Charity and an attitude . . .

[Light of the East]

I am dismayed to find myself having a poor attitude toward those who beg at street corners. What was once hardly known in our country has now become quite pervasive. I have had as many as four different people at four different stop lights wave their sign at me, begging for money.

Here's where it gets interesting. I do stop and talk with these people. There are some cases that are truly needy, and I don't mind giving to them a little help. But a lot of these folks are from somewhere outside this country, don't speak English, and at least one admitted to me in a moment of raw honesty, that she was in the country illegally.

In addition, I have helped people only to find out later that they scammed me and were not what they said they were.

All of this has created in me an attitude that when I see someone begging at a stop light, I think "Oh, Lord, not again!" and have a strong desire to drive through the light, rather than stop and turn, so that I can avoid them altogether.

I am ashamed to feel this way about the poor. I feel convicted that I am placing money over people.

Does anyone else struggle with these feelings and what advice (other than prayer and Confession) would you give me?

 

[Ceallaigh]

I relate. In my town there's a growing drug culture and whenever I step out of my car, there's someone there, often a young white male, asking for money. And I have gotten increasingly cynical over it, and feel guilty about that. But it's hard in this case to differentiate the needy from the takers. Of course I question if I should be differentiating in the first place.

 

[peregrinus2017]

Yes I struggle with this. It does seem that there are a lot more people on the streets asking for money. There was this young guy sitting on the corner begging, who's clothes easily cost more than my car. I just don't know what to do with that. I need to see people properly, not with my physical eyes. I think it was st. Isaac the Syrian who said that even if a rich man on a horse asks you for alms you should give to him. Lord have mercy on us.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

I got similar sentiments but I believe within reason it is good to take heed of such things that they those kind of feelings can be legitimate so here is my story:


While working a humble overnight aka graveyard shift of security job, I had to use the rest room of this one major 24 hours Qwik Trip gas station minimart. This place was frequented by pan handling homeless, especially one guy. After saying I did not not have any change etc. that was true (paid everything by credit card), I made up my mind to help the guy if I saw him again by giving him my snack food if he complained he didn't have anything to eat.


And a week or two after making that decision, I did bump into him again. He begged me for a few dollars to get something to eat "Because he hadn't eaten in a few days". I said I didn't have any dollars but he was in luck, I had my box of Aldi chocolate and peanut butter bars that I kept in my car in case I got hungry and had trouble making it through the shift without eating. So I handed him the box that had 2 bars left in it. He took it in hand, and scrutinized it, with a frown and said "What is this...." I don't recognize it" and maybe something like "No thanks".


Anyway that guy was obviously lying or exaggerating, he was too good to eat my prepackaged snack food even though he was homeless. The Irish have a saying that "hunger is the best seasoning" when it comes to people being picky about food.


But anyway there is a lot of stuff in the Bible that puts things in context, In regards to not only the nature of charity but other things like how Jesus treated people in general. The poor did not have a blank check, and the insincere and dishonest were not rewarded. e.g. Jesus tends to call people on their dishonesty and manipulations.

The reason for this is also very obvious if you consider it from the angle of repentance and theosis and other kinds of relationship stuff concerning being in community.

 

[Ceallaigh]

When someone asks me if I will buy them some food at a convince store, that's a different situation. I tell them to come in with me and get what they need.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I am dismayed to find myself having a poor attitude toward those who beg at street corners. What was once hardly known in our country has now become quite pervasive. I have had as many as four different people at four different stop lights wave their sign at me, begging for money.

Here's where it gets interesting. I do stop and talk with these people. There are some cases that are truly needy, and I don't mind giving to them a little help. But a lot of these folks are from somewhere outside this country, don't speak English, and at least one admitted to me in a moment of raw honesty, that she was in the country illegally.

In addition, I have helped people only to find out later that they scammed me and were not what they said they were.

All of this has created in me an attitude that when I see someone begging at a stop light, I think "Oh, Lord, not again!" and have a strong desire to drive through the light, rather than stop and turn, so that I can avoid them altogether.

I am ashamed to feel this way about the poor. I feel convicted that I am placing money over people.

Does anyone else struggle with these feelings and what advice (other than prayer and Confession) would you give me?

when you feel angry at folks taking advantage of your charity, and you wonder if you should help, think about if God thinks that as He gives us His grace.

that reminder has helped me.

 

[Lukaris]

I donate to local food banks etc. While I believe some people begging are sincere, I have a hard time knowing for sure.

 

[Ceallaigh]

I think a question is, at least in my neck of the woods, am I helping someone or enabling them? I'm sure we've all heard about those who rake in huge amounts of money and basically make a career of it.

