Bullying and my son

[Icehowler]

Hi everyone

I need some good advice and I dont seem to have anywhere else to turn. I am stuck in a bad situation with my kids mainly my son tho. Here is the story...

I have two sweet and gentle kids a son age 8 and daughter age 6. My son plays a lot of video games( I know not really good and I am makeing him cut back) and is more of a art/creative person then athletic kinda like me. The problem is my nephew who lives right next door. He is a very aggressive person in a very bad situation. He is 9 years old his mother and father just went through a ugly divorce after the father was useing drugs very badly, cheating and treated his wife and kids horribly often calling his son unspeakable things. To help combat this my sister put her son lets call him Tom into Taekwondo( he reached Yellow Belt) to teach him some discapline. This didnt work and only gave him skills a violent person shouldnt have. Next she tried bonding with Tom over watching wrestling(WWE) also with his dad. Again this failed and further instilled violence. Then my sister let him join a local peewee football team as his father watches football religously. So Tom hopeing to win some of his dads love played but his dad refused to come to games and my sister had to work so it was my parents that took him. Which made Tom very angry.

After the divorce Tom's dad moved in with the girl who he cheated with and her 2 daughters only 2 doors down the road. So my sister and Tom had to see his dad out playing with her daughters and him playing house with her from Tom's backyard.

Now when Tom plays with any kids it always has to be a violent game like football, toy guns or wrestling. And things always get out of hand and my kids come in crying. I speak to my sister and get "What am I to do beat him!!" Tom curses my kids out pees on the side of his house, and the responce is always the same, hostility(verbal abuse) from my sister. She keeps Tom away for awhile but as soon as the kids get back together it starts all over again. It has caused fights between my sister and the rest of the extended family at any get to gethers mainly between us kids as our mom and dad back Tom and say well that kid is going through soo much. I understand that but he is now using that as an excuse to be bad. My parents have went as far as calling my kids( their grandkids) wimps and tell them to just toughen up. Most of the time I confront my sister, she just yells "Come on Tom lets go!!!, I dont understand why you have to do crap like that!!" and drags him to the car or into the house leaving me with a stuned look on my face.

Now I have been more of a father figure to Tom then his, who is still in his life being even meaner then before curseing and calling Tom all manner of vile things. I take him fishing and include him in our family outings only to have him act out but not tell his mom for fear of her starting problems or takeing it out on Tom.

I dont know how to deal with this because if I just keep my kids away from Tom then it will fuel problems between my sister, myself and my parents. If I let the kids settle it my son will easily lose and more over Tom is prone to useing weapons like once he pulled my horseshoe pole out of the ground and chased my son with it, next was a shovel. Someone would really get hurt.

I just dont know what to do. Tom is already going to a christain school and goes to church atleast 2 times a month and was even baptised. The consept of God and Jesus seem to be a joke to him as of now. We pray for Tom every night during devotions. My kids care for but fear Tom quite a lot.

What can I do in this situation?

 

[Winken]

Sounds like you need to move across town .... maybe across the county. "Tom" is probably going to seriously injure a child or children at some point, and he is most likely to take revenge if he is blamed for doing it. That revenge can take many forms, some of it dangerous to adults. Even if he is brought into juvenile court his behavior is unlikely to change.

 

[Icehowler]

I wish that was an option, I just bought the house and a 20 year morgage.

 

[WilliamBo]

Wow, that is a tough situation. I wish I could tell you what to do. I would just stay extra close to the Lord during this time and seek His will for the situation, fasting and praying for Tom and his family and praying over the houses. It's so sad that kids have to be raised around stuff like that. I would be praying for Tom the most as he needs discipline, love, and guidance at that young age. If it gets really bad, you might want to consider calling social services and ask them to ''visit'' Tom's family to give them a reality check, I've heard of that helping.

 

[1watchman]

Yes, that is indeed not good! This is like "between a rock and a hard place", as they say. William gave about the best counsel. Beside your devotion to the Lord and much prayer daily, you might try to gently speak to the boy about the love of God ---and letting him see (without a lot of preaching at him) that your trust and hope is in the Lord Jesus who is always present and cares for us deeply. God says: "....them that honor Me, I will honor".

I much recommend you invite him to try reading in John 1, then John 3, John 14 for an overview; and then continue on through all the four Gospels; and maybe gently mention to Tom that you would like him to join with you in looking at what God says to us. Many a parent has reached the heart and conscience of children by a steadfast testimony in their life and walk, rather than a lot of preaching. Kids watch and observe adults ---probably what happened to Tom when he saw his father's behavior. You can show a better example in a quiet way, do you think?

 

[4x4toy]

I'd tell your sister you will not tolerate your kids being run over and that if she does not give permission to whip his butt when he needs it then he is no longer allowed in your yard or with your children . Your kids look to you for protection . If she refuses to give you authority to discipline the little brat then call law enforcement, put up a fence or move .. Make rules in your yard and enforce them , I'm sorry for her plight but unless some one with good sense steps in the young man and his mother are headed for worse trouble down the road and you know it .. You don't have to be mean but you must be firm with your sister and your nephew .. 9 yrs old is prime butt whipping age and when he runs to mama she has got to tell him to do what you say next time and he'll have no problem . I'm talking about lay the wood to that tail, he'll thank you for it one day and your own son will feel a surge of comfort and security . If you are allowed to correct him let it be over when it's over and treat it like it is your duty for his sake and continue to show compassionate love for him and be ready to do it again when needed .

 

[1watchman]

I might be inclined to agree, but there can be legal trouble these days for "whip his butt" tactics. Putting some pressure on the parent to be more firm when he crosses the limits is a good thing, but considering that the boy is already warped, some personal help is going to be needed ---perhaps with pastoral or more professional counsel. He is already on the road to a disaster, it seems.