Biblical Manhood - Marriage

[Sunshinee777]

Another edifying video I came across just now.

• Does it increase your motivation for ministry and service?
• Does it fulfill the purpose for this season of Christian dating (to seek out His will)?
• Is it biblical and wanted by both the man and the woman?

It requires healthy gauging, an open mind and listening to discern God's will regarding dating and marriage. A relationship God doesn't approve of is one in which sin is taking place with no repentance, breaks a command in the Bible or if God directly tells you it's not His will. If you know a relationship wouldn't be fulfilling or proves to be a waste of time, that's not a good sign.

Totally agree it is sin to be with someone God hasn’t meant for you.

 

[TheWhat?]

That’s why I edited my post. There’s not a lack of suitors. They’re choosing others. I won’t call it pay to play but its pretty close. The person you could have ten years ago can’t be had today. The market has changed and people are scaling up. That’s what I’m hearing.

I saw an exchange a few weeks ago. Someone advocated the 1950s lifestyle and a commenter called them out and said most people can’t have it. They acknowledged a want for marriage and family but it never happened. The person commenting was 50.

My acquaintance agreed with the comment. He said most people can’t secure a high wage earner. I agreed with the OP and shared my thoughts with him. I said it was easy to get someone like that and admitted what they wanted.

He called me out! That wouldn’t have happened 10 years ago. He didn’t say I was wrong. But he hinted that my knowledge of what it took was the problem. You couldn’t have that insight without experience and my experiences weren’t the norm.

This isn’t limited to America. Social media raised the bar. The nice guy with a good job (or the cute girl) were replaced with a lifestyle. That’s what they’re chasing. “Insta” good.

My good vibes thread is a perfect example of that ideology. I share things with the community in mind. But its still bella. Aspirational living is the new normal. Finding someone who doesn’t want an insta-reel can be challenging. I’m around them both.

Just because someone doesn’t have it doesn’t mean the desire is nonexistent. That’s what I’m touching on when I talk about people triggering about clean houses and the rest. Seeing it messes with their head. It makes them feel less-than.

The people you’re engaging with are seeing the same. It’s difficult to be uninfluenced. They’re subjected to curated lifestyles everyone praises. If it was limited to celebrities there wouldn’t be a problem. You expect it. But when the person next door is doing the same that’s another animal.

Ordinary is no more. Its being erased. ‘Simple’ is glamorous. This is what you’re up against. That’s why its harder now. If you don’t have a big social network; venues like this are good for forming connections. Dating apps reinforce selectivity.

~bella

I don't know if I would call it raising the bar though. The last time I used a dating app I bumped into one woman with a profile pic of herself sitting on satan's throne, literally. That was when I was able to connect the dots with why I was feeling so spiritually sick for only trying to find someone through the apps and in the culture. I'm afraid it's worse than we think. America isn't normal, at least not any more. And the situation isn't much better in most first world nations these days.

I can't expect Christian culture to compensate for that but it honestly doesn't seem to care. In some cases it's reactionary, to its own harm. I was in a debate recently about whether or not heterosexuality is a sin and I kid you not, the proponents for the other side could not bring themselves to say no. On the other hand, the position that homosexuality is not a sin as long as you don't practice it, is definitely not unheard of.

We've gone crazy. I've been convinced it's time to abandon ship for at least the last 2 to 3 years.

 

[TheWhat?]

On top of that I've not yet encountered a ministry where I had the impression that there was real leadership who actually knows what they are doing at the helm. I would not be surprised that people who really happen to know anything at all are simply quiet for avoiding the crazies who would destroy their congregations. It's the ignorant, the spoiled sheep with a taste for blood that expect to rule christiandom, and they're leading the church in the wrong direction. I'm afraid there's no rescue plan for that.

 

[bèlla]

I don't know if I would call it raising the bar though.

I concur. Despondency is greater. I see it here but it doesn't stand out as prevalent as my acquaintance's interactions. His conversations have worsened. He combats anti-male sentiments. Some of the dialogues are shocking. I see words I'd never entertain about a human.

The last time I used a dating app I bumped into one woman with a profile pic of herself sitting on satan's throne, literally. That was when I was able to connect the dots with why I was feeling so spiritually sick for only trying to find someone through the apps and in the culture.

