Christian social group is nitpicking people's ages

[Jonah24]

Greetings everyone, I am part of a local Christian young adult group. The group is not affiliated with any specific church and the leaders running it to do not have any pastoral training. It is more of a social/fellowship group. The group has always had age parameters associated with it but they are not enforced regularly and many people are allowed to be part of the group who are well past the limits. In addition to this being a structured group with structured events, there are also lots of connections to this group and many informal events occurring. If the leaders themselves lead/organize anything socially, it's impossible to know whether it's an official event for the group or not.

Recently, the group has started cracking down on the age limit as well for a handful of individuals who are socially awkward and may not fit the mold of the group well. For older females or older males who have social finesse, they are allowed to stay with the group.

Unfortunately, this has put me in a tough situation. This group is/was my social home and some of my closest friends are a part of it, along with many others that I've met over the years and formed smaller friendships with. However, after seeing the recent crackdowns on people who don't fit the mold of the group, my heart is no longer fully behind the group. In fact, I'm having a hard time even wanting to associate with the group at all, given the situation. The name of the group itself even bothers me due to the mental association in my mind now.

I've talked to leadership and they are unwilling to change their group's rules for how they deal with people aging out of the group. At this point, I'm really not sure what to do and am looking for any advice/thoughts. Thanks!

 

[Aussie Pete]

Greetings everyone, I am part of a local Christian young adult group. The group is not affiliated with any specific church and the leaders running it to do not have any pastoral training. It is more of a social/fellowship group. The group has always had age parameters associated with it but they are not enforced regularly and many people are allowed to be part of the group who are well past the limits. In addition to this being a structured group with structured events, there are also lots of connections to this group and many informal events occurring. If the leaders themselves lead/organize anything socially, it's impossible to know whether it's an official event for the group or not.

Recently, the group has started cracking down on the age limit as well for a handful of individuals who are socially awkward and may not fit the mold of the group well. For older females or older males who have social finesse, they are allowed to stay with the group.

Unfortunately, this has put me in a tough situation. This group is/was my social home and some of my closest friends are a part of it, along with many others that I've met over the years and formed smaller friendships with. However, after seeing the recent crackdowns on people who don't fit the mold of the group, my heart is no longer fully behind the group. In fact, I'm having a hard time even wanting to associate with the group at all, given the situation. The name of the group itself even bothers me due to the mental association in my mind now.

I've talked to leadership and they are unwilling to change their group's rules for how they deal with people aging out of the group. At this point, I'm really not sure what to do and am looking for any advice/thoughts. Thanks!

I wonder what the biblical basis is for splitting churches into groups. I've not found any.

 

[Rachel20]

At this point, I'm really not sure what to do and am looking for any advice/thoughts.

Can you start another group for those "aged out" of this one?

 

[Jonah24]

Rachel20,
I could start another group. Are you suggesting that I do a group for older people? Part of the problem is that I don't believe in age-range division of the church for people who have really stepped into adult hood. It's one thing if a church wants to do a youth group or college-aged ministry group. I have a hard time accepting age division groups after that point though.

 

[Rachel20]

I could start another group ... Part of the problem is that I don't believe in age-range division of the church.

I don't see why a new group would have to be age-ranged.

 

[bèlla]

It isn’t uncommon for social groups to have parameters. They’re targeting a specific populace. Most people’s closest connections are with others in their age group or life season. You don’t see twenty year olds hanging out with people in their fifties. There may be a few who do but it isn’t the norm.

It sounds like your values don’t align with the group. You’d be better off finding a new one or creating your own. If the majority is comfortable with their behavior they’re unlikely to change. There may be other reasons for the crackdown you aren’t aware of.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[tjrevelations]

after seeing the recent crackdowns on people who don't fit the mold of the group, my heart is no longer fully behind the group. In fact, I'm having a hard time even wanting to associate with the group at all, given the situation. The name of the group itself even bothers me due to the mental association in my mind now.

I've talked to leadership and they are unwilling to change their group's rules for how they deal with people aging out of the group. At this point, I'm really not sure what to do and am looking for any advice/thoughts. Thanks!

One possibility is to ask why the "leadership" is cracking down. Even if they don't give a direct answer, they may give enough hints for you to figure things out.

Others have suggested starting a new group and it's definitely worth at least investigating, although I can understand the reluctance given the potential legwork involved, especially if you have other obligations.

Have you investigated other young adult groups in the area which might suit your interests/needs? Even if it involves driving out of town it could be worth it.

I've found that some of these social/cliquey groups become overrun with drama, in-fighting and gossip and it becomes very difficult to maintain them even with ongoing oversight from various parties.

In other words, par for the course.

 

[Juan777]

Its a good thing are leaving that group. It should not discriminate against people who have a genuine intent.