 

[Ceallaigh]

I donate to local food banks etc. While I believe some people begging are sincere, I have a hard time knowing for sure.

I'm quite glad to donate to the foodbank and the rescue mission.

 

[Light of the East]

when you feel angry at folks taking advantage of your charity, and you wonder if you should help, think about if God thinks that as He gives us His grace.

that reminder has helped me.

What is upsetting to me is when I can't tell if I am being lied to or not. My spiritual director worked in government intelligence, and he told me that the level of fraud from Internet beggars is high. It seems that every beggar in Pakistan, India, and Africa has a "ministry to orphans" and there is nothing better than starving children to tug at the heartstrings.

I managed to out one guy when he asked me for money for medicine and I looked up the medicine online and found that what he wanted was A.) not even for the supposed problem the child was having and B.) far less expensive than what he was asking.

I feel bad this morning because I have one woman (I guess it's a woman - identifies as a woman) that I've been helping, and I can't tell if this is a real need or a scam. I have cut "her" off, but if this is a real need, it means that someone is going to suffer. I don't like being in a situation like this.

God knows my heart is good towards the truly poor and needy, but the scam artists are making it really difficult to give with an open heart anymore.

 

[Mink61]

Yes I struggle with this. It does seem that there are a lot more people on the streets asking for money. There was this young guy sitting on the corner begging, who's clothes easily cost more than my car. I just don't know what to do with that. I need to see people properly, not with my physical eyes. I think it was st. Isaac the Syrian who said that even if a rich man on a horse asks you for alms you should give to him. Lord have mercy on us.

What I bolded in black reminds me of something that happened about two decades ago. I had both my daughters with me (7 and 8 at the time) at a gas station/convenience store. A nicely dressed man approached us from his obviously NEWER, well-maintained car. He was holding a cell phone...and was wearing a Rolex. He said that he was on the phone with his buddy, and it turns out that he left his wallet at his buddy's house. But he didn't enough gas to get back there. He said something like, "I could nickel and dime everyone here, but I'm just going to ask you straight up if you can spare $10 so I can get back to my friend's house." I kind of smiled, gave him a $20, and said, "Here. Get some coffee for the ride." He thanked me profusely.

The point is, that we don't really know anyone's situation (as what's demonstrated in blue), and that not all people who beg, are necessarily begging for money for food. But the need they may have can be a legitimate need, for something like non-food items (such as, in this day of Covid, TOILET PAPER!) They could be begging for money for a bus ticket so they can get back home. Maybe they have a last minute expense, and can't make rent. Plus, a lot of people who beg do have jobs and a home...or, they're trying to save up money to get a home.

I know it's difficult. We just don't know who's who these days. But I look at it like this: As long as our hearts are in the right place, it really doesn't matter what the beggar uses the money for. Giving is between the giver and God. Receiving is also between them and God.

Maybe the best thing we can do, is to give with an open heart...

...while letting go of the outcome.

 

[Mink61]

I'm quite glad to donate to the foodbank and the rescue mission.

As someone who frequented foodbanks, and stayed at a shelter at the rescue mission, I want to say, "THANK YOU!"

 

[Light of the East]

I think a question is, at least in my neck of the woods, am I helping someone or enabling them? I'm sure we've all heard about those who rake in huge amounts of money and basically make a career of it.

That is the thing which is most bothersome. I constantly am seeing signs looking for people to employ, yet I don't want to assume that all people begging can actually fill those positions. I've spoken with veterans begging at stop lights who are physically incapable of work because of military injuries or other issues. Yet at the same time, I see a lot of people who are obviously from the Middle East and appear to have come over here at the bidding of our government for the "free goodies" and then find out that this was not exactly the case, which turns them to begging.

The bottom line on giving is that unless I am clear that it is a scam, I will give to those who ask. What they actually do with it is between them and God. My problem is that I am asked so much that it is having an impact on my own economy. That's where my bad attitude comes in. I need to trust God more that He will take care of me in all circumstances.

 

[Ceallaigh]

Where I live there's help wanted signs everywhere offing something around $18 per hour. But most of the folks I encounter seem to be part of a bohemian street society who are obviously into drugs.

 

[ArmyMatt]

What is upsetting to me is when I can't tell if I am being lied to or not. My spiritual director worked in government intelligence, and he told me that the level of fraud from Internet beggars is high. It seems that every beggar in Pakistan, India, and Africa has a "ministry to orphans" and there is nothing better than starving children to tug at the heartstrings.