Wow, that's crazy. I haven't seen anything along those lines. Years ago a man shared a song from The Omen. I don't know why I played it. It was horrible! You could feel the darkness oozing. I turned it off. I hadn't returned to the Lord at that point. But I knew that was bad! I didn't talk to him anymore.

I'm afraid it's worse than we think. America isn't normal, at least not any more. And the situation isn't much better in most first world nations these days.

There's definitely an element of sickness. But good souls remain. I don't think everyone is bad.

I can't expect Christian culture to compensate for that but it honestly doesn't seem to care. In some cases it's reactionary, to it's own harm. I was in a debate recently about whether or not heterosexuality is a sin and I kid you not, the proponents for the other side could not bring themselves to say no. On the other hand, the position that homosexuality is not a sin as long as you don't practice it, is definitely not unheard of.

Most of the odd stuff I encounter is in Christian circles. You don't get a lot of drama when you're talking about crafts, shoes, and cooking. It's a different vibe. I keep the culture at arm's length. I don't want that in my head. Yes, I believe you heard it. I've seen the same.

We've gone crazy. I've been convinced it's time to abandon ship for at least the last 2 to 3 years.

If you'd said this a few days ago I would have disagreed. My outlook would have been more optimistic. But after yesterday its clear something's wrong. Way out, way off, whatever you want to call it. It's sin++++++ a whole lot of things.

As a man thinks within his heart so is he. There's a level of irrationality I can't abide. It's detrimental to my person. I'm focusing on the things God wants me to do and ignoring the rest.

~bella

 

[TheWhat?]

That's fine, I'm not saying everyone is bad. But it's my experience things can change in an instant, even when they feel safe. I was at the top of my career, like you, although overworked a bit, ignoring the things around me. I thought a mental block was enough to keep me in line, and I was hit by a serious spiritual attack and was forced to leave my job.

Now I have serious reservations about working again in corporate America. There is scripture on that subject, about separating yourself so as not to partake in the guilt of their sins.

 

[bèlla]

On top of that I've not yet encountered a ministry where I had the impression that there was real leadership who actually knows what they are doing at the helm. I would not be surprised that people who really happen to know anything at all are simply quiet for avoiding the crazies who would destroy their congregations. It's the ignorant, the spoiled sheep with a taste for blood that expect to rule christiandom, and they're leading the church in the wrong direction. I'm afraid there's no rescue plan for that.

It's interesting you say that. I served a lot in the past. You see good and bad. I've always had a regard for philanthropy and volunteering. Giving back is important.

I came away with a determined stance I didn't have entering. Not only in my ministry, but also the work I support. I reached the conclusion that controlling the process was better than writing checks. I have no say so in their affairs. But if I own it all, I set the standard from top to bottom and can keep an eye on it. Reaching that perspective brought a lot of peace. I've seen a lot of waste and mismanagement.

One of my associates addresses this topic. She helps women called to ministry to get up and running. The work is so anointed. You get training, accountability, and a lot prayer warriors. Everything is God centered. She always points back to Him and brings us to that place. She embeds Him in everything.

I saw her take off. Watched her go from 0 to 100. It was amazing to witness. I joined her program last year. I knew I was getting someone sold out for Him. He brought the missing component to my circle. Her faith is supersize.

Things around you may be crumbling but God is putting things in place. Read Seven Friendships Every Man Needs. It will encourage you. I'll leave them here for your reference.

Paul: Godly mentor to disciple you
Timothy: Faithful disciple to follow you
Barnabas: Solid peer to encourage you
Jonathan: Best friend to uphold you
Nathan: Courageous brother to confront you
Zacchaeus: Lost seeker to hear you
Jesus: Gracious Savior

She's a Paul but she isn't the only one I have. There's 2 others. She has Pauline zeal and faith. It inspires and ignites my own.

~bella

 

[TheWhat?]

Fair enough, but the leading of God in my life is moving me away from this place.

 

[bèlla]

That's fine, I'm not saying everyone is bad. But it's my experience things can change in an instant, even when they feel safe. I was at the top of my career, like you, although overworked a bit, ignoring the things around me.

I moved away from finance because of the hours. I was working too much and decided to get into real estate. I contacted a firm to help me find a job. There was a company near my home. They needed someone for two weeks and wanted to bring them on permanently. We treated it like a slot in. I loved it there.

