Blasphemous evil thoughts

[Caleb23]

Really don't know where to start but here it goes.

I remember when I was in my early teenage years.
I had a very bad drug problem, I would do pills,weed,bath-salts,meth you name it I done it and more.

When I was around 17 years old I would play video games, and think " if I don't make this shot i'm selling my soul to the devil "
then of course " no no no i don't mean that "
I would think this over and over and over

I have been in a EF-5 tornado and been hit head out and by God's mercy survived. ( 15 )
I also drug overdosed on pills and almost lost my life. ( around 17 )

Fast forward about a year or so I was about 18 - 19 years old
I was withdrawing off marijuana, and laying in my bed at night.
I have been having thoughts of " sell you soul " etc
So pleading with Jesus at nights for a long time, depressed and what not.
One night I just blurted out the words " I am ready to sell my soul to the de.... "
When I said these words, I felt the worst fear I have ever felt come over my head to my feet.

Immediately I said I gotta get into Church...
So I thought I done something now that would separate me from God forever.
And there was no chance ever to be saved and wind up in Heaven.

2 days or so after this night I started having these weird blasphemous thoughts go through my mind. It was like every waking hour I was thinking horrible bad thoughts that I hated and didn't want.

I will give you examples

I had thoughts like " sa... is my god now "
"#$#% you Jesus, God"
"I don't wanna be saved"

Every time I would think this I would be in severe mental agony , rebuking these thoughts trying to think other things hating these thoughts.

Then my mother told me there was only one thing I couldn't be forgiven for and that was blasphemy of the Holy Ghost...
When she told me that, I tried everything I had in me too not think of a bad thought against the Holy Ghost. Then boom I thought " %$%$ the H.... ..... "

Even worse agony and misery....
I then found out about in Ezekiel that All souls belong to the Father, and I didn't even own my own soul. And that you couldn't really 'sell your soul' like that and then your done forever....

I went and got on OCD medication, and was taking paxil 40mg during this time.
I said something has to be wrong with me.

I went on for months and months and months in mental torment everyday.
I got my first glimpse of hope at Church. There's a few people who speak in tounges, and my paster can interpret the tongues spoken. On occasion he does this..

I was praying in my mind ( Jesus your my Shepard I'm your sheep, over and over and over )
I prayed this for months and never heard anything.
Then one night, tounges broke out in Church.
My pastor interpreted them.
He said "Ye, you are my sheep I am your Shepard"
TALK ABOUT REJOICING

I remember going home and being tormented again with thoughts( they always have been there with me )

*And nightmares man the nightmares, I had loads of them
* I was sleep paralyied once, and had a voice say " Heyy there " very scary voice
I slept on the couch for years and refused to go in my bedroom
*Seen a ghost girl in my dreams, try to attack me, and I woke up in terror.


over time I ignored the thoughts and it got better.
About 1-2 years after all this, and reading God's Word every day, praying everyday going to Church everyday. Praise GOD the thoughts stopped and I felt completely brand new, new life... Found a girlfriend got married, was amazing..

I went off the medication and just stopped taking it.
For 6 or so months just cold turkey. Felt great, no thoughts.

One day I got a thought " Maybe it wasen't the marijuana that done this to me "
I started smoking weed again and doing pills ( pain pills )
6 months later boom..

I was at my buddys house and out the blue had a random thought say " I love sa... "
I then thought oh noooo Here we go again. I have already been down this road..

Now for 1 year I have been having all kinds of horrible thoughts....
like

"I hate Jesus"
"$%$% the Holy ..... "
"Praise sa...."
Praise the dark lord
Jesus is a $#$#

And I HATE THIS I hate thinking this way, this isn't what I want to do.

I went to Church again, and prayed that same prayer and heard then same message again by the same pastor and the same woman who speaks in tounges.
Very hopeful and encouraging. That one day I can be healed of this..

I am not taking medication for this, I don't think its a mental illness.
Please give me some input on this situation, I don't wanna hear "itching ears"
I'm so afraid I have blasphemed the Holy Ghost, and Jesus can't / dont want anything to do with me anymore.

