Christian single & childless women 40+, what is our purpose in life?

[Arbown]

For me at the moment (I'm a year away for the big 4-0), it's to wage warfare against satanic strongholds and cultists. Turns out, America is full of them and a lot of praying needs to be done.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I used to not have any real position on having kids, mainly because I never came close to them being a possibility, but I did have in the back of my mind that 44 would be a cut off age as that was how old my dad was when my brother was born.

I'm 40 now, but that 44 cut off no longer exists as I've come to conclusion that don't want kids at all. I've never had any real desire to have anything to do with children in any way, and hearing the sorts of things that my colleagues who do have kids have to deal with makes me wonder just what the benefits are in having children.

Right...considering how kids can be these days, and my method of discipline would not be of popular opinion to the snowflake masses.

I mean, I know I can be an old fart and still have that one seed get through and be that odd-ball 75 year old daddy with the young wife, lol. But that's not gonna happen. lol

My desire to have kids were back in my mid-20s, post-college days. I saw everyone getting engaged towards the end of their college days and making big plans for the future. I wanted to follow suit, but it never happened.

I think, it was more so my MID-30s...I was waning away from the desire to have children, but it wasn't definite yet. That's why I put "Undecided" in my dating profile. Heck, I dated a 31 year old woman that had 30 as HER cut-off.

So when I'm doing online dating, if I have "Doesn't want kids' In my profile, I wonder if that's an immediate turn off no matter what the case. Even to single moms. They may assume I dislike kids, and thus not want me around her kids.

But in an off chance I find a woman that has "Has no kids, doesn't want kids", she'll write me off for whatever other superficial reason, like height or doesn't like my photos.

 

[bèlla]

Heck, I dated a 31 year old woman that had 30 as HER cut-off.

I’ve had age restrictions in the past (under 40). But they often attract people arguing against your preference. I’ve had it happen twice on different sites. I have one now but I don’t mention it.

So when I'm doing online dating, if I have "Doesn't want kids' In my profile, I wonder if that's an immediate turn off no matter what the case. Even to single moms. They may assume I dislike kids, and thus not want me around her kids.

Only if she has children or wants them. If you don’t its a plus.

But in an off chance I find a woman that has "Has no kids, doesn't want kids", she'll write me off for whatever other superficial reason, like height or doesn't like my photos.

I think men are more likely to write someone off based on appearance more so than my sex. The lone exceptions are fitness enthusiasts. They usually expect the same.

Height is nice. But most men aren’t 6’0+.

 

[blackribbon]

There are a lot of women who can not have children. I'd think that "does not want children" would be a relief for a woman who is young and had to have an unwanted but necessary hysterectomy or other reason that she can not safely have a baby.

It isn't a good idea to lump all men or all women into a single pile. Point out your uniquenesses and instead of being upset about the people that step away, be glad that you didn't waste your time or theirs trying to build a relationship with someone where there would be a significant problem if it turned into a long-term relationship or marriage.

Side note: If you don't want to father children but are okay with her living children, then note that. "I do not want to have children but I am not opposed to dating a woman with children"

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

But I want to find purpose in my being alone, and not feel that I am wasting my life.

Jesus says , Yahweh's Word, "singleness is a gift" (from above).
Same with "marriage is a gift". (Yes, Yahweh arranges singleness AND marriages, both according to HIS PLAN (not ours), HIS WORD (not ours), and in perfect harmony with all salvation in Christ Jesus.

Jesus also says, as written, "to those who accept this" (i.e. like all and any truth, only those who will and willingly and joyously accept the Father's Will ever understand this).

In other words, the purpose Yahweh Has Planned, since before creating the world, through eternity, is PERFECT in every way, and we can REJOICE DAILY in Christ Jesus if we submit all to Him, as Jesus says "whoever wants to follow ME must give up everything else". (even every desire, hope, dream, goal, and so forth).

The Creator Always Knows and Has Already Extravagantly Generously Provided Perfectly --
nothing any man or woman ever can think up (not granted them from above) is even close to His Thoughts, nor good.

 

[Lybrah]

Right...considering how kids can be these days, and my method of discipline would not be of popular opinion to the snowflake masses.

I mean, I know I can be an old fart and still have that one seed get through and be that odd-ball 75 year old daddy with the young wife, lol. But that's not gonna happen. lol

My desire to have kids were back in my mid-20s, post-college days. I saw everyone getting engaged towards the end of their college days and making big plans for the future. I wanted to follow suit, but it never happened.

