Prayer Request Child caught in bad Marriage... Can't get my husband work on our problems.

[Strength from Within]

Excuse the length of my post please but I am just so ready to give up... I just don't know what to do Sitting here in my own home today I feel nothing more than empty and ashamed. Ashamed that I am still here and allowing myself to go through this. Nobody deserves this maybe I think somewhere I should allow myself to let Jeremy (my husband) pay me back for cheating on him-
But this goes way he beyond paying back. He has given up his responsibilities as a parent && left them all to me. He has lost his bond an attachment to Jagger (our 4yr old son) and I have overstepped my place as a parent by overcompensating (out of guilt) for leaving Jagger and Jeremy. I left my family over two years ago now for drugs. I went to jail && since I've been home (over a year ago) I have done everything in my power to be a good mother and wife.
I have allowed Jeremy to step down and I am partially responsible, but I am not responsible for all of Jeremy's actions. If Jeremy wanted to have a good marriage with me I feel he would. He would do what it took to build a good foundation. He would give Jagger a good role model instead of a bad example. If Jeremy cared about me he wouldn't call me the things he does. If Jeremy cared about Jaggers feelings he wouldn't make him think his mother is a worthless piece of sh*t and if he loves himself.... he would show his wife and son he loved them but , how can someone that doesn't even love themselves love someone else? Maybe they cant and maybe that's exactly why I feel no love and why I feel so alone and empty and 'un-met-in-the-middle' and maybe he's just in denial about that. I can't fix this because if I could I would have already done it and maybe even though Jeremy isn't on drugs like I was , he still has a rock-bottom to find himself because as it is now Jeremy doesn't know who he is at all... just like I didnt && maybe until he finds that out things will never change. I don't know if he loves me anymore... I'd like to think he does or else we wouldn't still be married... I just know I'm tired of being met with his 'problems' every time I come to him with the problem of this marriage. A marriage is give-and-take and his only response to the things I have to have from him in order to make this marriage better is SEX. I want to know how can someone that says I am his problem, I am the thorn in his side, I am the reason he is the way he is and does the way he does possibly want SEX from me? My only plea is that he help me with Jagger (raise him and discipline)... him stay off the phone (he text escorts at his rig, looks at inappropriate contentography && constantly plays video games) because even Jagger noticed he's on it 24/7... I just ask him to put forth the effort to make it work.
When I ask him to do all that he says "I'm not doing anything until my wife can SCEW me!" Won't it make things worse if we continue to have unintimate and disconnected sex? There's a wall built up around me because he never does a single thing I ask && I am so mentally and physically drained with the marriage I don't want to have sex with him. I'm not his wife in any other aspect of his life he even tells me to shut up when I ask him questions and tells me to get out of his business if I asked something he doesn't want to answer. What the heck! Which is it?? I am so confused I keep saying I'm staying for my son but he is doing poorly because of all this. My husband calls me a dope head, cu-t harlot b-tech DAILY && my son is learning the language He calls anybody those names... they just slip out cause he hears it ALL the time && he did not ASK TO!! He'll he 5 in September.... My husband speaks of sex constantly in front of him && how I won't do anything. It's very wierd/uncomfortable.

I love my husband...... I just do not like him at all right now and I haven't for a long time. I pray about this but I fear my worry and anxiety is getting in the way of praying purposefully. I just really need some advise and Iapologize again for this being so long but I HAD to get this off my chest and ask for help and even prayer because if anything my son badly needs to see a change in how his parents interact I would ask that all that take time to read please say a prayer for me and my family and thank you so much for reading.....

May God bless each && every one of you....

 

[GandalfTheWise]

From your first introduction post and this one, I'm assuming you've taken a rough road in life and recently became a Christian. I feel badly for you about the things you are going through right now. I'm guessing your husband is not a Christian yet.

