Bipolar Creative Writing and art

[Jeshu]

For those of you who are interested in wrong/evil spirituality working within our heart and minds.

(I wrote this 13 years ago, when I first began to comprehend how sin works inside our hearts. It has brought me much freedom.)



http://www.christianforums.com/t7318320/

 

[Jeshu]

It is one of these days, a day where knowing the truth isn't much fun. You know what I mean?

This morning when I thought about my kind of day, the answer came instantly. I asked straight out what kind of answer that was and what such an answer was doing here and that I much rather not have such an answer at all!

Yet the answer refused to go! I looked again and again at the answer but no matter what angle the answer presented itself or what time of the day it was, it was a crappy answer. at one stage I even swore at the answer, honestly who wants an answer like that? Yet nothing changed the answer remained the same.

This really enraged me, why should the answer be so crappy and pushing and demanding all day long? Yet my rage helped nothing, the answer remained the same.

No matter what I tried today, my day is still one of these days and that is the truth of the matter. You know what I mean?

 

[lmarie23]

I'm sorry you had a bad day, Gerry, but that was a while ago....

I've been writing a whole lot of poetry lately. I don't remember what I last shared. I've written a lot just in the past two days. Here is one, it's about a friend I have become close to through class, we connect on a deep level through our poetry and friendship.

November 30, 2009

When I first met you
you were huddled
in a dark forgotten part of the woods:
your tendrils curled up so delicately,
your form invisible beyond the curling.

But the night was ending.
I was growing, too,
my spotted leaves
reaching out but finding empty spaces.

As day broke
your tendrils gradually unfurled.
The spirals stretched and grew.
I watched mesmerized as you unfolded.

I was growing, too,
but it was loud and simple.
My spotted leaves stretched
as if I was yawning,
waking up after a long sleep.
They stretched until they began to
droop at the ends.

Your tendrils are still unfurling,
the process fascinates me.
I don’t understand it but
I can’t take my eyes away.
How much beauty in the delicate web of green!
I wince at my ugly green and yellow spots
edged with brown.

Your tendrils reach out
and graze one of my leaves.
I look over, startled,
and you gesture to these buds I wear
yet had not noticed.

I smile, beginning to see.
Now I wait, patiently
and the buds blossom and droop.
Little bells, they chorus my story.
You have no voice
so I sing for both of us,
as only the bells can chime.

I have always been entranced by the beauty of ferns
and identified with Lily-of-the-Valley.


Lynne

 

[RuthD]

This is abstract art:

 

[Jeshu]

This is abstract art:

I really like how you include the light into your work.

 

[RuthD]

Thank you. The light is actually taking a picture of it while it is enclosed in glass.

 

[Jeshu]

Love Safe - Love True.
When two people love each other the darkness gnashes its teeth,
evil eyes looking for many ways to extinguish the flame so bright,
what weak links has the couple got, where can death take hold?

Be it selfishness, impatience, immaturity, unknowing wrongs,
lying tongue will seek to captivate and enslave the flesh,
trying to make love become wrong so goodness dies within.

Darkness is very cruel and works out of the shadows of our lives,
devouring respect, goodwill, integrity, openness and honesty,
selfishness in lies and unmet desires ruling over lover's flesh.

Only open honesty can save lovers from going down the pit,
protecting through good and bad, high and low, near and far,
The Truth is lovers only hope for happiness - love's survival.

Serving The Truth with love and in love is The Way to stay happy,
never grabbing hold of love or forcing it to work for your needs,
but cultivating true acts of love for the one your heart holds dear.

 

[lmarie23]

I've been writing a LOT lately. i wrote a few poems about mental illness but i like them so much i'm nervous to post them here for fear that someone will steal them. here's a poem i wrote that's a spiritual allegory, maybe it seems silly but has deeper truth.

