Can't forgive myself

Bellicus said:

I know that God forgive me because of what Jesus did, and I have talked to some good Christians about things that bother me from my past, but I feel pretty sure that if someone had made a recording of all the worst things I've thought, said and done in my life and people around me could see all these, then I would be hated by everyone.

It's like Bob Dylan said it: 'And if my thoughtdreams could be seen, they'd probably put my head in a guillotine'

Anyone got a good answer on how to put the past behind and start the new life that I know God is willing to give me? I just can't forget the bad things I've done, and no matter how much good I want to do, I still feel just as bad. So I just stay in a constant state of hopelessness where nothing I do matters, because I've made my life into such a mess.

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You need to remember that God's love is far beyond man's love & His love looks beyond your sins. One of the first things you need to do also is forgive yourself & remember that Jesus loves you just the way you are. Look up some encouraging Bible verses like Jeremiah 29:11. Listening to Christian music can help alot too. I hope that helps. I'll be praying for you!

When Jesus died did He miss out on your sins when He said "It is finished?"

John
NZ

I will give you this quote from Paul, he says it better than I do.

For this one man, Adam, brought death to many through his sin. But this other man, Jesus Christ, brought forgiveness to many through God's bountiful gift. And the result of God's gracious gift is very different from the result of that one man's sin. For Adam's sin led to condemnation, but we have the free gift of being accepted by God, even though we are guilty of many sins. The sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over us, but all who receive God's wonderful, gracious gift of righteousness will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ.

Yes, Adam's sin brought condemnation upon everyone, but Christ's one act of righteousness makes all people right in God's sight and gives them life. Because one person disobeyed God, many people became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many people will be made right in God's sight. Romans 5:15-19

We still have to deal with our flesh, because until the day when all things are made new, we will still sin. It is a flesh condition since the time of Adam. But we live in faith, living our lives through Christ.

I had the same problem you have. One day while I was out praying the Lord said to me, Can you change the past? And I said No. And He said to me, then live for me today. (This is the one thing I can do). And I have been living every day since that way.

Hope this helps.

It's sounds as if you still have hope. Hope for your own righteousness, hope in that your basically a "good" person, and hope that your actions are or will be worthy of righteousness.

If you are to ever function as a Christian "Ye, who enter here (Christianity) abandon all hope." (in yourself) One thing needs to be made abundantly clear. you, me, the pope the Apostle Paul are all sinful all of the time. none of our actions in of themselves are righteous. The "good ones" or the "bad ones." You have to understand that Jesus Raised the bar so high that no one is righteous. This is outlined in Romans by Paul. You should read the whole book, but starting in Ro.3:9 the the "good" we do is shown to be not so good.

9What shall we conclude then? Are we any better? Not at all! We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. 10As it is written:
"There is no one righteous, not even one;
11there is no one who understands,
no one who seeks God.
12All have turned away,
they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one."
13"Their throats are open graves;
their tongues practice deceit."
"The poison of vipers is on their lips."
14"Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness."
15"Their feet are swift to shed blood;
16ruin and misery mark their ways,
17and the way of peace they do not know."
18"There is no fear of God before their eyes." 19Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.



Take another look at verse 20 and the "purpose of the law" Because we are conscious of the law, and know we cannot ever obey our way into heaven then it pushes us to a savior. One who will make our efforts "righteous" Remember good or bad they mean the same to God.. They are both unworthy of merit/righteousness.

So where does that leave you? In order to except a savior (If you continue to read romans) According to Paul we obtain righteousness thru faith.

23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.



28For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law.

31Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law.

I took and condensed the points of the third chapter to say,

It is thru faith in Jesus are we then justified (the good, bad, and the ugly) because to him if our good was only good enough to win us a spot in hell.. and the bad won us that same spot, then to him what's the difference? If our good is not good enough and what we deem bad is no better.

It is in the sacrifice of Jesus that we are now good enough. It has nothing to do with your actions. only faith.

Just because you are now justified in faith doesn't give you the right to not obey the law. It's like loving someone. When your truly in love, you don't do things the other person doesn't like to show your love. You take out the trash, and do the dishes, and all of the little stuff to show them thru your actions that you do indeed love them.
So in this case you up hold the law the best that you can, and in that "relationship" you get acceptability and love in return, no matter how "Good" you thought yourself to be.

Bellicus, I've felt that way and this is what I’ve learned: By focusing on our past, we’re basically saying what we think is more important than what God's Word says. Scriptures say He is faithful. Scriptures say He forgives and forgets. 1Jo 1:9; [FONT=&quot]Jeremiah 31:34[/FONT]

As believers, is our past bigger than the Christ Jesus’ sacrifice? No, of course not – no matter what we’ve done – and that applies to us all. It's not about our unworthiness - it is about His holiness, righteousness, truth, grace, mercy, and much more. He doesn't want us to focus on ourselves and wants us to renew our minds (Rom 12:1-2, Php 4:8).

