Berry Berry
Member
I just had some evil thoughts from the enemy in my head calling the Holy Spirit something bad. Then I thought in my mind "Alright ... the Holy Spirit is God", but after I thought "Alright" I just felt something in my gut telling me that I was thinking something bad. I definitely did not and do not mean that He is anything bad, and of course God is good. I'm afraid I might have blasphemed Him in my thoughts. I definitely stumbled once again. Idk why I keep doing this but I did repent and ask for forgiveness immediately.
I actually felt the same thing in my heart and it felt so real. One time I was praying in church and one of the ladies was being filled by the spirit. And while I was praying and crying to God thought and words came to me and I cant even write it here because it's dirty and demonic and my heart felt like it was from me and when I confessed it to God I was so shameful and it was painful to have to admit to God that my mind came up with those words. I felt like I have no chance in heaven at all and I am scared to go to Hell but there's a part of me that says "i deserve it because of the things I've done to God" and now I feel more miserable and hopeless. I know God loves me and I try my best everytime to be optimistic that "if you really blasphemed the spirit of God, you wouldn't care by now" but I also have doubt that the reason why I care is no because of God's conviction (a result of my blasphemous thoughts) but because of my anxiety having a mental disorder diagnosed just recently in 2020. I am stuck and scared but part of me doesn't want to be scared but how would I know if this feelinh of not being concerned is from me, satan or God himself. I am confused and hopeless. I love God and I just recently came back to Him. I just started being intimate with Him again after months of backsliding in heart and being lukewarm and a hypocrite in faith but now I feel like I really did something aweful because in my heart, I felt that the thought came from me because I felt something weird like a thorn coming out from me and I am scared that by having this feeling, I blasphemed God's Holy Spirit. I am troubled and scared.help I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm losing myself and I am scared that I might be crazy
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