Bpd, confused and feeling hopeless

[AM29]

I'm 26 and a few years ago was diagnosed with bpd, PTSD, major depression, and a mood disorder. I became a Christian over 2 years ago and have struggled with substance abuse and homelessness for many years. I've tried everything, long term programs, short term programs, counselling (biblical and secular) just about every medication they've made and I'm really feeling hopeless.
I recently got married and have managed to hold a job for 6 months which is the longest for me in years but today I crumbled. I stopped an antidepressant a few months ago and have been taking a natural substance for my PTSD and anxiety which helps my flashbacks tremendously but my depression and anxiety have crept back in over the last couple months to now I've been crying everyday after work, can't be around anyone besides my husband because I'm so anxious and insecure, having lots of fits of rage at work, can't make friends because I push everyone away.

I pray daily and read scriptures, have pretty regularly attended church but God feels so far away and my husband doesn't understand my mental health problems and says it's a lack of faith that I'm not healed and I'm so discouraged. I didn't show up to my shift at work today and I know my husband will be furious I just can't handle being around people constantly my anxiety anger and depression are consuming me. My emotions are so intense I don't know how to handle day to day life.

Can anyone relate???

 

[Monk Brendan]

I recently got married and have managed to hold a job for 6 months which is the longest for me in years but today I crumbled. I stopped an antidepressant a few months ago and have been taking a natural substance for my PTSD and anxiety which helps my flashbacks tremendously but my depression and anxiety have crept back in over the last couple months to now I've been crying everyday after work, can't be around anyone besides my husband because I'm so anxious and insecure, having lots of fits of rage at work, can't make friends because I push everyone away.

Get back on the anti-depressant! Even if you feel well, and feel you can stop for a while, you will just get depressed again.

I know. It happens to me.

 

[Hidden In Him]

I'll notify a friend here. Maybe she can help with your specific situation.

 

[Solomons Porch]

I'm 26 and a few years ago was diagnosed with bpd, PTSD, major depression, and a mood disorder. I became a Christian over 2 years ago and have struggled with substance abuse and homelessness for many years. I've tried everything, long term programs, short term programs, counselling (biblical and secular) just about every medication they've made and I'm really feeling hopeless.
I recently got married and have managed to hold a job for 6 months which is the longest for me in years but today I crumbled. I stopped an antidepressant a few months ago and have been taking a natural substance for my PTSD and anxiety which helps my flashbacks tremendously but my depression and anxiety have crept back in over the last couple months to now I've been crying everyday after work, can't be around anyone besides my husband because I'm so anxious and insecure, having lots of fits of rage at work, can't make friends because I push everyone away.

I pray daily and read scriptures, have pretty regularly attended church but God feels so far away and my husband doesn't understand my mental health problems and says it's a lack of faith that I'm not healed and I'm so discouraged. I didn't show up to my shift at work today and I know my husband will be furious I just can't handle being around people constantly my anxiety anger and depression are consuming me. My emotions are so intense I don't know how to handle day to day life.

Can anyone relate???

You said it's returned in the last couple of months? Did anything in particular happen that "may" have triggered this?