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Bipolar 2 ruining my marriage

Discussion in 'Bipolar Disorder' started by sophian, Apr 24, 2019.

  1. sophian

    sophian New Member

    Hi everyone,

    I am here because I am seeking some advice because my bipolar 2 (schizoaffective bipolar 2 which is what I am diagnosed with) is literally ruining my marriage. I take my medication religiously, I am going to see a counsellor soon, I have tried different medications but am currenty on abilify 30 mg because lithium made it worse athought I am not completey sure about that.

    Basically, I always yell at my husband tell him that I want him out of my life, and get really mad at him for little things, then my when anger/irritiability subisides I realize what I say then I regret it. my mood changes. then I say sorry but its been going on like this for 4 years, I could tell he is getting tired of this cycle. He is very patient but people have their limits. I feel very bad about this. it's like sometimes I feel like he is my enemy when he is really my husband.

    I try so hard to be a good wife. I cook i clean I had a job for a while but had to leave because it was too hard with raising my 2 year old along with being a wife. So now I am not disability until my illness gets better. It's just my mood swings is really making him down.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. Should i try lithium again but im worried. it seemed to make it worse.

    I am seeing a psychiatrist soon because i am currently seeing a family doc. I hope it helps me. I really don't want to lose my husband.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

    United States
    Please send a copy of what you have written in your post to: [email protected]

    Dr. Harley is a Christian psychologist who specializes in saving marriages even with such challenges as you have described. He has a lot of experience with couples who have a condition like yours, and at one point in his career ran a chain of addiction clinics which gave him a lot of insight into mental health issues.

    Dr. Harley will provide a response to your question free of charge. He will even talk to you live/interactively on a radio show program if you are OK with that. If you are not OK with that, he will provide a reply via email.

    I'm so sorry you're suffering with this challenge. I pray for your success in addressing this behavior and saving your marriage.

  3. Petros2015

    Petros2015 Well-Known Member

    Eastern Orthodox
    Well, I guess if you make it a point to practice and drill into your heart 'loving your enemies' as much as possible when you are in a stable time, then when it hits and you see him as the enemy, he (might) be a little safer?

    Really tough stuff; my best friend is going through this with his wife too. Hers is tied strongly to hormones, every month for about a week she goes off the chart and tells him how much she hates him and the wedding was the worst day of her life. The only thing helping him to get through is that he pretty much knows the cause and knows it's not true and not really her and that it will be over after a little bit. But, it's getting worse over time.

    Pray. If what's coming out of you when these things hit isn't love, you've got to rebuke it in yourself even if it feels justified. Medication is good; bring the Father, Son and Holy Spirit too, along with the army, the navy and the air force.
  4. devin553344

    devin553344 I believe in the Resurrection

    United States
    I had the same problem I have bipolar schizo-effective disorder. I would attack my wife verbally for no reason. I have fits of frustration that leads to anger. I'm on Rexulti now, which is the new Abilify. You could give that a try if your doctor is willing to prescribe it to you. It's more of a mood calming drug.
  5. timothyu

    timothyu Well-Known Member

    Been there with a wife who suffered for many years. My outlook was that I may have been at the brunt of the outbursts, but she was the one who was the victim of the illness, not me.
    As for the lithium, it always was reliable but the problem was it was inexpensive. This to the industry was a setback. When the psychiatrist started meddling with the medications and dropped lithium on the advice of pharmaceutical sales people, things went downhill fast. Personal experience, not intended as a general statement. The right 'cocktail' makes all the difference. For her lithium, the old standard, in the right combination with newer meds worked wonders.
  6. Open Heart

    Open Heart Well-Known Member

    United States
    Hi, sophian.

    First off, I am soooo very sorry to hear about your pain, and the terrible troubles your family is going through. I hope this can be fixed before something serious happens.

    Please know that I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, so I can't diagnose you. I am bipolar II and have spent my whole life in counseling and getting my meds adjusted. At present I am completely stabilized, God be praised, but it has been a long road to get to this place. I have a long trail of broken friendships and lost jobs behind me.

    My first thought that you may have an axis two diagnosis as well as the bipolar. Perhaps you can ask your psychiatrist about this. The reason I'm wondering is that usually bipolar mood swings go up and down over long periods of time, but short ups and downs like the ones you are describing can be due to other psychological issues. I'm not saying you are Borderline Personality Disorder, but just to use it as an example, they are the classic "I hate you -- don't leave me" type.

    As for meds, it takes a looooong time of trial and error to get them just right. You say you are on just one med? I'm on FIVE. I take Lamictal as a mood stabilizer (mood stabilizers are a must for bipolar), and for antidepressants I take cymbalta, wellbutrin, and trazadone. I also take a mild antipsychotic for my odd thoughts called risperidone. They went through trial and error for over 30 years before they found just the right combination that worked for me. So be very patient with your doctors as they work for you.

    I'm glad you are going into counseling. A LOT of the emotional dis-regulation can be helped by forms of cognitive behavioral therapy in a pretty short period of time. It also just really helps when you are first starting out to have a listening ear.

    I'm glad you have found this forum!
  7. Talihood

    Talihood Newbie

    Lamictal (mood stabilizer) works wonders for me.
  8. Sm412

    Sm412 Member

    United States
    A person in recovery from severe bipolar here.

    I find I can relate. My ex and I are working on getting back together right now. I damaged the relationship with the same kind of thing.

    I highly recommend counseling, not just individual for you, but couples counseling. Utilizing peer support would be good too. And of course, a good psychiatrist.

    I can't speak on what techniques will work for you, but I can tell you what worked for me. I utilize cognitive techniques. First, when I am in crisis mode, and feel like lashing out, I try to slow things down. I ask myself what I am feeling. I identify the emotions. Then I identify the thought patterns leading to these emotions and I specifically look for irrational thought patterns. Once these are identified, I work to replace them with more rational thinking, and my emotions become less intense and overwhelming. I strenuously work to control my thoughts and consequently my feelings. In general I find rational thinking reduces the intensity of emotions, and in some cases changes them altogether.

    Another thing that helps for me is assertive communication. "I" statements. I feel, when you, because. This is of course only possible once I've calmed the heck down.

    I have utilized this strategy for many different things and it works very well. I brainstorm solutions. It helps to have a trusted friend I can run ideas by, because very often it's first thought wrong. As a person who struggles with this sort of thing, I am prone to catastrophic, all or nothing thinking when I am symptomatic.

    I'd be curious to know what kind of thinking precedes these episodes, and what kind of thinking happens when you're in them. What emotions do you feel?
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2019
  9. Sm412

    Sm412 Member

    United States
    Also, when you see your psychiatrist and counselor, 100% honesty is key. They've heard it all, and certainly have heard much worse. Lay it on them. All of it. They can't help you if they don't know you.
  10. Kittyboo

    Kittyboo New Member

    South Africa