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Building a new life through Scriptures.

Discussion in 'Depression Disorders' started by Jeshu, May 16, 2019.

  1. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    One thing stood out when i met His truth on the bottom of my pit, i wasn't in God's truth and that was why my misery was so great for it was His truth about me as well. i was so far away from safety, my inner negativity had taken my a million light years away from His loving grace. One night He addressed me rock bottom with His truth and in His truth.

    Galatians 6:7
    Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

    And as i was reading those words years of hopeless, sad, despairing, bitter, angry, lonely, impatient, guilty, shameful, regretful and mournful thoughts and feelings came before my eyes. i had agreed with them all. i had not used the word to defend my truth but let my depressive thoughts and feelings rob me of all my good life in Christ.

    No one loves me
    no one understands me
    no one cares about what i feel
    it will never get better
    God doesn't love me
    i'm not chosen
    i'm going to hell
    i'm no good
    i will never get out of here
    etc etc

    Yet now all these lies had found dwelling in me and it wasn't easy to disagree with those horrible depressed feelings and thoughts as i have a depressive illness and depression continued on unabated.

    It was the battle of my life time.

    i realised that if walked in faith of God's love in Christ i would begin to have hope again. Bringing my bad life to Jesus and letting Him replace it with His Good life. Scripture is full of promises to those who put their trust in His loving truth. And so after years of fighting my depressive illness i finally found my life in His truth and i have been able to cope with my mental illness a lot better as result.

    All praise to Jesus.

    1 Peter 1:23-25

    For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. For,


    “All people are like grass,
    and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
    the grass withers and the flowers fall,
    but the word of the Lord endures forever.”

    And this is the word that was preached to you.

     
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  2. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    One thing stood out in this process of rebuilding and that was i didn't only need to know The Word but learn to heed it in my daily walk of life. The Word told me to eat the scroll, so i devoured it believing that there was real power in it. And so it was.

    At first each time my depression won again it felt like i had lost all my good life and i was back at square one. However it didn't take long for me to realise that if i kept my eyes on Jesus then my good life would hang around as well. The secret depression had so much power over me was that its thoughts and feelings focussed on my weak miserable self and not on the truth of Christ love over me.

    After awhile i understood that i had found a fool proof way to deal with my depressive illness. For i faithfully brought all my depressive thoughts and feelings to Him and let His loving truth rebuild me there. Oh how much love and comfort did i receive from on high? It was so very inspiring seeing Jesus do real time work in my heart with me being the onlooker.

    For years i had lived without hope for better. i thought myself cursed suffering from a depressive illness and unable to take anti-depressants for it. i hated myself. i held all kind of ideas about myself that were very destructive. i had struggled with repetitive sin all my life, and if truth must be told i thought i was a sure goner because i couldn't stop my sins no matter how hard i had tried.

    All that and so incredible much more Jesus made right by destroying the lies i believed about God, myself and my neighbours and setting me free to become a child of His. Faith in God's love, for as long as it is kept within Scriptures' truths, brings true hope alive and does deliver the goods it promises.

    Does God's truth works instant? Yes and no. Faith in God's love will always bring His peace but
    His good life usually comes in the form of Heavenly seeds. These small seeds are seemingly dead, dried out and useless. (Ancient promises on paper.) However when we let Jesus plant those seeds in the dirt of our heart then they will produce a 30 to a 100 fold crop over time.

    Please don't let depression rule your heart and mind any longer but find Jesus as King for all those painful realities dwelling within you. Honest He is awesome and will set us free from even very stubborn sin with His love. His gracious love is amazing and transforms the way you see and understand God, yourself and other people.

    So let Jesus work on it. First your love relationship with God and yourself and from there everything else. One step at the time.

    i remember i needed to eat a lot of grace at first for i fell constantly out of His truth and grovelled back in the mud again. It was frustrating to see how very weak i really was fighting depression. Yet seconds of good life grew into minutes of good life, which grew to hours of good life, and from there to days in good life, then weeks, months until i learned to hold onto Jesus no matter how depressed i was feeling and i could enjoy His good life even though i was rock bottom. The whole battle with depression lasted years and is still ongoing but i do a lot better now than at first. For it has become second nature to go to Jesus for help when i'm struggling. His loving truth is the safest ever for He never rejects me or turns me away.

    Isaiah 55
    “Come, all you who are thirsty,
    come to the waters;
    and you who have no money,
    come, buy and eat!
    Come, buy wine and milk
    without money and without cost.
    Why spend money on what is not bread,
    and your labor on what does not satisfy?
    Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
    and you will delight in the richest of fare.
    Give ear and come to me;
    listen, that you may live.
    I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
    my faithful love promised to David.
    See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
    a ruler and commander of the peoples.
    Surely you will summon nations you know not,
    and nations you do not know will come running to you,
    because of the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel,
    for he has endowed you with splendor.”



    Seek the Lord while he may be found;
    call on him while he is near.
    Let the wicked forsake their ways
    and the unrighteous their thoughts.
    Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
    and to our God, for he will freely pardon.



    “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
    declares the Lord.
    “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
    As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
    and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
    and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
    so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
    but will accomplish what I desire
    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

    You will go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
    the mountains and hills
    will burst into song before you,
    and all the trees of the field
    will clap their hands.
    Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
    and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
    This will be for the Lord’s renown,
    for an everlasting sign,
    that will endure forever.”


