Bipolar or BPD?

[megan_26]

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm in the right place for this but I wanted advice from other Christians on this issue.

There was a time when I thought that I had BPD (borderline personality disorder). I tend to be a little erratic...I have trust issues and my relationships are often very shaky because I get angry easily and at little things. Even my relationship with God goes up and down. I also have abandonment issues. For a while, it was like I embodied BPD. But after I escaped the toxic relationship was in, I started to rethink that. I'm wondering now if maybe I thought I had BPD because I WANTED to have BPD, if that makes sense.

Here's why I'm thinking I'm bipolar:
I go through phases where I'm very manic, I guess you could say. I wake up early. I get lots done. I'm very happy, peppy, and talkative. Nothing really gets me down and if it does, I bounce back quickly. I can't focus easily during these times. I start lots of projects and never finish any of them. I have boundless energy and no one can keep up with me. I get all these great ideas but they're often dead ends that lead to no where. Often times, I can't sleep. I'm typically a shy person but in this phase, I talk a lot and very quickly. I have lots to say. I'm creative, inspired, and optimistic about life. But I can also be easily irritated during these times, especially when people can't keep up with my hyper behavior. I'm ambitious and take too much on when I'm in an up phase and people often tell me to slow down or calm down because they recognize that I'm being erratic when I don't see it. These are the times when I feel most like myself but I'll admit that I do feel out of control during these phases. I feel wired and restless and that can get annoying.

I also go through phases of deep, deep depression. I sleep too much but can't get to sleep at night. Nothing interests me and I question my values and my work and the purpose of my life. I pull away from friends and everything gets me down. I feel directionless and useless. I cry easily and I'm angry. Most of my days are spent waiting until nighttime and I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I can't motivate myself and I care about nothing at all.

Both of these phases can last anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months. For example, after getting out of my toxic relationship, I was in an "up" phase for about three months. I'm currently in a down place and have been for two months.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis because I know that can only be made by a professional. I'd just like to have some advice and outside, unbiased opinions.

Thank you!

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

As an example, I told someone a year ago to get a diagnosis, just to know what is going on at least. It would have helped a lot if they had, but they didn't, and the same things just keep going on over and over and over in their life, never coming to a healing nor a conclusion because they still don't know what is going on .
They also had a physical issue, that they did not get a diagnosis for, and as a result, 8 months later were admitted to ER with a heart attack. They realize now, too late, they could have done something last year to help, if they had gotten a diagnosis instead of just ignoring the problems. (both physical and mental)

Spiritual problems also, but there is no one they have found to go to for a diagnosis of spiritual problems..... they just keep asking one person after another and don't take the advice of anyone .... just round and round they go and keep going through the same things over and over and over again.

It is difficult these days, seemingly much more difficult than decades ago,
to find out where to go for just a diagnosis even, mental, physical or spiritual.

The days are very dangerous we all live in , so make the most of your time while it is still daytime, while there is still some light left, (if there is any light left)....

I'm not looking for a diagnosis because I know that can only be made by a professional. I'd just like to have some advice and outside, unbiased opinions.

 

[Saucy]

Hello! I was diagnosed as bipolar with manic depression 1. There are different phases and you'll have to do your research and see which fits you best.

There are times when I feel invincible and like nothing can touch me. That's being manic. I can feel like there's nothing wrong in my life, when it's all burning around me, so the bipolarness really distorts reality. It causes you to do risky behavior and easier to get into addictions, like risky sexual behavior or struggling with money.

I've often felt hopeless because I've lost a lot of friends who didnt understand me nor cared to try to. It's just one of the struggles we'll have to endure.

 

[quietpraiyze]

As a Bipolar 1, after I went down your list I wanted to say, "Welcome to the family" but I can't officially do that because you don't officially have the diagnosis. Having a diagnosis can be a relief. Do you think you need meds or do you think you're okay the way you are?

 

[megan_26]

Hello! I was diagnosed as bipolar with manic depression 1. There are different phases and you'll have to do your research and see which fits you best.

There are times when I feel invincible and like nothing can touch me. That's being manic. I can feel like there's nothing wrong in my life, when it's all burning around me, so the bipolarness really distorts reality. It causes you to do risky behavior and easier to get into addictions, like risky sexual behavior or struggling with money.

I've often felt hopeless because I've lost a lot of friends who didnt understand me nor cared to try to. It's just one of the struggles we'll have to endure.

