Can I trust my Wife’s Advice?

[Jim B.]

Hi all,

I’m really big on God using the people around you to speak to you. And what better way to reach a man but through his wife?

However, I believe I am called to be a pastor and my wife does not. She says that I’m not warm to the crowd and I “clam up” in front of an audience. She is referring to the 5 or 10 minute intros I have done at church, and she’s not wrong about her perspective. She believes I was right one year ago when I said I am exclusively called to one-on-one counseling.

I’m not necessarily asking how does one know if they are called to be a pastor but I will certainly read and listen if you have advice on this. Truthfully, I’m asking if it’s even possible for someone so close to me to be wrong about my calling or gifts?

Please and thank you,
Jim B.

 

[sandman]

Hi all,

I’m really big on God using the people around you to speak to you. And what better way to reach a man but through his wife?

However, I believe I am called to be a pastor and my wife does not. She says that I’m not warm to the crowd and I “clam up” in front of an audience. She is referring to the 5 or 10 minute intros I have done at church, and she’s not wrong about her perspective. She believes I was right one year ago when I said I am exclusively called to one-on-one counseling.

I’m not necessarily asking how does one know if they are called to be a pastor but I will certainly read and listen if you have advice on this. Truthfully, I’m asking if it’s even possible for someone so close to me to be wrong about my calling or gifts?

Please and thank you,
Jim B.

Your wife is judging you by her senses ….as you also remarked about yourself. If you feel you were called ….pursue it. God will tell you first before He tells someone else. I am not dismissing her evaluation and you should take that into consideration but use that as a reference for areas to improve. ….clamming up, is generally due to lack of preparation.

There are very few of us who started out with a golden tongue. I used to teach to stuffed animals when I first started out ….they didn’t laugh at my jokes ….but they didn’t fall asleep either.

It takes practice, heart, and love of the truth …..your desire to help Gods people is what will drive you….and you will get there.

Today my notes include maybe a line or two ….but mostly just scripture…I always know what I am teaching, but I don’t want to be so structured that I don’t leave room for God. My purpose is to meet the needs of the people and God will lay stuff on my heart as I am teaching and many times it’s not the direction I had determined…..Sometimes teaching do have a specific outline ….but always leave room for God.

 

[bigoink]

Some advice my pastor Phil Fernandes gave us was, if you would rather do any other job in the world. He wouldn't recommend it. But if you are being called to do something for God, let no one but the Lord help guide you. Through persistent prayer I'm sure you will find your answer. Good luck!

 

[Sketcher]

There is a Biblical precedent for God giving a wife insight in Genesis 21:12.

Concerning pastoring, it need not be sermon-giving. My church has a pastor of care ministries. He never preaches. He does counseling and hospital visits and so forth. I believe some administration for others who also do those things and report to him.

In any case, you shouldn't do this if your wife isn't on board, as there are a lot of sacrifices the family has to make. I actually work with an ex-pastor. He's still Christian, but he had to find a better way to feed his 7 kids. The reward in ministry for good work isn't better pay but more work.

I would say think and pray on this, and how you can shepherd people in light of this, and talk some more about it with your wife to see where the Lord is leading you.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

Truthfully, I’m asking if it’s even possible for someone so close to me to be wrong about my calling or gifts?

Find a way to practice everyday (or as often as possible) the thing that you believe you are called to.

That is actually what I am doing when it comes to pursuing my own ministerial goals and the advice comes from a very successful author and coach in business, as well as making a living off of creative work, Seth Godin

In particular you should try to do what I'm doing. Try making videos of Christian topics, of the bible, of doctrine issues you are interested in and post them on the web.

That will help to build some skills and confidence needed for preaching (It is a little unnerving when you first are on camera, a little like being in front of a few people at church) And of course do other things like volunteer to teach Sunday school, lead Bible classes, prayer meetings and such too.

 

[Sabertooth]

What do the elders in your church say?
(They would be the ones who would ordain you.)

