Cardboard Butterflies and inappropriate content Addiction

[Mark Corbett]

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I’m convinced that watching inappropriate contentography is one of the most serious sins affecting people today, including people in our churches. I’m also convinced that inappropriate contentography is having widespread and deeply damaging effects on culture and society as a whole.

I recently watched the documentary movie Addicted to inappropriate content: Chasing the Cardboard Butterfly.

Here, I will share some thoughts I have related to the movie. I will share what is good about the movie. I will also share what the movie leaves out.

What’s Good About the Movie

My first concern about any movie about inappropriate content addiction is the risk that in discussing this topic they might show some inappropriate contentographic material or present the topic in a way that is tantalizing. This movie does not fall into these pits. It discusses inappropriate contentography without showing any images that are tempting.

The film is very effective in communicating several important truths:

1. inappropriate contentography can become an addiction. Watching inappropriate content affects the brain like chemical addictions do. Over time, the brains of inappropriate content viewers are actually rewired to seek inappropriate content as a trigger for reward chemicals released by the brain. inappropriate contentography functions like other addictions in other ways as well. inappropriate content viewers tend to seek harder and darker forms of inappropriate contentography over time. Viewers eventually find themselves watching things which would have disgusted them when they first started. There is a cycle of addictive behavior which forms a downward spiral. Because of all this, inappropriate content viewers may find it very difficult to stop and may need significant help to get free. Science has shown that inappropriate content is indeed like a dangerous, addicting drug.

2. inappropriate contentography objectifies women and encourages sexual practices which are demeaning and unhealthy. It also presents a model for sex and beauty which is unrealistic and damaging.

3. inappropriate contentography addiction affects women and children, too. inappropriate content has often been viewed mainly as a guy problem. Perhaps in the past this was true. But today’s inappropriate content is affecting women and children as well, and a significant portion of inappropriate content addicts are women.

4. inappropriate contentography damages real life relationships. Far from enhancing sexual intimacy with one’s spouse, inappropriate contentography often makes it difficult for the person addicted to it to enjoy healthy, sexual intimacy with another real live human being. This point is brought out in the movie by the painful testimony of a couple whose marriage was destroyed by inappropriate content. The movie ends with a brief explanation of an experiment done with cardboard butterflies. (Warning: I am going to give away the final “punch line” of the movie.) Male butterflies are known to be attracted to the markings on the wings of females. In an experiment, a cardboard butterfly was made with bigger wings, and brighter and more vivid markings, than real live female butterflies have. The cardboard butterfly was placed in a container along with many live female butterflies. Male butterflies were also placed in the container. The male butterflies consistently ignored the live females and attempted (unsuccessfully!) to mate with the cardboard butterfly. The meaning of this analogy is obvious, but it is even more poignant after hearing the testimonies in the film.

What the Movie Leaves Out

The movie is not explicitly Christian and it leaves out relevant Biblical truth both about the evil nature of inappropriate contentography and also about the power of Christ to set people free. Here are some truths which are made clearer by the Bible:

1. It’s true that inappropriate contentography is addictive and a social ill. inappropriate contentography is also sin. All inappropriate contentography is sin. Jesus said,

NIV Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

2. God cares not only about our actions, but also about our thought life. The Bible emphasizes that God works deep inside of us at the level of our thoughts, desires, and emotions. It is wrong to think that it is ok to watch inappropriate content if you don’t actually commit acts of sexually immorality with another person. The Bible says,

NIV Jeremiah 17:10 "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve."

and

NIV Revelation 2:23b Then all the churches will know that I am he who searches hearts and minds, and I will repay each of you according to your deeds.

3. Jesus can set inappropriate content addicts free! The sin of watching inappropriate contentography can be forgiven and its effects cleansed from hearts and minds.

NIV John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

ESV Isaiah 49:24 Can the prey be taken from the mighty, or the captives of a tyrant be rescued?
25 For thus says the LORD: "Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken, and the prey of the tyrant be rescued, for I will contend with those who contend with you, and I will save your children.

My Testimony and Pastoral Counsel

From my teenage years into my mid-20s I sometimes looked at inappropriate content. This was before the age of widespread, instant, easily available inappropriate content through the internet and smart phones and similar devices. I don’t know how deeply I would have fallen if practically unlimited inappropriate content had been available to me just by clicking on a screen. The inappropriate content I saw mainly involved me secretly looking at magazines that other people owned. Even that level of exposure did a great deal of damage to my thought life. It was a long, hard struggle to get free. But the struggle was worth it. I thank God that I have not looked at inappropriate content in over twenty years. Yet, even now, I constantly keep my guard up.

Jesus can set inappropriate content addicts free. He often does so through a long, and often difficult, battle. If you or someone you know is trying to get free from inappropriate content and you quickly succeed without a lot help, thank God! However, many people will need a lot of help to get free, just as alcohol and drug addicts usually need help to get free. Here are some sources and ideas for help:

1. God often helps us through other Christians. Share your battle with mature Christians who are ready to help you.

2. Consider attending a group like Celebrate Recovery. Chances are, there is already a Celebrate Recovery meeting within driving distance of your home. This ministry is a powerful tool for overcoming all types of hurts, hang-ups, and habits, including inappropriate content addiction.

3. Get Christian counseling from a pastor or professional Christian counselor. Be willing to spend some of your time and money to get free. It will be one of the best investments you ever made.

4. Focus on God through Bible reading and meditation, prayer, and Christian fellowship. As our relationship with God grows stronger, it is far easier to get free from sin of all types.

5. Don’t give up! For some, it will be a long, hard battle to get free from inappropriate content. There may be setbacks along the way. Don’t give up. Keep fighting the good fight. It’s worth it!