It would probably be good if you talked to a pastor or Christian counselor about this. It sounds like there is a lot going on. It would probably be very helpful to get a more objective viewpoint that could help you sort through this. It sounds like this is a very complicated situation that may have a lot of layers of emotions and hurts and history to work through. I edited my original response and simplified it down to this. There is simply too much history there to even try to give advice on without missing something important. I think an experienced Christian counselor would be able to help you with this in face to face meetings.

Also, make sure you are focusing on your own spiritual walk. Regularly attending church, a bible study, or a prayer group can be helpful. Daily bible reading and prayer help us grow as well. These things won't make your problems go away, but spiritual growth is necessary as a Christian. It doesn't always make the storms of life go away, but better helps us ride them out. It also helps us see life as a big long adventure to walk with God in the long run rather than just today's troubles. This is also a necessity for your son. The stronger of a spiritual walk you have, the more spiritual strength and guidance you will have for your son.

 

[HereIStand]

So sorry to hear of this. My advise would be to take your son and leave. It's not good for you or your son to be in this situation. Maybe spending some time apart will help your husband come to his senses. God Bless.

 

[“Paisios”]

Excuse the length of my post please but I am just so ready to give up... I just don't know what to do Sitting here in my own home today I feel nothing more than empty and ashamed. Ashamed that I am still here and allowing myself to go through this. Nobody deserves this maybe I think somewhere I should allow myself to let Jeremy (my husband) pay me back for cheating on him-
But this goes way he beyond paying back. He has given up his responsibilities as a parent && left them all to me. He has lost his bond an attachment to Jagger (our 4yr old son) and I have overstepped my place as a parent by overcompensating (out of guilt) for leaving Jagger and Jeremy. I left my family over two years ago now for drugs. I went to jail && since I've been home (over a year ago) I have done everything in my power to be a good mother and wife.
I have allowed Jeremy to step down and I am partially responsible, but I am not responsible for all of Jeremy's actions. If Jeremy wanted to have a good marriage with me I feel he would. He would do what it took to build a good foundation. He would give Jagger a good role model instead of a bad example. If Jeremy cared about me he wouldn't call me the things he does. If Jeremy cared about Jaggers feelings he wouldn't make him think his mother is a worthless piece of sh*t and if he loves himself.... he would show his wife and son he loved them but , how can someone that doesn't even love themselves love someone else? Maybe they cant and maybe that's exactly why I feel no love and why I feel so alone and empty and 'un-met-in-the-middle' and maybe he's just in denial about that. I can't fix this because if I could I would have already done it and maybe even though Jeremy isn't on drugs like I was , he still has a rock-bottom to find himself because as it is now Jeremy doesn't know who he is at all... just like I didnt && maybe until he finds that out things will never change. I don't know if he loves me anymore... I'd like to think he does or else we wouldn't still be married... I just know I'm tired of being met with his 'problems' every time I come to him with the problem of this marriage. A marriage is give-and-take and his only response to the things I have to have from him in order to make this marriage better is SEX. I want to know how can someone that says I am his problem, I am the thorn in his side, I am the reason he is the way he is and does the way he does possibly want SEX from me? My only plea is that he help me with Jagger (raise him and discipline)... him stay off the phone (he text escorts at his rig, looks at inappropriate contentography && constantly plays video games) because even Jagger noticed he's on it 24/7... I just ask him to put forth the effort to make it work.
When I ask him to do all that he says "I'm not doing anything until my wife can SCEW me!" Won't it make things worse if we continue to have unintimate and disconnected sex? There's a wall built up around me because he never does a single thing I ask && I am so mentally and physically drained with the marriage I don't want to have sex with him. I'm not his wife in any other aspect of his life he even tells me to shut up when I ask him questions and tells me to get out of his business if I asked something he doesn't want to answer. What the heck! Which is it?? I am so confused I keep saying I'm staying for my son but he is doing poorly because of all this. My husband calls me a dope head, cu-t harlot b-tech DAILY && my son is learning the language He calls anybody those names... they just slip out cause he hears it ALL the time && he did not ASK TO!! He'll he 5 in September.... My husband speaks of sex constantly in front of him && how I won't do anything. It's very wierd/uncomfortable.

