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Can you Christian borderlines help me understand my wife?

Discussion in 'Personality Disorders' started by Resolute, Feb 10, 2013.

  1. Bonnie Lee

    Bonnie Lee Newbie

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    He's seeking help and you see no point to his question? Hmmm, Maybe you shouldn't be on this website if you can't offer sound edifying advice. :confused:
     
  2. madison1101

    madison1101 Senior Veteran

    +257
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    I have to tell you that you are seriously misinformed about Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD is NOT a serious mental illness, with organic origins, like Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia. Personality Disorders are learned patterns of thinking, feeling and behavior. There can also be co-occurring Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, etc, which would require medication, plus there could be a substance abuse issue, which must be addressed first. But, the research, and my personal experience, is that the learned behaviors, thinking and feeling can be unlearned with a good therapist and discipleship.

    I was in psychotherapy for 23 years, and started making radical changes around year 14. My therapist NEVER let me off the hook for my negative behaviors, even after I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I was always held responsible for behaving rationally, and maturely. My Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder NEVER gave me a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. There was no acceptable reason for negative behavior.

    I was taught that behavioral change was within my control, IF I was willing to make those changes. Unfortunately, I did not become willing till my husband moved out, filed for divorce, and my three adult children threatened to stay away from me. God did an amazing thing one week. I started having flashbacks of all the horrible things I'd done, and God healed me. I changed radically overnight.

    I made amends with my children by accepting responsibility for my behavior during their childhood, and NOT using my mental health diagnoses as an excuse, or reason for how I acted.

    So, you see, I do understand what happens with people diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I also did extensive research on it when I was studying for my Masters in Social Work. I also worked in a psychiatric hospital for four years, treating people with all diagnoses in group therapy.

    Again, I don't know where you got the idea that Borderline Personality Disorder is the same type of mental illness as Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia, but you are wrong. Even the DSM-IV has them classified differently. Bipolar Disorder, Major Depression, Mania, and Psychotic Disorders are list under Axis I and all Personality Disorders are listed under Axis II. Axis II disorders are not diagnoses that can't be changed.

    In His Service,
    Madison
     
  3. BRERDO

    BRERDO smh

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    Everything I know and have read lists Personality Disorder as a mental illness, including NAMI and NIMH. I do understand what you are saying and I do understand Axis I and Axis II. If it has been relabeled as something else and not under the Mental Illness label then I guess that is a good thing? That aside, I do hope our OP has gotten some closure from his family issue. It has to be rough watching someone you thought you loved or loved you get into situations out of your control.
     
  4. Bonnie Lee

    Bonnie Lee Newbie

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    Well I have both Axis 1 and Axis 2 so it really gets complicated and merged together making it hard to distinguish what is from Axis 1 vs Axis 2. I can tell you that my father had schizofrenia but I am not schizofrenic however I do have some paranoia issues but my therapist said that people can have paranoia symptoms from PTSD. My paranoia is not related to unrealistic thoughts but rather past trama and when new tramas occur, I have very bad PTSD for awhile. I have actually been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, Dystimia (during non suicidal phases) , OCD, PTSD and Eating Disorders. Unbelievable hey! I hate myself and my brain. I am not proud of these issues.
     
  5. bhsmte

    bhsmte Newbie

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    Bonnie,

    I understand your thoughts, but BPD is a serious mental illness that can wreak havoc on the person suffering from the disorder and clearly, those that are close to them.

    With that said, there are varying degrees of the disorder, with some high functioning BPD's able to live quite productive public lives, while their private life behavior is only known to those close to them. The other issue with BPD, is the latest studies have discovered, that if you are diagnosed with BPD, you do not purely display just BPD behavior, but also have a blend of behaviors that would fall into the other personality disorder traits. Therefore, each case is very unique. Some may be willing to get help and do quite well with therapy, but this is typically not the norm, because most simply refuse to acknowledge they have a problem and or are quite capable of duping a number of therapists into thinking they are a victim.

    If someone who displays BPD traits is willing to acknowledge they need help, that is a huge first step to the road to recovery.

    Lastly, there is some debate as to how much a genetics plays into those who suffer from BPD, which would point towards some form of organic influence, to go along with the right early environment that breeds the learned behaviors you had mentioned. Also, deep seated learned behaviors (BPD's brutally strong defense mechanisms) can at times be harder to treat than pure organic issues, because they do not respond well to medication and this is why so many BPD sufferers either decline help, stop seeing a therapist when their defense mechanism kicks in or is able to dupe the therapist into thinking they don't have any mental health issues.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2013
  6. Bonnie Lee

    Bonnie Lee Newbie

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  7. bhsmte

    bhsmte Newbie

    +11,616
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  8. Bonnie Lee

    Bonnie Lee Newbie

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    Yes that can be scary if someone is like that because it can be hard to tell who they truly are. I don't think people who disagree with me are evil and I do admit my faults but that doesn't mean I announce my faults to everyone or even the person I faulted. For example, Sometimes I apologize to the actual person and other times, I don't tell the person I'm sorry but I will talk to a friend or therapist about it and completely acknowledge it and feel true remorse but too embarassed to go directly to the person. This is a rare thing though that there would be something I need to feel guilty over but on a side note, I do apologize after every fight with my husband. I'm a very touchy/feely person so I'm always hugging n kissing him with apologies and I actually do feel remorse and mean what I say.
     
  9. madison1101

    madison1101 Senior Veteran

    +257
    Christian
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    US-Democrat

    Sorry if I confused you. I did NOT say that Borderline Personality Disorder isn't a mental illness. It is, because it's found in the DSM-IV. What I said is that it's NOT the same type of mental illness as Bipolar Disorder, or Schizophrenia. People with those diagnoses suffer because of their brain chemistry. People with Borderline Personality Disorder suffer because of their deeply ingrained, maladaptive patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. My therapist used to tell me that I was not the victim of forces beyond my control. I just chose to lose control, and subsequentally screwed up my family and my life as a result.

    I hope this helps.
     
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