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Christian dating an Atheist?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by andrew8806, Apr 26, 2011.

  1. andrew8806

    andrew8806 Senior Member

    So, there is this girl that I have just recently started dating. She is an awesome woman but there is that one thing that I just have a hard time even thinking about. She states that she is atheist and she knows im a Christian and how important it is to me. I'm not sure what to do... I have been praying about it like crazy and have God's will revealed. I know this may also be a chance to plant that seed but I think she has had a bad experience with Christianity when growing up in the religious home that she did. I know only God can make this right, otherwise I'm not sure what to do. Any spirtual advice would be greatly appreciated.
  2. Aibrean

    Aibrean Honest. Maybe too Honest.

    If Christ can't be the center of your relationship you have nothing.

    Don't go into a relationship hoping you can save her. She's going to have to listen to the Holy Spirit rather than rejecting. God does the saving.
  3. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    Yes only God can make it right. So the question is: are you the tool/vessel God is using to make it right? Maybe. The only problem that will arise is if you guys fall in love and get married while she is still an unbeliever. Don't get too attached to this relationship unless a miracle takes place. Keep witnessing to her and be yourself.
  4. seajoy

    seajoy Senior Veteran

    I know of an atheist guy who really "understood" how important his girlfriend's Christianity was. So, he pretended to be a Christian to marry her.....three kids later, he is long gone. The story of the whole thing is long and sad. There is no harmony in a relationship like that.
  5. ezeric

    ezeric HE loves me too.

    Changing course a little here...

    There is a term being tossed around called 'christian athesism' and
    I believe it explains lots out there.

    Smith Wigglesworth used the term 'unbelieving believer' in many of his writings.

    It doesn't surprise me that your girl friend has thoughts away from GOD
    when she has 'grown up' with traditional church teachings.

    She probably believes in some ways and is not the 100% athesist that
    she may profess.

    There is some lie she heard, that has her blinded to Truth (JESUS).
    But, there is some Truth (JESUS) that she has heard, that makes her
    want more of HIM and she can't find it (rather HIM).

    You can't save her, and have to be careful in your relationship.
    But she is probably closer than you may think.

    They want LOVE and that really comes from the SOURCE - JESUS HIMSELF.


    The Exchanged Life
  6. andrew8806

    andrew8806 Senior Member

    Thanks guys and gals. I'm definitely gonna take things slow and see what God does and let him work or wait for him to tell me to get out. God is control of me in a relationship or not, I answer to Him first!
  7. briareos

    briareos Well-Known Member

    I think you should not be more than really good friends with her.

    She says she is an Atheist, take it from me if you will. Most christians I know don't understand much about Atheism and many younger Atheists don't understand it either. Alot of Atheists are simply the sum of rejecting God and Atheism is actually much more than that.

    In the end, be loving, be caring, commit to the long haul (a person who has accepted Atheism has some pretty good or strong reasons to do so and that wont change overnight) be respectful of her reasons, listen to them, accept them and through such love and acceptance she may begin to value what you think or believe and express those beliefs in love.
    Pray for her, you cannot change her heart but the Lord can. Pray that she be saved, that God meet with her and she come to know Christ. Pray Pray Pray and never cease to pray for. If you truly truly care... commit to it, it may take a few years, seriosly but there is no small diffrence between you two. It hasn't blown up in your face yet but your actually very diffrent.
    Pray and never cease to pray, prayer changes lives. If you begin to pray now and a year from now you are still praying even if you have gone seperate ways she may and can be saved. Seriously, it takes a while.

    It took 7 years of love and prayer for me to saved from my Atheism and I am not a fluke case.
  8. seashale76

    seashale76 Orthodox Christian and Unapologetic Iconodule

    Eastern Orthodox
    You can't get anymore clear than reading scripture- you are just emotionally attached and don't want to see it. You're not supposed to be yoked together with a non-believer- end of discussion. It's not as if you were both unbelievers who are married and then you have seen the light and she hasn't- and then she gets to decide if she's okay with that. You are willingly dating someone whom you know isn't a believer. It's not okay- you don't need a special sign from heaven- you've already been told to avoid such a situation in the first place- IN SCRIPTURE. I know Tradition doesn't mean much to most people around here- but you can't argue with a huge part of Tradition, which is scripture. It's clear. There's nothing more annoying than missionary dating anyway.
  9. Kaitlin08

    Kaitlin08 Senior Member

    You'll have to judge for yourself whether it's good or bad to date a non-Christian, but I'll advise against planting a seed; missionary dating produces lukewarm Christians, thoroughly mediocre in their orientation.
  10. Aibrean

    Aibrean Honest. Maybe too Honest.

    The only purpose of dating someone is to see if you want to marry them. You can't (Biblically) marry an Atheist.
  11. Zalu

    Zalu Newbie

    This is bad news right from the get-go. I would end it. Like now. The way dating should be: you're friends for a while, get to know each other, THEN go out if all works together. In all seriousness, do not date to convert. It will end badly. If anything, be friends with her and show her what a true Christian looks like. By sticking around, you're yoking yourself unevenly.

    I go back to Proverbs 12:15 (NRSV)
    "Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to advice."

    God may not be answering you because the answer is right in front of you.
  12. Matariki

    Matariki Love the Lord with all your heart, soul and MIND

    Sorry bro, it probably ain't gonna work out.

    Friends? yes. Romantic relationship? no.

    Here's why:

  13. katautumn

    katautumn Wandering, not lost.

    Other Religion
    She may be a wonderful lady; however, she does not share your faith. At all. She doesn't even profess faith in anything. That puts the relationship on a rocky foundation.