I have been depressed for a year, I have good days and bad days.
I know Jesus can deliever me from this.

 

[Emsmom1]

Google OCD and scrupulosity. I would post a link, but I'm not sure I'm allowed to on this site.

 

[Caleb23]

Google OCD and scrupulosity. I would post a link, but I'm not sure I'm allowed to on this site.

I know all about OCD and scrupulosity. I have spent HOURS and hours reading.
The problem is I still think this way and I hate it.

 

[Emsmom1]

Well, have you received treatment? OCD is real. Just wishing it to go away is not effective.

 

[Caleb23]

Well, have you received treatment? OCD is real. Just wishing it to go away is not effective.

This time no, I take no medication and don't want to take any medication.
As far as other stuff to deal with ocd no also

 

[SarahsKnight]

Google OCD and scrupulosity. I would post a link, but I'm not sure I'm allowed to on this site.

You should heed this advice, @Caleb23 . In particular, I suggest Google searching Grantley Morris, who I believe made a site dedicated solely to explaining how scrupulosity works and entraps us, and testimonies in which sufferers of cases similar to yours either beat this disease entirely or are at least learning to function in daily life and cling to God in spite of it.

There is something else I was told by a preacher once (from the church I had come to be a believer in Christ at one day about 11 years prior), back when I suffered from scrupulosity as well and was tormented by blasphemous and evil thoughts towards the Holy Spirit. He said that those he believed he had seen actually, TRULY commit the unforgivable sin in clearly and willfully cursing the Holy Spirit, died within the next 24 hours. And that was a good point he had made. If a soul has truly moved well and irreversibly beyond forgiveness of sins by rejecting Christ for all time (which I personally believe blaspheming the Holy Spirit to basically mean), then why would God even bother leaving you alive for really any amount of time? There would really be no purpose left for you in continuing to live, right? As you could do nothing for Him, much less ever come to be a believer later. I certainly don't know why He'd bother to protect you in the midst of that tornado that you said came later after that first day when you were 17 and had the thought about selling your soul to the Devil when playing video games, if He had counted that against you as a definitive unforgivable sin. Take comfort in that, perhaps.

 

[Caleb23]

You should heed this advice, @Caleb23 . In particular, I suggest Google searching Grantley Morris, who I believe made a site dedicated solely to explaining how scrupulosity works and entraps us, and testimonies in which sufferers of cases similar to yours either beat this disease entirely or are at least learning to function in daily life and cling to God in spite of it.

There is something else I was told by a preacher once (from the church I had come to be a believer in Christ at one day about 11 years prior), back when I suffered from scrupulosity as well and was tormented by blasphemous and evil thoughts towards the Holy Spirit. He said that those he believed he had seen actually, TRULY commit the unforgivable sin in clearly and willfully cursing the Holy Spirit, died within the next 24 hours. And that was a good point he had made. If a soul has truly moved well and irreversibly beyond forgiveness of sins by rejecting Christ for all time (which I personally believe blaspheming the Holy Spirit to basically mean), then why would God even bother leaving you alive for really any amount of time? There would really be no purpose left for you in continuing to live, right? As you could do nothing for Him, much less ever come to be a believer later. I certainly don't know why He'd bother to protect you in the midst of that tornado that you said came later after that first day when you were 17 and had the thought about selling your soul to the Devil when playing video games, if He had counted that against you as a definitive unforgivable sin. Take comfort in that, perhaps.

I am familiar with Grantley Morris's website and have read a lot from there. It does help..
Well I was worried cause I actually said those words out my mouth " Im ready to sell my soul to the ..... "

I have read and studied the unpardonable sin and I think it is calling the Holy Ghost evil of satan etc..

Scripture Mark 3:30
Because they said, He hath an unclean spirit.

Also it's stated in Matthew 12:32
Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come.

So I think it's not a mere unbelief in Jesus Christ
But has to do with speaking for sure.. But then does that count for thoughts in your head?