I love my husband...... I just do not like him at all right now and I haven't for a long time. I pray about this but I fear my worry and anxiety is getting in the way of praying purposefully. I just really need some advise and Iapologize again for this being so long but I HAD to get this off my chest and ask for help and even prayer because if anything my son badly needs to see a change in how his parents interact I would ask that all that take time to read please say a prayer for me and my family and thank you so much for reading.....

May God bless each && every one of you....

I'm sorry you are having such issues. I will pray for you, your husband, and your son, and ask for healing for all of you.

From your first introduction post and this one, I'm assuming you've taken a rough road in life and recently became a Christian. I feel badly for you about the things you are going through right now. I'm guessing your husband is not a Christian yet.

It would probably be good if you talked to a pastor or Christian counselor about this. It sounds like there is a lot going on. It would probably be very helpful to get a more objective viewpoint that could help you sort through this. It sounds like this is a very complicated situation that may have a lot of layers of emotions and hurts and history to work through. I edited my original response and simplified it down to this. There is simply too much history there to even try to give advice on without missing something important. I think an experienced Christian counselor would be able to help you with this in face to face meetings.

Also, make sure you are focusing on your own spiritual walk. Regularly attending church, a bible study, or a prayer group can be helpful. Daily bible reading and prayer help us grow as well. These things won't make your problems go away, but spiritual growth is necessary as a Christian. It doesn't always make the storms of life go away, but better helps us ride them out. It also helps us see life as a big long adventure to walk with God in the long run rather than just today's troubles. This is also a necessity for your son. The stronger of a spiritual walk you have, the more spiritual strength and guidance you will have for your son.

@GandalfTheWise seems to give you good advice here. The rifts in your relationship are deep, and you need and deserve more than simply internet advice...you need professional advice from someone who can learn your whole situation and all its nuances, and who knows how to interpret it and help you all work through it. I will pray that you find the means and opportunity to obtain a competent and godly counselor and that all of you are able to get benefit from him/her.

 

[AlexDTX]

Excuse the length of my post please but I am just so ready to give up... I just don't know what to do Sitting here in my own home today I feel nothing more than empty and ashamed. Ashamed that I am still here and allowing myself to go through this. Nobody deserves this maybe I think somewhere I should allow myself to let Jeremy (my husband) pay me back for cheating on him-
But this goes way he beyond paying back. He has given up his responsibilities as a parent && left them all to me. He has lost his bond an attachment to Jagger (our 4yr old son) and I have overstepped my place as a parent by overcompensating (out of guilt) for leaving Jagger and Jeremy. I left my family over two years ago now for drugs. I went to jail && since I've been home (over a year ago) I have done everything in my power to be a good mother and wife.
I have allowed Jeremy to step down and I am partially responsible, but I am not responsible for all of Jeremy's actions. If Jeremy wanted to have a good marriage with me I feel he would. He would do what it took to build a good foundation. He would give Jagger a good role model instead of a bad example. If Jeremy cared about me he wouldn't call me the things he does. If Jeremy cared about Jaggers feelings he wouldn't make him think his mother is a worthless piece of sh*t and if he loves himself.... he would show his wife and son he loved them but , how can someone that doesn't even love themselves love someone else? Maybe they cant and maybe that's exactly why I feel no love and why I feel so alone and empty and 'un-met-in-the-middle' and maybe he's just in denial about that. I can't fix this because if I could I would have already done it and maybe even though Jeremy isn't on drugs like I was , he still has a rock-bottom to find himself because as it is now Jeremy doesn't know who he is at all... just like I didnt && maybe until he finds that out things will never change. I don't know if he loves me anymore... I'd like to think he does or else we wouldn't still be married... I just know I'm tired of being met with his 'problems' every time I come to him with the problem of this marriage. A marriage is give-and-take and his only response to the things I have to have from him in order to make this marriage better is SEX. I want to know how can someone that says I am his problem, I am the thorn in his side, I am the reason he is the way he is and does the way he does possibly want SEX from me? My only plea is that he help me with Jagger (raise him and discipline)... him stay off the phone (he text escorts at his rig, looks at inappropriate contentography && constantly plays video games) because even Jagger noticed he's on it 24/7... I just ask him to put forth the effort to make it work.
When I ask him to do all that he says "I'm not doing anything until my wife can SCEW me!" Won't it make things worse if we continue to have unintimate and disconnected sex? There's a wall built up around me because he never does a single thing I ask && I am so mentally and physically drained with the marriage I don't want to have sex with him. I'm not his wife in any other aspect of his life he even tells me to shut up when I ask him questions and tells me to get out of his business if I asked something he doesn't want to answer. What the heck! Which is it?? I am so confused I keep saying I'm staying for my son but he is doing poorly because of all this. My husband calls me a dope head, cu-t harlot b-tech DAILY && my son is learning the language He calls anybody those names... they just slip out cause he hears it ALL the time && he did not ASK TO!! He'll he 5 in September.... My husband speaks of sex constantly in front of him && how I won't do anything. It's very wierd/uncomfortable.