     
  3. Press On

    Press On Giving up what I am to become what I will be.

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    Uplifting testimony, Jeshu. Thank you.:hug:
     
  4. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    The secrets of our eternal life lays in the truths of the bible i found out soon after i started to heed The Living Word within me. Not that it is easy to distinguish Him at first, satan brings lots and lots of anti-Christ's around. Lies that appear true but are not true at all but rob us of our truth.

    This is why The bible is so important to know for with its truth we can expose the lies ruling our depressed lives with misery.

    This was the first thing i noticed reading the Word to my heart and that was that i had kings and rulers ruling my life with misery and they fought back against the word with their lies and could bring on big battles inside my heart and mind.

    What do i mean when i say kings and rulers? By kings and rulers i mean the morals and values that i served for example. Or the desires that live within me which demanded to be 'fed' and got me to do things so i could obtain the objects of my desires. Also my attitudes ruled over my life. My religious convictions also harboured many rulers and kings. Finally life experiences raised many a king in my heart.

    Not that it is wrong to have kings and rulers in our lives, God wants it like that, as long as they are godly in their outlook. When Christ found me rock bottom few of my kings or rulers were godly. i had lost hope in God. i hadn't overcome major sin. And i was very confused by the many opposing Christian doctrines i found in this world. i didn't know what was true and what was not true any more. i was lost within myself.

    At this stage i relied completely on God to tell me what He wanted me to know so i would open my bible randomly. Interestingly the book of Jeremiah spoke to my heart big time. And Jesus had me open the bible in that bible book time and again. My religious leaders within hated it and brought all the my confessions and doctrines up against my attempt to understand why i in my religious self felt threatened by God's word when i read it to myself.

    The biggest reason was that i had began to eat God's grace and no longer listened to the accuser in my guilty conscience. My inner religious leaders claimed that my conscience was a gift from God and that me not heeding the accuser therein would lead to more sin not less.

    It was a major battle which, as predicted in the book of Jeremiah, was lost by my religious leaders. As a matter of fact all the things i used to pride in about myself a religious person were utterly destroyed. Good riddance of bad music, for faith in God's loving truth worked so much better than my religious upbringing had ever done.

    It was a scary time where i had to rely on God's truth to get me through even though i understood so very little. None of the things i used to believe seemed valid any more, the truth of God was spiritual that much was very clear to me, but how would it change me?

    So yes me dying in my religious self proved to be very important. For Jesus opened the road for the destruction of my whole inner world of being build by lies so that i could be rebuild His child and be free from the old controlling me. The demise of my religious rulers and kings gave Jesus the freedom to choose new leaders to take control of my life.

    As king, priest and prophet ruling beside Christ, Jesus appointed love for God as supreme ruler of my heart. Love for God has ruled my inner being together with love for Scripture and love for Creation/people and i'm unbelievable happy to have them as my rulers.

    In the end the bible itself predicted what would happen to me in my old self. All the end time stories started to become true right within me. The utter desolation of my depression, the speculation and predictions coming from my attacking mind set, lying to me all the time. The accuser screaming and yelling to stop my sins while pointing to all those sinful things The Word exposed within me. It was an uncross able river of blood flowing out of me.

    And so i was effectually cut in two - the righteous and the unrighteous within my own self of being - the sheep and the goats. i certainly lived Matthew 25 a few times in my life.

    The good news is that the sheep inherit eternal life and the goats inherit eternal damnation. Today nothing makes me happier than see those goats burn in hell. How hard did they make my life? How much did i suffer at their hand? How much sin did they orchestrate? Yet Jesus got rid of them all and i may rule beside Him over my life and be at peace in His Kingdom.

    Armageddon.

    In my inner world life died everywhere,
    famine taking what sword had left behind.
    Brim and hailstones flattening what stood up,
    no escape from the carnage I could find.

    Awed I saw Jesus the evil fight,
    turning my world into a battleground.
    I saw billows of smoke rising up high,
    rolling thunder through my world rebound.

    I watched as scorpions paraded my soul,
    stinging those godless in their lust.
    Massive grasshoppers devouring all my good,
    fierce horses trampling me to dust.

    I saw much of my greenery burn-up,
    fleets of cargo ships sadly perish.
    Daily trade coming to an abrupt hold,
    ungodly rulers wrong to cherish.

    I saw the Dragon reigning his subjects,
    watched the numbered die like flies.
    I heard the false prophet's constant lying,
    demons smearing God's love with lies.

    It was the blood drinking prostitute,
    which flabbergasted me the most.
    Unfaithfulness killing God's chosen,
    with fiery death she was deposed.

    I saw my world's kingdom going down,
    ruling Babylon fall in one day.
    With two thirds of my world wiped out,
    I watched true Peace coming to stay.

    And so watching God's own safely at home,
    I finally let my tears run dry.
    Seeing Jesus arising on the clouds,
    I joined the Hallelujah cry.



     
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  5. LynnSmith

    LynnSmith Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for sharing. I found the same. He can transform that depression. Replacing the lies, the junk, the negativity with His love, His truths, His words can change your life. It’s about Jesus. It’s about knowing who we are. The Bible tells us and it’s amazing!!!!!!

