Can't find a reason to go on lately

[derpytia]

I apologize before hand for feeling sorry for myself (as many of you are probably already irked about it). I am absolutely drowning in despair.

My road with God this year has been up and down. A few weeks ago I think it was on an upward spin. I repented of my previous actions of practically disowning God and telling Him I hated him (I was in a very dark spot at the time). I was praying to him and asking him for help in daily life and trying to give thanks for what I had even when I didn't want to.

Soon afterwards I was greatly tempted and swillfully sinned again. I shouldn't have done it but I did it anyway. Afterwards I was struck with more health problems suddenly and I thought it was punishment for sinning again. I prayed for forgiveness and tried my best to carry on but those small health problems made my existing ones worse. Now I'm despairing again.

I'm upset because I was trying to do so good. I volunteered (still am) my time to a good and righteous cause that will hopefully help others who are suffering the afflictions I am and I was starting to think that maybe God is more merciful and loving than my mind paints him to be. But it's all ruined. I just keep getting worse and worse. Every day is agony and just when I think the agony can't get any worse it does. This year I've hardly been able to catch my breath and it has gotten worse three times.

I just honestly don't know why I'm holding on anymore? Why haven't I just given up and ended it? There can be no possible reason that I can think of for God to have created me and kept me alive for this long. I am such a waste of space and human garbage. Society doesn't want me because I can't function like other humans. No man will want to be saddled with a wife like me. I will never have children because I couldn't bear passing on my genetic defects and hiccups to them. I just hope my other two best friends get married soon so I won't feel as guilty about not being able to attend/be in the bridal party and leaving them without someone to love and support them through the grief if I end offing myself in a fit of despair. I cry every day. I try to get up and do what I need to every day. Things just keep getting worse. I can't attend church. I can't interact with other human beings. I can't go out. All I do is go to a job that I can barely keep because of this to pay my medical bills and come home to a house filled with anger and despair to crawl in bed and come on here or other sites and try to find some consolation only to find none. I sleep (if I can) and do it all again the next day. I'm spent. God loves me but He's not coming to save me or help me or improve anything.

I don't want to disappoint him by dying but I see no other way out as I continue to get worse. And I know what everyone is gonna say: That I'm an emotionally weak millennial that just doesn't wanna bear her cross. Yeah I am. I'm a waste of human life.

I really can't find a reason to continue on. Why is it God's will for me to live like this?

 

[Sabertooth]

Afterwards I was struck with more health problems suddenly and I thought it was punishment for sinning again.

There are only two times that sickness is a punishment for sin,

1. When it is a consequence of your particular sin, or
2. God told you it was such a punishment. (He can do such in the loving discipline process, if He so chooses.)

Otherwise, your new sicknesses are just incidental.

I am sensing a lot of guilt and hopelessness in your post. Are you clinically depressed, or bi-polar?

 

[God is good]

I apologize before hand for feeling sorry for myself (as many of you are probably already irked about it). I am absolutely drowning in despair.

My road with God this year has been up and down. A few weeks ago I think it was on an upward spin. I repented of my previous actions of practically disowning God and telling Him I hated him (I was in a very dark spot at the time). I was praying to him and asking him for help in daily life and trying to give thanks for what I had even when I didn't want to.

Soon afterwards I was greatly tempted and swillfully sinned again. I shouldn't have done it but I did it anyway. Afterwards I was struck with more health problems suddenly and I thought it was punishment for sinning again. I prayed for forgiveness and tried my best to carry on but those small health problems made my existing ones worse. Now I'm despairing again.

I'm upset because I was trying to do so good. I volunteered (still am) my time to a good and righteous cause that will hopefully help others who are suffering the afflictions I am and I was starting to think that maybe God is more merciful and loving than my mind paints him to be. But it's all ruined. I just keep getting worse and worse. Every day is agony and just when I think the agony can't get any worse it does. This year I've hardly been able to catch my breath and it has gotten worse three times.

I just honestly don't know why I'm holding on anymore? Why haven't I just given up and ended it? There can be no possible reason that I can think of for God to have created me and kept me alive for this long. I am such a waste of space and human garbage. Society doesn't want me because I can't function like other humans. No man will want to be saddled with a wife like me. I will never have children because I couldn't bear passing on my genetic defects and hiccups to them. I just hope my other two best friends get married soon so I won't feel as guilty about not being able to attend/be in the bridal party and leaving them without someone to love and support them through the grief if I end offing myself in a fit of despair. I cry every day. I try to get up and do what I need to every day. Things just keep getting worse. I can't attend church. I can't interact with other human beings. I can't go out. All I do is go to a job that I can barely keep because of this to pay my medical bills and come home to a house filled with anger and despair to crawl in bed and come on here or other sites and try to find some consolation only to find none. I sleep (if I can) and do it all again the next day. I'm spent. God loves me but He's not coming to save me or help me or improve anything.

