Bipolar Creative Writing and art

[Brinmar]

HI everybody! Thanks for posting your poems. I've taken some of them to read (just for myself) during the many boring meetings that I have to attend during the week. It helps me to get thru the meetings by pondering on the poetry. I'm not missing anything that's said during the meetings - because everyone keeps asking the same questions over and over. Or, they repeat thier statements over and over. I may be BP, but at least I can hear!

This week I've been to a Kansas Association of Broadcasters seminar, Board of Zoning appeals meeting, City Planning commission, School board meeting, and city council meeting. I only have one more to go - but that's not work related. Am meeting with the new church we are starting in town and discuss details. I will be sure not to repeat myself into infinity....

Most of the interesting stuff in these meetings goes on in the "peanut gallery" where the media and public sits. Last night Police Chief Brent told me that he was planning on buying a Hummer for a new police car (kidding). I asked if I could report that info (kidding). He was pretty quick to say no! The Chamber director was sitting next to me, he said he didn't have anything to discuss, just wanted to show up to keep an eye on the city council. So, we sat there together and had a "glaring contest" at the council members. Pretty sure they didn't even notice.

Sorry, to get off the thread topic. Just wanted to let everyone know how much I appreciate your postings.

Heidi

 

[lmarie23]

haha that's funny. unfortunately, if i had a "glaring contest" in one of my classes I'm sure the prof would notice - we all sit around a big table and we all are talking and responding to each other the whole time....

 

[Brinmar]

Lynne - Yea, that's the (only) great thing about these meetings. The ones who are holding the meetings only notice what they are saying - not what anyone else is saying or doing.

I sit in back with the rest of the media and poke fun at the City, County, board members or whoever is holding the meeting. It's easy and makes the meeting go faster. (My bad!!)

Have a great day!
Heidi

 

[Jeshu]

My version of the salvation story of the least in me.
​

The Beggar Of My Existence
Begging I lay beside the road, unable to get-up or move on.
Paralysed after a viscous assault when I was just a little kid
bloodied I stared at my wretched existence for many years.
Hope had gone, pain throbbing, hungry and thirsty, cold and alone,
the inner demons dragging me deeper and deeper down the drain,
helpless the wicked abused my life, robbing me of all my possessions.

Most of my life I lay there beside the road alone
I don't know how I survived my miserable existence,
by-passers often bashed me, blaming me for their hate.
At first I was raped night after night for years,
lately mainly tortured for cruel fun and cheap thrills,
oh yes, those wicked ones have been hurting me!

Not often have peels been part of my diet,
weeds, grass, rotten fruit and insects,
that's what I ate, such meagre meals.
I was skin over bones and smelled like sewage.
Walking dead, longing for an early ending.
I didn't feel worthy to carry the name human.

Suddenly I became aware of a pleasant aroma,
a beautifully perfumed visitor, a rich stranger,
he knelt beside beside me and took hold of me
I thought, maybe he'll give me something worthwhile,
I'd better ask quickly before he goes on his way,
normally the rich don't ever stop to talk to me!

Facing the visitor I croaked through parched lips,
please? I am unable to move and very hungry,
my last visitor abused me and I'm hurting bad,
could you spare me some food or money,
a sip of water, I'm so thirsty right now?
Expectantly I looked up into the man's eyes.

Chewing delicious bread I stared at the stranger,
the young wine had refreshed me completely
where did all this come from I wonder?
My taste-buds were in Heaven and so was I
I couldn't believe what I was hearing
I remember his lips pronounce the words;

"Shalom... Beloved...

..You're most welcome, my child," he said,
"Eat your fill, here, have another sip of wine,
your clothes are all worn, dirty and broken.
At home I have some new clean garments your size,
a warm bath and a place of safety and rest,
awaiting my dwelling-place high-up New Eden street."

That's what he said, and that's what he did for me!
Amazed I watched as out of nowhere servants arrived,
gently lifting me out of my grime and of the street,
carrying me along an all together different route,
right to the top of a most beautiful mountain hill,
halting before a mansion I didn't know could exist.

A doctor came and tended my wounds and sores
ointments soothing, smelling like fragrant herbs
a massage, gently, carefully rejuvenating me.
Years long ache disappearing, well-being arriving,
heaven on earth how could all this be for me,
when did I do anything to deserve this treatment?

