crap or get off the pot" so to speak. I'm a Christian. I will praise him in ALL things. Now is the time to decide do I really believe all the scriptures I've been spouting off for 3 decades? Yes, I do. But I wonder, how can my life be of ANY use to him now, I mean c'mon really, I'm just taking up space.

But I still gotta function day to day, go to work, make a living, support the family. And my family is more important to me than my own life. By the end of the work day, I am usually in very considerable pain. I gotta get home, get off my feet to get enough strength for the next day. My disease is such that I have to keep physical activity to the bare minimum. Otherwise I'm asking for worse things to come my way and in fact that is what is happening. Some new condition keeps popping up. I'm seeing a Hematoligist this week to look at an abnormality in my blood. It can be nothing on the one hand, it could be blood cancer at the worst end. They gotta check it out.
It's just tough. To have no friends close by, no one to talk to. All I want is for someone who understands me, to listen to me, maybe to cry with me and pray for me.
Not interested in the folks who say "Oh my mom, sister, cousin, friend, etc. had THE EXACT SAME THING. And ALL they had to do, I mean ALL they had to do is, and then they go on with some idiotic advice on what to do involving eating right or reading the right book, or "just believing" real real hard and everything will be ok. And then smugly walk away believeing they have done their "Christian duty" by telling me how to "fix" my problems. It's simply amazing how people all want to give advice. They read too much on the Internet I think LOL...

Be back later

 

[vespasia]

Maxx, have you spoken to your doctor about how bad your condition is making you feel?

It may be possible to access a pain clinic okay that does not solve all but it can give you the metaphorical knot in the end of the rope to hang on to to get through some of the most pain filled days.

There is also a forum for those with depression - you could make contact with the mods who cover those forums or even the forum chaplains. I am so sorry you have not found a christian fellowship near you who can accept you as you are.

May God bless you with what you need to move towards wholeness in Christ, and that is not something as simple as a body that works as others think it should.

 

[MaxxOmega]

Maxx, have you spoken to your doctor about how bad your condition is making you feel?

That's an entire issue itself. Going soon to see a new Doctor as the one I have been seeing is clearly a problem. Yet, she had the reputation of one of the 2 best in the world.

I don't buy it...

 

[Colleen1]

That's an entire issue itself. Going soon to see a new Doctor as the one I have been seeing is clearly a problem. Yet, she had the reputation of one of the 2 best in the world.

I don't buy it...

I hear what you are saying. I've had my share of dealing with professionals and some times reputation can seem to be based on hype rather than effectiveness. I once saw a neurologist who had much more reputation than manners and effectiveness and he was the biggest dead end. The fact of the matter is that my problem was so simple but in the arrogance and preconceived notions the real problems got over looked. The truth is there are good professionals out there but they're rather hard to find at times. But going to a pain clinic may be the link in a chain that will lead you to something better. It's hard not to give up hope. It takes a lot of energy to fight and it's during times when we feel ill / at our lowest that we need to fight the most but feel the weakest. I find pouring my heart out about everything to God useful and talking honestly with others helpful. I will pray. Hopefully we will both find trustworthy people to help us. Take care.

 

[Colleen1]

Well, I've had better days. I need to muster up the strength to deal with the issues at hand.

 

[Chaplain David]

Having lived with chronic illnesses of various kinds from little to very big ones, if I've learned anything it's that I have got to take joy in what I can do.

Probably even more important is I need to be doing something on a regular basis that gives me a purpose, a reason, a way to help someone else.

I need a lot of maintenance and could probably spend most of my time at the doctors and I've had periods when I let myself do that. But I'm fairly stable really praise God and have reduced my visits to accupuncture and pain control.

At the same time I'm doing things to build myself up. They are not much when compared with the things I used to be able to do but I am able to lift a little arm weight, and walk some (not a lot), and do a few things around the house.

I have got to keep proactive attitudes in both body and mind or I'll sink into depression and I bet the rest of you folks feel the same way about depression as I do and that is, " I have had enough of that and do not want any more!" God bless.

 

[MaxxOmega]

But going to a pain clinic...

Unfortunately, no such things as pain clinics in my neck of the woods... I am taking Narcotics but after 6 years the tolerance is such that my original dose just doesn't work well anymore. If I double up it helps ALOT but I short change myself at the other end...

 

[Colleen1]

Unfortunately, no such things as pain clinics in my neck of the woods... I am taking Narcotics but after 6 years the tolerance is such that my original dose just doesn't work well anymore. If I double up it helps ALOT but I short change myself at the other end...

Finding the balance between how much we rely on medicine and other treatments and how much we rely on our wear-with-all can be daunting. The thing I find most comforting regardless of what is going on it that God is always there and he takes me as is, in whatever state I'm in and loves me. I am his child and He is the only one who has a truly pure love and motives. No other understands like He does. Psalm 139

 

[Colleen1]

Well, today is a difficult day. It's one of those days when it's glaringly obvious just how much we as a church have left to learn and how desperately we can fail those hurting. All I can really say right now is, we are very unaware and fallable and any of us christians who think we are not capable of such things have much to learn about redemption, integrity and honor. There are many days, especially of late, that I think there is more honor among thieves than among christians. Please pray.

 

[MaxxOmega]

Well, today is a difficult day. It's one of those days when it's glaringly obvious just how much we as a church have left to learn and how desperately we can fail those hurting.

I learned a long time ago to keep my expectation of others very low. This helps to not be disappointed. I know that other than the Lord, no one truely cares what happens to us. Just today again I heard another platitude "well no matter how bad off you are someone else is always worse." Um yeah, ok move along nothing to see here...