So idk I just hate thinking this way.
I hate living everyday like this

 

[Emsmom1]

Caleb23 "So idk I just hate thinking this way.
I hate living everyday like this"
If this is true, then go to a qualified professional. It's no different than getting help for diabetes or cancer. If you are concerned about seeing a secular therapist, then find a Christian one (a PhD for therapy or a MD for meds).

 

[Aussie Pete]

Really don't know where to start but here it goes.

I remember when I was in my early teenage years.
I had a very bad drug problem, I would do pills,weed,bath-salts,meth you name it I done it and more.

When I was around 17 years old I would play video games, and think " if I don't make this shot i'm selling my soul to the devil "
then of course " no no no i don't mean that "
I would think this over and over and over

I have been in a EF-5 tornado and been hit head out and by God's mercy survived. ( 15 )
I also drug overdosed on pills and almost lost my life. ( around 17 )

Fast forward about a year or so I was about 18 - 19 years old
I was withdrawing off marijuana, and laying in my bed at night.
I have been having thoughts of " sell you soul " etc
So pleading with Jesus at nights for a long time, depressed and what not.
One night I just blurted out the words " I am ready to sell my soul to the de.... "
When I said these words, I felt the worst fear I have ever felt come over my head to my feet.

Immediately I said I gotta get into Church...
So I thought I done something now that would separate me from God forever.
And there was no chance ever to be saved and wind up in Heaven.

2 days or so after this night I started having these weird blasphemous thoughts go through my mind. It was like every waking hour I was thinking horrible bad thoughts that I hated and didn't want.

I will give you examples

I had thoughts like " sa... is my god now "
"#$#% you Jesus, God"
"I don't wanna be saved"

Every time I would think this I would be in severe mental agony , rebuking these thoughts trying to think other things hating these thoughts.

Then my mother told me there was only one thing I couldn't be forgiven for and that was blasphemy of the Holy Ghost...
When she told me that, I tried everything I had in me too not think of a bad thought against the Holy Ghost. Then boom I thought " %$%$ the H.... ..... "

Even worse agony and misery....
I then found out about in Ezekiel that All souls belong to the Father, and I didn't even own my own soul. And that you couldn't really 'sell your soul' like that and then your done forever....

I went and got on OCD medication, and was taking paxil 40mg during this time.
I said something has to be wrong with me.

I went on for months and months and months in mental torment everyday.
I got my first glimpse of hope at Church. There's a few people who speak in tounges, and my paster can interpret the tongues spoken. On occasion he does this..

I was praying in my mind ( Jesus your my Shepard I'm your sheep, over and over and over )
I prayed this for months and never heard anything.
Then one night, tounges broke out in Church.
My pastor interpreted them.
He said "Ye, you are my sheep I am your Shepard"
TALK ABOUT REJOICING

I remember going home and being tormented again with thoughts( they always have been there with me )

*And nightmares man the nightmares, I had loads of them
* I was sleep paralyied once, and had a voice say " Heyy there " very scary voice
I slept on the couch for years and refused to go in my bedroom
*Seen a ghost girl in my dreams, try to attack me, and I woke up in terror.


over time I ignored the thoughts and it got better.
About 1-2 years after all this, and reading God's Word every day, praying everyday going to Church everyday. Praise GOD the thoughts stopped and I felt completely brand new, new life... Found a girlfriend got married, was amazing..

I went off the medication and just stopped taking it.
For 6 or so months just cold turkey. Felt great, no thoughts.

One day I got a thought " Maybe it wasen't the marijuana that done this to me "
I started smoking weed again and doing pills ( pain pills )
6 months later boom..

I was at my buddys house and out the blue had a random thought say " I love sa... "
I then thought oh noooo Here we go again. I have already been down this road..

Now for 1 year I have been having all kinds of horrible thoughts....
like

"I hate Jesus"
"$%$% the Holy ..... "
"Praise sa...."
Praise the dark lord
Jesus is a $#$#

And I HATE THIS I hate thinking this way, this isn't what I want to do.

I went to Church again, and prayed that same prayer and heard then same message again by the same pastor and the same woman who speaks in tounges.
Very hopeful and encouraging. That one day I can be healed of this..

