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Christians singles living together??

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by etcastle, Jul 5, 2005.

  1. etcastle

    etcastle New Member

    Ok Guys and Gals!! I have a good one here that I am sure someone has had experience with here. I have been dating a girl here and after almost a year, I have asked her to move in with me. Now I know what you are thinking and let me explain. We are both Christians, well; she is a young believer and getting stronger day by day. We routinely enjoy each others's company and we have spent many weekends together. From the very beginning, we both agreed that we would not partake in any sexual activity until marriage and we have been extremely firm in our resolve. We are not about to change that anytime soon.

    So my question is this...has anyone had any experience in this arena since I am curious to know how widespread this is. I am sure that I will get flamed for this and I am sure for good reason but I am pretty firm in my decision.
  2. joeman1

    joeman1 Legend

    Well I will not flame you but I will say I don't think that it is right. Now what I ask you to do is pray about things. Remember until you are married either party can just walk out. Also living together can provide more temptation than just spending a weekend together. Trust me you need to think about her if she is young in the Lord then the best thing to do is not to put her into a conflict with faith. This is one of the hot button issues and if you are not careful you could start heading down a distructive path. I just ask you to pray and seek the Lord. Hey you have plenty of time to get to live with eachother when you are married.
  3. JPPT1974

    JPPT1974 Ready for Halloween

    United States
    I don't think that is such a good idea because what happens if you compromise your beliefs. God wants you two to give each other the night of virginity. As well as also live according to His limitations and plans.
  4. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    Look, don't do it. Either you or she will not stand up to the temptation. And even if you do, it will look bad on both of you. Don't compromise your witness and/or purity, let alone hers.

    What's especially disturbing is that she's a new believer. If she accepts, moves in, and you sleep together, what is that going to do to her young faith?
  5. Yody

    Yody Well-Known Member

    Woah JPP you already have them getting married and losing their virginities to each other
  6. paulewog

    paulewog Father of Insanity; Child of Music.

    She's a young believer?

    IMO, you're setting her up for temptation she shouldnt' be set up for, especially from another believer. Think of what you're doing.

    Also IMO, when one is living with another person, there is no ... no one to give any sort of backing. If she suddenly claims you had sex with her, it's her word against yours. Period. There's no one else that can vouch for what happened inside the home. Suspicious are aroused immediately if a "couple" are even alone together for a bunch of hours with no one else around, let alone spending the night in the same house....

    I don't care how strong a Christian you or she is. She's a new one, on top of that. But this is, to me, like walking into a bar with no other Christians in it, and trying to say you won't take a drink. You may be very right, and you may not have, but I have no idea if you did or not. No one to vouch for you anymore. Not to mention you're putting yourself into a huge temptation. It's tempting enough to walk down the street the way girls dress... now, I'm sure she doesn't dress that way, but being alone in a house with a girl? That temptation, for me, would be VERY great, and I can't see that I should be unwise enough to put myself into that situation.
  7. kevin~

    kevin~ New Member

    i agree with the previous posters, not a good idea.

    as resolved as u think you are, man is still susceptible to the flesh. why create oppotunities of lust and temptation by staying together? be christ-focused, be patient for the time will come when you are finally married. :)
  8. london boy

    london boy Welsh and German blood, English heart

    I know of Christain singles who lived together in mixed houses. They lived as platonic friends and are now all engaged to be married. Others live together and it functions well. So sometimes it does work :)
  9. lawtonfogle

    lawtonfogle My solace my terror, my terror my solace.

    maybe if you lived with another one sharing your problem (more people in the house) Also it might not be to bad if you both have seperate rooms with seperate bathrooms.

    I would not do it, and I will tell you this, you are ruining her reputation, and if you love her, this would not besomething you would want to do to her.

    Do you love her enough not to ruin her reputation?
  10. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    That is different from a single couple moving in together. It's more acceptable and doable if say you have four guys and four girls, each with their own floors and they just share space like the living room and kitchen. But just a boyfriend and girlfriend moving in to the same house? No way. Even unbelievers who do not have our ethics say that resisting the temptation to sleep with female roomates is impossible.
  11. london boy

    london boy Welsh and German blood, English heart

    Forgot to write about that part :) I agree with you twistedsketch.
  12. beetlequeendiva

    beetlequeendiva Daughter of the Ultimate Bomb Diggity <img src="ht

    United Ch. of Christ
    I agree with twistedsketch - you need to be VERY careful about this situation, please pray about it some more.
  13. chanis

    chanis &amp;amp;amp;quot;scru mpt rule cent ...&amp;amp;a

    look no where i the bible does it say "thou shalt not live together" but it does tell us to stay away from the apperance of evil, God told Cain "sin is crouching at your door, it's desire is for you but you must rule it," and I can just give you time after time God tells us to use our common sense to make decisions...living together will only make it hard to abstain from having sex or engaging in other sexual activities that would just open the door to going further...you need to realize that when you put a male and female that are attracted to each other under the same roof things are going to happen...so you need to be wise, if you're choosing to live for God and if she's a fairly new believer then it's not a good idea...
  14. none the wiser

    none the wiser Legend. Seriously, ask anyone.