I think, it was more so my MID-30s...I was waning away from the desire to have children, but it wasn't definite yet. That's why I put "Undecided" in my dating profile. Heck, I dated a 31 year old woman that had 30 as HER cut-off.

So when I'm doing online dating, if I have "Doesn't want kids' In my profile, I wonder if that's an immediate turn off no matter what the case. Even to single moms. They may assume I dislike kids, and thus not want me around her kids.

But in an off chance I find a woman that has "Has no kids, doesn't want kids", she'll write me off for whatever other superficial reason, like height or doesn't like my photos.

Try being a 44 year old woman who doesn’t get any responses because most male profiles have 39 or something or something as their cut off. Wait—the ones whose age range I do make (and who live nearby) aren’t interested. Then some loser who I rejected years ago for good reason has the audacity to contact me and say “well, you’re still single and you had a chance with me but now you can’t get any man.”

 

[Lybrah]

Jesus says , Yahweh's Word, "singleness is a gift" (from above).
Same with "marriage is a gift". (Yes, Yahweh arranges singleness AND marriages, both according to HIS PLAN (not ours), HIS WORD (not ours), and in perfect harmony with all salvation in Christ Jesus.

Jesus also says, as written, "to those who accept this" (i.e. like all and any truth, only those who will and willingly and joyously accept the Father's Will ever understand this).

In other words, the purpose Yahweh Has Planned, since before creating the world, through eternity, is PERFECT in every way, and we can REJOICE DAILY in Christ Jesus if we submit all to Him, as Jesus says "whoever wants to follow ME must give up everything else". (even every desire, hope, dream, goal, and so forth).

The Creator Always Knows and Has Already Extravagantly Generously Provided Perfectly --
nothing any man or woman ever can think up (not granted them from above) is even close to His Thoughts, nor good.

Yeah it’s a nice gift except I think about sex a lot.

 

[Lybrah]

I’ve had age restrictions in the past (under 40). But they often attract people arguing against your preference. I’ve had it happen twice on different sites. I have one now but I don’t mention it.



Only if she has children or wants them. If you don’t its a plus.



I think men are more likely to write someone off based on appearance more so than my sex. The lone exceptions are fitness enthusiasts. They usually expect the same.

Height is nice. But most men aren’t 6’0+.

It’s okay for men to write off a woman because of her looks but if women do it they’re superficial.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Yeah it’s a nice gift except I think about sex a lot.

Those temptations are common round the world.
The freedom from sinning is not so common. (most people do not repent)

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

It’s okay for men to write off a woman because of her looks but if women do it they’re superficial.

?
As in the world loves its own? (loves sinning)

 

[Lady Bug]

It’s okay for men to write off a woman because of her looks but if women do it they’re superficial.

That's what bothers me very much. I'm so sick of seeing "women it's your fault you're single because you don't give average looking men a chance" and then on the other hand "men care very much about looks, so ladies you better maintain yourself so he can be attracted to you the moment he sees you."

This sentiment prevails in both secular and conservative Christian society and I can't stomach it one iota.

 

[Lybrah]

That's what bothers me very much. I'm so sick of seeing "women it's your fault you're single because you don't give average looking men a chance" and then on the other hand "men care very much about looks, so ladies you better maintain yourself so he can be attracted to you the moment he sees you."

This sentiment prevails in both secular and conservative Christian society and I can't stomach it one iota.

I've been angry about it since I was a teenager. "Oh, give him a chance...get to know him!" But not "Give her a chance, get to know her..."

 

[Lybrah]

I've been angry about it since I was a teenager. "Oh, give him a chance...get to know him!" But not "Give her a chance, get to know her..."

Not every woman cares about money and/or power but EVERY man cares about looks!

 

[dayhiker]

I've had a number of GFs since my divorce .. only one had a big concern about money and that was because she wanted to stay at high end places when we were traveling most times. Luckily I'm not too strapped for money so it wasn't a big deal. My my view is stay at cheaper nice places and then I can travel more days.

 

[Lybrah]

Hello,

Are there any Christian women here who are around 40 and single? Are you ever struggeling with the question what your purpose is in life? I am 38, I never had a relationship and I am not not looking for a partner. I am coming to the end of my childbearing years, so I am fairly certain that building a family will not be part of my life. I am not unhappy, I am actually quite a joyful person, but I feel at a loss. I have never had any role models of women that stayed ummarried and childless, but otherwise had a normal life (not in ministry, no entrepreneur or academic career etc). The ones I have known always seemed to look back at their lives with disappointment and regret as if something has been missing, and this is not what I hope for in my life. How can I live a fulfilled and productive life? How do I find my role in the world (at an age where most people are already well established)? What help and direction can I expect from God, who has denied me a husband and family? I have always told him that I trust him to give me a different and greater blessing instead, but so far I have not seen what it could be.