I am not taking medication for this, I don't think its a mental illness.
Please give me some input on this situation, I don't wanna hear "itching ears"
I'm so afraid I have blasphemed the Holy Ghost, and Jesus can't / dont want anything to do with me anymore.

I have been depressed for a year, I have good days and bad days.
I know Jesus can deliever me from this.

You are right, but you are oppressed by an evil spirit. You need to be delivered by someone who knows their authority in Christ. If you are not choosing thoughts, then it is not you. Demons have access to your mind. Unless you resist, they will keep on planting thoughts. You have not blasphemed the Holy Spirit. If you had, you would not hate those thoughts.
Evil spirits/demons are like leeches that grab onto your mind. They have no choice but to go when commanded in Jesus name. Jesus came to set the captives free. He can and will set you free. Ask Him to show you who can help you.

 

[Caleb23]

You are right, but you are oppressed by an evil spirit. You need to be delivered by someone who knows their authority in Christ. If you are not choosing thoughts, then it is not you. Demons have access to your mind. Unless you resist, they will keep on planting thoughts. You have not blasphemed the Holy Spirit. If you had, you would not hate those thoughts.
Evil spirits/demons are like leeches that grab onto your mind. They have no choice but to go when commanded in Jesus name. Jesus came to set the captives free. He can and will set you free. Ask Him to show you who can help you.

Yeah I can say 100% I hate the thoughts and would rather not have them at all.
Will you join me in praying and agreeing together for deliverance and if Jesus want's to lead me to a person for help?

 

[Caleb23]

Caleb23 "So idk I just hate thinking this way.
I hate living everyday like this"
If this is true, then go to a qualified professional. It's no different than getting help for diabetes or cancer. If you are concerned about seeing a secular therapist, then find a Christian one (a PhD for therapy or a MD for meds).

I feel dirty and wrong like i'm fake if I take anti-depressiants but then again IDK.
I dont know if it's a sin to take pills for a mental thing like this.

I understand with diabetes and cancer and what not.
But mine is thoughts, and I think it's spiritual and it's like what's meds going to do for this?
Also feels like I am denying Gods power to deliever me, I keep thinking if I just hold on out maybe just maybe one day this will be gone. And praise the Lord Jesus at a testimony I will have for what Jesus done for me.

This is a real concern for me, I am not bashing medication in anyway I took them for 3 years.
I just am at point in my life I don't wanna take nothing God doesn't want me to take.
Or if taking meds would be a sin, covering up the root and never fully being set free.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Yeah I can say 100% I hate the thoughts and would rather not have them at all.
Will you join me in praying and agreeing together for deliverance and if Jesus want's to lead me to a person for help?

Yep, I agree, it's demonic. I struggle with this, too. It stinks.

The good news is, we are not culpable for thoughts we are not willingly thinking. Stuff that pops into our heads against our will is not "us". We do have to fight back, but with prayer, patience, acts of mercy towards others as God gives us the chances, and forcing our actual thoughts back on Christ.

You are absolutely not alone. A staggering number of us on here face the same thing.

 

[anna ~ grace]

For what it's worth, I'm not medicated, either. I have cut out refined sugars, artificial food, and most TV from my diet, and life. I listen to and watch only Christian media as much as possible. And the Weather Channel. And that's mostly it. This has helped. It's still a daily battle, but taking better care of our bodies and souls can make us stronger, and make it easier to fight back.

 

[Caleb23]

For what it's worth, I'm not medicated, either. I have cut out refined sugars, artificial food, and most TV from my diet, and life. I listen to and watch only Christian media as much as possible. And the Weather Channel. And that's mostly it. This has helped. It's still a daily battle, but taking better care of our bodies and souls can make us stronger, and make it easier to fight back.

How long have you been thinking like this if I can ask?
Yes I don't watch tv hardly anymore, and I listen to certain music now.
I was listening to gospel rap, but I think I don't even wanna hear that now.

I used to love gaming, but have no love for it no more like I used to.
I do play a mobile cell phone game from time to time.

