borderline accountability thread

[Lily76_]

I have borderline personality disorder anyone here who are regular posters have this
am finding it so hard to find other christian with this disorder its been hard of late and i feel like am on my own here a lot of people dont understand BPD and the issues am having at the moment is to do with remaining Christian i find it so hard to stay in Jesus
my husband is my carer and even he is starting to get fed up with me jumping from one faith to another so i thought iid post here everyone time i feel the temptation to faith jump
i have only just started to learn about this illness
my faith jumping is causing problems on this very forum the mods must be fed up with me and me jumping also half the time i dont know what am doing i feel i have no control at all
I am waiting for DBT waiting for help to fix me

Today av been awake since about 4am i feel like Jesus is with me but i need to hold on to this feeling like he is there with me no matter what right now my husband is sleeping he just hates the fact am still a member of this forum he has his own veiws about pro life in fact my husband is pro choice something i dont agree with at all

am on meds but they do nothing to help me i also hear voices and see things
Anyone else have voices that tell you what to think do believe
the meds dont work at all for me i see my psych in a few days time and i hope she can do something for me also i like to apologise for my switching behaviour on the forums
i feel like a small child right now 6 year old that needs love but am 42 and all i want to feel is safety from someone who understands me

 

[Jeshu]

Yes it is hard to be mentally ill and even harder when we ear voices. i also suffered from voices who told me what to do, it was horrible. Over the years i have leaned to understand that these voices are my enemies and are not trustworthy.

i began to use the truths of the bible and build my inner world on them. It works really well. The voices have gone now and i let myself be guided by God's loving truth. Life is a lot better than t used to be.

The best is to have 100 percent faith in Jesus. Even when you let Him down. Even when you fall. Always trust He is happy to see you back again and is ready to forgive you.

Once you trust Jesus with your life you can let Him change it for you. As for now you have to learn to love Jesus for then you wont go over to another faith half as quickly. Accepting Grace from Him grows love and awe. So eat a lot of grace.



Grace.

Grace is not a feeling or a thought,
Neither can it be sold or bought.

It cannot be swallowed like a pill,
Or cheaply ease some inner ill.

Grace does not enforce any demand,
Nor is anything personal banned.

Rather it is God's healing hand of Love,
His compassion descending from above,
Lifting us gently out of our inner pain,
So we can safely be ourselves again.

 

[Lily76_]

seeing my minster today at a mental health drop in
Am feeling ok at the moment, ...i feel like i dont know Jesus enough i cant read the bible at home my husband will not let me read it at home because he says effects my mental health ( OCD i start getting obsessed about the meaning and i have circled part of the our father prayer and parts of what Jesus says in the bible ) I can go to bible study once a month but it dont feel enough
i want to go every week but my church only does it monthly as the minsters are busy as well but i do have a book my minster gave me to read instead and it tell me the stories in the bible that is easy for me to understand with out getting so obsessed about it i have learning issues too i take things literally and i dont seem to get that its not i still obsess over the bible though i feel like am miss out

anyway i need to get ready to go out to the drop in

 

[Lily76_]

i am struggling at the moment , i wanted to follow Buddhism but my heart changed and now am ok
i feel low at the moment because of this
last night in another forums i post in that is negative for me to go there how depressed am feeling i should just stay here instead apart of me wants to starve myself to death because am fat

 

[Lily76_]

my husband is starting to get angry at me for going from one faith to another he said he sick of it and walked out

 

[Lily76_]

i cant stop it , looking at islam, why cant control myself
Was at church this morning as well
I hate who i am

 

[Lily76_]

Am better today saw my psych she adjusted my meds for night time time she says my voices is trauma not psychosis but she said my ocd and bpd is controled by me but i have none due to my obsessions and rituals she said that i have to stop them but am tooo scared to am NOT getting therapy

 

[djsouth]

Am better today saw my psych she adjusted my meds for night time time she says my voices is trauma not psychosis but she said my ocd and bpd is controled by me but i have none due to my obsessions and rituals she said that i have to stop them but am tooo scared to am NOT getting therapy

I m wondering why you don t want therapy,I m sorry if I misunderstood that part. Medication is only to help with the symtoms,but does not "heal" you.Please find a good Christian therapist to help you with your depression and suicidal thoughts. I love you as a person and don t want you to do anything.My brother committed suicide alittle over a year ago and I still have pain and miss him.I have BPD and it can be hard.I m not a "severe BPD", but it has affected my life for years. I am now going to a good therapist and she s helping me to realize my bad tendicies.I pray that you have gotten help and have grown closer to Jesus Christ

 

[Lily76_]

this was in may and hasnt been updated since
a lot has happened to me since then
this is my fault for not updating this but its 6.15 am uk time and am half a sleep
will make an up to date accountbity thread this one is old