December 24, 2009

“An Uncommon Meeting of the Red Hat Society”
- by Lynne


My porcelain walls tremble
as I am passed from hand to hand.
Towering blue-haired ladies,
bedecked in scarlet hats and sparkled brooches,
fill me and drink of me,
pressing thirsty lips to my skin,
leaving rouged scars of lipstick
in their attempts to claim me.

I am a teacup,
but sometimes I feel a harlot.
Again and again, after they use me
they roughly cleanse me
by dunking me in that fiery water.
As they revive me,
they wipe the sweat from my brow
with towels dressed as kittens.

I have gone through so many washings
that my once exquisitely tattooed patterns
have begun to fade.
And a few times I slipped through arthritic fingers
and crashed to the icy tile below.
It hurt them to pick me up,
hands pressed to their aching backs,
but they did.
For that I give them credit.

In the aftermath of our coupling
they lean back in their chairs and gossip.
Usually I yawn and begin to doze
until I am rudely awakened to be refilled.

But today, suddenly,
Jean’s words take on a new fervency.
Her eyes are wide as she whispers to the others
of this new tea she has heard about.
A magical tea.
Once poured in a cup, the cup remains full
no matter how much the drinker consumes of it.

Her friends are skeptical but want to learn more.
Jean explains she has only heard rumors
but is eager to try it.

“However did you learn of this?” they, frowning, query.
“On QVC,” she replies breathlessly.
They laugh. “That channel shows nothing but fraud.”
“But what if it is true?” she persists.
“What if there is truth contained even on that station?”
Her friends still chuckle at the thought
but Jean, frowning, clings stubbornly to her belief.

Now Jean smiles to herself and says, quietly,
“When I was a young girl,
I had tea parties with my dolls, like all of you, I’m sure.
I filled plastic teacups with water,
but it always sloshed beyond the blue-rimmed brims,
soaking ruffled skirts, both the dolls’ and mine.
I was so tired of returning to that well they called a faucet.

“One Christmas
a distant relative joined our family gathering,
hailing from a strange land they called Kansas.
All evening he was happy to sit with me
and perch on a pink plastic chair,
chatting with both me and my dollies,
earnestly sipping the water I named tea,
and munching on cookies of chocolate chip.
He held the teapot steady and poured it in my cup.
When the teapot emptied, he quickly returned to the sink to fill it.
I never had to fill the cups
because he was quick to provide us water.

“This magical tea I’ve heard of reminds me of him.
I know it sounds impossible, but what if it were true?
We cherish these our sacred gatherings each Sunday afternoon
yet our tea is quickly emptied; our cups quickly run dry.”

Listening, I giggle and clatter on my saucer.
All this silly talk about tea!
What does it matter?
I have known many flavors of tea within my lifetime
but all feel the same against my skin.

My life is simple.
The women fill me with tea.
They drink it.
They fill me again.
An endless cycle
but the circle of life.

The women laugh, too, thinking to themselves that
Jean always was a bit batty.

But next Sunday Jean returns
and her eyes are bright and shining.
From her basket she produces a wealth of tea bags.
She quickly passes them amongst the circle.
Each woman takes one, still skeptical but obliging.
The teapot is passed from hand to hand.
Cups full, they begin to drink.
Each pair of eyes widen as they come to see the miracle.
Each woman stares at a teacup
still filled to the brim
even after she has sipped.

The tea, too, is delightful,
unlike any that they had had before.
They cannot name its flavor
but they thirst to drink it.
Each woman begins to gulp the tea
forgetting the proper method of sipping.
The piping hot liquid burns their throats
but they have discovered a strong thirst for it.

How strange
when they had no idea they had such a need.
The tea fills them, warming them.
Arthritic fingers grow steady
and the women’s strength begins to return.
They all stare dumbfounded at Jean
but for once they have run out of words.

I feel different as well.
I had begun to wonder if I had outlived my purpose.
With my chips and recent cracks
I had begun to fear the hungry teeth of the garbage bin.
I feel unworthy to contain such magical tea.