I love my husband...... I just do not like him at all right now and I haven't for a long time. I pray about this but I fear my worry and anxiety is getting in the way of praying purposefully. I just really need some advise and Iapologize again for this being so long but I HAD to get this off my chest and ask for help and even prayer because if anything my son badly needs to see a change in how his parents interact I would ask that all that take time to read please say a prayer for me and my family and thank you so much for reading.....

May God bless each && every one of you....

Life is much more complicated than we understand. I am surprised that he did not divorce you when you were a drug addict and in jail. Why did he stay with you? Despite the awful things he is doing, he is not leaving you, so it seems he still wants the marriage to continue.

He is wounded and has not healed. He seems to be bound to you for some reason, but wants another wife. So he indulges in inappropriate contentography as a way to pretend he has other wives. He uses your guilt for his own selfish gain knowing he can have selfish sex with you without regard for your feelings.

Why were you a drug addict? Were you already unhappy with your husband and life and sought escape in drugs? I assume your prison time delivered you from your addiction, but it seems your husband's opinion of you is based upon whatever drove you to drugs in the first place.

Gandalf assumes you are a Christian, but I see no mention of your own relationship with Christ in your post. I went through a similar crisis in my own marriage, but not because of drugs from my wife, but her refusal to have children until it was too late and she had to have an hysterectomy. So I can sympathize with your husband's feelings, although they are wrong. My point is, it took the Lord to deliver me from my grief and wounds from the lost hope of a family with children. It was a long process, but I saw the hand of the Lord on my behalf and hers through that process which encouraged my own repentance. But if Christ is not in his life, or yours, I don't know how this can be healed. If he is in your life, then like Gandalf said, you need to press into the Lord for your self. God can work with one partner seeking Him better than none seeking him.

And the answer may not be a restoration of the marriage. We all have free wills. If your husband chooses to ignore the pricks of his conscience, the marriage may dissolve. God is not a magic genie who grants our every wish. He works within the boundaries he has set up in creation, and one of those boundaries is to not violate our free wills. As I said, life is complicated. Pressing in to Jesus with the expectation that he will make your marriage what you imagine it should be is to set you up for further disappointment. Trust Jesus to work things out for the best, but that may be somehow much more different than what you expect. In my case, both my wife and I love Jesus, and we were able to work through the grief of barrenness with her forgiving me for my inappropriate content addiction and my repenting of it through God's healing of my heart. We both agreed to talk civilly to one another as though we were total strangers meeting for the first time until the flame of love was fanned into a fire again. But we both worked together on repairing our marriage. I don't know what you two will do. Your story might be different. Good luck. Press into Jesus for your self regardless of your marriage. Both you and your son's lives need Jesus, and as Peter said, your chaste behavior may win over your husband, too.

