Can someone shed some light on this questions I have?

[kodadog1024]

So a few years back, I experienced one of my worst episodes of Anxiety/Obsessive/Intrusive thoughts that led into a long bout of depression and quite honestly, thoughts of suicide at the very end (because of the intrusive thoughts, ... but I didn't want to die...) Fast forward about 5+ years and in the meantime, things have gotten much, much better, UNTIL... I go to my doctors and find out I have high blood pressure (towards the end of last summer, 2016). Needless to say, my obsessive thoughts kicked back in. Dying, death, etc. That lasted for about a month or two and then I broke away from it. Fast forward till about last week and my wife and I had a really long, deep discussion about how I'm not the greatest husband. Great dad, great person, but not so great of a husband. I still love her and she still loves me, very much, and since our talk last week, we are on a slow recovery to mending ourselves and me focusing much more on her than ever (rather than myself), I found myself after a few days of crying, knowing that I wasn't a great husband, my intrusive thoughts kicked back in again. While not as "strong" or long-lasting as last summer, they still pop up throughout the day and every now and then, they'll sort of take my "breath away" sink in my stomach sort of feeling. So here is the question, it always revolves around the thoughts of me hanging myself? Why? I HATE talking about when people commit suicide, HATE IT. And I know (and have no need to, nor want to) either take my life or hang myself. For the most part, I would say 90% of the time, I super easy going and laugh quite a bit. I just don't know why it consumes my thoughts when I get "really" upset about things. Thoughts?

 

[Saucy]

The devil is like a roaring lion, seeking what he may devour. He's against you. They call him the accuser for a reason. He puts those doubts into your brain and lets you stew on them. The bible also says that God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but of peace, love, and a sound mind. So, just know any time those feelings start to creep up, do whatever you can to change your thought process.

Go listen to relaxing music. Pray. Take deep breaths. Tell yourself it's going to be okay and those thoughts are lies. Remove yourself from sitting there and wallowing in things that aren't even true. The heart is deceitful, so it lies to you and makes you think that how you FEEL is reality, when it's not.

 

[kodadog1024]

^ Right on Saucy. I have found myself listening to ALOT of Christian music and "ChillLounge" in the past few years. Definitely helps. I guess it would be my biggest fear is hat I would take my life (since I have 3 kids and a wife, and to be honest, I love life), so when those thoughts come around, they stick like Gorilla Glue. Not as bad as in the past, but still.

 

[Abraxos]

We're all in this together, and there is strength through adversity, and character building. Sometimes in this life we are put through the fires yet come out refined at the end of it. Some scriptuals you may want to meditate on:
Zechariah 13.9
1 Peter 4:12-19
Matthew 11:28-30

That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10)

Here are some things that they be of comfort, God bless.

Spoiler

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

I just don't know why it consumes my thoughts when I get "really" upset about things. Thoughts?

Thoughts? You answered your own question. Thoughts.
Intrusive recurring thoughts. Obsessive recurring thoughts. Its like part of your mind wants to sabotage the rest. The impish inner self wants to spoil the party for the other inner selves.
But you have so much going for you otherwise. I feel confident you can overcome this. Good luck and God Bless.

 

[DannyKing]

For people like us with mental disorders, it's just so very easy to have something trigger an onset of problems. It happened to me just last week when my mother had breathing problems. I rushed her to the hospital and spent a lot of time with her there. After she was discharged, both my feet swelled up and became so painful, I could hardly walk. These two events (probably related) came so quickly one after the other, that I felt terribly overwhelmed by life and its struggles. It made me despair of life - life just felt so meaningless.

I always tell myself to look beyond this life and look forward to life with Him in His kingdom. But it's very hard not to feel like I'm drowning in this present life. This life is just too real and too painful and our glorious life with the Lord of Glory can only be seen through faith.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Edited

 

[Serving Zion]

So a few years back, I experienced one of my worst episodes of Anxiety/Obsessive/Intrusive thoughts that led into a long bout of depression and quite honestly, thoughts of suicide at the very end (because of the intrusive thoughts, ... but I didn't want to die...) Fast forward about 5+ years and in the meantime, things have gotten much, much better, UNTIL... I go to my doctors and find out I have high blood pressure (towards the end of last summer, 2016). Needless to say, my obsessive thoughts kicked back in. Dying, death, etc. That lasted for about a month or two and then I broke away from it. Fast forward till about last week and my wife and I had a really long, deep discussion about how I'm not the greatest husband. Great dad, great person, but not so great of a husband. I still love her and she still loves me, very much, and since our talk last week, we are on a slow recovery to mending ourselves and me focusing much more on her than ever (rather than myself), I found myself after a few days of crying, knowing that I wasn't a great husband, my intrusive thoughts kicked back in again. While not as "strong" or long-lasting as last summer, they still pop up throughout the day and every now and then, they'll sort of take my "breath away" sink in my stomach sort of feeling. So here is the question, it always revolves around the thoughts of me hanging myself? Why? I HATE talking about when people commit suicide, HATE IT. And I know (and have no need to, nor want to) either take my life or hang myself. For the most part, I would say 90% of the time, I super easy going and laugh quite a bit. I just don't know why it consumes my thoughts when I get "really" upset about things. Thoughts?