But then I come to realize that my beauty,
or lack thereof, is not important.
With her lips pressed to my skin,
Jean drinks of me thirstily.
I feel warm and flowing with life.

I realize
my newfound warmth is not
due to my own merit or preserved beauty
but my willingness to accept the bounty
given.

The magic is not of me, the humbled shell.
The magic is within me, and it flows outwards,
beyond Jean’s parting lips,
warming her soul as it warms mine.

 

[lmarie23]

i've been doing so very much poetry-writing lately, and now lots of painting! I thought I would have a gallery show of my work from the past 2 weeks. most of it is self-portraits but they don't relaly look like me. I put them up in the order that I painted them. Oh, and a few are colalges, as you can see. The rest are acrylic on canvas. -Lynne

 

[lmarie23]

some more art from the past 2 weeks

 

[lmarie23]

This is an old mug of my grandma's - she collected this type and I recently inherited it when she gave up her apartment to live in a nursing home. I have a photo of the mug and then my painting of it. -Lynne

 

[Jeshu]

i've been doing so very much poetry-writing lately, and now lots of painting! I thought I would have a gallery show of my work from the past 2 weeks. most of it is self-portraits but they don't relaly look like me. I put them up in the order that I painted them. Oh, and a few are colalges, as you can see. The rest are acrylic on canvas. -Lynne

some more art from the past 2 weeks

Oh Lynne you have been producing some very interesting perspectives.

I love - (is it a finger painting?) - of the woman in red - you grabbed my attention with that one in particular - only the red blob on the right side above her head I can't place - though the smile on her face is awesomely affective.

Well done.

 

[Jeshu]

Armageddon.

In my inner world life died everywhere,
famine taking what sword had left behind.
Brim and hailstones flattening what stood up,
no escape from the carnage I could find.

Awed I saw Jesus the evil fight,
turning my world into a battleground.
I saw billows of smoke rising up high,
rolling thunder through my world rebound.

I watched as scorpions paraded my soul,
stinging those godless in their lust.
Massive grasshoppers devouring all my good,
fierce horses trampling me to dust.

I saw much of my greenery burn-up,
fleets of cargo ships sadly perish.
Daily trade coming to an abrupt hold,
ungodly rulers wrong to cherish.

I saw the Dragon reigning his subjects,
watched the numbered die like flies.
I heard the false prophet's constant lying,
demons smearing God's love with lies.

It was the blood drinking prostitute,
which flabbergasted me the most.
Unfaithfulness killing God's chosen,
with fiery death she was deposed.

I saw my world's kingdom going down,
ruling Babylon fall in one day.
With two thirds of my world wiped out,
I watched true Peace coming to stay.

And so watching God's own safely at home,
I finally let my tears run dry.
Seeing Jesus arising on the clouds,
I joined the Hallelujah cry.

 

[Jeshu]

It was the animals that gave me the clue,
our spirit is designed to rule them all,
yet many a lost sinner fails doing that
I myself have been one of the worst of them.

For example;

Lust in other creatures does no harm,
but brings forth much life
indeed God saw that it was good!
Yet human hearts ruled by such in lies,
brings flaming desires and misery alive
we were not made to be enslaved by that!

For let's consider hiding in the crowds,
being under the rule of the strongest,
merely born to be a prey,
greedily taking for self,
ruled by fear and hunger,
with the need to kill for feed,
even killing competing predators,
only befriending the same kind,
directed by your every instinct.


Can you say I rule that all,
or are you ruled by that?

If you're ruled by that!

Your spirit suffers,
for you are under the rule
of the god of this world,
who has through lies,
turned what was good - bad,
even inside of yourself,
enslaving good to bad.

If you do rule,
rule with Jesus Christ,
a Kingdom of love and truth,
then all that you find
in the spiritual world
you may eat from
and interact with,
forever more!

 

[Jeshu]

Lines popping up - (unadultarated.)

To go further while standing still,
is the way of the mind,
and the desire of the heart.

Captivated the spirit pines away,
as the body grows dim,
and life ebbs away.