 

[AlexDTX]

While praying another thought was brought to my mind. Whether your husband knows God or not, we all blame God for our troubles. This is a natural tendency since we assume God controls all things. He does not. He works all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose, but He does not control all things. If He did He is a real lousy manager, which is why pagans reject God because they make that assumption, too. Your husband is also wrestling with this problem. We all have an expectation of what marriage should be and we are all surprised and disappointed when we find it is not what we expected. Bear in mind that he is blaming God for your decisions. He blames God for joining him to a woman who fell into drug abuse. If God is omniscient, then He knew you would be a drug addict, so it is his fault for letting you two marry in the first place. That kind of thinking is completely wrong. He knows all things but we make the choices of our lives. I don't know how this information is going to help you, other than you can expect resistance from your husband if you try to share Jesus with him. Let it go. Paul told the Corinthians

1Co 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

It is not our responsibility. God has many laborers in the field. He may or may not get saved.

 

[AlexDTX]

Forgive my multiple responses, but when I think about something I think for a long time and other thoughts continue to come to my mind.

Bear in mind that God does not remove the consequences of sin. For those who seek Him He will walk us through those consequences and mitigate those consequences. Sometimes drug addicts will genuinely want to repent and He will miraculous deliver them from their addictions. But if a person is unrepentant and does not want God in their life, He lets the consequences of their sins cause them to crash and burn. As Romans say, He gives them up to their vile affections. This is another boundary that he does not violate. It is called the law of sowing and reaping. If you sow to the flesh you will reap the death of the flesh, but if you sow to life and the spirit you will reap life and the spirit. It is our choice. If your husband seeks the Lord, He will help him repent and walk him through his consequences. But this is a process that takes time. It could be years. As I said, life is complicated. So complicated we have to lean not on our own understanding but in all our ways acknowledge the Lord to go through it successfully.

 

[Strength from Within]

Thank you all so much for all of your caring replies... you've brought a few tears to my eyes. I am a Christian.. I pray daily... I haven't found a church yet but I'm close.... My husband is not so much into all that. I will continue to pray... Gandalf && Alex had some truth ringing in their comments! It hit home && made me see a little clearly though I know it's far too much history to figure out the problem here.... I guess I'm just seeking out spiritual advice/guidance && trying to get myself more comfortable with it all.....

Much love... thank you for the prayers and thank you for taking the time to give your honest kind words!

 

[GandalfTheWise]

Thank you all so much for all of your caring replies... you've brought a few tears to my eyes. I am a Christian.. I pray daily... I haven't found a church yet but I'm close.... My husband is not so much into all that. I will continue to pray... Gandalf && Alex had some truth ringing in their comments! It hit home && made me see a little clearly though I know it's far too much history to figure out the problem here.... I guess I'm just seeking out spiritual advice/guidance && trying to get myself more comfortable with it all.....

Much love... thank you for the prayers and thank you for taking the time to give your honest kind words!

Marriage is tough enough at times with unexpected ups and downs. It sounds like you two have additional burdens to bear that are causing more stress. Hang in there. Getting into a church and making some Christian friends will probably help you not feel so alone.

A couple things that might help. A few books my wife and I found useful are these:

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F Harley He's a counselor who noticed that some things that seemed most important to husbands were different from some things there were most important to wives. Both my wife and I found this book rather enlightening as to different expectations.