A gentle knock on my door, as I lay sleeping
in a massive bedroom, adorned for royalty.
"You've been invited at The Feast tonight."
I recall this loving moment fleetingly pass by,
how lovely he looked standing there,
"and Dad said he likes to meet you as well."

I remember how confused I had been, Dad?
A party tonight, seeing Dad, who and what else?
Why is he looking after me so fantastically well?
My mind was in turmoil after all these events,
several hours ago I still lay dying in my filth,
and now..? now I was so alive and so fulfilled!

Gratitude arose like paradise restored within,
never before did I feel so much thankfulness,
I'd been rescued from a life of painful misery,
saved from the wretchedness of my existence,
restored to human dignity, loved and cared for,
deep down I knew Life had found me for good.​

 

[lmarie23]

wow, Gerry, i am (almost) without words. This is such a beautiful poem/story. It brought tears to my ears. I'm not used to you writing stories in poems, you did so beautifully. what a powerful tale. it makes me wonder what your life was like as a child though... i've just heard bits and pieces... have i shared with you the poem i wrote about my salvation? i wrote it in high school.

Lynne

 

[Jeshu]

wow, Gerry, i am (almost) without words. This is such a beautiful poem/story. It brought tears to my ears. I'm not used to you writing stories in poems, you did so beautifully. what a powerful tale. it makes me wonder what your life was like as a child though... i've just heard bits and pieces... have i shared with you the poem i wrote about my salvation? i wrote it in high school.

Lynne

Thanks Lynne appreciate it. Yes I got badly hurt when I was young, it increased my fight with evil to the max that's for sure.

About your salavation poem I'm not sure, you have shared so many poems with me, I can't remember which one you did or didn't

Please feel free to share!

 

[Brinmar]

Gerry - am speachless - that was awesome!!

 

[Jeshu]

Forsaking The Pit.
As I climb over the rim, I clearly see,
Involuntary I shudder the sight in me,
Down without a bottom the pit below,
Yes this fiery hole within me on show!

Hear voices of darkness pressing hard on must.
Those 'speaking guilt, shame, unbelief, and distrust,
All together pushing, yes, pressing me deep,
Resisting my climb to the top so steep.

See those guilty feelings still tug my feet,
I can feel flames searing, my toes they meet!
Electrifying my soul, no mercy on show.
Why ever did I take this hell-hole in tow?

Above me the Light, Jesus, the Truth so high!
How long before I will meet up with Him in the sky?
He knows I will come after Him without a doubt,
As true nourishing goodness He is all about.

My bloodied fingers scraped by rock,
For how many years did they mock?
Those hard places within my very being,
Those fiery stones of my own seeing!

I climbed after the Light right above me,
The only truth that truly leaves me be,
Never will I stop seeking after The Light.
As Jesus Christ is my very soul's delight!

Soon the 'resting place' of my enemy,
Bottomless pit shall forever be!
For the ones without Love or Grace.
Those who with their lies made this place.

 

[BlondieLashes]

This is not meant to be a poem, just some thoughts running through my head this morning...

I Am A Miracle

I am a miracle. My parents said I was a mistake...not meant to happen.
My father was afflicted and took it out on me.
My trust has been broken time and time again.
Satan brought a "Man of God" to me to use me...to take me into hell on earth.
I was destroyed for a season but not for good.
God never left me.
I struggle daily with racing thoughts, anxieties and depression yet I have not given in.
God loves me.
I am His treasure.
He sees my suffering and knows that I love Him in spite of it all.
I am a miracle.

 

[Jeshu]

This is not meant to be a poem, just some thoughts running through my head this morning...

I Am A Miracle

I am a miracle. My parents said I was a mistake...not meant to happen.
My father was afflicted and took it out on me.
My trust has been broken time and time again.
Satan brought a "Man of God" to me to use me...to take me into hell on earth.
I was destroyed for a season but not for good.
God never left me.
I struggle daily with racing thoughts, anxieties and depression yet I have not given in.
God loves me.
I am His treasure.
He sees my suffering and knows that I love Him in spite of it all.
I am a miracle.

Courtney you got me close to tears, my heart aches knowing how many hurt for years, because others dragged them there.

Oh how I long for Jesus to be King in all such lives!

What sins are there committed against the other? What incredible guilt does such offending carry? Such piercing of God's heart occurs all the time, why oh why does humanity choose sin?