To fall in the pit is not as bad,
as staying there
all lifeless and numb.

Over the horizon is a very long way
especially when the world lays at your feet,
beckoning to be trodden on.

Oh that you sit still and ponder the moment,
letting it pass by your understanding,
giving Life an opportunity to sprout within!

Good friends carry the dung
pass on their glory
and always stand by!

Depression doesn't sink as low
as those who pull the floor from underneath
blaming you.


(I thought I share!)​

 

[Jeshu]

A meditation (Jeremiah 18-20:1-13)

(The call was sure,
The horn blew,
The thunder rolled,
The lightening hit,
And I reached Home. Rev 4)

Me.

Thank You Jesus for letting me visit
Taking me to Your place of Peace.
Your Rest I need so much right now
My heart has been in turmoil.
It is so good to see You.

(His eyes looking sadly questioning!)

I'm sorry Lord
I know it has been awhile since we last met like this
I'm not at all sure why.

The accuser tries!
The cross looms!

Oh those blessed piercings!!!

I bow my head and cry my sins!
Oh what have I not all done against You?
My body shudders thinking of who I all know
And often have had life in
Especially when I'm like this
Overcome by my depression
Close to the gnashing of teeth
Where evil has its dwelling place
Dear Lord I'm so stained and dirty
Please save me!!!

Oh blessed forgiveness - Oh how I love Your Soul Lord Jesus!!!

The Voice asked

"Who will go?
Who will tell?"

Me

Fear hit strong
The Lord's question pressed home
Ten thousand denials flew past
And then to my utter surprise
I heard myself say
I will go Lord!


The accuser's voice sneers!


You???


I look at Jesus!

The fire becomes hot!
Yes please Lord send me!
Only Your will Lord from now on
Not mine!!!

The Lord's sad voice!

"My people are an obstinate people,
Stiff-necked and unwilling to learn.
They enrich them selves with the Beast of the earth
And follow many a false tongue of prophecy.
But My people are unwilling to obey Me.
They do not come with their hearts,
But speak the Word of Truth in vain
For My Spirit is not the Voice they heed
Making My Name an object of scorn among the nations."




The angel shouted!

Loving God is loving all He made
But especially His Son,
The Lamb who paid the price
Of humanities ungodliness
JESUS CHRIST!!!
Let's Worship Him!!!

(Oh I love serving You in the assembly of all believers Lord, how great is Your Holy Name here?)

The Disciples and Elders urge,

Bow down to Him who laid down His Life for all of us,
Let Him enter into your life through faith
Crown Him King of all
Only ever obeying loving truthful voice
No-one else.

The raging bellow tore into my space of Rest, Still Dragon's hateful tongue to hear!

What about me?
I got them all!
They are mine for all to see!
I wont let them go!
I'll drive them down with me!
Don't think God can help any of you!
I'm the destroyer of everything.
I shall not be denied!

(The destruction of the whole universe threatens,
Where Creation turns into a massive lake of fire!)


Me!

Rage!
Rage!
Rage!

(All my pent up anger and frustration is released from within
I fire it at Satan. Completely focussed on that evil voice within.
(My tormentor is sure copping it!!))

You are cursed Satan.
And yes you can have your own.
That is what you always wanted.
Never thinking about what you own.
But carelessly stealing good life
Is a foolish thing to do
Isn't?
When you sow misery
And good life dies
Here, have it all!

The good thing is that in the end
Even you can't spit it out any more
And will have to digest it all,
For say,
1000 years?
In the pit you dug for us,
A nice place for you.
friend of no-one - be gone!

(Satan persisting in his attack!)

Borrowing more time?

Jesus will get to the bottom of it
He already is and has been and will
As you know yourself as well
Be gone Satan!!!

Thank You for being here Lord
Please take me away from those evil eyes
and keep me close to You

(some time later!)


