Children that misbehave

[Curtis Rhodes]

I'm at a lost for words. My son is 4, but understands the difference between basic right and wrong. Like when you dad and mom say don't do that, he knows he shouldn't. Yet, my son has issues with trying to hide things. In particular, my son wears a pamper to bed, because he still has issues with that. One day, I found about 10 used pampers behind my son's dresser. My son was told that this was wrong, and what he needed to do, nothing more. The second time I found some behind the dresser, he was disciplined via that good ol' spanking. The third time, items were taken away, and discipline was given. I just found more, and I don't know what to do. He knows he is going to get in trouble if they are found back there. Any ideas on how I can stop this? He has issues with lying all together. It may just be an age thing, but my oldest never lied this intentionally. Please help--
Dad with no answers

 

[Sam91]

I'm at a lost for words. My son is 4, but understands the difference between basic right and wrong. Like when you dad and mom say don't do that, he knows he shouldn't. Yet, my son has issues with trying to hide things. In particular, my son wears a pamper to bed, because he still has issues with that. One day, I found about 10 used pampers behind my son's dresser. My son was told that this was wrong, and what he needed to do, nothing more. The second time I found some behind the dresser, he was disciplined via that good ol' spanking. The third time, items were taken away, and discipline was given. I just found more, and I don't know what to do. He knows he is going to get in trouble if they are found back there. Any ideas on how I can stop this? He has issues with lying all together. It may just be an age thing, but my oldest never lied this intentionally. Please help--
Dad with no answers

My three year old lies sometimes too. They are still learning the concept of what is the truth.

As for hiding the diaper? Well I would not discipline a child extremely for that. Encourage. Work with him on it. Tell him where to put it. Give a high five or something when it is in the trash. But definitely let him know he did well. He might be ashamed of a dirty or wet diaper or something. Out of sight, out of mind. I can't understand how he could be hiding it though. Can he put a new one on himself? Sometimes, I think it helps to try to see the world from their eyes.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Sam91]

Also, if he thinks he will be spanked for being naughty he might lie more out of fear for the consequences. If he gets used to it too, it won't work when he is older. Encourage with love and boundaries, he should bloom.

Edit: I have 3 children. 15, 10 and 3. Each one was totally different as young children and needed treated differently. Same rules but different ways to teach. My oldest was good as gold until the age of seven. Since then he has been a difficult child.

My middle child was so hard to teach her to stop doing things but now she is very well behaved but lazy. She probably has autism but not diagnosed. Social communication difficulties and sensory issues diagnosed.

Youngest is wild. Very affectionate and now listens so much more every month.

Everyone says they are polite (in public etc) and they have yet to be in trouble at school. However, I feel like they are horrors sometimes. So I get your frustration.

 

[archer75]

4 is very young. He may be terrified of putting them in the proper place for some reason, and that terror outweighs what he "knows" you want him to do.

 

[*LILAC]

Keep directing him to do the right thing. The fun thing about parenting is repetitiveness. Same things over and over and over. They clue in eventually. Be patient.

 

[Curtis Rhodes]

My three year old lies sometimes too. They are still learning the concept of what is the truth.

As for hiding the diaper? Well I would not discipline a child extremely for that. Encourage. Work with him on it. Tell him where to put it. Give a high five or something when it is in the trash. But definitely let him know he did well. He might be ashamed of a dirty or wet diaper or something. Out of sight, out of mind. I can't understand how he could be hiding it though. Can he put a new one on himself? Sometimes, I think it helps to try to see the world from their eyes.

He hides it by placing it directly behind his brothers dresser. Typically it's a soaked one as he changes into his regular underwear in the morning. I don't know what to contribute it to. I thought it was maybe because he was scared as the kitchen light wasn't on, so I offered him to place it in the bathroom trash and I would take care of it, but that didn't stop him.

 

[RaymondG]

Have you Asked your child why He hides things? I had a child who use hid things at night, and it was discovered that he was afraid to walk to the place it needed to go in the dark. Problem solved with a few night lights.... If you cant get an answer, follow him for a full day to see when he decides to hid them and you can begin to discover the thought process behind the hiding and be able to eliminate the need for it.

 

[Sam91]

He hides it by placing it directly behind his brothers dresser. Typically it's a soaked one as he changes into his regular underwear in the morning. I don't know what to contribute it to. I thought it was maybe because he was scared as the kitchen light wasn't on, so I offered him to place it in the bathroom trash and I would take care of it, but that didn't stop him.

Ask him if he thinks its yukky. Could you not put a nice small bin next to the dresser. Maybe with a lid. Probably safer without a plastic bag in it.

I hope he doesn't think its fun to post it through the gap. Hehe. I used to like posting pennies into the VCR when I was five. I couldn't resist the temptation. Aww bless him. It could be worse... u seen the peanut butter video on you tube? Where one sibling coated the toddler with it? Or the two boys covered completely in paint?

The joys of parenthood! Lol

EDIT: And the amount of boys I have heard stories of who decide to urinate in the corner of their bedrooms rather than go to the bathroom. Think I've been told of about 3-4 over the years.