    It's in the Bible - be not unequally yoked with the unbeliever. It's one thing when you're both unsaved or both saved and get married and one person converts/de-converts. It's another to know what the Bible says and deliberately enter into an unequally yoked relationship. God cannot will you to do something that is unholy and contradictory to His plan, which is clearly laid out in the Scriptures.

    I once read in a book about being in an unequally yoked marriage that you cannot be another person's salvation. I have seen more relationships end badly because one person had faith and took a shine to someone who didn't and convinced themselves that it was God's will for them to be together, so the person with faith could be an example to the other person.

    I never understand people who profess atheism because of bad experiences with Christianity. I can understand turning away from Christianity because of it. I did for years. And I went back and then I left. Then I went back, and I left. Then I went back. But people who claim there is no God, and yet they're angry with this power He has over the people who hurt them, yet they don't believe in said God...it doesn't make much sense.

    I once heard an excellent analogy. Imagine you're lying on top of a table and someone else is lying beneath it. Try reaching down and pulling the person below up onto the table top with you with one arm. Under most circumstances it cannot be done. Now it is certainly possible, and for the physically strong person rather simple, to pull you off the table top with one arm and have you fall to the ground with them.

    In summary, it's easier for the people you associate with to drag you down rather than you lift them up.
  14. Angelfrog

    Angelfrog Rock, paper, JESUS! I win!

    It's tough, I know but it's as others have said; the Bible's pretty clear that we shouldn't be yoked with unbelievers.

    I know from personal experience how hard that is when you want to believe otherwise, hon.

    My husband grew up in a Christian family. He told me that he believed when we met and started dating. He knew from the start how important my faith is to me and I was so pleased to be with someone from a Christian background that I ignored the few warning bells in my mind.

    We got engaged and it became clear that while he believed in God (as in that He exists- but even satan believes that!!!!)- he wasn't a born again Christian.

    I ignored it for a few months. I told myself that I might be what he needed to to come to Jesus. I told myself that if I went and ended the engagement because he wasn't a Christian it would turn him against Jesus not to him and he'd already had enough bad experiences as a kid (his family were Christians but his dad had problems that meant life when hubby and his sister were young was pretty grim).

    In the end, no amount of excuses I could come up with could stand up- and I had the horrible task of having to tell him that I was ending our engagement and why.
    I told him how sorry I was that I'd let it get as far as it had.

    We talked for hours- the conversation turning more and more to Jesus until our relationship wasn't the issue at all. To cut a long story short, although he had Christian parents, they'd never really told him the gospel. they rather assumed he knew because of his church background.

    He was fascinated- and in the end wanted Jesus himself. I prayed with him as he received Jesus as his Saviour.

    Did I yell 'hallelujah' and put the ring back on?
    I wanted to- but didn't.

    I knew it had to be real- that motivation wasn't to say what I wanted to hear just to keep me. I had to 'test' it I suppose.

    But it turned out to be very real- and this year we'll celebrate out 21st wedding anniversary.

    Breaking off that engagement was harder than you'll believe. If I hadn't, though, we'd never had talked and he may very well not have become a Christian. So many things would have been wrong. Life has been very hard for us at times- and we simply would never have made it without a shared faith.

    Now, my story sounds like a nice Christian fairytale ending but it doesn't mean it's been easy.
    Nor does it mean that if you do the same that your girlfriend will suddenly 'see the light' and also become a Christian.
    It may be that you'll break up and that will be that.


    Think about a few things.
    Do you really want a future with someone who can't truly understand what it is to love and serve God? They may 'get the idea' or be ok with it for you- but there'll always be the most important part of yourself that you can't share.

    How do you know that God hasn't got someone else in mind for you? He may have a woman who can truly be your equal- who will strengthen and support you in ways a non- believer can't.

    What if you're holding your girlfriend back? You may actually be showing her that it's not a big deal being a Christian. If she accepts your faith and you accept and don't mind her lack of faith, then faith isn't really as important as you'd like her to believe. Do you see what I'm saying?
    If it's ok with you then she's not going to be in any real hurry to change her mind. Being saved isn't going to be high on her agenda.

    Maybe something like this would be the wake up call she needs. It may be something she doesn't act on for years- but it may germinate slowly!

    As Katautumn says, you may not think so now but you may get dragged down over the years. What she accepts now may very well be a cause of contention between you in the future. One day she may resent you going to church every week or being involved in other things.
    What happens if you have children? Will she be happy to have them brought up going to church and being taught the Christian faith? Will she end up feeling resentful and left out? Will she decide that because she had bad experiences that there's no way she'll let the same happen to her children and so keep them away from church or resent you trying to 'indoctrinate' them?
    How would you feel either way if your own wife couldn't share in the family's faith or if she kept your children away from the Lord?

    You can see why we're told not to be unequally yoked- it can cause so much contention and heartache.

    They're certainly things to think and pray about.
  15. andrew8806

    andrew8806 Senior Member

    Thank you all for the great spiritual advice. After a day or two, things between her and I just didn't work. God and his goodness is what I'm all about and I will not compromise my faith or the gift that was given to me the day Christ died on that cross. I don't own my heart and any woman that tries to grab a hold of my heart and dwell within must get permission to do so by my Heavenly Father!... :amen:
  16. jsimms615

    jsimms615 Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    you need to cut off this relationship. You don't need to pray about it. The Bible is clear that you shouldn't be dating someone who isn't a believer
  17. CounselorForChrist

    CounselorForChrist Senior Veteran

    What everyone else said! I know I had a best friend who was atheist and for awhile I was changing him, but as the years went by I noticed he was also changing me. I swore more, I gave up some of my christian values...etc. Once he stopped talking to me then my life improved again.

    I basically would not engage her in the future unless she shows progress and wants to actually become saved. Because if not then odds are strong that the marriage won't last. To many go into marriage to a non believer thinking they can change them, but its not the case often.