    Thank you for sharing. My prayer is that those with depression and other disorders will see that there is hope in Christ Jesus!!!!!
     
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  6. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    So glad to hear Jesus helped you as well. Depression is such a horrible affliction and it always attacks us spiritually. The truth is Jesus can make us stronger than depression can bring to bear. He can rebuild us in such a manner that we can get on with our lives even if depression keeps on going.

    When we build our existence on the truth of God's word no one can take the floor from beneath our feet. Rock solid ground is a life in Him.

    Isaiah 61:1-3
    The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
    He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
    to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
    to comfort all who mourn,
    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
    to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
    the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
    and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
    They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.
     
  7. Noxot

    Noxot tohu and bohu Supporter

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    Funny how some people don't like oak trees. Guess it's a different time now. Hardly anyone eats acorns. Not many use the oak to build a ship now.

    But I sure am thankful for all the different kinds of trees that are useful and beautiful. You live in the country that has the hardest tree. I think it's called The Bull Oak but it's not a real Oak.
     
  8. LynnSmith

    LynnSmith Well-Known Member

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    Yes even if depression is there or other issues along that same line, Jesus can get us through! He is our comfort, our hope. When we lean on Him for our support, our encouragement then we are able to get through so much more. I pray one day I’m able to encourage, support and share as well as you have.
     
  9. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    i never heard of the bull oak before but yes you are right it is a common Australian tree.

    Yes i'm thankful for trees as well. Not only do they look beautiful and harbour and feed many creatures, they are extremely useful to us as well. When God makes something it always serves many purposes at once. It is with us like that as well.

    Like for years the Australian government gave farmers grants to cut the trees on their land down. In the end the ground water table rose so high and took all the salt, buried deep up, and killed the pastures above ground. Today farmers have put trees on those parts again. Billions of trees for export to Japan, Korea and China making them a good income again, mainly as wood chips.

    i'm thankful for people as well. If it wasn't because the faith of my wife, for example, i would not have understood that Jesus guides, teaches, instructs and protects His beloved. i could see the power from on high working in her and understood that is what i wanted to have as well. The bible showed me the way.

    Not only my wife but other people have shown me the truth as well. For years i worked with street kids and learned to see that making wrong decisions has consequences down the track. i saw how bad life robs us of our good life and that innocence, honesty, faithfulness, diligence and purity are truly valuable characteristics.

    It are those toxic people that are hardest to endure and it seems that we can't avoid them in our lives. There are so many toxic people around. Its best to stay out of their way.

    Hoping you are fine.

    Be blessed.
     
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  10. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    You know what i think? i think a life build by Jesus is what everybody wants when it comes to it but people don't understand how good such a life is.

    For someone with a lot of bad life to get rid off is far more likely to eagerly seek His good life than those who think that their lives are good.

    Once i realised that The Word was rebuilding me it became much easier to die to the old ways because i realised the new was awaiting me at the end of it.

    The hard part is letting go of the old while it pursues us so relentlessly, as it is with depression. i remember so well when i was still overcome by hopelessness how hard it was not to agree with my hopeless thoughts any longer and instead agree with faith in God's love until hope was found.

    i found scriptural music the most helpful in this process. i listen to music that uses the Word as lyrics whenever i struggle mentally. i found that my depressed mind lying to me was exposed time and again by the words streaming through my living room over my stereo system.

    When we love the truth then the truth comes to our defence and it shapes and remakes us along the way.

    All glory to Jesus.

     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2019
  11. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    i did not overcome depression quickly. It took well over three years before i dared say i had climbed out of my pit. but the process did not go slowly either the wicked had distorted me so much that it was hard going.

    For me the biggest realisation was that the wicked attacked me on the inside through my thoughts and feelings and that over the years i had been heeding them they had build their life form into me and now like parasites sucked the good life out of me.

    This is what i liked so much about learning to heed Jesus, or rather His Spirit of truth within me. It didn't take me long to realise that love, faith and hope were Heavenly gifts the Spirit imparts to our spirit. Faith in God's love - Jesus Christ - brings us hope again and on these hopes we can build securely and confidently.

    Revelation 19 gave me comprehension of the salvation process hallelujah for all that longed for good life in Jesus and damnation for all that opposed this process, in particular the me which had been build through world's lies and ways.

    The wicked ruling my life in misery fought back full force. At first so much of my life was still build by them and could attack me in my new found faith. Doubt and unbelief being two formidable enemies as well as the accuser. However The Word exposed these forces as evil doers for whenever i doubted God's word i would feel miserable and unbelief would bring me utter meaninglessness a black hole that went real deep, while the accuser went to town using my sins and shortcomings against me and never showed any grace.

    Oh how many hours would i have languished down there wondering if God truly loved me or i was hoping in things which were not true? Yet whenever i had faith in God's love i would feel instantly a little better and it would seem as if my reality went up instead of down hill. So glad the holy Spirit showed me that.

    At first i managed to have faith in God for mere seconds, before the lies ruling my life would shoot me down again, but soon i realised that each time i had faith in Jesus my life in Him would come back again and would grow a little bigger. Seeing this process happening gave me an enormous boost to my faith and weakened my doubt, unbelief and the accuser dragon enormously.

