Biblical Manhood - Marriage

[bèlla]

wrong thread.

 

[Rigatoni]

"The whole purpose of intimacy between spouses is to out give each other." -Paul Washer

I love that perspective. It's hard to lose interest in your spouse when you compete against each other to out love each other, and the husband should initiate that.

 

[Sunshinee777]

While making the post above, I was convicted for my intentions of seeking a woman over the years. It's been for selfish reasons and desires: to satisfy my deep need of love and satisfaction, to overcome feelings of loneliness and for enjoyment that would come from selfish gain. This sermon is a wake-up call for me as to how much commitment, dedication, responsibility, work and selflessness it takes to have a wife.

Marriage can also be a very powerful form of sanctification, which I also had desired and expected. But I think our enjoyment should come from being Christ-like to our spouse. It's not about what we can take but what we can give. If God brings His daughter into our life for the purpose of marriage, we better treat her well and reflect Jesus' character. He will hold us to a high standard.

Exactly and I feel like most of people are seeking person who can give them what they need rather than loving this person unconditionally. I feel like it’s impossible to find someone who loves unconditionally. I haven’t ever experienced that. It’s always someone who wants to use. But these are important lessons anyway. I know that God will make me wait that I can be the best woman for my future husband before I meet him. Or maby I don’t, some people live only for God and that is enough.

 

[Miles]

Romantic love is conditional, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Wedding vows are conditions for marriage, for instance. The couple isn't using each other, but they promise each other to uphold their end of the deal. Within those conditions, love can thrive. Or at least that's the idea. When those conditions are broken, marriages tend to suffer.

With that being said, there are also superficial or materialistic conditions that partners may hold over each other. Those are more arguably a bad thing. You probably don't want a spouse who will leave when your hair turns gray, when somebody gets sick, or has a bad day at work.

 

[Rigatoni]

Exactly and I feel like most of people are seeking person who can give them what they need rather than loving this person unconditionally. I feel like it’s impossible to find someone who loves unconditionally. I haven’t ever experienced that. It’s always someone who wants to use. But these are important lessons anyway. I know that God will make me wait that I can be the best woman for my future husband before I meet him. Or maby I don’t, some people live only for God and that is enough.

I'm sure there are mature Christians out there who reflect Jesus' love to varying measures. But I don't believe they'll be able to love their spouse perfectly. The way I see it, that's the point of marriage. It's not about two perfect people coming together to love each other without fault. Rather it's a form of sanctification in which they learn to love each other unconditionally as Jesus loves them. That's why they make vows in public witness, so that they are kept to those vows when inevitable trials arise.

From my experience, God seems to bring a partner into the life of a believer when they aren't looking for one, ironically. When a Christian is so obsessed with Jesus that they aren't concerned with finding a spouse, that seems to be when God moves. Perhaps it's not perfection that makes a believer ready for marriage, but rather a strongly-rooted relationship of trust, communication and dependence on God, and some level of spiritual maturity and fruit-bearing in their lives.

 

[bèlla]

No one can love unconditionally from the flesh. You need agape to do so. That requires transparency and a willingness to accept the person as they are. Not how you want them to be. Not based on conditions. But who they are good and bad.

You have to allow genuine expression. You can't micromanage it or tell the person how to love you. You can acknowledge what makes you feel loved and unloved. And you have to let them show it their way. With the understanding no one meets every need. You have to be willing to compromise.

There will be things you desire or enjoy your partner isn't into. Ways of expression that don't come natural. Absence doesn't mean you're unloved or unwanted. Unconditional love is selfless. It's not about you or your agenda. Its other centered.

When you love that way you can spot it in others. When you've had agape you know it. There's no confusion. No one can dupe you. There's no comparison to the rest. I've had men like me. Love me. But they didn't agape me. And I knew it.

That's a different sphere of love and togetherness. It's divine. Flesh and holiness have different scents. Some enter relationships with it in tow. Others learn in the course of relating.

One of the tell-tale signs of moving in that direction is prayer. I have a growing desire to pray on their behalf and labor for them in prayer. I do it daily. Sometimes an hour or more. It deepens my regard. He brings me closer to God. He drives me to God.

Prayerlessness is a sign as well. There's men I can't pray for. Every once in awhile. But not on a daily basis. They don't quicken my spirit or compel it on their behalf. It's happened twice. The first instance was agape and the second is heading in that direction.

I can't make myself respond that way because he's a believer. There's something greater taking place. In my experience, the Lord is involved. He tells me how to pray for him and gives me assignments. It's a three strand chord. He establishes and preserves the bond. Eventually we realize it and take our hands off.

~bella

 

[Sunshinee777]

View attachment 305973

I'm sure there are mature Christians out there who reflect Jesus' love to varying measures. But I don't believe they'll be able to love their spouse perfectly. The way I see it, that's the point of marriage. It's not about two perfect people coming together to love each other without fault. Rather it's a form of sanctification in which they learn to love each other unconditionally as Jesus loves them. That's why they make vows in public witness, so that they are kept to those vows when inevitable trials arise.

From my experience, God seems to bring a partner into the life of a believer when they aren't looking for one, ironically. When a Christian is so obsessed with Jesus that they aren't concerned with finding a spouse, that seems to be when God moves. Perhaps it's not perfection that makes a believer ready for marriage, but rather a strongly-rooted relationship of trust, communication and dependence on God, and some level of spiritual maturity and fruit-bearing in their lives.

I believe you can love someone perfectly without being perfect. I mean I don’t believe anybody can be perfect but I do believe in perfect love. But maby I have different idea of perfect love than someone else has. Perfect love doesn’t mean to me that you always do the right thing, it means you will not go to sleep angry and unhappy.