Yet our Lord saves!

I'm so happy you got out of a life of sin into His caring love. I would think, as it was for me, and many others, trusting God is our weak spot, yet rest assured Court, Jesus truly loves you, not to use, but to set free from all those things that bring us down and captivate us.

Please know that trust grows when distrust is held in reserve, where it can be dismantled, as trust increases. Bit by bit bring yourself before His Face, please never be frighten to do that, He loves you with an undying love and would never dream of harming you or yours.

It is for freedom that He set us free!

much love your way.

Gerry


Revelation 21:5-7

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Courtney you got me close to tears, my heart aches knowing how many hurt for years, because others dragged them there.

Oh how I long for Jesus to be King in all such lives!

What sins are there committed against the other? What incredible guilt does such offending carry? Such piercing of God's heart occurs all the time, why oh why does humanity choose sin?

Yet our Lord saves!

I'm so happy you got out of a life of sin into His caring love. I would think, as it was for me, and many others, trusting God is our weak spot, yet rest assured Court, Jesus truly loves you, not to use, but to set free from all those things that bring us down and captivate us.

Please know that trust grows when distrust is held in reserve, where it can be dismantled, as trust increases. Bit by bit bring yourself before His Face, please never be frighten to do that, He loves you with an undying love and would never dream of harming you or yours.

It is for freedom that He set us free!

much love your way.

Gerry


Revelation 21:5-7

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.

Thanks for the encouragement Gerry!

 

[lmarie23]

I just wrote this poem:

October 28, 2009

A minute ago I was on top of the world,
And now I’ve fallen off the edge.
I don’t realize the world was flat.
Maybe it has holes.
I walk confidently across its surface,
And then fall, suddenly,
Into a deep chasm.
My arms flutter, feeling for a rope,
But there is nothing.
And I can’t see in the dark.

I am not imagining things.
Walk with me and you will see.
Maybe the fall will not be so frightening
With you to cling to.

 

[Jeshu]

I just wrote this poem:

October 28, 2009

A minute ago I was on top of the world,
And now I’ve fallen off the edge.
I don’t realize the world was flat.
Maybe it has holes.
I walk confidently across its surface,
And then fall, suddenly,
Into a deep chasm.
My arms flutter, feeling for a rope,
But there is nothing.
And I can’t see in the dark.

I am not imagining things.
Walk with me and you will see.
Maybe the fall will not be so frightening
With you to cling to.

A good poem describing bipolar moods.

Accepting your reality, and clinging to Jesus will give you much comfort and fearlessness to come out of your falls on top of it.

 

[lmarie23]

I wrote this poem for my pastor friend that I've been talking to over the last few months.

October 28, 2009

M, I appreciate you.

You said those words to me once,
and I marveled at them.
You appreciate me?
Not
my newest painting,
poem, or paper.
Not
my striving to be a friend,
for whatever good I may have created
from my earnest effort.
Not
all these things I try so hard to be,
or aspects of myself that I
try to burnish into gleaming silver.

But simply me.
Those words may seem so simple,
but they touched me more
than nearly anything ever has.

I appreciate you as well,
and I want to give you the gift
you so freely bestowed.
You've given me attention and compassion
devoid of judgment, and
I want you to know
I extend the same to you.
I hold this gift in my hands,
and it is yours.

Lynne

 

[lmarie23]

This one is long... but I like it. At least the lines are short and the words are simple.

October 29, 2009

How satisfying it is to strip away
all these layers of myself!

Around strangers, I feel guarded,
careful not to reveal much
of myself.
Even when shopping for groceries
I feel uneasy,
nervous that people are noticing
the contents of my cart
and passing judgments on what I eat.
I don’t like eating at parties
among strangers.
It seems too intimate, somehow,
and I’d rather stay quiet and discreet,
carefully entering into polite conversations
and trying to play the part.
At family reunions I paste on a smile
and talk in glowing terms
of my life’s recent events,
making everything palatable and
politically correct.

In large groups,
I hold back,
frustrated at how it seems
the only way to participate
is to be clever and witty,
and intimacy is not possible.
Small groups are better,
but not ideal.

I most enjoy connecting
with people one-on-one.
I relish the opportunity
to be transparent and vulnerable,
to gradually share my true self
and see it reflected in their eyes.
I feel as if I am stepping gingerly
into the ocean,
letting the cool waters
of communion and intimate revelation
slowly wash over me as I
carefully share more and more openly
about myself.