    Reading the word is essential in this process and not just reading it like the world teaches us to read but to read the word past the Spirit of love within and let Him do His marvellous work. At first reading The Word past my heart made little sense to me. i saw that my heart would respond to these ancient truths but i did not realise the great divisions that existed within me until much later on in the process, neither did i understand the enormous power the truth has to set things straight. Soon however i saw that the prophecies of Scripture began to become true inside of my life for in my old life all the curses of Scripture found fulfilment while in my new life all the promises of Scripture came true. Time and again.

    It was when i saw that that i died in my doubt and unbelief. It was on a miserable night. i couldn't sleep and i was right in my doubt and unbelief when the truth of scriptures grabbed me in the back of the neck and Jesus showed me how i had brought so much bad life into me because of doubting and not believing God's truths. The bottomless pit opened up below me and i fell down in my doubt and unbelief and have never struggled with these forces like that again. Such an awesome Victory for Jesus.

    Once my doubt and unbelief had perished faith in God's love began to really grow inside of my heart and hope multiplied a hundredfold.

    Amazing how my heart and mind changed in this process. My mind so confused and lost found meaning and purpose in everything. My life made so much more sense now. i was fighting the wicked and growing in love and good will and was allowed to see this process in action within me. My heart became a place of rest and peace as more and more of my life was rebuild into His truth.

    Today i have basically an undoubted faith in Jesus. Sure i doubt my own ability and have little faith in my own good but my faith in Jesus is beyond doubt for He has proven beyond doubt that He is who He says He is and He does as He says He does. Whenever doubt or unbelief come past to tempt me i remember the fate i suffered in my doubt and unbelief and tell myself never again will i deny my God given good life to teach me the right way to go. Get away from me satan i want doubt and unbelief to protect me instead of attack me.

    And so The word came true in my life where Jesus told me that if i would have faith in Him i could overcome incredible opposition.

    Mark 11:23
    “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.
     
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  12. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    In My last I

    i heard and saw
    for myself
    what big I's
    do best,
    replying first
    to Heaven's questions.

    i heard and saw,
    "Me!! Yes, I..!"
    answering triumphantly,
    ignoring the rest of me,
    self-importance rising proudly,
    “I.., I.., I..,
    yes.., ME!”

    i had heard and seen,
    “Who is first?
    Who deserves to be in Heaven?
    Who earned the power, glory and honour over here?
    Who is more important?
    Who deserves the crown?
    Who wants to live forever?”


    i heard and saw
    that there was
    no room
    for the rest
    of myself,
    nor anyone else,
    either!


    i heard and saw
    merely a
    swollen ego
    boasting
    arrogantly
    I am
    best!


    i heard and saw
    a marvellous Light
    decent from Heaven,
    screaming,
    my big I lit-up
    from hair to toe
    aflame!


    i heard and saw
    in The End
    a final tiny
    flame flickering,
    my big I
    blazed out
    for good!


    i heard and saw
    much better
    after i had
    that 'hiccup'
    going up
    tho'
     
  13. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    What is important to remember in our battle with bad life that we are saved from our bad life in our bad life. i remember many times that the truth of God's love mirrored me in wrong spirituality which had me so disgusted with myself that i denied myself the right to remain untrue to Jesus' love. i always found salvation and new life in His loving Spirit of truth in such parts of myself.

    Sanctification is a mysterious thing. One day i drink in God's love and burst at my seams in my love for Him and the new He has brought me, but a few days later, and sometimes even much quicker, sin in my flesh would catch up with me, and shatter the harmonious truth between me and my Saviour, and i would have to find Him back again a fallen creature.

    Not that Jesus cut the bond, I did, and do, and will do that in the future, for as long I have life in sinful flesh, this process will go on, i'm sure! Every day anew i have to find life in His Spirit of loving truth. Every day washed from my sins. Every day i find myself a sinner and have to submit my sinful existence to His indwelling loving truth.

    Surely no one can claim that they have conquered sin? And i'm the only one struggling with my flesh? Any one claiming that they made it to the other side once and for all, are surely either fooling themselves, or turning a blind eye to sin and are prisoners of their own view of themselves. Flesh rots because sinners die. Is it not?

    Does this mean my life isn't saved? No of course not. i know that only bad life attacking my life in Him is not elected. All life we find in Him is eternal and all in us which calls upon His name will be saved.

    So if i see that i just spoke a lie, however small, i can repent and let Jesus save me back into His truth, and go on from there forward in His kingdom an ex liar, or I can hide and crawl into the dungeons of the wicked and die for my sin in true self and become an untrue being- giving life to the wicked instead in that part of myself.

    Once I walked around thinking I been saved because I believed in The Lord. Yet I judged my neighbour instead of loving them true, not wanting everyone to be saved, like The Father does. Now i know that then I didn't have the heart of Jesus yet and I perished being like that. Even though I thought really highly of myself a believer in Him, I died a shameful death when exposed by His loving truth to be a liar and a hypocrite.

    Yet i survived as someone who had faith in Him. i have since the first day i put my faith in God and His Word. i know from Scripture that i have been given 24 of such 'Elders' in my faith life. Selves in me brought alive through God's loving truth which guided me in finding true God. i know the salvation of all that is chosen in my life to live with Him is build on these inner truths. 1 Peter 1:23-25.