Out here in the real world I hate it when people say "So how are things going today?" Well you know they are just being polite as they pass by but as someone who doesn't lie I refuse to say "Oh, I'm ok" when I really am not. But you can't always tell people "I'm doing lousy thanks for asking" because people really don't want to know...

 

[pumanator]

Maxx...hitting a lot of nail in with one hit. The one about expectations is spot on. The last of my old friends have fallen away and it's just me and the wife as the kids are 2 of 3 out of the house. I am a little ashamed to admit that I don't praise God for all of it but I recognize that He is in all of it and I have moved from fighting it out with Him to mostly acceptance...it would explain why playing worship music seems so flat...it has to come from the heart. I am thankful I can make it to work and still play music...it is true to some extent...I could be in a much worse place, but I would not ever force that on someone else as we can only arrive there if we point the car to it, stop, get out, load it and continue on down the road.

 

[Colleen1]

I know God is big. Bigger than others and my mistakes. He has a plan but no where in the Bible does he say come to me and lie about how you feel. Psalm 139 is great, along with many other references in seeing God is about authenticity and integrity. I'm very aware of what every person is capable of. For me it' not about people being perfect. The upset for me is about the pretense, lies and lack of authenticity. We all have problems, pain, sin and if any of us says otherwise, I would say we are lying. Struggles will come; whether we and how we do confront struggles is the crux of the matter. Pretending isn't an option for me. I can't and won't live a life of lies; it's not what I'm called to do. Pain is real and pretending it doesn't matter or exist is ridiculous.

This morning my mother died.

Life has problems and pain. This I can manage. It's the unnecessary nonsense I can't stomach. Nonsense like gossip, meddling, pretense, lies.... It's poison and pointless.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know that my PM box is open if you need a listening ear.

 

[Colleen1]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know that my PM box is open if you need a listening ear.

Thanks for your kind words. I truly appreciate it. Funny how listening is the simplest, easiest and most effective thing we can do when someone is in emotional pain. Yet, it's the last thing we usually do. Your offer is truly appreciated.

 

[pumanator]

I am so sorry for you loss...there are no words...my mom passed away last August and my brothers visit next week will bring it rush in again.

I wish I had word of comfort but there really are none...it hurts and I pray that there will be ppl around you that get that and just listen rather than spout the usual platitudes...you are in our prayers.

 

[Colleen1]

I am so sorry for you loss...there are no words...my mom passed away last August and my brothers visit next week will bring it rush in again.

I wish I had word of comfort but there really are none...it hurts and I pray that there will be ppl around you that get that and just listen rather than spout the usual platitudes...you are in our prayers.

Thanks much appreciated. Right now the following is it in a nut shell:

Finding peace and contentment can be a learning process..... During the last days, when someone is dying, it can stir up a lot of emotion. Speaking for myself, there were things I wanted my mom and myself to work through and on my part this required honest sharing about things a couple of times. Not easy to figure out how to do this but worth while considering life is eternal. Then the two of us being able to be together truly authentically with nothing left unsaid or any wedges was worth the risk. Not easy for either one of us but essential. Dealing with life authentically and living real is what brings peace and contentment. I believe it's all the untruths and pretense and those little nagging guilts that hinder peace and contentment. How much more sense is it to just say, "I feel sad; I feel hurt; I feel angry; I feel despair; I feel...." Than to waste years not saying the things that we should and have it eating away at us and have the devil using these unresolved things in the dark of the night when we are alone or vulnerable. By authentic, I don't mean rude; I mean the expression of the unsaid things that need to be said but we're too afraid to say them because it makes us feel vulnerable. I think the most important thing to remember, regardless of the outcome of our experiences, is to remember we are truly & deeply loved by our Father God who is with us.

I'll be praying and again, thank you all for listening and the prayers.

YouTube - ‪Laura Story -Make something beautiful‬‏

 

[MaxxOmega]

I in some ways are envious of you believe it or not. My father died last June. I didn't shed a tear. He never really loved me I don't believe, he and my mom only had kids because they were "good" catholics. They made it clear we were only a means to an end and how many "sacrifices" they had to make because of us. Mother would tell me to my face "I wish you were never born."
She is old, will die soon. I won't cry for her either. I wish we could have had a proper relationship. Bad on them for allowing this to happen...

Hope you're ok. Take care now...

 

[Colleen1]

I in some ways are envious of you believe it or not. My father died last June. I didn't shed a tear. He never really loved me I don't believe, he and my mom only had kids because they were "good" catholics. They made it clear we were only a means to an end and how many "sacrifices" they had to make because of us. Mother would tell me to my face "I wish you were never born."
She is old, will die soon. I won't cry for her either. I wish we could have had a proper relationship. Bad on them for allowing this to happen...

Hope you're ok. Take care now...

I hear you. Believe it or not, I understand what you are saying and feeling. For those of us who have had a 'rough time' of life, I am making these posts. We can heal, not forget, but heal. It's tough to plow through these things and it's rare we can find someone to talk to who doesn't judge those feelings and experiences that we have. Death is part of life and can be a part of illness. Not meaning to be a downer but death is something that will touch all of our lives. It's good to know there are people out there that get tough times and tough feelings. Unfortunately, much of church avoids acknowledging or discussing these things. For some of us, 'tough times' is an understatement. I think God smiles at us when we as christians share authentically and hold one another up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6eDvl4Xbh8&feature=player_detailpage