I took medication and it didn't do much of nothing for me, I still remember the months of torment.
So I really think God set me free. Now I do remember telling the woman that I could ignore the thoughts and laugh at them now.
I really could do this, it was like I knew it was fake and it didn't bother me anymore. This went on for months then one day I was like wow no thoughts at all. Praise God, and loved life.

So the medication is tempting but only if Jesus wants me to go that route.
Then it's like how would you know right?

I gotta go to sleep I got work at 5 am ( 4 hours )

Love you all
Psalms 51

 

[Aussie Pete]

Yeah I can say 100% I hate the thoughts and would rather not have them at all.
Will you join me in praying and agreeing together for deliverance and if Jesus want's to lead me to a person for help?

Sure will. Lord Jesus works through His church. You should get "War on the Saints" by Jesse Penn-Lewis also. There are reasons why we get oppressed and we need to know how to stay out of trouble.

 

[tturt]

God is in the heart business and your heart is for Him. Turn your focus on Scripture such as these and let them minister to you:

- God loves you with an everlasting love (John 3:16-17, Jer 31)
- God promises to never leave you nor forsake you (Deu 31:6)
- The spirit of God made you, and the breath of the Almighty gives you life. Job 33:
- you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psa 139:13-14)
-The Lord says, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jer 29:11

- God is great, majestic, gracious, full of compassion, good to me, +++++ Psa 145

 

[SarahsKnight]

So idk I just hate thinking this way.
I hate living everyday like this

Trust me. No one likes it.

 

[ovis90]

Sometimes I have such thoughs to i think I have OCD too and i even had panic attacks because of this,until i made a decision i won't listen to this thoughts and know one thing with thoughts is this . If you focus on this bad thoughts they will expand until you have so many bad thoughts that will get crazy. The only way is to just ignore if you get bad though about something just let it pass, thats the only way. It doesn't mean you made a sin by this thoughts at least i think so if you didn't think them intentionaly.

 

[Cclun]

Really don't know where to start but here it goes.

I remember when I was in my early teenage years.
I had a very bad drug problem, I would do pills,weed,bath-salts,meth you name it I done it and more.

When I was around 17 years old I would play video games, and think " if I don't make this shot i'm selling my soul to the devil "
then of course " no no no i don't mean that "
I would think this over and over and over

I have been in a EF-5 tornado and been hit head out and by God's mercy survived. ( 15 )
I also drug overdosed on pills and almost lost my life. ( around 17 )

Fast forward about a year or so I was about 18 - 19 years old
I was withdrawing off marijuana, and laying in my bed at night.
I have been having thoughts of " sell you soul " etc
So pleading with Jesus at nights for a long time, depressed and what not.
One night I just blurted out the words " I am ready to sell my soul to the de.... "
When I said these words, I felt the worst fear I have ever felt come over my head to my feet.

Immediately I said I gotta get into Church...
So I thought I done something now that would separate me from God forever.
And there was no chance ever to be saved and wind up in Heaven.

2 days or so after this night I started having these weird blasphemous thoughts go through my mind. It was like every waking hour I was thinking horrible bad thoughts that I hated and didn't want.

I will give you examples

I had thoughts like " sa... is my god now "
"#$#% you Jesus, God"
"I don't wanna be saved"

Every time I would think this I would be in severe mental agony , rebuking these thoughts trying to think other things hating these thoughts.

Then my mother told me there was only one thing I couldn't be forgiven for and that was blasphemy of the Holy Ghost...
When she told me that, I tried everything I had in me too not think of a bad thought against the Holy Ghost. Then boom I thought " %$%$ the H.... ..... "

Even worse agony and misery....
I then found out about in Ezekiel that All souls belong to the Father, and I didn't even own my own soul. And that you couldn't really 'sell your soul' like that and then your done forever....

I went and got on OCD medication, and was taking paxil 40mg during this time.
I said something has to be wrong with me.

I went on for months and months and months in mental torment everyday.
I got my first glimpse of hope at Church. There's a few people who speak in tounges, and my paster can interpret the tongues spoken. On occasion he does this..