    For now i know only when we have life in His Spirit will eternal life greet us with a hallelujah. All untrue and loveless spirituality dwelling within our spirit will meet the rider on the white horse, no matter how mighty this has been in our life before that moment. All life in greed, lust of the flesh, or any other perversion of His loving truth, how ever small, will be done away with.

    Effectively all bad life dwelling within humanity will be done away with and all good life that died battling satan and his hordes will be resurrected and find new life in Him. Time and again.


    Revelation 5
    Then I saw in the right hand of him who sat on the throne a scroll with writing on both sides and sealed with seven seals. And I saw a mighty angel proclaiming in a loud voice, “Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?” But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth could open the scroll or even look inside it. I wept and wept because no one was found who was worthy to open the scroll or look inside. Then one of the elders said to me, “Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals.”

    Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing at the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. The Lamb had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth. He went and took the scroll from the right hand of him who sat on the throne. And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people. And they sang a new song, saying:

    “You are worthy to take the scroll
    and to open its seals,
    because you were slain,
    and with your blood you purchased for God
    persons from every tribe and language and people and nation.
    You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God,
    and they will reign on the earth.”


    Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they were saying:

    “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,
    to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength
    and honor and glory and praise!”


    Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying:

    “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
    be praise and honor and glory and power,
    for ever and ever!”


    The four living creatures said, “Amen,” and the elders fell down and worshiped.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
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  14. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    When i had my Jesus revelation an incredible thing happened. i was divided within about me meeting Him.

    For i had this self in me totally renewed and invigorated with love for God, neighbour as well as self. Where i was on fire for the Lord. However i was only a very small part of myself within myself. Most of myself had seen what i had seen but did not combine it with faith, love and hope. Nor did anyone else in me long for Jesus they way He revealed Himself to me, pure of heart and God and neighbour loving and compassionate towards fallen sinners who were hurting it. The oppressed and hurting in me, and where i loved God, neighbour and all good Creation, made up the first believers in my inner world of being. As a matter of fact in my God loving self i was anointed ruler with Christ. A whole New Beginning!

    Still i had those within me who blamed my psychotic mind for hearing and seeing things. Oh how i struggled with these thoughts and feelings. How could a psychotic person think that he saw Jesus for real and trust that this voice of loving truth in my heart was truly God speaking to me? Oh how much doubt, distrust and unbelief did these realities in my life cause me. Unbelievable!

    Then i had most of my religious self warring up against me. In this self i claimed that Christianity as taught me by my Church was the only truth and they taught that the heart was totally corrupt and i couldn't trust to find God's voice true within me.

    i also had those in me who thought that science might be more true than God's word. The many questions that serving a religious dogmatic view of this world had bought to life in me had sought for answers in science and my studies in social science had introduced me to philosophies of this world, especially existentialism thinking had me fascinated. Understanding the word of God as truthfully translated i doubted a lot. for i knew that the rulers of this world loved doctoring with truth and i knew that certain parts of Scripture don't add up with each other and that often a literal interpretation of the bible brought more bad life than good. So believing that the truth of God's word build by serving love as He commanded me would guide me away from my misery was highly doubted in this self in me.

    And then i still had those sin lovers in me who i had excluded all my life from my faith life because in such self I was clearly not a true believer. i thought this in me was my old self and i had to kill it out of me to be freed from my desires of the flesh. So i had imprisoned these selves and denied myself the right to exist openly. Most of this self lived in the shadows of my reality but was behind all my addictions.

    In this self I had the shock of a life time when I saw the incredible beauty displayed in Christ's Good Life. And His open offer of freedom in all of this good life. Oh I wanted it badly for myself desperately I searched for a way in in this self serving self, not wanting to loose my bad life but have it also taken up into Heaven. Real big I stuff in this part of my life.

    At first i was totally stuck with this thinking. My whole being had been invited by Jesus, so where i had oppressed myself and was enslaved or in prison there I set myself free! Ouch brothers and sister did such thinking hurt me badly! As a matter of fact the false prophet, great prostitute and dragon were gods in my life there and I gave shape to the son of lawlessness in the final analysis. Proudly claiming Jesus loved me a sinner and had made all sin to be okay to keep going with.

    i knew that when i had my Jesus revelation i had met Him in my suffering, desolate, good life longing self. And i knew it was Jesus for He had spoken the same truth as the bible on my knees and had been so unbelievable beautiful in his love for me and all. i had never in my life met such a beautiful love. This love had been for me in my entirety. In my all in all i had been invited by Jesus.

    Oh the battle that ensued my Jesus revelation. Unbelievable! For i heard Jesus speak to me in all my different selves and yet He had been purely loving. Yet at least 2/3 of my worldly brought up self rejected Him and His Self revelation within my heart and perished warring against me who loved Him true and had put my faith in God's love as revealed in Scriptures and lived in my heart.

    In my religious self the destruction was even far more intense. i estimate that only a tenth of me survived the fire of His baptism in my religious self, while all the truths of God's word were taken from me in my religious self and began to serve Jesus and His growing kingdom within me. I was sure judged more severely for heeding and teaching His loving truth wrongly and for being very worldly in my understanding of God and His word. His loving truth totally pulverised me in my religiously self righteous, judgemental and hypocritical self.

    In the end though i reaped the biggest treasure of all here. A mind renewed by the word of God, The New Jerusalem descending from Above and ruling my self in harmony and peace and seeing Isaiah 60 come true time and again.