A second set of books are by Shaunti Feldhahn. She started off as a writer and wanted to accurately portray what was going on inside a man's head. After talking with her husband and (as I recall) her dad and father-in-law (or something like that), she was rather stunned that she had no clue that was how men thought. She then did more research on the topic. "For Women Only" describes stuff that goes on in a typical man's head that most women don't know. Another book, "For Men Only" describes what goes on in a typical women's head. Both my wife and I (and 3 daughters) found these books illuminating. One of the biggest insights I got was that many women have several streams of thoughts running at once. She described it as having an unending stream of annoying internet pop up ads that would keep coming up and not stopping. Most men have no clue about that. And simply saying "why are you still worrying about that!" does not make it go away. I've now learned when something is bugging my wife or kids is to try to make an effort to deal with it rather than dismiss it. Here's a link to one of her latest blog pieces. It should give you a sense of the type of stuff she writes about. 4 Secrets in Your Man’s Heart (That You Need to Know) - Shaunti Feldhahn

Also, one other note. You might want to reconsider having your full name and picture as a username and avatar along with your city as a simple internet safety precaution. While there are a lot of good people on here that I'm sure can be trusted, there might be a few wolves sneaking in among the sheep. I'm guessing the CF admins would change your username if you requested.

 

[Dave-W]

Also, one other note. You might want to reconsider having your full name and picture as a username and avatar along with your city as a simple internet safety precaution. While there are a lot of good people on here that I'm sure can be trusted, there might be a few wolves sneaking in among the sheep. I'm guessing the CF admins would change your username if you requested.

I second this. Too many predators out there.

 

[mkgal1]

Also, one other note. You might want to reconsider having your full name and picture as a username and avatar along with your city as a simple internet safety precaution. While there are a lot of good people on here that I'm sure can be trusted, there might be a few wolves sneaking in among the sheep. I'm guessing the CF admins would change your username if you requested.

I agree. Not only for a safety precaution....but it's just not necessary to disclose all that information.

 

[mkgal1]

[My husband] isn't on drugs like I was , he still has a rock-bottom to find himself because as it is now [my husband] doesn't know who he is at all... just like I didnt && maybe until he finds that out things will never change.

I think you're on to something here. I have several friends that have been sober for years....and they did a LOT of work (and are STILL doing lots of self-reflective work) through AA with the support of sponsors. They are the most compassionate and emotionally healthy people I know. Maybe there is a lot of value in "hitting rock-bottom" that people that just coast through life in the middle never quite understand.

 

[Strength from Within]

Thank you all... Gandalf I am looking into those books and I did a name change. I should have thought of that before && when I went to do it myself I wasn't sure how! I filled out a ticket && it was so simple. Now I have it.... I am going to try giving him a letter I wrote && seeing how he feels about it. I'm hoping he even reads it all.... I'm by no means innocent. I have done a lot while I was still an addict but I have grown SO much since I come home from jail. I realized that is not who I want to be or how I want to live. My husband contributed when I was an addict. He would go with me to buy drugs && gave me money. He says he did that so I wouldn't leave but I just don't understand why he talks so nagativly about me in front of out son. My son has a mouth worse than a sailor due to it && that is what's killing my marriage to me. The fact my husband has no regard for how that makes my son feel and how he just will not get on the same diciplining page with me. But I have recently been invited to a church. Me && my husband talked to a preacher about 3 weeks ago && the preacher contacted me for us to come. There's been no change since the talk (jeremy even prayed the prayer to get saved) and was back to his ways the next day. I will go to church though for myself && for my son. I'm pretty uncomfortable going with my son at first because of how he acts..:/ but I know this has to be the start of a good thing.... At least there is a glimmer somewhere in the distance. I haven't lost hope && I'm not one to give up easily... although I do feel like I should sometimes. All of you on this thread have had wonderful advice and I thank you for it! bless you ALL!!

 

[GandalfTheWise]

I like the new username. One thing in all of this is to not lose sight that you are a special treasure of God. To me this is something that goes beyond circumstances of life and planning ahead. It's the core of who we each are meant to be. God created you to become a special person that will reflect His glory in a way no one else can. It can take of lot of time, healing, and molding from God to get there, but He will be turning you into that special person. That is true of your husband and son as well. There is a unique person inside each of them that God has created. It may be covered up with a potty mouth and other issues; but it is there and God is working to draw them out. Sometimes those very difficult circumstances in life we've gone through become the experiences and wisdom we gain to help many other people in the future.

