celibate single needs advices

[lutherangerman]

I'm not sure this is the right forum to ask this question, but I don't know, so let's just get at it.

I am 35 years old and I don't have a partner or spouse. I've dated a bit in my twenties and was in love, however, that's not coming to me anymore. I guess I just don't fall in love again, and having a partnership without love seems pointless to me because I am by nature more romantic than practical.

So I've decided to stay alone, and this will probably remain this way for a long time. I'm able to see how God can send someone into my life, so it's not like I'm taking a vow on this, but so far staying single seems to be the logical conclusion for me.

But I've wondered about sexuality. Socially and spiritually, I am a mix of liberal and conservative. That is, I don't believe in inappropriate content or sleeping around and so when I stay single that means for me celibacy, practically. But the thing is, the sexual urges remain there for me. From my spirit I know that they are practically meaningless as sex is for marriage and real love and not just for the flesh, but the flesh is acting up and sometimes I need release so I can escape the whole sexual turmoil. For that reason I sometimes went into masturbation and inappropriate content. Recently I asked a christian group I know for prayer assistance and they prayed for two weeks and I got pretty much rid of the inappropriate content addiction and touch only maybe once or twice per week. But I still feel somewhat bad about it, not because of it being a sin, but because of it being a burden and an impurity that sidetracks me from true life.

Between 2008 and 2011 I had a time when I never masturbated and felt much better than now. I was not a neutrum and listened to love songs and felt excited about some women, but I just didn't touch and it felt better this way. I never watched inappropriate content either, it just did not interest me anymore. For a celibate single, that's probably ideal and I want to get back there.

Now my question is, how do you get there again? I'm tempted to say, just be strict to myself and not do it, but when I try that I get sex dreams at night or feel very aroused during the day. And consequently, it sidetracks me from God or makes me feel carnal.

Any advices? Anyone in the same boat here?

 

[WarriorForJesus79]

Hi Luther,
I totally understand your frustration and want to stop this act. It does tend to weaken the spirit for whatever reason. I have recently had a major break thru with this so I'm just gonna tell you what has helped me.
First I threw out all inappropriate content, tempting photos and all movies that glorify sex along with only listening to Christian radio stations. Temptation is everywhere, don't look at it, when thoughts come, pray for the Lord to give you pure thoughts. And most importantly as I know you will be attacked in dreams, so before you sleep ask the Lord to protect your mind before you sleep, and allow you sweet sleep with pure dreams. That has certainly helped me. I pray for you, to put this behind you. Always turn to the Lord!

 

[OGM]

Now my question is, how do you get there again? I'm tempted to say, just be strict to myself and not do it, but when I try that I get sex dreams at night or feel very aroused during the day. And consequently, it sidetracks me from God or makes me feel carnal.

Dreaming at night and arousal during the day is natural. Your body doesn't really know if it is single or married. Are you saying you are trying to remove sexual feelings from yourself while you are single? If so I don't see how that can happen too easily. Your reproductive system is still active. To make it inactive is possible but problematic. As of yet, there is no magic pill to turn off sexuality in a person. I don't know of a quick, easyway to "shut it off" so to speak.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Go out and meet people until you meet your soul mate.

 

[enelya_taralom]

Turning off all sexual desires might not be the approach you want. All human desires,m even eros, are desires that are meant to point us toward God. Sexual temptations (not desire in and of itself) usually stem from loneliness, anxiety, stress and a longing for something outside of ourselves... the trick is to somehow be able to turn all of those from the inverted to the outward. In marriage, that's obviously done through the giving of self to another in the sexual act, among many other things (acts of service etc) Outside of marriage we can still give of ourselves and perform acts of service... to feed the hungry, comfort the afflicted, visit those in prison, clothe the naked etc... Even at that though, I do admit, sometimes it seems like no matter how much dying to self we may do, how much volunteering, and how much exercise and how much prayer we do, it seems impossible. I don't have any tips or tricks, am there myself actually, but well, hope some of that gives you some things to reflect on.

Hugs!

 

[orchid1986]

I use to struggle with fantasy, being overly romantic for the sake ( like an idol), and even masturbation...I thought that just because I was celibate, I could allow myself those unclean thought and actions...but I finally came to being set free of those lustful thoughts/behaviors by the power of prayer and believing in the grace of God and the deliverance of the Holy Spirit. I could have never done it in my own strength neither until I really got sick of it and repent.
The truth is that as long as we keep tolerating sexual immorality even in little dose ( just once a month etc...), we will always be a prey to temptation...and sexual sins. And we will never know the pure and solid joy found in an intimate relationship with Christ with sexual purity.