I am not looking for comfort, I am very grateful for everything my life has been so far. But I don't see the future, and I don't know what my life is supposed to be, all that time I spend alone seems kind of wasted. Also lingering under the surface a very real and dark despair about being alone must still exist, because last Sunday in church the preacher spoke about marriage and I could not stop crying the entire afternoon. That hit me out of nowhere, I was not aware of that hurt. I guess it is mostly an overwhelming sense of failure. How do I go forward from here? Single ladies around my age or older, I would very much like to hear your thoughts and experiences. Thank you!

Samantha

I feel the same way. What a waste of a healthy womb! When your 40 you become invisible to men. Your family talks behind your back and wonders what is wrong. Falling in love is not the problem, it’s the lack of reciprocation!

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm also feeling as discouraged as the OP all of a sudden.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Hello blackribbon, thanks for your reply.

No, I did not start my adult life with the expressed intention of having a mate and a family. Although you have to admit that it is pretty much the standard blueprint for a happy and fulfilled life, isn't it? So I always thought that is what I would end up in, but it did not happen for various reasons. Now what do I strive for instead? The thought I always had about single people is that they must have a special mission or passion that makes their lifestyle worthwhile. But that is not the case with me either. So what am I? Just a normal person with an essential part of normal life missing. I can't find a direction for going forward. Other people are no help: I feel more and more that in their eyes my life is somehow poorer and inferior and they pity me and don't take me seriously. Church is also mostly silent about single life or drastically misrepresents it.

I disagree with you about dreams being a suitable guide. I have always been a realist and dreams are the realm of imagination. I don't have any dreams that are inspirational in nature. Dreams for me are daydreams that tell stories to think about when I am bored, but nothing that I would like to see happen in real life. I have never experienced God speaking to me through my dreams and passions, that channel of communication just does not suit my personality very well

Nothing has changed that makes me suddenly doubt my purpose. I have always lived my life with the best of intentions and right now I feel that I am at a dead end. I would like to be more intentional about how I lead my life, but being on my own makes everything seem so undefined, impulsive, inconsequential. I am looking for guidance but I can't seem to find any. Thinking about it, maybe I am not really looking because I need to deal with some unresolved emotions first, is that possible?

No offense, but I'm starting to wonder if the population of the people that occupy these boards is mostly filled with those that aren't seeking a partner moreso than those that desire a partner (marriage?) I wonder if it's a 50/50 split or one outweighs the other?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I feel the same way. What a waste of a healthy womb! When your 40 you become invisible to men. Your family talks behind your back and wonders what is wrong. Falling in love is not the problem, it’s the lack of reciprocation!

So men in their 40s completely ignore women in their 40s because they are passed their child bearing years?Aren't you aware that most men (people) around that age probably have at least one divorce and kids already...so it's kind of moot.

In fact, upon reaching 40 myself, although I'd prefer a woman around my age without kids...I am finding women over 40 that had never have kids STILl want them. 40 was my cut off on having kids, so...recently a woman I dated had to cut ties with me (she was over 40) that was still yearning for kids, even fostering them (even ethough she didn't qualify). I told her I didn't want children in my life at my age.

Heck, the reason she broke up with her last b/f (she was in her mid 30s at the time) was her THEN boyfriend didn't want kids either, and he was an older man (also mid 40s).

It's like I'm better off dating women with children, because I know they won't want more..or date a younger woman that doesn't want kids.

 

[Joined2krist]

So men in their 40s completely ignore women in their 40s because they are passed their child bearing years?Aren't you aware that most men (people) around that age probably have at least one divorce and kids already...so it's kind of moot.

In fact, upon reaching 40 myself, although I'd prefer a woman around my age without kids...I am finding women over 40 that had never have kids STILl want them. 40 was my cut off on having kids, so...recently a woman I dated had to cut ties with me (she was over 40) that was still yearning for kids, even fostering them (even ethough she didn't qualify). I told her I didn't want children in my life at my age.

Heck, the reason she broke up with her last b/f (she was in her mid 30s at the time) was her THEN boyfriend didn't want kids either, and he was an older man (also mid 40s).

It's like I'm better off dating women with children, because I know they won't want more..or date a younger woman that doesn't want kids.

It's easier to find a woman in her 40s that doesn't want kids, than a younger woman who doesn't want kids