I was praying in my mind ( Jesus your my Shepard I'm your sheep, over and over and over )
I prayed this for months and never heard anything.
Then one night, tounges broke out in Church.
My pastor interpreted them.
He said "Ye, you are my sheep I am your Shepard"
TALK ABOUT REJOICING

I remember going home and being tormented again with thoughts( they always have been there with me )

*And nightmares man the nightmares, I had loads of them
* I was sleep paralyied once, and had a voice say " Heyy there " very scary voice
I slept on the couch for years and refused to go in my bedroom
*Seen a ghost girl in my dreams, try to attack me, and I woke up in terror.


over time I ignored the thoughts and it got better.
About 1-2 years after all this, and reading God's Word every day, praying everyday going to Church everyday. Praise GOD the thoughts stopped and I felt completely brand new, new life... Found a girlfriend got married, was amazing..

I went off the medication and just stopped taking it.
For 6 or so months just cold turkey. Felt great, no thoughts.

One day I got a thought " Maybe it wasen't the marijuana that done this to me "
I started smoking weed again and doing pills ( pain pills )
6 months later boom..

I was at my buddys house and out the blue had a random thought say " I love sa... "
I then thought oh noooo Here we go again. I have already been down this road..

Now for 1 year I have been having all kinds of horrible thoughts....
like

"I hate Jesus"
"$%$% the Holy ..... "
"Praise sa...."
Praise the dark lord
Jesus is a $#$#

And I HATE THIS I hate thinking this way, this isn't what I want to do.

I went to Church again, and prayed that same prayer and heard then same message again by the same pastor and the same woman who speaks in tounges.
Very hopeful and encouraging. That one day I can be healed of this..

I am not taking medication for this, I don't think its a mental illness.
Please give me some input on this situation, I don't wanna hear "itching ears"
I'm so afraid I have blasphemed the Holy Ghost, and Jesus can't / dont want anything to do with me anymore.

I have been depressed for a year, I have good days and bad days.
I know Jesus can deliever me from this.

How long have you been thinking like this if I can ask?
Yes I don't watch tv hardly anymore, and I listen to certain music now.
I was listening to gospel rap, but I think I don't even wanna hear that now.

I used to love gaming, but have no love for it no more like I used to.
I do play a mobile cell phone game from time to time.

I took medication and it didn't do much of nothing for me, I still remember the months of torment.
So I really think God set me free. Now I do remember telling the woman that I could ignore the thoughts and laugh at them now.
I really could do this, it was like I knew it was fake and it didn't bother me anymore. This went on for months then one day I was like wow no thoughts at all. Praise God, and loved life.

So the medication is tempting but only if Jesus wants me to go that route.
Then it's like how would you know right?

I gotta go to sleep I got work at 5 am ( 4 hours )

Love you all
Psalms 51

God is a God of Love. You might have felt like you have blaspheme the Holy Spirit and therefore committed the unpardonable sin, but if you had done It while under the influence of drugs, your mental status was not clear and It was not deliberate. God is a gracious God, and merciful and loving, and I do not believe he will hold that against you. In fact, I think Satan is using this fear of yours to distant you from God and to draw you further and further away from Him. Your battle is not against flesh and blood but against principalities and evil darkness of this world (Eph 6). I suggest you stay strong in a solid church and find discipleship group that can help you grow in your knowledge and Faith in Christ. Satan is tempting you, but remember God is much bigger than Satan.

 

[Caleb23]

God is a God of Love. You might have felt like you have blaspheme the Holy Spirit and therefore committed the unpardonable sin, but if you had done It while under the influence of drugs, your mental status was not clear and It was not deliberate. God is a gracious God, and merciful and loving, and I do not believe he will hold that against you. In fact, I think Satan is using this fear of yours to distant you from God and to draw you further and further away from Him. Your battle is not against flesh and blood but against principalities and evil darkness of this world (Eph 6). I suggest you stay strong in a solid church and find discipleship group that can help you grow in your knowledge and Faith in Christ. Satan is tempting you, but remember God is much bigger than Satan.

Yeah but the thing is I have been having these horrible thoughts for a year now everyday and night.