Christians and abuse

HannahT

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If you're interesting in knowing "the Christian answer" for you web site, there isn't one. It used to be that "don't break up the marriage" was the priority, and even though no one wanted to see abuse, that sometimes led to people not getting help.

I would have said that things have changed, and Christians now believe abuse has to be dealt with. It's not good for the victim, the perpetrator, or the family to allow it to continue, and it's terrible Christian witness. If it doesn't look like recovery is possible, that could lead to divorce. Some of the responses here have been more traditional, but I'm not sure they are typical of current Christian practice. I certainly hope not.

Honestly? That's what I thought, and I find at times it tends to be groups that tend to be more legalistic - that have their ears and hearts closed to the horror of this existence. They tend to gloss over things, and sprinkle everything with what I call Spiritual Pixie Dust. I find that their denial of reality is very strong, and it will be almost impossible to crack it.

Once my grandparents were starting to get older? My grandfather also got Alzheimer's, and he was becoming a danger to himself - and others. He almost burned the house down, and would take walks, get lost, and the police would bring him back home. Things were getting worse, and in their state at the time? It was very individualistic, and trying to get state/federal agencies in at the time to remove them? Almost impossible.

They told my mother at the time to get him to a facility, and they would KEEP him there. Mother's response? If I try to do anything he will hit me. So, she called the church that they had been members of for 50+ years (same church as mother's childhood when they knew then too). A big group of men came, and tried to entice him into coming with them - they were going to do it. He at this point was danger to himself, and that of my grandmother. They almost had it too, but he started to get physical with them. So, they brought him back home. Told my mother, father (Whom was terminally ill at the time), and grandmother that they needed to respect his leadership and authority - and role within the home. At this point they also stopped coming to get them for church, because of his erratic behavior. Notice NO consideration for my grandmother at all here.

We lived out of state, and my mother hired people to come to the home to keep track of them. She did trick them into thinking - and my grandfather agreed - they were there for good reason. Meanwhile, she was pressuring the state again. Things went from bad to worse, and she contracted the church again. She basically told them the truth that someone was going to be die soon if something wasn't done. Remember the church abandon them already. Mother must have said something that trigger them, because they were a powerful church. They contacted the state and threatened them - if something happens to our members we will be blaming you - and causing trouble. Within days my grandfather was removed, but it was to late for him. His health was so bad he died within the week.

I flew down when this happened, and mother brought me to the hospital they had him in. His condition was so bad I didn't even recognize him. I'll never forget that. They all said he was waiting for me, and I came to him. He just smiled and squeezed my hand. After a little while I told him I was going to take my suitcase - since I came straight from the airport - to the hotel...and I would be back. I left and he died within 20 minutes.

This was a mainstream Southern Baptist church in a large city, and was well respected. They played nice for his funeral, but I was mad at them for a couple of years. It wasn't that long ago either.

At this point I always ask churches questions - not just about marriage, but other things - but the domestic violence approach is a huge red flag with their response. You would be surprised how many are rather backwards in their approach. The way I was raised in church their response to this issue really surprised me. It really took me back on how completely naive they are. I've read studies - and researched this issue due to my experiences. I was shocked at the results - these were related to faith group's response/faith leaders belief systems towards this issue. Totally didn't see that coming - I know naive on my part too. I always knew they would do the right thing, and YES their intentions maybe good. The right thing? Not so much.

I'm surprised at times at how little has changed even to this day. It really breaks my heart.
 
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Loren T.

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I have pretty much come to the conclusion that staying in an abusive marriage is enabling evil. There is no easy answer, all I know is that is always ends up badly for those who try to sweep it under the rug and let it continue. The damage done can then seep into the next generation. I should thank God every day for good, but imperfect parents. I've seen so much of the pain others have had to live with.
 
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Kit Sigmon

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I would like to have your opinions and also verses from the Bible about the right attitude of a Christian when faced with abuse. I am thinking especially domestic and psychological abuse. Is assertiveness non-Christian? Is self-defense non-Christian?Too many people are convinced of this. Too many times women in abusive marriages are advised to stay in the name of jesus.

So, what do you think?

Jesus said: "Do unto to others what you would have them do to you, for this
sums up the Law and the Prophets".... Matthew 7:12.


 
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lismore

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I would like to have your opinions and also verses from the Bible about the right attitude of a Christian when faced with abuse. I am thinking especially domestic and psychological abuse. Is assertiveness non-Christian? Is self-defense non-Christian?Too many people are convinced of this. Too many times women in abusive marriages are advised to stay in the name of jesus.

So, what do you think?

Hello. In my view abuse is a violation of the 'husbands love your wives' command. God Bless :)
 
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tampasteve

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RaymondG

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I would like to have your opinions and also verses from the Bible about the right attitude of a Christian when faced with abuse. I am thinking especially domestic and psychological abuse. Is assertiveness non-Christian? Is self-defense non-Christian?Too many people are convinced of this. Too many times women in abusive marriages are advised to stay in the name of jesus.

So, what do you think?
Exodus 14:14
The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.
Psalms 9:9
The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.

"For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock."

"For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."
 
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Zoii

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I translated in my language (Italian) Shannon Thomas book "Healing from hidden abuse". I manage a 7,000 Facebook page and a group of self help. I am now happily married but I was in an abusive relationship in the past. My questions get asked a lot, though. And I wanted to hear your opinions
I am categoric. If a woman is in an abusive relationship, and the abuser will not change, then its important the abused wife plans - plans financially, plans physical security, accommodation etc... then grabs the kids and goes.

Then divorce - I dont care what people say here - If your husband abused you then you divorce - Just because he was a douchebag, that shouldnt condemn you to a life of solitude - Divorce and re-marry (if you choose - though goodness it'd put me off any guy for the rest of my life) and the critics here can just shhhhhh.
 
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