    In me who loved science i died a million deaths believing lies about God's word. The more i grew in my love for God the more hungry for truth i became. i suppose already very early on in the process i began to understand that God is truth - all truth proceed from Him and has shape in His Being. So seeking truth is not something Jesus has any objections with but when we use the truth to speculate with and then state such speculation with truths is fact over against the truths of His word then that doesn't go well in the end. The false prophet and unfaithful loves within our hearts are guilty of such thinking and all perished out of me. The whole lot! What a crap such supposedly scientific truths bring alive within me sure made me realise that by the fruit we recognise the tree.


    The sin lover me was the hardest one to fight. From the beginning he demanded to be included in the body of believers. For truly in my good life loving self i had been badly overcome by the wicked. They had most of the strings on me in that self. It was a terrible battle to die to my good life loving self in wrong. To love Jesus more than my desires and trust that somehow Jesus would have new life for me where sin wouldn't be present any more. In this self i was ruled by my selfishness, dishonesty and secrecy. So much opposition in this self to following God's word truthfully. Self denial doesn't come easy for selfish greed. After Jesus revealed the lawless ways of the wicked in control of this part of my life i realised that i was never going to go to Heaven a sinner but that the wicked in control of my life here would be washed off along the way. And so one after another i let go of the objects of my desires for i learned to love Jesus more than myself in sin and found newness of life where i learned to serve God also with my flesh. (All glory to Jesus!)

    2 Peter 2
    But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves. Many will follow their depraved conduct and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. In their greed these teachers will exploit you with fabricated stories. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping.

    For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them in chains of darkness to be held for judgment; if he did not spare the ancient world when he brought the flood on its ungodly people, but protected Noah, a preacher of righteousness, and seven others; if he condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah by burning them to ashes, and made them an example of what is going to happen to the ungodly; and if he rescued Lot, a righteous man, who was distressed by the depraved conduct of the lawless (for that righteous man, living among them day after day, was tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard)— if this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to hold the unrighteous for punishment on the day of judgment. This is especially true of those who follow the corrupt desire of the flesh and despise authority.

    Bold and arrogant, they are not afraid to heap abuse on celestial beings; yet even angels, although they are stronger and more powerful, do not heap abuse on such beings when bringing judgment on them from the Lord. But these people blaspheme in matters they do not understand. They are like unreasoning animals, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like animals they too will perish.


    They will be paid back with harm for the harm they have done. Their idea of pleasure is to carouse in broad daylight. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their pleasures while they feast with you. With eyes full of adultery, they never stop sinning; they seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed—an accursed brood! They have left the straight way and wandered off to follow the way of Balaam son of Bezer, who loved the wages of wickedness. But he was rebuked for his wrongdoing by a donkey—an animal without speech—who spoke with a human voice and restrained the prophet’s madness.


    These people are springs without water and mists driven by a storm. Blackest darkness is reserved for them. For they mouth empty, boastful words and, by appealing to the lustful desires of the flesh, they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error. They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for “people are slaves to whatever has mastered them.” If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and are overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,” and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.”
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2019
  15. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    i suppose the biggest thing i learned reading Scripture with my heart and that is that i was a spirit as well, but not Holy and pure as God is, was and always will be, but polluted and perverted by spiritualities i had taken into my heart. And that Scripture in particular talked to me in this realm, my inner dwelling place of being.

    The light of Christ's love exposed the darkness living in my heart. It was a horrible shock! i had thought myself not near as bad as i found myself to be reading the truths of God's word. Things were far worse than i had thought. i was permeated with the wicked's offspring!

    Not only that i had enormous opposition to God's truth growing in my heart. Each time the lies would conquer me back into the realm of darkness again, they tried everything to stop me from believing that battle was within. It was clear to me that the wicked tried everything to stamp out faith in God's love as revealed by Christ Himself on the cross.

    So much more started to make sense now i began to understand that eating from the fruit of good and evil was mixing right with wrong instead of keeping it separate. i also understood that the wicked can only have existence in lies. Once the lies are exposed the power of the wicked is reduced to zero very quickly.

    So much more began to make sense now, now that i saw for myself how the wicked shaped in my heart as i let the truth of God's word fly through my daily reality. The truth of God's love found all my inner liars and all my inner thieves and destroyed their dwelling place with me. Oh how good has it been to see God go to work like this within. Unbelievable liberation as all the strings the wicked had on me lost their power and scorpion stings began to sting the wicked instead of me.

    What had me most fascinated was how Jesus would get me to repent in often very stubborn sins out of love for Him and what He stood for and hate for the ones who had perverted and disfigured me so badly. The best part that in such sinful self i had always thought i would go to hell, but faith in Jesus brought a heart rendering turn around. And after a struggle to lay down my life/desires for Jesus, as He had done for me, i would find newness of life where i could freely serve the Lord with my flesh instead of transgress against His loving truth i would now praise His name for deliverance.

    This gave me an enormous encouragement in those places where i still struggled with my sins. i realised that Jesus takes me up one by one as He has determined not as i willed or thought it ought to be. It didn't take long before i saw that Jesus first rescued me in all those places where i had hurt the rule of the wicked.

