Christians tend to marry young if they have faith it'll work?

ThisIsMe123

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There's this woman at work, most of my co-workers are typically in their mid to early 20s. Most have sig others and stuff, others single, however there was this new hire that is only 19 years old.

Anyways, this woman/girl at work is only 19 years old. Found out there casual conversation she's married. Even confirmed it actual wedding photos. Found it hard to believe at first, because...really? Who has the desire to marry that young, right? She said they knew each other since middle school.

When I was that age, I had no desire for marriage. Shoot as was too awkward and shy around women at 19 actually and at that age, I was just getting my feet wet dating.

Let's just say my desire to date in high school was slim to none. I liked women, but the idea of me dating in high school...I was too shy and scared for that. Never went prom nor had a home coming date.

Also, at that age, I knew that there had to be more options to explore as much as this big world explore. Time to grow.

I found that marrying that young statistically leads to divorce much quicker. Even back in the day, these stats were out.

I recall when I used to hang out at the arcade, a high school couple would always come in there. Word had it that they planned on marrying right after they graduated high school. Turns out, they were both Christians going to the same church.

I'm like 'Um...why?!"


This is my thinking, "You honestly think you're high school sweet heart, the ONLY person you've EVER been with romantically is destined to be your life long partner and spouse? Think about it? You mean you've never thought that maybe you should explore your options first?"

Though this is a singles portion other site, I'm givinng a single man's perspective who was once that age, and remembers at that age the desire to run down the isle was never on the map for me. Why would it be for them?
 
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Saucy

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Everyone is different. If you meet "the one" early or later it doesn't really matter. You can wait and wait and get out into the world and realize you're just wasting your time. I personally don't want to date around and "explore my options."
 
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angelsaroundme

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People's odds of a happy marriage go down depending on how many previous relationships they've had. It's because they will compare their current partner to past partners whether they want to or not. So, if you've been with a lot of people, one might have been the funniest, another the most adventurous, another the most spiritual or intellectual, etc. Alternatively, you could have had mostly negative relationships that you then project onto the new person. Maybe they say or do harmless things that bring up memories from a past partner.

This couple you are referring to has a higher chance of a successful marriage. Good for them.
 
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Sketcher

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Hey, it works for some people. I'm not going to badmouth it if they've already pulled the trigger.

Society doesn't prioritize getting people married young and setting them up for success. If it did, there wouldn't be as many social barriers to starting a family. Society prizes post-secondary education, debt, and avoidance of commitment. If it prized getting people off to a good start in their early adult years, the cost of higher education wouldn't have outpaced inflation, housing would be cheaper, there would be better social enforcement of the marriage contract, and there would be a better pipeline for getting people into healthy and stable marriages. If we had all that, people would marry younger. Not sure how much younger, but 19 might not seem so outlandish as it does today.
 
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ThisIsMe123

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This couple you are referring to has a higher chance of a successful marriage. Good for them.

We are speaking in a different context here...YOu're talking two not-so mature minds that are married too young actually and statistically these marriages typically don't last when they reach into the late 20s or 30s mark.

In fact, it's wiser to marry later than just post high school.
 
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peaceful-forest

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Everyone is different (as someone else mentioned earlier).

When I look back at myself at that age, I was definitely a different person then. I had the desire to go steady with men, but not marriage yet. I'm glad I didn't get married in my 20s, that would've been disastrous later on.

Let's hope for the best for that marriage.
 
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Saucy

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Why not?

I think that high school kids are under this foolish notion that this person is their one and only....for life.
Sometimes it works out like that. Sometimes it doesn't. For me, I'd like to meet my forever person. Keeping my options open just seems like playing games and not giving anyone a real shot. It's a waste of time to date someone with no intention of it leading to something serious.
 
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bèlla

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We are speaking in a different context here...YOu're talking two not-so mature minds that are married too young actually and statistically these marriages typically don't last when they reach into the late 20s or 30s mark.

In fact, it's wiser to marry later than just post high school.

It works for the Amish and Mennonites. Their marriage and childbearing rates exceed the norm and they’re flourishing. Commitment doesn’t require a lot of maturity. Just a willingness to stay put and work through the hard stuff.

~bella
 
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timewerx

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We are speaking in a different context here...YOu're talking two not-so mature minds that are married too young actually and statistically these marriages typically don't last when they reach into the late 20s or 30s mark.

In fact, it's wiser to marry later than just post high school.

The current trends in society and social media is making people immature well into their forties.

At least the younger ones don't have enough money to try be as immature as they want!:D Unless they grew up in a well-to-do family.
 
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linux.poet

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My previous understanding of this subject was that you need to understand who you are and what your interests are before getting married. If you have an interest in traveling, you don't want a husband who wants to stay in one place. If you are interested in painting, you don't want a guy who has a mortal fear of paintings and think that they are zombies coming to life.

The problem is that high school doesn't really allow people to explore their interests and figure out who they are, it's a one-size-fits-all machine. College is supposed to do that, but that can fail. Then you get placed into the workplace with a minimum of social opportunities. Surrounded by unbelievers, you can't find a good Christian spouse.

However, there are people who just know what they want to do from childhood, and they find a person who supports that. Then they get married and everything is fine. It's those who have to go on a voyage of self-discovery that marry late.
 
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ThisIsMe123

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However, there are people who just know what they want to do from childhood, and they find a person who supports that.

There's no way a child can be a good judge of what they want while IN their childhood. Going to have to disagree with there and that was part of the whole point.
 
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bèlla

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The measuring stick is demonstratively smaller in youth and grows with time and maturity. What a person will overlook at 20 and view positively (i.e. potential; it’ll happen in time) is unlikely to hold true ten years later.

And that’s the point. No one expects you to have it together when you’re starting out. Expectation is a contributing factor to singleness. Waiting isn’t a guarantee.

Love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. And if you will to love somebody, you can.

Scrutiny is an excuse. Most of the cants are wonts in disguise. Truth isn’t complicated. We lie to ourselves. Some situations require more time, effort, or patience for success.

Young pairings are lessons in endurance. You grow into ‘better’ over the years. And some people need that. They need time and handling to smooth things out and come into themselves. They can’t do it alone.

We’ve adopted idealistic views on mating. The longer the delay the higher the bar.

~bella
 
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linux.poet

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There's no way a child can be a good judge of what they want while IN their childhood.
I disagree with this. Childhood is the place to discover your interests before those interests have to bear the weight of adult responsibilities.

My interest in reading emerged in childhood.
I still read.

My interest in chess emerged in childhood.
I still play chess.

My interest in drawing emerged in childhood.
I still draw.

My interest in writing emerged in childhood.
I still write.

My interest in music emerged in childhood.
I still play music.

My interest in sewing emerged in childhood.
I still sew.

Now those interests have changed since their childhood versions. The fiction reader of my younger years now reads non-fiction books and deep theology; the mindless chess challenger child now studies chess and gets help to learn it; the watercolor painting 5-year-old is more into charcoal and pen and ink drawings; the over-optimistic fiction writer is now a moody and dark poet; the percussionist is now taking up the flute; the child that made tacky small quilts with bible verses on them is now more inclined to experiment with handbags.

But would these changes break a relationship? If my husband gets mad that I'm not making quilts anymore and making handbags instead, that seems to be a stupid thing to fight over. Handbags make more money than quilts and are easier to make. I mean, does he want a quilt? Can't I just make him one and the fight should be over?

If my husband was drawn to the interests of sewing, music, writing, drawing, chess, and reading in his future wife, I think that drawing would hold even as those interests change within themselves.
 
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