I don’t know how to delete that smiley sorry about that I have quite new phone and don’t know how to use this

 

[Rigatoni]

I don't believe it's God's will for us to find perfect love - apart from Him - here on earth. Although I do remember hearing a testimony from a pastor years ago, regarding his marriage. He had such a pure connection with his wife that neither one of them - throughout their years of commitment - ever once considered divorce. They may have had disagreements and even fights at times, but not once did breaking up ever come to mind.

 

[Rigatoni]

What Does It Mean for a Man to Lead His Family Spiritually?

• Learn to loving and serve each other, and submit to each other's needs and desires in humble mutuality. The wife takes her cues from the Church in submission and the husband takes his cues from Christ in headship.
  
• Headship and submission in earthly marriage is important as it's a picture of the covenant love between Christ and His Church.
• There are both differences and similarities between the marriage between a husband and wife, and the covenant love between Christ and His Church.
  • Christ wants submission of His Church to be free and joyful in Him: in who He is, what He stands for and what He's doing. This is one way they're similar. He doesn't want slavish obedience, joyless compliance nor mindless submissiveness. He wants her to be full of intelligence, understanding, wisdom, joy and freedom. Otherwise her following wouldn't glorify Him; mindless submission doesn't glorify a leader. A good husband doesn't want that either.
    
  • One difference is that human husbands are fallible and sinful, but Christ isn't. Another difference is that both a husband and wife are submitted to Jesus. The wife's submission to her husband is offered freely at the bidding of her Lord Jesus. The husband shouldn't presume that his will is infallible, and that his wife is less wise, intelligent or insightful that he is. Christ is always wiser than the Church, but husbands aren't always wiser than their wives. A mature Christian husband will not express his headship with childish, proud, bullying or one-sided decision making. He will always seek out both the wisdom and desires of his wife.
• Roles for submission and leadership aren't based on competency. Competence affects how roles are carried out, but not who those roles belong to.
  
• Sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, to protect and to provide for his family. [His masculine love must be self-giving and self-sacrificing. He should be strong in his headship, and shouldn't see marriage like a Batman & Robin partnership. She will expect him to lead and provide.]
• Takes active initiative - not passive or lax - such as in what is the overall moral vision is of the family. He will be expected to form and carry it out, while drawing in and including his wife in the process. She may have superior wisdom and knowledge in many ways, and they may need to make hundreds of decisions together in various topics and issues. This overall moral vision may include:
  • Expectations for children and how they're disciplined (involving the leadership of the husband and the leadership of his wife over the children).
    
  • Leisure together.
    
  • What the family stands for and how they glorify God. All families stand for and are known for something, and are called to glorify God according to their gifts. It's the man's job to pursue that and figure it out. Form and carry out moral vision of family, with constant interaction of wife.
    
  • Where they go to Church and involvement in ministry.
  • Lifestyle issues, involving: social media, television, the internet, etc.
    
  • Finances. For instance, how much do they give to the local church each Sunday.
    
  • The husband leading his family in scripture and prayer, ensuring they're saturated in both (also not based on competency, but headship).
    
  • How they feel about God.
• One thing that depresses a wife is when a lazy husband never thinks about what needs to be done, and she has to constantly prod him to take the initiative.
• This is meant to be a model of Christ to a needy world.

 

[bèlla]

No one would get in a car with someone who's never driven and expect good results. Unless you're in a lot with no one around. Life isn't like that. There's oncoming traffic. It never ceases.

Preparation is a hallmark of biblical teachings. There's always a period of preparation before elevation commences. No one steps into leadership. You may have a leadership gift or skills. But until its tested that's all it is.

You need to know how to respond when adversity strikes. When you're disappointed. When things don't go your way. When plans fall through. When pressures mount. When your back is against the wall.

You have the ball through all of that. You can't run and hide or throw in the towel when people are counting on you. You're supposed to stand. That's what leaders do.

Everything you do today is a foreshadowing of how you'll lead. You don't morph into a different person because of responsibilities. Each person is another thing on your plate and back. If one is a struggle two may make you buckle and three may make you crack.

You've got to strengthen your arms and legs while you're alone. So you can bear up with your partner. You'll have everyday demands, marital demands, familial demands, and spiritual warfare.

Prayer and fasting should be part of your spiritual practice if you want to marry. You should be conversant in spiritual warfare if you want to remain that way. He doesn't stop. He attacks the weakest link. The weak point in the wall is his target. You should know what it is and pray against it. That's your greatest weapon.

The most valuable quality in a woman is prayer. She prays against your weaknesses, insecurities, doubts and failures. That's your holy fuel when you're parched and worn.

This is the third thing you should look for in a prospect beyond faith and character. You know you're going to mess up. Prayer is the difference between forgiveness and divorce. As long as you're praying you have a chance.

~bella

 

[Rigatoni]

A beautiful example of a Christ-centered marriage and couple. There are godly women here on earth who are ready for marriage, and seeking God's best for you is worth it. She would expect a real man of God to lead, protect and provide for her. There's no games when it comes to true love; gamers receive their just reward. The heart of a woman is not a toy, and neither is that of a man.

What value is there in a woman who is trustworthy, dedicated, faithful, compassionate, supportive, hard-working, a seeker of Christ, righteous, virtuous, humble, gentle, submissive, giving, encouraging, intelligent and wise. A noble woman is worth far more than rubies.

". . . For the rest of my life I promise to continue to fight for you, and to fight for us. ... You truly are the greatest gift God has given me. It is my joy to follow you, and respect you and to always be your greatest fan. To always be for you and to always put God first in our relationship so that I can always learn to love you better. I'm so excited to see how the Lord will use us together as one to bring blessing to the Kingdom."