I have been so full of turmoil Lord
I've basically had it up to here today
My own negativity dragging me away from You
Especially when darkness touches my soul like this morning
It scares me so much to see such coming at me
They are so full of evil intent
And I'm so often weak.

Yet now I can easily see how frustrated they are,
How desperate to try and get in
It has been so long since they lived in me
They have tried everything to get back in
Yet even now in my manic depressed state
I'm getting freed from them
All glory to Your Name.

I've never been able to serve you when I've been like this
It is so good to get to know You Jesus.
It is so good to be touched by Your Spirit of love
Teaching me to trust only in You
Following the voice of loving truth
Internalising You.
So when I go mad only in Your love to be.

Amen.

(What fun we shall have, all us loonies? I'm loving it - haha!!!)

 

[Jeshu]

Life's short.

Life's wondrous offer to being, renders more then subjugation.
Please crucify your self-importance so you'll be a free creation.
However refining silver and purifying gold excludes the dross.
Bequeathing you no alternative but dependency on the cross.

God's Word ruminates food for the soul, whosoever you turnout to be.
For Christ's liberty fetches the shackled soul a combination key.
Grab hold of eternal bliss before death catches up with all the lies.
Remember life is short for those who have lost touch with paradise.

So I don't heed the gravediggers wallowing six foot deep in retreat.
Could death preclude us spiritually; as the Lord we'll surely meet?
Or still trusting that your demise has non-being as final victory?
I wager the whole of my existence - JESUS will be awaiting me!

 

[lmarie23]

Thank you for the compliments on my art, Gerry. My life has been crazy lately. I've been having a really hard time coping. Finally I think I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. God is growing me in so many ways. Posting seems to take a lot of effort but I think I will try to post on the coffee shop thread in a little bit. Sometimes it's hard for me to come to this board because I can't seem to handle my own problems and when I read about others' pain it overwhelms me as well, I feel like in a small way I'm taking on their pain as well because I care so much. I feel so much pain sometimes and it saddens me to read of other people in the same situations. Sometimes all I can handle thinking about is my own. This explanation probably didn't belong on this thread but oh well. I've been writing a ton of poetry. Here are a few?

Lynne


February 22, 2010

I’m covered in cuts
and bruises
sometimes a victim of ignorance
judgment
or circumstance
sometimes my pain
self-inflicted

whatever the cause
I hope they treat me the same

why is it that in hospitals
the foolish are
treated with less kindness
than the wise?
this idea:
they brought their pain
on themselves
their fault somehow
implies that they deserve it

Bob’s voice echoes in my head:
no one deserves to be hurt

no one deserves to be hurt
I want to treat with the same kindness
the man who was injured in a car crash
while driving drunk
as the firefighter who suffered burns
in his attempt to rescue

no one deserves to be hurt

I wasn’t sure before
whether I believed in capital punishment
suddenly I’ve made up my mind
how can we preserve the sanctity of human life
by killing another?
the murderer is murdered in turn
is that love?
or revenge?

I hope someday I can look
my enemies in the eye
and confess my love for them

no one deserves to be hurt
everyone deserves to be loved

 

[lmarie23]

February 14, 2010

“Voyage”

I vowed to traverse
the ocean
built an ark
loaded it with canvas
sails along with other pieces
to paint

I stood bravely at the dock
made my farewells
hugged family
and friends

Rachel said I was brave
her feet
had never left the ground
she feared the waves

I blinked at her words
thought everyone was drawn
to open water
the promise of new life
on foreign soil

I sailed on
self-confident
self-assured
did my research
charted my path
every fraction of movement
calculated scientifically

I had a schedule
which I kept diligently
planned when I would
arrive

I’d done research
knew exactly what
to expect
on the other side

I nodded my head
as my course
progressed as planned
meandered amongst
friendly groupings of islands

sometimes I stopped
paid a visit
to the native peoples
told tales of my native land

at a few of the islands
I met kindred spirits
our hearts beat in time
with one another
they asked to join me
on my journey