I don't want to disappoint him by dying but I see no other way out as I continue to get worse. And I know what everyone is gonna say: That I'm an emotionally weak millennial that just doesn't wanna bear her cross. Yeah I am. I'm a waste of human life.

I really can't find a reason to continue on. Why is it God's will for me to live like this?

Jesus loves you very much, I struggle every day with my ocd and that's very hard to deal with. I just want you to know that you are very special to God because He died for YOU, He loves you so much and I don't know why you haven't been healed yet but I believe that you really love Him because you're here. If you ever want to talk you can message me. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

 

[Jon Osterman]

I just want you to know that you are very special to God because He died for YOU,

I always find this sentiment a little strange. Sure, He died for me, but he also died for the billions and billions of humans that have every lived. So when you say I am "special" to God, we have to understand it in the context that I might hold position 11,986,567,453 (or whatever) on the list.

 

[Sabertooth]

So when you say I am "special" to God, we have to understand it in the context that I might hold position 11,986,567,453 (or whatever) on the list.

Because of God's infinite nature, He can love each one as if they were the only one.

 

[Dave L]

Can you change the channel on your thinking? Reject depressing thoughts? Censor your imagination when it tends to rob you of joy? Here's how I run my day and stay happy.

You could call it my approach to walking in the Spirit.

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God [love], and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” (2 Corinthians 10:5) (KJV 1900)

We censor every impure thought or imagination. And change the channel in our thinking on any thought that does not conform to obedience to Christ.

And we replace it with:

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

Knowing Jesus is God and God is love, Jesus is lord of our lives when love rules our thoughts and actions.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

I kind of understand your situation because I have been suffering with a lot of pain lately and it sure makes life hard.

I'm trying not to be a complainer but shucks this gets hard to handle.

Still remembering every day to thank God for my many blessings.

Jesus said that we would have troubles and I believe him.

Watching the movie regarding Paul of the Bible was interesting. I would wish to never go through what he went through. I highly recommend that movie for you.

I agree with you that it's probable that we may suffer consequences for our sinning. That's one good reason I try to avoid sin today. But I fall into it more than I wish.

Does this ring a bell with you?

As I get older I sin less but,
my sin bothers me more.

If it does take it as a good sign.
Although at times a painful one.

God bless
Bob

 

[paul1149]

Why is it God's will for me to live like this?

It's not God's perfect will that we live in misery, but this world is fallen and we have to go through many trials. The book of 1 Peter is about this. The Kingdom hasn't come in its fullness yet. Our prayer is that it does, complete with the healing we have legal right to. So don't give up, God is on your side in this.

Very often we are on a proving ground where things go very wrong in life, and our task is to cling to the Lord and His joy through it. It's part of the division of soul and spirit that Hebrews 4:12 speaks of, and of the perfection of God's power in our weakness, at 2Cor 12. Oftentimes this is the training ground and the precursor for the manifest breakthrough we want. But we have to go through this disciplinary stage to come out on the other side.

I hope you again feel the Lord's great love, and have restored joy in the journey.

 

[Mantishand]

You have to change your attitude. You have to counter every negative thought with a positive thought. It's pretty easy to go down that negative road. In fact most of humanity is taking that road. If you live in negativity, the negativity breeds and will affect your health worse. That's what works for me and I suffer, believe me I suffer. I have tremendous pain every day. And I think God is using that pain to teach me. So I accept it as the best I can. I keep praying and praise God for the correction.

 

[John 1720]

I apologize before hand for feeling sorry for myself (as many of you are probably already irked about it). I am absolutely drowning in despair.

My road with God this year has been up and down. A few weeks ago I think it was on an upward spin. I repented of my previous actions of practically disowning God and telling Him I hated him (I was in a very dark spot at the time). I was praying to him and asking him for help in daily life and trying to give thanks for what I had even when I didn't want to.

Soon afterwards I was greatly tempted and swillfully sinned again. I shouldn't have done it but I did it anyway. Afterwards I was struck with more health problems suddenly and I thought it was punishment for sinning again. I prayed for forgiveness and tried my best to carry on but those small health problems made my existing ones worse. Now I'm despairing again.

I'm upset because I was trying to do so good. I volunteered (still am) my time to a good and righteous cause that will hopefully help others who are suffering the afflictions I am and I was starting to think that maybe God is more merciful and loving than my mind paints him to be. But it's all ruined. I just keep getting worse and worse. Every day is agony and just when I think the agony can't get any worse it does. This year I've hardly been able to catch my breath and it has gotten worse three times.