I can relate to losing my friends because of how I am and feeling invincible when I'm in one of my highs. I do engage in some reckless behavior, too. I'm just glad to know there's others out there who feel like I do and who are managing. Because sometimes I feel pretty hopeless

 

[megan_26]

As a Bipolar 1, after I went down your list I wanted to say, "Welcome to the family" but I can't officially do that because you don't officially have the diagnosis. Having a diagnosis can be a relief. Do you think you need meds or do you think you're okay the way you are?

That's why I would like a diagnosis because then I can least say "Hey that's what's wrong with me!" I go back and forth between thinking I need meds and thinking I'm okay. On my good days, my symptoms are manageable. But when I'm having a really low low phase, it gets pretty bad. I think I would like meds just because it would be nice to live a mostly normal life, you know? Or at least something resembling emotional stability haha

 

[Saucy]

I can relate to losing my friends because of how I am and feeling invincible when I'm in one of my highs. I do engage in some reckless behavior, too. I'm just glad to know there's others out there who feel like I do and who are managing. Because sometimes I feel pretty hopeless

Yeah, I tried to hide behind my diagnosis. I felt no one would date me and my friends would abandon me if they found out, because they have a bad understanding of what it means to be bipolar. But my closest friends have stuck by me and they help me a lot.

 

[quietpraiyze]

That's why I would like a diagnosis because then I can least say "Hey that's what's wrong with me!" I go back and forth between thinking I need meds and thinking I'm okay. On my good days, my symptoms are manageable. But when I'm having a really low low phase, it gets pretty bad. I think I would like meds just because it would be nice to live a mostly normal life, you know? Or at least something resembling emotional stability haha

You're in a good place because at least you're cognizant enough to know what you need and not be in denial. That's a good thing...a VERY good thing. For me Bipolar has been a real journey. Even though there's the bad, there's also the good. Bipolar has caused me to walk very close and be transparent with the Lord. No matter how bad it gets, I don't hide anything from Him. Underneath everything spiritually the illness has often felt like a mandate for peace in pursuing Christ. It has also helped me to be sensitive to the suffering of others especially in the Body of Christ. I like that I can "feel" even though sometimes it gets real intense. I will say in regards to your medical/mental health process that YOU are your best advocate and don't forget that. Speak up for yourself and don't let anybody disempower you.

Many (((hugs))) to you dear heart.

 

[Dave-W]

That's why I would like a diagnosis because then I can least say "Hey that's what's wrong with me!" I go back and forth between thinking I need meds and thinking I'm okay. On my good days, my symptoms are manageable. But when I'm having a really low low phase, it gets pretty bad. I think I would like meds just because it would be nice to live a mostly normal life, you know? Or at least something resembling emotional stability haha

Hi Megan!

What you have written here certainly sounds like Bipolar. But since I am not a medical professional, I can only strongly suggest you get a proper examination and diagnosis.

I have known a few people with bipolar. One was a coworker who had been on lithium for years and was almost more robot than man. Another was the wife of a friend of mine; she had a "cycle time" that was in the years. She would be on the upside for 3-4 years, and then the downside would be equally long. They had not gotten her evened out with meds when I moved away several years ago.

I wondered about you since you have been here before and posted frequently and then disappeared for a long time, and then that cycle repeated. And here you are again.

Please see a doctor to get it checked out.

 

[Open Heart]

I am not qualified to diagnose you, and even if someone were qualified, they could not validly do it unless they saw you in person. My best advice to you is to have an intake done with a professional.

That said, there are some general differences between BPD and Bipolar. Self harm like cutting tends to be a BPD thing. The mood swings in BPD tend to come and go very quickly, whereas in Bipolar disorder they last for quite some time. The mood changes in BPD tend to be BECAUSE of something happening in the person's life; not so with Bipolar. There is almost never elation in BPD--the mood swings tend to be from depressed/irritable to feeling okay.

 

[kala83]

this of course just my take on the two issues and I actually feel as though I have them myself.
in the long run with your therapy journey no matter where that ends up going it does not matter what diagnoses you end up getting if you feel like you have symptoms of both then you will be treated as such. and focusing on the symptoms of the issues is more important to a road to deal with your issues. At least this is what I personally have found to be true.

 

[Kittyboo]

Hi Megan_26

Did you know that you can have both BPD and bipolar? Many people with BPD have overlapping conditions (bipolar is a common that overlaps with BPD). Sometimes the symptoms of the one comes out, sometimes the other ones come out. It all depends on what the triggers are.

Here is Christian website that may be of interest to you with free information and self-help material:

Rise Above Mental Health Challenges | Free Self-Help to Manage Symptoms of Mental Illness and Addiction