    So in my fearful self, in my broken, grieving self, confused self, and imprisoned self i found my first 'converts' to the Cause. Honest brothers and sisters it was so good to see Jesus read the Scroll with the names of the chosen. Each name mentioned had me singing Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. Such wisdom, such compassion, such salvation i had been waiting for all my life as i realised that The Living Word was truly eternalising me into Jesus' Kingdom. Everything working for good in His Kingdom that much was very obvious to me.

    Truly His loving truth washes the unclean spirituality of me and renews me in His spirit of love and truth and sets me free in His Kingdom. Time and again i find Jesus rescuing me like that.

    All glory to His awesome Name!


    Peace.


    From Unfaithful To Faithful Love.

    If my love is not one with Yours Lord?
    What will happen then?
    Will i die Your loving truth?
    or exist in You an ex sinner,
    only nullification in wrong?

    Many questions!

    While You ask....
    ..do you love Me true?
    also
    when I'm not as you will?

    My honest answer;

    It is so hard to die Lord
    so hard to die to the lies ruling
    when they captivate my love
    making me impure and unholy
    enslaved to lusting after lies.

    These desires are not from You
    but actively living within me
    always after my good life
    no matter what i do
    killing my love for You!

    Wanting me to do sinful things
    things You say not to do
    killing the truth of your love within
    enslaving me to their pleasures
    and robbing my good life away!

    My desperate plea!

    How i long for You Lord
    You to be my every desire
    not sin to rule my flesh
    but my flesh serving You
    me glorying in Your name!

    i ask You to wash me clean
    anything not from You gone
    Your loving truth to rule
    and your Spirit internalising
    Your eternal truth Alive in me.
     
  16. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    So much has happened in my life since i wrote this last poem 5 months ago. A lot of depression and fighting against sin. Sin that had me captivated since i was a youth till now. The Lord set me free and gave me dominion in His reign. It is amazing how He controls everything. Sanctification goes on all our lives, especially those times we have been close to Him. His love rubs off. His goodness is enough. His desires bring life not take it away.

    Silently i rejoice in the salvation He is showing me by transforming me. A salvation based on grace and learning to become obedient to Him because of change of will on my side. Only when our love actively grows for the Lord in our sinful part of self will we ever be able to stop our particular sin. Flesh produces sin, it is inevitable, yet salvation awaits those who call on the name of the Lord. This is the mystery that works itself off within our hearts through the working of the Holy Spirit and His loving truth at work in our hearts. He makes not His children His children and not His people His people. He truly is who He says He is.

    The fruits are delicious! Sweeter than sweet to reap the produce of your own spiritual labour in real time. And it is mint to sit beside Jesus and rule from His throne over my life. More and more unwillingness and sin surrenders to Him out of envy because they see me ruling beside Christ in peace and harmony. Glorious is Christ's rule within me. i love Him so much more than at first. He truly is a Saviour that keeps His word and does as He says. i will always love Him for that.

    i encourage any one struggling with bad life to go to God in their bad life and let Him take it from them rather than trying in their own strength to overcome such sin or weakness within themselves. It might take longer than jailing or executing the sinner, to give grace,and then patiently await faith and renewal to come from the Lord in such self, but it is sure worth it.

    He keeps setting me free, even very hardy and stubborn sin die His loving truth growing within me and i find new life in Him instead and ruler ship over my life instead of sin slavery.

    All glory to Jesus. i trust Him to know what is best for me. i love how He works within me. i love how He moulds me. Jesus truly is a craftsman of great renown.

    All the peoples of this world give God the Glory!

    Revelation 20:4-6
    I saw thrones on which were seated those who had been given authority to judge. And I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded because of their testimony about Jesus and because of the word of God. They had not worshiped the beast or its image and had not received its mark on their foreheads or their hands. They came to life and reigned with Christ a thousand years. (The rest of the dead did not come to life until the thousand years were ended.) This is the first resurrection. Blessed and holy are those who share in the first resurrection. The second death has no power over them, but they will be priests of God and of Christ and will reign with him for a thousand years.
     
  17. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    The best part of a life build by Scripture is that it alone is eternal. The truths of the word dwelling in my hearts are what makes me eternal. For the knowledge that i'm God's child will never cease. i will always be God's child. The knowledge that Jesus is my king will never die because He truly is my King and will reign my life forever. i trust Jesus completely to love me true for He alone is like God always trustworthy.

    It wasn't always this good. Much wrong used to have dwelling within me. Yet the trip with Jesus had the evil ones exposed one after the other.

    Especially the accuser the word exposed as evil. Always accusing me of sin but never handing out grace or faith in Jesus. What an abomination that i used to think that God's voice was my guilty conscience, rather my guilty conscience had been build by the tempter in the first place. Getting me to do all these sinful things and then sending guilt, shame and fear to grill me with my own sins. God's forgiveness is so much better than that and then repentance is true instead of untrue.

    The false prophet was the next enemy Jesus brought to my attention. At first i was bewildered. i had never realised that much of the things i believed i had arrived at through speculation. i speculated all the time about almost everything. Just imagine was a really common practise in my life. Yet Jesus showed me that speculation leads to untruthful ideas and determinations. i realised that God never speculates but always acts in according to the truth of His love, this is what Jesus focussed on as well. Me learning to find the truth of God back in my love. Only when the false prophet had been destroyed did i begin to learn to do that.