Condemnation is from the enemy ( Rom 8:1). Accepting God’s forgiveness is vital in order for our relationship with Him to grow. Yahweh knows everything we've done and will do but loves us anyway!

Presenting our bodies before Yahweh includes our thinking. Since you’ve already ask Him for forgiveness, when those thoughts about your past come, replace them with what The Word says. Concentrate on Him. Also, I encourage you to praise and worship Him more – as you probably know Psalms can help. Sing a new song (heart song).
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT] [FONT=&quot]Is renewing our minds hard? Heck yeah! In the beginning, it’s going to very difficult but the more you rely on the Lord, His strength, and His Word, the easier it will get.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT] “The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel; and I will bless them." (Num 6:24-27).

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Bellicus said:

I know that God forgive me because of what Jesus did, and I have talked to some good Christians about things that bother me from my past, but I feel pretty sure that if someone had made a recording of all the worst things I've thought, said and done in my life and people around me could see all these, then I would be hated by everyone.

It's like Bob Dylan said it: 'And if my thoughtdreams could be seen, they'd probably put my head in a guillotine'

Anyone got a good answer on how to put the past behind and start the new life that I know God is willing to give me? I just can't forget the bad things I've done, and no matter how much good I want to do, I still feel just as bad. So I just stay in a constant state of hopelessness where nothing I do matters, because I've made my life into such a mess.

Click to expand...

Mate, I did a lot of terrible things in my life, and the way that I commenced working through those terrible things is to confess and repent them aloud and verbally to our Lord Jesus Christ with another brother.

I think I have already explained this to you, and if I hadn't then this is the start point of retrieving your life back from the enemy.

Get a piece of paper and a pen.

The pray a simple prayer:

Heavenly Father, I come to You through our Lord Jesus Christ and I ask You, Lord to bring to mind all those people who have hurt and offended me, who I haven't forgiven.

Now straight away start writing the names down that come to mind, without debating the names. Your parents and siblings will come to mind, and possibly people who passed away.

Now after making the list, go through the list and write down beside their names those things that hurt and offended you.

Then pray a simple prayer of confession and repentance for your feelings of hurt and offence, particularly anger, bitterness, resentfulness and unforgiveness individually. Don't pray a bulk prayer, but a pray for each person separately, then ask our Lord Jesus Christ for His forgiveness, then express your forgiveness to those people in love.

Now after you have done that you could leave it for another day, then ask our Lord Jesus Christ the same question. And you will be surprised that other names will come up.

After you have done that, then ask our Lord Jesus Christ to bring to mind the names of those people who you had hurt and offended, and need to ask for forgiveness.

When the name comes to mind completely, then confess and repent your sin for your actions against those people individually, and ask our Lord Jesus Christ to take your request for their forgiveness to you for your actions.

Keep doing this until no more names come to mind. But if the same person keeps on coming up, then it means that you haven't really forgiven them, and then you have to make yourself love them. And when you can say you love those people who you have forgiven, then you will be set free.

After doing all of that, you will find it very easy to forgive yourself.

Be blessed in Jesus' Name.

"All the wickedness in this world that man might work or think is no more to the mercy of God than a live coal in the sea." (William Langland, Piers the Plowman)

"The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:8-12)

There is a place and use for healthy guilt and shame.
But toxic guilt and shame can harm you.
Determine if you are going through the reasonable time it will take for you to put this in it's appropriate place so you can move on in your new life with Christ.
Though your sins have been cast to the bottom of the ocean, the feelings you have regarding them might have a healthy purpose.
If they are getting in the way then seek help from a trained pastor.
If they are helping you avoid dangerous pitfalls, be grateful.
But, be careful to discover why the feelings linger about your past wrongdoings before you do something about them.
I've found that remembering how bad I feel about something I did helps to keep me
from doing it ever again. But I do have to say that I can also - at the same time - feel free from the sin.

One of the sad aspects of much modern teaching is that it look backwards - to Christ's sacrifice but significantly overlooks what Christ is to us now. We then get far too sin centred in our thinking, out of balance.

John
NZ

I find that sometimes my clinging to guilt isn't about God, but about my perfectionism. I can't stand to face that I had done or thought certain things.

Think about how a slip of bad words might spin around in your head all night, because you can't figure out if the person will beat you up the next day, or get you fired. That internalized fear grows more out of lack of control than true repentance. Fear of what may come of the slip-up.

How does one let go, whether it's real repentance, or guilt, or fear, or facing imperfection? Hearing scriptures about God's promises help reinforce it in our heads. But the promises are sometimes hard to accept and take in.

For me, one of the pivotal times, was when I heard that cancer and heart patients were told they needed to eliminate stress, in order to stay alive. Regurgitating old sins is not the way to stay healthy. For our survival, we need to set guilt aside and move on.

Pr 14:30 A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Envy... wishing you could have proven to others that you were worth more, and deserved more respect...