I just honestly don't know why I'm holding on anymore? Why haven't I just given up and ended it? There can be no possible reason that I can think of for God to have created me and kept me alive for this long. I am such a waste of space and human garbage. Society doesn't want me because I can't function like other humans. No man will want to be saddled with a wife like me. I will never have children because I couldn't bear passing on my genetic defects and hiccups to them. I just hope my other two best friends get married soon so I won't feel as guilty about not being able to attend/be in the bridal party and leaving them without someone to love and support them through the grief if I end offing myself in a fit of despair. I cry every day. I try to get up and do what I need to every day. Things just keep getting worse. I can't attend church. I can't interact with other human beings. I can't go out. All I do is go to a job that I can barely keep because of this to pay my medical bills and come home to a house filled with anger and despair to crawl in bed and come on here or other sites and try to find some consolation only to find none. I sleep (if I can) and do it all again the next day. I'm spent. God loves me but He's not coming to save me or help me or improve anything.

I don't want to disappoint him by dying but I see no other way out as I continue to get worse. And I know what everyone is gonna say: That I'm an emotionally weak millennial that just doesn't wanna bear her cross. Yeah I am. I'm a waste of human life.

I really can't find a reason to continue on. Why is it God's will for me to live like this?

Dear Miss Derpytia,
I am praying for you and you should not give up hope; for God can use our lives for wonderful things, despite our weaknesses, that would include our physical and emotional maladies and struggles as well. It is His desire that we overcome all things through Him. We cannot do that in our own strength but only in His. Our courage and strength comes from the Lord - place your trust in His righteousness and goodness and not your own for He is with you in every trouble and knows our weakness, yet abides faithfully to all who trust Him.

• Psalms 27:14 Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!
• Psalms 37:7-9 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
  Do not fret because of those who prospers in their way, nor
  because of those who brings wicked schemes to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret—it only causes harm. For evildoers shall be cut off; but those who wait on the LORD, shall inherit the earth.
• Isaiah 30:18 Therefore the LORD will wait, that He may be gracious to you;
  And therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him.
• Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
• 1John 2:1 My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.

• 2Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.

Remember the Lord loved you enough to lay His life down for you! Never give up but let His power and love be your all in all, because
the Lord's heart is towards those who humbly trust in Him and faithfully persevere through Him.
James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

 

[AliveinChrist99]

I apologize before hand for feeling sorry for myself (as many of you are probably already irked about it). I am absolutely drowning in despair.

My road with God this year has been up and down. A few weeks ago I think it was on an upward spin. I repented of my previous actions of practically disowning God and telling Him I hated him (I was in a very dark spot at the time). I was praying to him and asking him for help in daily life and trying to give thanks for what I had even when I didn't want to.

Soon afterwards I was greatly tempted and swillfully sinned again. I shouldn't have done it but I did it anyway. Afterwards I was struck with more health problems suddenly and I thought it was punishment for sinning again. I prayed for forgiveness and tried my best to carry on but those small health problems made my existing ones worse. Now I'm despairing again.

I'm upset because I was trying to do so good. I volunteered (still am) my time to a good and righteous cause that will hopefully help others who are suffering the afflictions I am and I was starting to think that maybe God is more merciful and loving than my mind paints him to be. But it's all ruined. I just keep getting worse and worse. Every day is agony and just when I think the agony can't get any worse it does. This year I've hardly been able to catch my breath and it has gotten worse three times.

I just honestly don't know why I'm holding on anymore? Why haven't I just given up and ended it? There can be no possible reason that I can think of for God to have created me and kept me alive for this long. I am such a waste of space and human garbage. Society doesn't want me because I can't function like other humans. No man will want to be saddled with a wife like me. I will never have children because I couldn't bear passing on my genetic defects and hiccups to them. I just hope my other two best friends get married soon so I won't feel as guilty about not being able to attend/be in the bridal party and leaving them without someone to love and support them through the grief if I end offing myself in a fit of despair. I cry every day. I try to get up and do what I need to every day. Things just keep getting worse. I can't attend church. I can't interact with other human beings. I can't go out. All I do is go to a job that I can barely keep because of this to pay my medical bills and come home to a house filled with anger and despair to crawl in bed and come on here or other sites and try to find some consolation only to find none. I sleep (if I can) and do it all again the next day. I'm spent. God loves me but He's not coming to save me or help me or improve anything.

I don't want to disappoint him by dying but I see no other way out as I continue to get worse. And I know what everyone is gonna say: That I'm an emotionally weak millennial that just doesn't wanna bear her cross. Yeah I am. I'm a waste of human life.