I was happy for the company
confident that together
we could brave any wave
the devil threw our way

they manned the deck
told me to take a break
for a while
they would take care of everything
while I slept below

I looked in their eyes and realized
they were worthy of trust
so I gratefully climbed below
curled up to sleep

was awakened
by the boat’s sudden shaking
ran up to the dock
alarmed to find it
unmanned
while a terrible storm
pounded all sides

I spun around, confused
where were my friends?
had they fled?
or worse, drowned?

suddenly I spied them
with the storm coming
they had jumped in canoes
strapped life preservers
around chests
headed to shore

I’m angry
feel abandoned
start to yell out
and accuse them

but God nudges me
tells me that
it’s in His plan
He calms the storm
they are not strong enough
to manage it
without them I can learn
to rely on Him

I won’t accept that answer
throw a tantrum like
a cantankerous child
weep and reach out stubby fingers
toward my friends
forms fading back into blue




now
remind myself: this story isn’t finished yet

God waits patiently in clouds
I look around me
all I see is blue
I feel so lost
but remember
He always knows where I am
and where I’m meant to be

maybe right now
it’s ok for me
to be here

 

[Jeshu]

Great reading your poems Lynne. Great to see your inner struggle bringing in a harvest.

See you around.







Dear Lord



What is it that made You Love me?
Why would You mind me?
Why Your Love flow through me?
Your Spirit of Truth to guard me?
Your Son to save me, time and again?

Oh Heavenly Father I adore Your Name!!!
Only You deserve all the glory!
Please protect me from my enemies!
Slap them on the jaw.
Never to hear that alien tongue no more
Your Peace to be my every moment.

Lord Jesus, how I long for You to rule me in all things.
See my doubt and unbelief keeping me away from safety.
Please keep me close to Your Heart.
Truth to seek with all my heart,
You to find right within.

Oh Son of David what a Kingdom You Rule!
What are the nations compared to You?
Why would I fear man with You as my Father?

(The Lord shows...)


Please Lord I'm weak, run down, confused,
So incredibly worried!
Frightened stiff at times.
I try to have faith but I have none.
I knock on the door but it is shut
I cry out in vain.
I'm in darkness still!!!


Mostly I lay on the ground with my hands up defending myself against my enemies,
Crying out after Your ability, faith to stand!

Gnashing my teeth, seeing my faults, my brazen sin
Seeing the heartless things I took all in
Attacking me now and tearing me to bits,
right before my eyes.
With these goats I have been!!!
Trampling all over You!



You are just Father to do this, who am I to protest?
I so sorry I had life in that wickedness for so long, disobeying You,
Seeking just for myself.
Even Your grace I have robbed for myself many a time
So I could keep going on with wrong.

Yet now it is Your turn to correct me,
Your turn to teach me right.
Your turn to see me speak out of the dust.
Your turn to laugh.

Please let me always be with You!!!


I know You will have grace!
You came for me - to save me!
I don't fear the destroyer any more,
I fear You!

Consuming fire - are but words - Yet You are Holy, Holy, Holy!!! (Let the Nations quake!)

I love You!
I praise Your Holy Name.

Please let me stay with You
Don't send me back!
I've had enough,

Yet not my will but Yours be done.
Teach me to accept
Also bad from Your hand
Knowing that it is my own
And not Yours.
Accepting that fact
and dying to it!


Please wash me with Your Fire Jesus.
Please put me ablaze with love for You
Let Your Loving Truth be my guide!

Please, dear Son,
Walk with me for awhile,
Let Your love be the Wall of fire that is around me.
I need You kind of badly right now!
For I'm slowly going mad!
And there is very little I can do about that!

Apart of making sure I walk with You
and not with that fiend screaming at me all the time!


Dear Heavenly Father

I wanted to add my inner pain and sorrow this day!
The enemy suppresses the truth from being told!
Please destroy his power over us here.
He has taken control over everything I try to witness about!
Yet cursed are those forces who deny You our truth to be!
In Jesus Name I ask.