 

[RaymondG]

He hides it by placing it directly behind his brothers dresser. Typically it's a soaked one as he changes into his regular underwear in the morning. I don't know what to contribute it to. I thought it was maybe because he was scared as the kitchen light wasn't on, so I offered him to place it in the bathroom trash and I would take care of it, but that didn't stop him.

In this case.....get one of those diaper genies....work with him to paint or color it.....then leave it in his room for diaper disposal.....He will enjoy stepping on the pedal to lift the lid and drop the diaper in...... Maybe praise him the first few times he does it.....make him feel good about doing good....just like he is made to feel bad about doing "bad"

 

[Halbhh]

A lot of really good, tested advice above!

 

[Tolworth John]

One suggestion.
Don't have spare pampers where he can get them. If he soils one, he has to come to you for another.

 

[JAM2b]

Lying is very typical in young children. So is testing boundaries, again and again.

However, I would not make a big issue out of the diapers behind the dresser. if he is continuing to do it with consistent punishments for it, then there might be some reason he is doing it that you aren't aware of, and whatever that reason is, it is worse than the punishment to him or he is incapable of controlling his behavior or habits because of an internal problem that is beyond his control.

I would ask why he is doing that, and seek a solution, just incase he isn't just testing you. Some reasons might be something is frightening him or making him feel uncomfortable, maybe embarrassment. It could be that he feels he isn't given enough time and this is a way he is trying to manage the time he has. Maybe he is turned off by handling a wet diaper long enough to get it to the trash you want it in.

I would try putting a small trashcan next to the dresser or another place in the room. Maybe let him choose where. That way they are still being thrown away properly, but whatever is causing that behavior problem might be solved.

It is totally OK to make compromises and negotiate on issues that are not safety, health, or legal issues.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

I'm at a lost for words. My son is 4, but understands the difference between basic right and wrong. Like when you dad and mom say don't do that, he knows he shouldn't. Yet, my son has issues with trying to hide things. In particular, my son wears a pamper to bed, because he still has issues with that. One day, I found about 10 used pampers behind my son's dresser. My son was told that this was wrong, and what he needed to do, nothing more. The second time I found some behind the dresser, he was disciplined via that good ol' spanking. The third time, items were taken away, and discipline was given. I just found more, and I don't know what to do. He knows he is going to get in trouble if they are found back there. Any ideas on how I can stop this? He has issues with lying all together. It may just be an age thing, but my oldest never lied this intentionally. Please help--
Dad with no answers

Non issue. Just put it in the trash. Maybe your child's embarrassed about wetting in his diaper. And cant find a better place to hide it.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I would give him a small reward, like a sticker, for each diaper correctly thrown away in the trash can. And I would keep a diaper pail in his room so he doesn't have to go far to dispose of it. I would also try to be present when he wakes up and changes so that the diaper doesn't get hidden again. But I think the important thing is not to make a big deal out of it so it doesn't turn into a power struggle.

Take all that with a grain of salt, since my son is 2 lol.

 

[ValleyGal]

In addition to the many good pieces of advice so far, you might cut a strip off a pool noodle and stuff it in the space behind the dresser so he can't throw a diaper back there. He'll probably find a new place to put it, though. I think you might want to make a habit of every single morning, ask him where his diaper is, and go look for it with him. He needs to be taught in this situation, not punished or disciplined or spanked. This is also a great opportunity to help him develop his conscience. When he lies, and you find the diaper, let him know that his lie hurt you and that you are disappointed that he has not told the truth yet. But when he tells the truth, be lavish with your praise and let him know that telling the truth with you is safe.

 

[annafullofgrace]

Sounds like he is lying and hiding becuse off the reaction he receives. If that is the case, he will continue. Four is also very young, I would halt the negative reactions and turn this into a positive situation. Our reaction is everything and he is still little and learning and possibly testing. He could also be embarrassed and afraid of the reaction he is getting, so he continues to hide and lie.

 

[Sunshyne]

My 4 year old has a problem with lying too. We explain over and OVER AND OVER again why it's wrong, why we don't do it, and yet she still does it over the most stupid thing that she wont even get in trouble for. She stretches the truth and elaborates SO MUCH! It's frustrating. I feel ya.

 

[Halbhh]

My 4 year old has a problem with lying too. We explain over and OVER AND OVER again why it's wrong, why we don't do it, and yet she still does it over the most stupid thing that she wont even get in trouble for. She stretches the truth and elaborates SO MUCH! It's frustrating. I feel ya.

Example will help, making a point to carefully tell the truth in front of her, like you could even plan a moment, a scene, in front of her, for her to watch and hear --

1rst Adult: "Who ate the last cookie!?"

2nd Adult: "Me. I was the one who ate the last cookie. I'm sorry, I had more than my fair share."

1rst Adult: "Ah, so you ate the last cookie..." (smiles). "Ok, I'm glad you told the truth." (friendly voice). "I forgive you, but please ask first next time if you want to you have more than 2."

2nd Adult: "Ok. I will do that."

And that example, right in front of your child, will be a very helpful piece of the entire teaching to her.

 

[Sunshyne]

We haven't done the fake set up but she understands the difference between lying and telling the truth. Its just that she's REALLY smart....like scary smart. She figures stuff out so fast and knows how to avoid negative reactions, etc. I just need to figure out why she feels the need to embellish.