I really can't find a reason to continue on. Why is it God's will for me to live like this?

I’m not sure why it’s God’s will for you to live like this but I Do know he loves you, you are his precious precious daughter, he gave his own son for you, you are truly loved. We all make mistakes even big ones I know I have, please please don’t say anything bad about yourself it’s not going to help you, it will only make you feel worse about yourself.
I’m sure that some man would be blessed with a wife like you so please stop these words that are negative about yourself. I want you to be built up in the fact God loves you, we are here for you,
I truly believe you will and can get through this, God helped me so much and he can help you, this wonderful beautiful God that can’t stop thinking about his precious daughter. Again I am so sorry you going through this but I’m praying you will come out of this and this will make you stronger.
I was given a video to watch that I’ve only just watched, it was about how speech affects our daily life. I swear it could be for you. I can send you the link to it if you would like
Rest in Gods love and know all things work out for those who love God.
You are truly loved
God bless you

 

[longwait]

I apologize before hand for feeling sorry for myself (as many of you are probably already irked about it). I am absolutely drowning in despair.

My road with God this year has been up and down. A few weeks ago I think it was on an upward spin. I repented of my previous actions of practically disowning God and telling Him I hated him (I was in a very dark spot at the time). I was praying to him and asking him for help in daily life and trying to give thanks for what I had even when I didn't want to.

Soon afterwards I was greatly tempted and swillfully sinned again. I shouldn't have done it but I did it anyway. Afterwards I was struck with more health problems suddenly and I thought it was punishment for sinning again. I prayed for forgiveness and tried my best to carry on but those small health problems made my existing ones worse. Now I'm despairing again.

I'm upset because I was trying to do so good. I volunteered (still am) my time to a good and righteous cause that will hopefully help others who are suffering the afflictions I am and I was starting to think that maybe God is more merciful and loving than my mind paints him to be. But it's all ruined. I just keep getting worse and worse. Every day is agony and just when I think the agony can't get any worse it does. This year I've hardly been able to catch my breath and it has gotten worse three times.

I just honestly don't know why I'm holding on anymore? Why haven't I just given up and ended it? There can be no possible reason that I can think of for God to have created me and kept me alive for this long. I am such a waste of space and human garbage. Society doesn't want me because I can't function like other humans. No man will want to be saddled with a wife like me. I will never have children because I couldn't bear passing on my genetic defects and hiccups to them. I just hope my other two best friends get married soon so I won't feel as guilty about not being able to attend/be in the bridal party and leaving them without someone to love and support them through the grief if I end offing myself in a fit of despair. I cry every day. I try to get up and do what I need to every day. Things just keep getting worse. I can't attend church. I can't interact with other human beings. I can't go out. All I do is go to a job that I can barely keep because of this to pay my medical bills and come home to a house filled with anger and despair to crawl in bed and come on here or other sites and try to find some consolation only to find none. I sleep (if I can) and do it all again the next day. I'm spent. God loves me but He's not coming to save me or help me or improve anything.

I don't want to disappoint him by dying but I see no other way out as I continue to get worse. And I know what everyone is gonna say: That I'm an emotionally weak millennial that just doesn't wanna bear her cross. Yeah I am. I'm a waste of human life.

I really can't find a reason to continue on. Why is it God's will for me to live like this?

Lately I've been feeling depressed about my life too. Life is traumatising at times. It has been for the majority of my life. But we must hang on no matter what. There may be some purpose behind our sufferings that we can't see but only God. Just worship and praise Him when you feel weariness and heaviness. Those negative spirits will depart as you do that more often.

 

[Sabertooth]

The last post reminded me of this song by Mary Mary.

[tags: Shackles]

 

[EzekielsWheels]

I have definitely been down many times but never out! I think you should go to the prayer wall and ask for people to pray for you to strengthen you in your walk. It sounds like there's a dark cloud hanging over you so I'm praying that it lifts. It sounds like you're doing what you can and what more can you except out of yourself if you are? Just take it one day at a time and please repent and renounce all vows that you have made that things are going to keep getting worse or that your life will never get any better and please don't say such things because then you bind yourself to them. Only God knows the future.

 

[AnglicanPeace]

I just want to say we as Gen Y/X/Baby Boomers really need to leave Millenials alone, at least in my case. They're just young. I don't know what to say, just that I'm really sorry that you're suffering so much. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and I hear abusive, bully voices all the time. That's why I can't function around people. I feel obligated to be a salt and light but I can't. But I can here!! And you can too!!

 

[Joined2krist]

Hi, those thoughts are from the devil through demons. Any time you start to feel depressed, fight your thoughts by producing ones to counter then, God bless