I managed to out one guy when he asked me for money for medicine and I looked up the medicine online and found that what he wanted was A.) not even for the supposed problem the child was having and B.) far less expensive than what he was asking.

I feel bad this morning because I have one woman (I guess it's a woman - identifies as a woman) that I've been helping, and I can't tell if this is a real need or a scam. I have cut "her" off, but if this is a real need, it means that someone is going to suffer. I don't like being in a situation like this.

God knows my heart is good towards the truly poor and needy, but the scam artists are making it really difficult to give with an open heart anymore.

again, God knows in advance how we abuse the grace He gives, so what if He had the same attitude?

 

[Light of the East]

again, God knows in advance how we abuse the grace He gives, so what if He had the same attitude?

Just remember, Father, I am not defending my attitude. I admitted that it is wrong, and I am struggling with it. Go to my OP and see that I asked for help with it. As Christ loved us spiritually bankrupt, to the point of His own death, so we should love the poor, even if they are abusing our charity. I understand, I'm just having trouble making it so.

 

[ArmyMatt]

Just remember, Father, I am not defending my attitude. I admitted that it is wrong, and I am struggling with it. Go to my OP and see that I asked for help with it. As Christ loved us spiritually bankrupt, to the point of His own death, so we should love the poor, even if they are abusing our charity. I understand, I'm just having trouble making it so.

yes, and I am giving you something that I said helped me.

 

[SamanthaAnastasia]

Idk if this is the right attitude to have but I try to see the face of the Lord in the beggars. from Matthew 25:40-45

I don’t literally think they are. Just…idk. Metaphorically? Symbolically? Idk.

though I have different issues (prone to religious fantasies) so that may not be the best idea.


with internet charities, I use Charity Ratings | America's Most Independent, Assertive Charity Watchdog | CharityWatch, Orthodox Christian Prison Ministry – Orthodox Christian Prison Ministry, and IOCC. They have very good Ratings. Charity watch is good for finding the best rated charities.

also, with the homeless and prepackaged food - I read a comment once from someone I think (if I remember correctly) who said they used to be homeless. They said they would never take food from people. Because people would do nasty things to it. Even if it was prepackaged, the homeless have much mistrust and mental illness/drug abuse. Sometimes they will take it, sometimes they won’t but once I read that comment, I won’t be offended any more if they won’t take actual food. Sure, they could be scamming or something traumatic could have happened that made them mistrust food from strangers. I mean. We tell everyone else “don’t take food from strangers”. Why are the homeless any different?
I digress.

socks, toothbrushes/toothpaste, female sanitary supplies are good. They tend to be small enough they won’t get beaten up for them.

 

[nutroll]

If you use cash in day to day life, I would recommend designating a certain denomination of cash as for the poor. So for example, anytime you are given a 5$ bill in change, it goes in the glove compartment. As long as there is money in the glove compartment you give without question. When the money is gone, you can be discriminating on whether you pull money out of your wallet. What I have found is that it has helped me to give more freely even in those instances where I have to make a choice to do so.

I would also remind you of the words of Hebrews 13:2 "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels." Showing hospitality, charity, and generosity is ultimately something that blesses us more than it blesses others. They get help, we get angels. There is a lady in my town who stands on the corner at a major store and holds a sign, not asking for money, but just saying that she is thankful. Before that she used to hold a framed picture of an angel (not an icon, but a western style depiction). I drove past her several times before I finally stopped one day. It turns out that she is Orthodox, that she knew who I was, that she knew the other priest in our parish. My first encounter with her reminded me of Saint Zosimas' conversation with Saint Mary where she knew about him without him knowing anything about her. I have been very blessed over the years by her. She stops by church sometimes and leaves gifts for me and my wife, she sends people to our parish, she uses money that she is given to make icon cards to give to people. I don't know whether she is a fool for Christ or a plain old ordinary fool, but it doesn't matter much to me because I am blessed to know her. I wish I could say that every person was like that, but I also don't think most people are a blessing to us until and unless we choose to bless them.

I would imagine that a lot of the $5 bills I have given to people end up being used to buy beer or weed, but I would imagine that when I buy a burger for myself at a fast food place the wages earned are often going toward the same things. Am I then wrong to buy myself a burger? Is it ok for them to buy drugs or alcohol because they earned it? We can be discerning when we see beggars, but we shouldn't avoid to show love and compassion to the poor just because the poor are sinners. In the parable of the Last Judgment, the goats on the left ask when they saw the Lord hungry, thirsty, etc. It's not because He wasn't there, it's just because they didn't see Him.

 

[Light of the East]

yes, and I am giving you something that I said helped me.

And I thank you for that!