I am a feminine woman with a sexuality (I want to be a passionate wife and a mother) but God has removed from my mind and body all sexual urges...it is simply a miracle. Off course , I don't watch/listen to media that encourage lustful thoughts or desires, that would silly to expose myself like that. I resist the enemy... I pray that you and other people in your situation really start to see how sexual enemy and sensual lust are demonic forces and our enemies...nothing good about it. I hope you find victory, God bless you!

 

[Goodbook]

If you submit to God, resist the devil, he will flee from you.

Flee youthful lusts.

I think be careful of what you watch and listen to, I find that if I watch or am exposed to any kind of profanity, those spirits like to get a hold of me.

Remember your body is the temple of the holy spirit and doesnt belong to a harlot. To be a vessel of honor, not one of destruction, you need to know how to handle it. Sometimes you need to make a concious decision to refuse temptation. Take heart it can be done, Jesus won the victory over satan and sin, so dont let the devil get a foothold and just say get lost lustfiled dirty unclean demons, you aint touching Christs body.

 

[orchid1986]

Amen to that! We need to resist and use every weapon to fight that are the
Word of God, fasting and praying with the full armor of God and remembering the power in the blood of Jesus. If I forgot something, feel free to add:

 

[timewerx]

Any advices? Anyone in the same boat here?

Get on a diet that lowers testosterone levels.

I'm serious and speaking in practical sense. You can google it. It usually consists of a diet with less meat in it.

Testosterone is the lust hormone and is also the source of lust in women at smaller levels.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

You can't shut if off, you have to tune it out.

put more energy into the church and the gospel than you do dwelling on your baser instincts.

 

[Sir Robbins]

You can't shut if off, you have to tune it out.

put more energy into the church and the gospel than you do dwelling on your baser instincts.

that alone can drive someone out of a church and away from God.... to each their own though..

I've made the decision too for remaining single... for life. medical issues are primarily behind my decision. I do have "urges" but no desire for another person... kinda weird. I go through spells and sounds like you may do the same...

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

that alone can drive someone out of a church and away from God

not sure how drawing closer to God would draw you away from God but ok.

no one is saying it's easy, nothing worth doing in life tends to be, but it is doable. If the OP really wants to be married he would need to do the things to make that possible. if they are not interested in that then celibacy is the only alternative. embracing God as our portion in this life and for eternity can really help. admittedly, understanding this truth does take time and prayer.

 

[Sir Robbins]

not sure how drawing closer to God would draw you away from God but ok.

It was more towards getting deeper in a church... Discovering the politics of it, the demand and abuse on those who are single, ect...

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

It was more towards getting deeper in a church... Discovering the politics of it, the demand and abuse on those who are single, ect...

that's a situation where the congregation and it's leadership are in error. I wouldn't advise anyone remaining at a church like that.

 

[PhantomGaze]

It's not good? and here I consider the tendency to get aroused a sign of health and youthful vigor. I hear the older folks wish they could. Just don't dwell on it. You have better things to occupy your mind with.

 

[hopesum]

I'm going to guess you're not the only one who deals with this issue. It's great you are seeking prayer and counsel instead of just assuming this is how it is for you. I'm not sure I have anything extraordinarily helpful. All I can say is that years ago when I didn't know how long I'd be single I asked the Lord how I could be successful at it (celibacy, attitude, feelings...). (If you've not considered asking Him directly, please do. I have found his answers close to the target because He knows us better than anyone.)

His Rx for ME was to understand that music and film are big influences in making me yearn for a partner in life. Both mediums can paint a wonderful picture of what I desire. After seeing/listening to them I found myself more unhappy then if I hadn't. Being dissatisfied and discontented brings about sadness, anger, bewilderment, and self righteousness... for me. So staying clear of romantic music/films helped in my journey. Certainly not all of it. There are Holidays to contend with, friends who get married, and plain 'ol solitude that can not be helped.

Above all I have found in my life's journey as a whole, that the WORD of God has REAL power, unlike other books. All instruction/help is in it. Go to God in personal prayer? Lay the issue before him. Them seek out the subject purposefully in scripture but ask the Holy Spirit to accompany you in the study. In your purposeful study you will find great scripture that will hep YOU personally. Once you do, put it everywhere for you to read often! Even the bathroom.

Example:
"I refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and I lead every thought and purpose away captive into obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed one)." — 2 Corinthians 10:5

This scripture is from Joyce Meyer's book: The Secret POWER of Speaking God's Word
It's an amazing little book with topical scripture. The amazing part is that the scriptures are in the first person, so you can OWN it. Take heart, you are not alone. God knows you want victory over it. Add the Word to any issue, a powerful tool. He meets us there.

 

[eighty_proof]

Now my question is, how do you get there again? I'm tempted to say, just be strict to myself and not do it, but when I try that I get sex dreams at night or feel very aroused during the day. And consequently, it sidetracks me from God or makes me feel carnal.

I'd say focus on socialising more and getting out of the house.