    I'm going to play devil's advocate here (sorta), apparently. I think that it's possible to stay away from that temptation. According to some research that I did, this is a growing trend, even among Christian couples. So etcastle, it's relatively widespread, and getting more popular. Check on amazon, and google...there are some resources and advice. :) Rootedinlove.com seemed to be a pretty good site, though it's more to engaged couples. Are you two engaged? And also, may I ask your motivation for moving in together? Aside from spending more time together ofc. :) The reason I ask is because they say that living together rarely is an indication of how a marriage will be. And also:

    I know personally of one couple who is going to live together, as an engaged couple. However, they really have little choice, because of extenuating circumstances. I think if you have both made your decison to wait, then it's your decision to move in together. I would hesitate to endorse it until you make a more solid commitment, such as engagement. Also, do some research about the psychological effects of living together before getting married...because the sexual temptation isn't the biggest obstacle.

    Here's a site that has some letters about this very subject: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025_qa.html

    I hope everything works out for yall :)
  15. mina

    mina Brown Eyed girl

    I don't think it's a good idea for many of the reasons listed on this thread. I think it's inviting temptation into your home, it's an appearance of evil, it chips away at both partners reputation and witness, it's unfair to her if she's a new believer and not as strong in her faith. There just seem to be a lot more cons than pros. Playing house together is never very smart- From my personal viewpoint, I think it degrades both partners rather than each one uplifting and respecting each other. Even if there is no sex involved, it places emotional, finacial, social, etc. expectations on each other that are unfair-b/c you aren't married. I think I read somewhere that couples that live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced when they do marry. That wouldn't be worth it for me.
  16. Blank123

    Blank123 Legend

    If the both of you agreed not to sleep together, why put yourselves in the line of temptation like this? It really doesn't matter how strong a Christian either one of you are, neither of you is immune to temptation and once you're living together it becomes just much easier to give in to temptation.

    You can continue to enjoy eachother's companies while living in seperate homes, and still protect yourselves from temptation, slander from others, ruining your witness to those around the both of you.
  17. Tenorvoice

    Tenorvoice Give me Liberty ...Or a pie in the face

    In Relationship
    I do not have the figures in front of me at this time but I can tell you that the vast amjority of people that live together before they get married they end up getting divorced.

    Plus why would you want your walk with the Lord not want to match your talk? You would not belive how many people are watching you. We are to be Salt and Light in a dark and decaying world. We are called to be different. Why would you wan to live the same way the the world lives.

    Be different, Stick out, make people question, "why do they act the way that they do, what do they have that I do not." Make your life a living testiment. Live for God!!!
  18. hockeysistah12

    hockeysistah12 Regular Member

    This is why people need to know and read God's word and not compomising because "everyone else" does it.

    I agree with the rest of the posters about this particular issue.
  19. Jayhawk4Christ

    Jayhawk4Christ New Member

    Etcastle, I would have to say that living together before marriage violates Ephesians 5:3, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity." (NIV) This verse applies to us all, though and not just sexual sins.

    Anyway, my point is this. No one can stop you from doing what you want to do. But at least acknowledge what you are about to do for what it is, and that's sin. Don't try rationalizing it. I tell myself the same thing as well. Unfortunately, over the course of the day, I sin in thought, word, and deed. However, I must not rationalize my sins, and disagree with God. If you plan on sinning, call it that.

    I'm saying this out of love, brother. For your own good and protection, Don't do it. Also, if you truly want the best for your girlfriend, don' t do it. Something like this could really shipwreck her faith.

    Over on the mens forum, we had a guy who was thinking about doing the same thing you are going to do. We lovingly showed him the truth and he and his girlfriend are making arrangements not to live together. Follow his example.

    And to those of you who say that a man and a woman can remain pure while living together before marriage, I say this to you: The L.A. Clippers have made the playoffs. How often they've made it is another story. Can it happen? Yes. Is it likely? No.
  20. WITNESS8

    WITNESS8 Active Member

    Hmmm....definintely not something I would do. Use common sense, man, it is your best gift from God besides salvation.