Your wife's criticism about you "clamming up" may not be a deal-breaker as much as pointing out a skill that you would need to develop going forward.

 

[PloverWing]

In my denomination, if someone believes they may have a calling to the ordained ministry, a discernment committee of church members is formed. They meet with the candidate over a period of weeks or months and talk with them at length, to help them discern their calling.

Does your church have a process anything like this? You have your own thoughts, and your wife's thoughts, but maybe the thoughts and conversations of a larger group of people in the church might help you discern the nature of your calling and ministry.

 

[public hermit]

Hi all,

I’m really big on God using the people around you to speak to you. And what better way to reach a man but through his wife?

However, I believe I am called to be a pastor and my wife does not. She says that I’m not warm to the crowd and I “clam up” in front of an audience. She is referring to the 5 or 10 minute intros I have done at church, and she’s not wrong about her perspective. She believes I was right one year ago when I said I am exclusively called to one-on-one counseling.

I’m not necessarily asking how does one know if they are called to be a pastor but I will certainly read and listen if you have advice on this. Truthfully, I’m asking if it’s even possible for someone so close to me to be wrong about my calling or gifts?

Please and thank you,
Jim B.

Have you taught or led a class? Your wife's position is important because if the two of you are not on board together, that's a problem. But you should also have some sense about your ability through things like teaching a Sunday school class or catechism or something. Are you an elder that has taken on responsibilities within the body? What is you experience, thus far, outside of your wife's estimation?

 

[disciple Clint]

Hi all,

I’m really big on God using the people around you to speak to you. And what better way to reach a man but through his wife?

However, I believe I am called to be a pastor and my wife does not. She says that I’m not warm to the crowd and I “clam up” in front of an audience. She is referring to the 5 or 10 minute intros I have done at church, and she’s not wrong about her perspective. She believes I was right one year ago when I said I am exclusively called to one-on-one counseling.

I’m not necessarily asking how does one know if they are called to be a pastor but I will certainly read and listen if you have advice on this. Truthfully, I’m asking if it’s even possible for someone so close to me to be wrong about my calling or gifts?

Please and thank you,
Jim B.

I think if you are called people will come to you for help, answers to their questions and you will naturally evolve into becoming a pastor. Everyone has fear of public speaking but the more you do it the easier it becomes. Ask your pastor if he still has fear of getting up in front of everyone and speaking, every pastor I have ever talked with has fears and insecurities it is just natural to think that you are not as talented as you perceive others to be and then you get to know them and find out that they feel the same way you feel, they have simply learned to over come their fear.

 

[linux.poet]

Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in an abundance of counselors there is victory.

For by wise guidance you will wage war, And in an abundance of counselors there is victory.

This applies to spiritual warfare as much any other battle. I agree with the large group of people who say that you need a third real-life opinion, and possibly a fourth and fifth. I don't want to see your family hold you back from your spiritual calling, but they may have a point or two. It pays to listen.

 

[mama2one]

a former neighbor was a Pastor
his wife was very involved as they held Bible studies in their home & she did a lot with him such as visiting parishioners at hospitals

if your wife is not on board, don't see how it would work
a Pastor's wife has to make a lot of sacrifices

 

[SkyWriting]

Hi all,

I’m really big on God using the people around you to speak to you. And what better way to reach a man but through his wife?

However, I believe I am called to be a pastor and my wife does not. She says that I’m not warm to the crowd and I “clam up” in front of an audience. She is referring to the 5 or 10 minute intros I have done at church, and she’s not wrong about her perspective. She believes I was right one year ago when I said I am exclusively called to one-on-one counseling.

I’m not necessarily asking how does one know if they are called to be a pastor but I will certainly read and listen if you have advice on this. Truthfully, I’m asking if it’s even possible for someone so close to me to be wrong about my calling or gifts?

Please and thank you,
Jim B.

As a pastor you will have only one job, to impress people. You will sit before groups of every size and they will decide to call you to be their minister, or they will not.

My Uncle was very rarely called. And for good reason. He was not the right person for ministry.