Bellicus, I know exactly what you mean. All of it. A friend once told me something that I'll never forget:

When we refuse to let our past go, and we punish ourselves for it whether in thought or deed, we are essentially taking Jesus Christ off of the cross and putting ourselves on it instead. We're saying to God that His Son's sacrifice was not enough.

If you figure out how to completely let go of the past then let me know! I'm still learning too.

God bless all. Amen. All the above are true indeed. Yes, I truly understand what you feel because at one time, even though I knew in my heart that God had forgiven me for my transgressions, I could not seem to forgive MYSELF. That is where my problem lied. Through prayer, the Holy Bible and even prophecies from the Lord, I still was like, why did I do these things in the first place. How could I?... I still felt bad and ashamed. It took time. Pray, trust in God to deliver you from this feeling. He can and He will.

What you have to start focusing on is that through Jesus, "ALL THINGS HAVE BECOME NEW FOR YOU." In Christ Jesus, you are not the person you used to be. You are Redeemed by God. Start speaking the Word of God into your life. Here is some spiritual medication that God has revealed in His Word that has helped me. It is written in Ephesians 5:19-20, "SPEAKING TO YOURSELVES IN PSALMS AND HYMNS AND SPIRITUAL SONGS, SINGING AND MAKING MELODY IN YOUR HEART TO THE LORD; GIVING THANKS ALWAYS FOR ALL THINGS UNTO GOD AND THE FATHER IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST;" Amen? This helps to replace the negative thoughts.

Continue doing this and BELIEVE in the Word of God and watch the negatives feelings fade away. Praise God, let Him know how thankful you are that He has redeemed you. It is written in Psalms 107:2, "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy." God has promised so if you believe. It is written in 1 Kings 8:56, Blessed be the Lord, that hath given rest unto his people Israel, according to all that he promised: there hath not failed one word of all his good promise, which he promised by the hand of Moses his servant." Through Jesus we have been made joint heirs amen? God bless. Let's continue to pray for one another, always.

all the bad thoughts and slip-ups are not who you are
If people understood that this 'recording' was all the bad things, then they'd understand
Wjhat if you made a tape of all the good intentional things you've done? You did the good things on purpose, and the bad things are mistakes that have been forgiven if you have asked. As if they no longer exsist.
learn from your bad things, twist to a way thy could help you, like, "Okay. Why did I do that and what should I do to prevent it happening again?"

I've only just seen this.. don't know whether it's still relevant, or whether my experience will help in any way.
But.. something that really helped me, as a kind of visual symbol, was this:
I wrote down all the horrible things I couldn't forget, all the deepest horrors I had never really admitted to anyone... on a piece of paper.... then I rea it to od.. and poured red wine over it, and let it wash away ythe words, the way the blood of Jesus washed away my sin..
I have a photograph of that paper, with the wine on it, the words blurred and illegible... and when I am overcome with memories and guilt, I look at it, and remind myself that *that* is what is true.. not my feelings....

It helps me.. maybe it will help you too.
Praying for you, brother.

Amen!!!

brother! Praise God!

Bellicus, you ARE righteous --- rather, He is righteous in and through you. "God made Him who knew no sin, to be sin on our behalf, that through Him we may become the righteousness of God." 2Cor5:21

Evil so often whispers in our ears, "You messed up so big you could NEVER make it right." I supose that's true; but WE don't make ANYTHING right.

And there is a truth many miss --- in the prayer Jesus prayed, "The Lord's Prayer" (Matt6), the one point He thought important enough to expound upon, was forgiveness.


"If you do not forgive men their sins, neither will your Father forgive you."

Bellicus --- do you understand that YOU are ONE of those whom you must FORGIVE???

Failure to forgive yourself, places yourself (in your heart) above God. For it rejects HIS forgiveness. It is really a "lack of faith". Welcome to being a Christian, we ALL struggle with faith. But the closer you grow to Him, the more you will understand His love, His forgiveness, and His bad memory.

Heb8:12: I will REMEMBER their sins NO MORE."

God is faithful and just to forgive us, if we confess, and to cleanse us. Completetely. (1Jn1:9) Then He FORGETS we ever sinned. Shall we raise ourselves above Him and take account of what He has already CLEARED, and with His OWN BLOOD? By faith, understand that He has cleared your account; there is NOTHING you can do that He cannot forgive, if you repent and ask.

By faith, accept that you ARE forgiven, and you have not the RIGHT to not forgive yourself. For you belong to Him, you are not your own --- you were BOUGHT WITH A PRICE.

He loves you, unconditionally. That means, "without conditions".

...and without memory of past wickedness.


It just occurred to me --- we blame ourselves for wickedness, when we can NEVER be good for Him! He wants to be good IN, and THROUGH US!

That's why it's called "grace".


Grow close to Him, Bellicus, and far away from your old self. Eternity has already begun in your heart; you are with Him NOW, in your spirit, as much as you will be when He returns. Do not doubt!