    The anti-Christ? Oh that devil had twisted my heart and mind completely by religion and the false prophet speculating and in truth i suffered many anti-Christ's before i found true Christ. The very Living Word who took control of these places the wicked had had within me. How i love Jesus for dwelling in my heart. and being my King of kings. My God and Saviour safely in His care to be.

    The Tempter court me all by surprise. i had never understood that it was unfaithful love that tempted me to do sin. Yet Jesus clearly demonstrated to me that unfaithfulness was the core of my wrong actions. Furthermore that spiritually she is female and the bible calls her the great Babylon that rules over me when i live life outside of Jesus' Courts. The Dragon accuser destroyed her in me though at first the accuser dragon and the great prostitute worked in tandem together. She tempted me do do wrong and then the accuser would come and grill me with it. So glad when she was destroyed. At least now i can truly learn to be faithful to Jesus, unfaithful to love is the worst anti-Christ spirituality living within me. i try to repent each time i see myself fornicating with her for i know that sin abounds with her around.

    It was scary when the son of lawlessness was revealed within. That part of me doomed to destruction. That self in me which was made according to satan's design. Where loveless selfishness and lies in me reached its very peak. Yet how gracious of Jesus to zero in on the very lies that build me untrue. Lies i believed about God, myself, and my neighbour. He completely wiped me out in my selfish pursuits and taught me about humble spirit instead.

    One thing i know for sure once these enemies had been exposed and subdued by the love of God life became much easier suffering a depressive illness. For the peace and love that came to rest in my heart made me strong against depressive spells and started to bring me good life instead of bad. i found that rock bottom Jesus can still be King of my reality and keep me safely in His care.

    Yes honestly true if you let God's word shape your psyche then you will be strong to fight depression, because the truth of God's love dwells within us and protects us against the lies of the enemy.

    All praise to Jesus and the living word He raised Alive within me. i will always love Him for defeating my enemies. He truly is who He says He is and i invite anyone to let Scriptural truths dwell in love for God, self and neighbour within and learn to heed His Voice in real life.

    Hallelujah
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2020
  18. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    How good is my life in Jesus! Each day i marvel at His power to save me from my sins and set me forward on the path i should go. With Jesus as King my spiritual life has sure flourished.

    Sure depression has continued and i still often have hard times, but the difference in my heart is almost indescribable, from a place of constant war and utter turmoil to a place of blissful peace and rest. His love is so strong that even my worst sins gave up the ghosts i had swallowed believing world's lies.

    For that is how it goes. World's truths attack God's truths and make us insecure and doubting individuals because satan knows that doubt causes God's loving goodness to pass us by. He is so cruel that deceiver and works within our hearts against us. We truly have a traitor onboard once world's lies have been digested by us spiritually. The wicked suck like leeches onto us, to suck us dry of our good life, and fill us up with their bad life.

    Only the truths of Scripture protect us against the wicked. They are a crafty lot. They bring us thoughts and feelings that harvest us much bad life.

    So glad Jesus revealed Himself within me and i may know Him as my Priest King and Godly prophet. The book of Ezekiel is truly fantastic to be lived after we been through Chapter 39 and we have reached chapter 48

    THE LORD IS THERE, is really true, and the best part is that i am there to see, praise and adore Him. How blessed can one be?

    All Glory to Jesus for teaching me to understand the bible spiritually. i will love Him forever for having done that.
     
  19. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    Growing up a Christian I learned all about Church history and the battle faithful believers have gone through to keep the word available to our generation. Yet one thing baffled me from the beginning so very little was recorded about satan even though he was our main enemy how come that our forefathers did not expose the workings of satan in the hearts and minds of people, surely this would show people the truth of the Gospels?



    Take the wicked for example. For years I thought the unbelievers around me, sinning to their hearts desire, where the wicked, rather than my lost neighbour. It caused all kind of conflicting views to arise in my heart and mind and contributed a lot to the ultimate confusion that drove me literally crazy so many times in my life.



    I believe it was The Lord Himself who taught me to understand the wicked and their ways. The wicked are those forces of the air Paul in the letter to the Ephesians 6:11–12 warned us about.



    Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.





    The images Scriptures uses to describe the enemy are always telling in their description. Like The Great Prostitute, also known as; Babylon the great, or the woman in the basket, The Son of Perdition, The son of lawlessness, The Anti Christ, The False Prophet, The Seven head Dragon, that abomination playing god in our fallen lives through The Accuser in our guilty conscience. Are all names and descriptions of our spiritual enemies.



    It is best to be well aware of this in our struggle against sin. Therefore i use these names in my writing attempting to expose those enemies of humanity and of our Triune God who Created us and where they dwell inside of the human spirit dividing our hearts so that we don’t fear the Lord or heed His love. They keep God from us rather than bring us to Him, fallen angels to be.



    I have learned to see and understand that the end time stories of Scripture need to be first and foremost to be understood spiritually rather than literally. A literal reading of Scripture often makes us look outside of ourselves to see the enemy, this is trick number one in any serious kind of spiritual warfare, make your opponent look the wrong way.



    Looking at Christianity across the board certainly has convinced me the enemy has most people totally blinded to what is going on in their own hearts. Yet is there that the enemy resides.



    It is The Word of God who exposes them and tells us what they are like so we can identify them within our own lives and fight them with the truth of the Gospel.
     
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