6. Be ready to help others get free. Don’t judge them, help them! inappropriate content is a widespread problem. Many Christians already feel a deep sense of shame over their secret inappropriate content habit. Show them grace while helping them get free.

7. Getting free from inappropriate content (or any sin!) will prepare you to be used by God in new and bigger ways (see 2 Timothy 2:21).

Discussion:

This is a discussion forum, and I am hoping that the content of this post will prompt helpful discussion. Here are some discussion questions and ideas:


1. Have you been set free from a habit of viewing inappropriate content? If so, how did God work in your life to set you free?
2. Have you seen the damaging effects of inappropriate contentography in your family, church, ministry, or in other settings?
3. What leads people into inappropriate content addiction?
4. How can we help others?
5. How can we protect our children?
6. Is there, or should there be, a role for government? Should there be stricter laws and more enforcement of laws against inappropriate contentography?
7. Has this topic been discussed in your church?
8. Should we view sexually explicit R rated movies, and MA rated TV shows, as morally equivalent to inappropriate content?
9. What resources and tools do you recommend to help people guard against inappropriate content?
10. Any other thoughts?

My prayer: May God help His children get free from the snare of inappropriate contentography. May He heal minds, hearts, and relationships from the damage that has been done by inappropriate content. May He give courage to those whom He is calling to fight for freedom from addiction. May He be glorified in the lives of those whom He frees. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!


This post contains content which was first posted on my blog.

 

[Monna]

NIV Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

NIV Jeremiah 17:10 "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve."

NIV Revelation 2:23b Then all the churches will know that I am he who searches hearts and minds, and I will repay each of you according to your deeds.

Perhaps a modern interpretation of Jesus words would refer to "anyone who looks at another person lustfully..." He set a much higher standard than is implied in the other two quotes. For in them there seems to be a clear distinction between what is in people's hearts and minds and "what their deeds deserve."

Sexual desire is a powerful emotion that God implanted in us for procreation. According to early Genesis God even instructed Adam and Eve to "be fruitful and fill the earth."

• So Mark, is the desire itself sinful, or does the sin lie the lack of control of the direction, or the subject of the desire - i.e. a person with whom you have no "right" to share sexual intimacy?
  
• Is it OK to be sexually addicted to you married partner?
  
• Is it the addiction as an addiction that is wrong - an uncontrollable, all-consuming desire for anything - that is wrong - as in the opposite of self-control as a fruit of the Holy Spirit?
  
• What about an all-consuming obsession with doing "God's work" that means you don't look after your family or your health or fulfill other legitimate responsibilities?

 

[Mark Corbett]

Monna, you ask great questions. I'll share my thoughts, and perhaps some others will as well.

So Mark, is the desire itself sinful, or does the sin lie the lack of control of the direction, or the subject of the desire - i.e. a person with whom you have no "right" to share sexual intimacy?

My understanding is that God gave us lots of desires which were originally good and pure. Our sins and our sinful nature has distorted these desires so that they become deceitful and evil:

NIV Ephesians 4:22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;

NIV Colossians 3:5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

So, the devil takes what in its original form was good: a desire for sexual intimacy with one's spouse, and twists this desire in many ways. The twisted form of the desire is "deceitful" and "evil", even though the original form of the desire, which can still exist, is good and pleasing from God.

Is it OK to be sexually addicted to you married partner?

I think that's ok, as long as it is expressed in ways that honor your spouse. Also, there is always a risk of even a good thing, like sexual intimacy within marriage, becoming an idol if it takes priority over God or draws us away from God. But, in general, I think that sexual intimacy with one's spouse is good, a gift from God, and pleasing to God.

• Is it the addiction as an addiction that is wrong - an uncontrollable, all-consuming desire for anything - that is wrong - as in the opposite of self-control as a fruit of the Holy Spirit?

I think that not having self-control is PART of what is wrong with inappropriate content addiction. But there's more to it.

• What about an all-consuming obsession with doing "God's work" that means you don't look after your family or your health or fulfill other legitimate responsibilities?

Yes, it's possible to be addicted to "God's work" in a way that harms our family life. If we are properly "addicted to Jesus", than following Him will result in us loving our family AND being committed to the various ministries He calls us in and He will help us balance these. It's not always easy!

 

[Monna]

The twisted form of the desire is "deceitful" and "evil", even though the original form of the desire, which can still exist, is good and pleasing from God.

So the trick (or wisdom) is in knowing a pure desire from a deceitful desire...? Do you have any straightforward way of discerning the one from the other, especially one that will get past the many variations of socialisation that our multiple cultures (and churches/religions) put us through as we grow up? (And here I'm thinking of all types of God given desire that are basically for our survival.)

 

[Mark Corbett]

The good news is God still loves you and in Christ your shame can be washed away. I'm not saying it will be easy, but I you can get free from this habit. I encourage you to seek help. God often helps us through others. Talking to a pastor, or going to a Celebrate Recovery group, are two good options.

Lord, I pray that you will set him totally free and wash away all his shame. In Jesus Name, Amen.

 

[Mark Corbett]

So the trick (or wisdom) is in knowing a pure desire from a deceitful desire...? Do you have any straightforward way of discerning the one from the other, especially one that will get past the many variations of socialisation that our multiple cultures (and churches/religions) put us through as we grow up? (And here I'm thinking of all types of God given desire that are basically for our survival.)

That's a huge question. I don't think there's any short, simple answer. The Bible says:

NIV Hebrews 5:14 But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

I think that the longer we walk with Christ, the better we will become at discerning the difference between good desires and sinful ones. Of course, if any desire leads us to something contrary to God's will as revealed in the Bible, that's a deceitful desire.

I'm able to see some areas of sin in my life now that I was blind to (mostly) 20 years ago. And I trust that as God graciously works in my life, and as I walk with Him, He will continue to help me discern His will for clearly and fully.