Christmas Disappointment (sort of)

lux et lex

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I found out today we're having Christmas at my parents' house. This is sort of good because it's closer to where I'm living, so I don't have to drive as far, but traditionally we have Christmas at my grandparents' house. They have the BEST ELCA church. Aside from the few mishaps in the past few years due to a new pastor there (after a quick google search I found his entire Christmas sermon...and they don't sing Joy to the World last...they sing it in the middle of the service. My grandpa always says he knows when to put his coat on when that song is sung...so we jokingly put ours on in the middle of the service while we sung that song) it's a very good and open congregation.

The church my mom, sister, and I used to belong to is where we are possibly going. My mom's sister is a member there, so I'm sure she'll insist on going there. I already told my mom I would not be attending, and she understood. That church has an excellent pre school-6 Sunday school problem, but Confirmation was horrible. I nearly got kicked out for asking questions. I thought that was what Confirmation was all about. They are the biggest congregation in my hometown, and are the unofficial ELCA leaders in my town. They have taken a stanch stance against calling homosexual clergy, and that was the last straw (after my horrid confirmation experience and sitting through some other hateful sermons) and I haven't been back more than a handful of times since I was confirmed. (mainly to see my sister's church experiences, she's 11 years younger than I am and my mom didn't want to change churches until she was done). My mother is interested in joining a different congregation in town that is welcoming to all and has stood by the ELCA 100% but she hasn't done that yet. And my aunt is 100% with my old church. So I won't be attending Christmas service with everyone (my mother isn't either) because we are so disgusted with that church that we can't stomach going. My mom won't be going to church at all, which is fine with me, but I feel compelled to go, so I'll be attending Christmas Mass with my Catholic father.

I was half raised in the Catholic church. I was confirmed Lutheran, but attended mostly Catholic Mass. I don't agree with a lot of the Catholic dogma, but I find their services to be very beautiful and traditional, which is nice. But I still feel very much like an outsider in their church. No communion, which calls for staring, but aside from that I fully participate. Good music, generally a good homily, etc, but it's just not the same. So I'm a bit disappointed we won't be going to my grandparents' because I feel like I'm missing out on good church.
 

AngCath

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Lux,
I am sorry to hear about your situation. Though not quite is complicated as your situation, my family has not attended the Christ mass together in years (when we're all together, that is) for similar, though different, reasons. It is a source of sadness for me and it feels like it is for you too.
 
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doulos_tou_kuriou

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I'm sorry to hear all the ways modern issues and dynamics are getting in the way of your worship experience.
I would note that the church by adamantly not calling a homosexual pastor is still technically "with the ELCA 100%" since according to 2009 assembly that was their right.
I also find it interesting that the Catholic church which has much firmer anti-homosexual stance is ok for you. Just an observation. I do find their services beautiful too.

As to the confirmation statement, I would also note that confirmation really is not about indoctrination or asking questions, both miss the point. Classes that overly focus on one or the other are equally wrong. Confirmation is about affirmation of baptism, it's about preparing you to claim your faith and take a deeper role in the life of the church and feeling ready to take on the vows made for you at your baptism. I think that includes questions and teaching. You're right, forbidding to ask questions is not necessarily good, but I have seen classes that are all about questions and opinions and there is no teaching, and that is equally destructive.

Well, my rants aside, I do have sorrow that your upcoming Christmas is filled with grief, separation, and painful past. May the light of Christ shine through the gloom of night, and the joy of the celebration not evade your family. Best wishes this holiday.
 
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lux et lex

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Good points. I would like the chance to clarify. The church we used to belong to is withholding money to the ELCA in order to try to strong arm them to change their decision. So they aren't exactly with them I would say.

And I agree with you about what the actual purpose of confirmation is as well. But I didn't find it inappropriate to ask questions during small group discussions about why exactly we believe this to be true. I thought that was part of a discussion, but I could be mistaken.

And with regard to going to the Catholic church instead even though they are worse with regard to homosexuality, I feel like it's the better choice between two not so good choices. I haven't had any bad experiences at the Catholic church so I can block out the dogma for one service and enjoy the beauty and the message. Plus I know it means a lot to my dad.
 
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