Child-on-child molestation occurred, what now?

[Confusedfl22]

Short story: my son “Jay” molested my step-son “Bill” (the incident happens twice and there was no penetration) at the time he was 11, and 7. This occurred about 4 years ago, he’s been in therapy (he’s had difficulties along the way but more so about behavior than acting out sexually) recently there was a an incident between Bill and his younger female siblings that it’s being recommended he no longer visit us (were out of state) if Jay is home. Basically it sounds like he’s never to have contact with him again. This will make family events difficult. My concern is how will this work in the long run? Jay has horrible guilt and has never done this since then. He went through a perpetrator program and was also in therapy for several months. I just don’t know what is the point in staying married. This situation has permanently affected everyone and Bill’s father is anxious for Jay to leave the home in 3 years (he’ll be 18). I just don’t understand, Jay and Bill now get along and Jay always wants to see Bill when he visits. I feel like a his guilt that he carries is also shared by me. Truly I want Jay to be healthy and good but If they feel the only way for Jay to be “ok” means my son and I forever be admonished. I also see my husband says he doesn’t hate Jay but I see things differently. It’s hard to mask it. I am just so saddened by all of it.

 

[Endeavourer]

recently there was a an incident between Bill and his younger female siblings that it’s being recommended he no longer visit us (were out of state) if Jay is home. Basically it sounds like he’s never to have contact with him again. This will make family events difficult.

Was this incident sexual in nature, or was it bullying, or...??

We'd have to have some idea of what the ongoing behavior is in order to comment.

Edited to add:

it’s being recommended

Who is recommending this?

 

[Swan7]

God sees all and knows all. I only can see a fraction of what is going on in your life. Place your trust in the only One who can help you, Jesus Christ. If you believe He hears you, know that He will answer you also. This is a heavy situation that none of us can help you with, except through the power of prayer. We all need Jesus Christ, He is our strength.

 

[mina]

That is a terrible and difficult thing with far outreaching long reaching negative ripples for everyone in the family. I personally think you all need to be in intense counseling to understand how to deal with this and the aftermath and how to navigate moving forward . If the law or cps has ordered your son to keep away from the other child then he and you and your husband must comply. Honestly if I were the mother of the molested child I would not let him visit and be in the same space as his molester or seeing him face to face no matter how long it's been and only allow the father to come see his son alone outside of the place where he was molested.

 

[Ana the Ist]

Short story: my son “Jay” molested my step-son “Bill” (the incident happens twice and there was no penetration) at the time he was 11, and 7. This occurred about 4 years ago, he’s been in therapy (he’s had difficulties along the way but more so about behavior than acting out sexually) recently there was a an incident between Bill and his younger female siblings that it’s being recommended he no longer visit us (were out of state) if Jay is home. Basically it sounds like he’s never to have contact with him again. This will make family events difficult. My concern is how will this work in the long run? Jay has horrible guilt and has never done this since then. He went through a perpetrator program and was also in therapy for several months. I just don’t know what is the point in staying married. This situation has permanently affected everyone and Bill’s father is anxious for Jay to leave the home in 3 years (he’ll be 18). I just don’t understand, Jay and Bill now get along and Jay always wants to see Bill when he visits. I feel like a his guilt that he carries is also shared by me. Truly I want Jay to be healthy and good but If they feel the only way for Jay to be “ok” means my son and I forever be admonished. I also see my husband says he doesn’t hate Jay but I see things differently. It’s hard to mask it. I am just so saddened by all of it.

Not exactly sure what happened here....but this is a basic guideline for normal childhood behavior related to sexual exploration.

Sexual Behaviors in Young Children: What’s Normal, What’s Not?