Hang in there. There's no way to know what tomorrow will bring. Sometimes things work out the way we'd like (perhaps in the timing we'd like or perhaps not); and other times not. The main thing is to walk with God through those things.

 

[live4Christ2016]

Marriage is tough anyway without the yelling and name calling. You and your son need to go. Forget about your marriage at this point....it's not working. Take your son and go. Focus on him and you. Focus on your spiritual walk. You aren't able to focus on the important things because of the chaos. Sometimes you have to step back in order to see things clearly. If he is calling escorts that is cheating. Watching inappropriate content....also a form of cheating. Get your life together along with your son. You both are more important than your marriage right now. When you are happy with what you have done for yourself and your son then you can focus on what needs to be done with your marriage. Prayers to you.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

Marriage is tough anyway without the yelling and name calling. You and your son need to go. Forget about your marriage at this point....it's not working. Take your son and go. Focus on him and you. Focus on your spiritual walk. You aren't able to focus on the important things because of the chaos. Sometimes you have to step back in order to see things clearly. If he is calling escorts that is cheating. Watching inappropriate content....also a form of cheating. Get your life together along with your son. You both are more important than your marriage right now. When you are happy with what you have done for yourself and your son then you can focus on what needs to be done with your marriage. Prayers to you.

To clarify your post, are you suggesting taking off to her parents or a sibling to get away for awhile, a legal separation or a permanent divorce? There are different legal ramifications to these and it's possible child custody and visitation issues would arise where the son might end up spending at least some time alone with the father. This is something that it would require a lawyer or specialist in the US to properly advise on. Perhaps some people on here who've been through these types of situations in the US could give some more insight. Given the mother's criminal record in this case, I'd be very cautious about getting the government involved (via the courts in divorce or separation, or God forbid, child protective services which could result if a single person got angry and called them out of spite). It might be a simple matter of her taking her son and getting away from the situation; it might not be.

I have no clue what is involved with stuff like this legally speaking. I just have an uneasy sense of a lot of potential red flags to worry about without consulting someone knowledgeable. I have no clue if I'm simply paranoid about potential problems or being cautiously realistic.

I'm not saying separation may not be a good option or that the marriage will be saved. I've seen these situations work out both ways. I've seen the husband turn around and become a pillar of the church. I had a pastor whose testimony included his wife having been about the only person who hadn't given up on him. I've seen the husband not want to change and want to go his own way. I've met women who after 20 years, finally gave up.

 

[live4Christ2016]

To clarify your post, are you suggesting taking off to her parents or a sibling to get away for awhile, a legal separation or a permanent divorce? There are different legal ramifications to these and it's possible child custody and visitation issues would arise where the son might end up spending at least some time alone with the father. This is something that it would require a lawyer or specialist in the US to properly advise on. Perhaps some people on here who've been through these types of situations in the US could give some more insight. Given the mother's criminal record in this case, I'd be very cautious about getting the government involved (via the courts in divorce or separation, or God forbid, child protective services which could result if a single person got angry and called them out of spite). It might be a simple matter of her taking her son and getting away from the situation; it might not be.

I have no clue what is involved with stuff like this legally speaking. I just have an uneasy sense of a lot of potential red flags to worry about without consulting someone knowledgeable. I have no clue if I'm simply paranoid about potential problems or being cautiously realistic.

I'm not saying separation may not be a good option or that the marriage will be saved. I've seen these situations work out both ways. I've seen the husband turn around and become a pillar of the church. I had a pastor whose testimony included his wife having been about the only person who hadn't given up on him. I've seen the husband not want to change and want to go his own way. I've met women who after 20 years, finally gave up.

I'm saying she needs to get out of there.....period. Go somewhere that is better than there. Focus on herself and her child when she is at peace with getting herself and her child in order then focus on her marriage. I'm not saying divorce, but technically she has the right to leave him if he is seeing escorts.