Every revelation is a test,
and I watch them intently,
gauging whether they still accept me
or wish to pull away.
I find honesty and openness
to be so refreshing, and love
how my open sharing is often reciprocated.

I want to strip all these layers off myself,
the roles I play
and masks I hide behind.
Elaborate layers that protect me
yet also shield me from the deep connection
I so desire.

I don’t want to be
Lynne the artist,
Lynne the poet,
Lynne the musician,
Lynne the star student,
Lynne the good girl,
Lynne the old reliable friend,
Lynne the adventurer,
Lynne the spiritual,
Lynne the clown.

I want to throw off all these costumes
and stand alone,
stripped to my essence,
vulnerable, small,
easily hurt yet easily touched
by others’ kindness.
I see myself a bewildered child
standing alone amidst boulders.
Out of nowhere, my Lord comes and scoops me up,
quietly carrying me home.

Lynne

 

[Jeshu]

I love your last poem here Lynne, what a marvellous find did you make in there?

So very very touching, that small self in us, is truly the greatest, our Heavenly Father knows that, that is why on you He has sealed His stamp of approval - TRUE to be. For to be honest, loving, open, caring, sharing, praising, indeed to be a praying girl makes you vulnerable, and like our Heavenly Father and Brother of little account down here. This will not always be, for the truth has much more to say about those least in us, our true selves hidden safely hidden from sight.


So yes come out into the light, how blessed you are!

 

[Jeshu]

Pondering Sweetly.

I'm pondering sweetly, reflecting God's graceful love,
Awakened by the voice of Father's loving grace,
Christ's caring truth seeking, deeper communion pleading,
Consoling love lifting my spirit before God's face.

I'm pondering sweetly, reflecting God's loving truth,
Jesus' love redeems my spirit from earthbound plights.
Where upon the peaks of the highest mountain summit,
The finger of God, in my heart His commandment writes.

I'm pondering sweetly, reflecting God's caring way,
Watching His holy seed of loving truth germinate.
Fields of Heavenly harvest ripening in the sun,
Cherubic thoughts, angels in the sky to celebrate.

I'm pondering sweetly, reflecting God's awesome might,
Seeing - I AM – our Heavenly Father - everywhere,
As I can not locate any place where He is not,
And most astonishingly - I'm also present there!

 

[Jeshu]

I found wickedness.

I found wicked voices in me
forces who brought misery
Telling lies 'bout who I am
Causing all my thoughts to jam.

I felt wickedness strength of might,
cruel masters bringing me my night,
confusing every intelligent thought,
doubting that I have been bought.

I saw wickedness labouring hard,
burning feelings on me impart,
in flames with love to disagree,
burning that still good and free.

I heard lying wicked tongues speak,
burning sulphur after good life seek,
seeing gossipers surround my soul,
my goodness dead, their evil goal.

I watched the wicked die today
For the Word of God had His Way
The birds of the air ate their flesh,
Forever my soul will Jesus bless.

 

[Jeshu]

The Call!

Eternity beckons
He says
"I love you true."

"I did,
I do
and I will always love you!"

"So what now?
Who are you
waiting for?"

"Hear Jesus call!
Its done!
Come!

 

[Jeshu]

[FONT=Courier New, monospace]an oldie, when I was still often very deeply depressed.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Courier New, monospace]Attack![/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]The beast's grip out of the abyss wells,[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]in cruelty thundering down my shame.[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]Mercilessly he casts his lightening spells,[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]my wrongs the match to ignite the flame.[/FONT]

[FONT=Courier New, monospace]His accusations inflame my suffering soul,[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]the inferno lands me into my blackest mood.[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]Inner torture squeezing me into this black hole,[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]with him I eat only dust as food.[/FONT]

[FONT=Courier New, monospace]Much confusion is what he sows,[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]right and wrong seem to be at stake.[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]Yet hate is what he bellows, [/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]in misery my life to take.[/FONT]

[FONT=Courier New, monospace]Still I know the beast and his ways,[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]against the Lord he pulls his frown.[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]So fallen time burns in His Light rays,[/FONT]
[FONT=Courier New, monospace]as His mercy cuts that dragon down.[/FONT]
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