Word is where it is at.

Words have the effect of changing our mind. Every word that goes into our consciousness raises questions, is associated to memories, and draws conclusions, invoking mood in us (all at hyper-speed). So where you will find a helpful counsellor, is someone who has very strong proportion of The Holy Spirit, to deliver loving words that God will use to strengthen you, with a real spirit of grace that doesn't condescend you and doesn't tempt you to sin.

On the other hand, some people (for example some friends you might speak to), they might want to help you in their heart, but if they are not really full of The Holy Spirit at the time, what they could begin to do is to flatter you in an attempt to make you feel better, but also what they will do is plant seeds of thought that didn't come from God.

So, it is only when a person is living with good conscience and in their heart they want to promote genuine truth and love, that they really are a fit vessel for The Holy Spirit.

You should look carefully at the source of every idea that is introduced to your mind - whether it be friends, music, or TV. Because there is a great number of people in the world today that are producing words that do not originate from The Holy Spirit, because they truly do not value holiness. We Christians are called to live holy lives. It is the enemy's desire to corrupt us and destroy us because when we are full of The Holy Spirit, we are strong to oppose his works.

If you can identify and cut off all of those seeds of thought (words) that come from ungodly sources, and fill yourself up with words that are sourced from The Holy Spirit, then in no time at all, you will notice the balance of power shift where God then has your exclusive attention and is able to minister to you in full strength.

"By this will men know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" - Jesus Christ.

This is an interesting article about love: Adonai Reigns : No Greater Love and The Holy Spirit.

 

[sheamiao]

So a few years back, I experienced one of my worst episodes of Anxiety/Obsessive/Intrusive thoughts that led into a long bout of depression and quite honestly, thoughts of suicide at the very end (because of the intrusive thoughts, ... but I didn't want to die...) Fast forward about 5+ years and in the meantime, things have gotten much, much better, UNTIL... I go to my doctors and find out I have high blood pressure (towards the end of last summer, 2016). Needless to say, my obsessive thoughts kicked back in. Dying, death, etc. That lasted for about a month or two and then I broke away from it. Fast forward till about last week and my wife and I had a really long, deep discussion about how I'm not the greatest husband. Great dad, great person, but not so great of a husband. I still love her and she still loves me, very much, and since our talk last week, we are on a slow recovery to mending ourselves and me focusing much more on her than ever (rather than myself), I found myself after a few days of crying, knowing that I wasn't a great husband, my intrusive thoughts kicked back in again. While not as "strong" or long-lasting as last summer, they still pop up throughout the day and every now and then, they'll sort of take my "breath away" sink in my stomach sort of feeling. So here is the question, it always revolves around the thoughts of me hanging myself? Why? I HATE talking about when people commit suicide, HATE IT. And I know (and have no need to, nor want to) either take my life or hang myself. For the most part, I would say 90% of the time, I super easy going and laugh quite a bit. I just don't know why it consumes my thoughts when I get "really" upset about things. Thoughts?

Hey,it may scare you but to be honest I think you are under attack by the devil. It like to attack our weakest string. it lied to you by saying you are not good ..and you believed. You need to pluck the lie out by reading the scriptures about how much God love Me.


I was hand-crafted by the creator of the univer
Psalm 139:14, "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

My heavenly Father deeply cares about me!
Isaiah 49:15-16, "Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me."

My heavenly Father rejoices over me with great joy!
Zephaniah 3:17, "The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing."
There is no condemnation awaiting me!
Romans 8:1, "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus..."

My sins are cast into the depths of the sea!
Micah 7:19, "He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea."
I am no longer the person I used to be!
2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."
I am considered a son of God!
1 John 3:1, "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God..."
I am no longer a child of the darkness, but of the light!
Ephesians 5:8, "For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:"
I am loved for who I am, not because of what I've done
Romans 5:8, "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

 

[Solomons Porch]

Has anyone in your family, friends, ANYBODY in your life ever hung themself or attempted? I know that's a weird and possibly private question, if it is to personal, just don't answer and I apologize.

The mind is the battlefield and we have to take every thought captive immediately if we don't, BOOM there it is and it just gets worse and worse. Jesus says they we have to make the flesh to be obedient unto Christ. To crucify the flesh daily, doesn't sound pleasant. (Sheamaio) I totally agree with her !!

 

[thispoorman]

kodadog 1024, I am you, almost exactly (for me, it was either the rope or the knife - but I couldn't, because of the family). But I can tell you that there is hope, for my wife and I are working out the same things.

I agree with everything that has been said so far, and ask you to consider this as well: as we are all in Adam, we all want what Adam wanted, and thought he was ready to handle: the knowledge of good and evil. So, like it or not, we all will have evil thoughts because of the Fall. But the only Man who can handle those thoughts and destroy them is Christ. Stop picking up the apples falling off of that old tree. Just turn your back on it, and go to the other tree, where Christ is. Throw the evil thoughts onto Him; and enjoy the sweet fruit of his love, mercy and complete forgiveness. It is there, and it is real.