 

[tturt]

Think you can trust her advice

Since she believes it's more one to one counseling, how does she view you being a pastor of care ministries or doing the items from Mosko's #5 post?

BTW, I vote for glass walls for all pastors who do one to one counseling.

 

[eleos1954]

Hi all,

I’m really big on God using the people around you to speak to you. And what better way to reach a man but through his wife?

However, I believe I am called to be a pastor and my wife does not. She says that I’m not warm to the crowd and I “clam up” in front of an audience. She is referring to the 5 or 10 minute intros I have done at church, and she’s not wrong about her perspective. She believes I was right one year ago when I said I am exclusively called to one-on-one counseling.

I’m not necessarily asking how does one know if they are called to be a pastor but I will certainly read and listen if you have advice on this. Truthfully, I’m asking if it’s even possible for someone so close to me to be wrong about my calling or gifts?

Please and thank you,
Jim B.

If you feel led by the Lord to preach His Word then by all means do so.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Hi all,

I’m really big on God using the people around you to speak to you. And what better way to reach a man but through his wife?

However, I believe I am called to be a pastor and my wife does not. She says that I’m not warm to the crowd and I “clam up” in front of an audience. She is referring to the 5 or 10 minute intros I have done at church, and she’s not wrong about her perspective. She believes I was right one year ago when I said I am exclusively called to one-on-one counseling.

I’m not necessarily asking how does one know if they are called to be a pastor but I will certainly read and listen if you have advice on this. Truthfully, I’m asking if it’s even possible for someone so close to me to be wrong about my calling or gifts?

Please and thank you,
Jim B.

Pastors have to be equally gifted to communicate on a one to one basis. In fact most congregants complain that their Pastor is too far removed from the personal needs of the flock. So you have that covered!
As far as preaching, the Holy Spirit will help you. Meanwhile, join your local Toastmasters to sharpen up your skills! This is my opinion.
Blessings

 

[Blade]

For what your asking yes... but can also be right. In the end its what GOD says.. He calls. Now me going to Church on night I said to the lord I now you called me but can you tell me again. Your word says In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established. So that same night 3 people came up to me saying .. you would be in the ministry, you should be a preacher.. so forth so on. We had been at that Church for years.. that was the 1st time they said that and never again.

God is never in a hurry. Those He calls He equips " Then Moses said to the Lord, “O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” So the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.”

So pray ask Him to confirm it. You and your wife pray together to wait on the lord .. you agree together that if He called you He will open all the doors.

 

[Jim B.]

Thank you a million to all who replied. I will certainly consider all that was said.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

Hi all,

I’m really big on God using the people around you to speak to you. And what better way to reach a man but through his wife?

However, I believe I am called to be a pastor and my wife does not. She says that I’m not warm to the crowd and I “clam up” in front of an audience. She is referring to the 5 or 10 minute intros I have done at church, and she’s not wrong about her perspective. She believes I was right one year ago when I said I am exclusively called to one-on-one counseling.

I’m not necessarily asking how does one know if they are called to be a pastor but I will certainly read and listen if you have advice on this. Truthfully, I’m asking if it’s even possible for someone so close to me to be wrong about my calling or gifts?

Please and thank you,
Jim B.

Hi take baby steps, first start a home bible study group thorugh church as a co-leader with another person more mature in the faith. Maybe a year latter, volunteer to be a co Sunday School Teacher with Teens, latter with Adults. In the meantime take some Bible Courses on Biblical Languages at first. By taking these small steps you will find out for sure if you are cut out to be a Pastor. You could also, join a toasting club, take Dale Carney, Speech Course at Community College. Ask Jesus to fill you with the Spirit daily for Evangelism with people you do not know. Later, try soap box preaching in a Park. If you live near Denver CO. One of the Colleges around Confax near the Capital has public debates to learn from. You can pick up co debates with others more experience with that. I think it was Denver Universality.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

Time to call it a night. My wife is kicking me off.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

start with #2 post Can I trust my Wife’s Advice?