But while I was there something came up and they scheduled an interview. It was a prestigious company with opportunities for advancement. They wanted me to take the job. I preferred the first. But they made a good offer and I took it.

That was the Lord's doing. It was always His plan to bring me home. He used my boss to do it. We got along well and she gave me special projects and lots of visibility. My co-worker applied for a position at the State Department and got in. But he didn't have a start date. She was grooming me for his job. We spent a lot of time together.

One day we were talking and she mentioned her companion. I asked what he did and she told me about him. She said, he used to work in investment banking. I'll never forget the twinkle in her eyes and cheshire grin. I said, used to? She replied, oh yeah he's retired. He did well and left at 40.

I was shocked! I was in my early thirties. Her words settled on me. She kept watching me and the wheels were turning. I read lots of books on business, real estate, and entrepreneurship. The seed was there. That comment blew my plans to smithereens. I intended to climb the ladder. But something switched on inside.

I started brainstorming. It was a daily exercise. I spent 15 minutes a day thinking of business ideas. When the opportunity to leave came I took it. I didn't know what I was going to do. But I had to go. I ended up going to culinary school and working in a wine shop. The store closed. The landlord bought out the lease. It was 25 years. We had 5 left. I was crushed.

I thought about working in the wine industry. But I ended up doing a stint at a company that went longer than expected. Now I'm back in finance on a different side and they want to hire me. I turned it down and came home for good.

I needed to get it out my system. I thrived in corporate America because I'm driven and know the game. But God had something else in mind. It took awhile to settle down. I had a Type-A high octane personality. Being home wasn't easy. I needed something to do. I doubled down on self-improvement. I was already doing it. But I went into overdrive. I poured all the passion and energy into my development until I figured out the next step.

I thought a mental block was enough to keep me in line, and I was hit by a serious spiritual attack and was forced to leave my job.

I went through one a few years ago. It was ugly. But it brought me home.

Now I have serious reservations about working again in corporate America. There is scripture on that subject, about separating yourself so as not to partake in the guilt of their sins.

That's a matter of conscience and I encourage you to seek the Lord's input. Everyone can't start a business. But maybe that's best in your case. Have you ever considered it?

~bella

 

[bèlla]

Fair enough, but the leading of God in my life is moving me away from this place.

Where would you like to go?

 

[TheWhat?]

Where would you like to go?

I've looked into a number of places, but without concrete answers. The e-nomad movement seems a viable route for me.

 

[bèlla]

I've looked into a number of places, but without concrete answers. The e-nomad movement seems a viable route for me.

That's neat. I know a few who do it and they love it. Do you plan to have a home base or move from place to place? Travel blogging is doable if you're going that route or you could do a YouTube channel with the same.

~bella

 

[TheWhat?]

That's neat. I know a few who do it and they love it. Do you plan to have a home base or move from place to place? Travel blogging is doable if you're going that route or you could do a YouTube channel with the same.

~bella

It's not much of a plan at the moment, but I have thought about building my idea I told you about on foreign soil where it's more economically feasible, and really run it as a small resort. Of course there are many laws to get around. I may have to find a marriage partner in the area where I intend to do it.

 

[TheWhat?]

That's neat. I know a few who do it and they love it. Do you plan to have a home base or move from place to place? Travel blogging is doable if you're going that route or you could do a YouTube channel with the same.

~bella

And, blogging isn't really my thing although I suppose it's always a possibility. I'm a full stack software engineer so I don't really need to in order to do the e-nomad thing, if I can work 100% remotely.

 

[bèlla]

It's not much of a plan at the moment, but I have thought about building my idea I told you about on foreign soil where it's more economically feasible, and really run it as a small resort. Of course there are many laws to get around. I may have to find a marriage partner in the area where I intend to do it.

I'm so sorry TW. I had a blonder! I almost forgot. Yes, that would be wonderful and more economical!

Speaking from personal experience, if the longing for other parts exists it may hail from Him. I always had an affinity with France and the UK since childhood. That's exactly where I'm going.

Feed it. Start looking into places and different cultures. See where would idea would be feasible. The more you do the more He'll expand your horizons.

I'm excited for you! Its probable she's where you're heading.

~bella

 

[bèlla]

And, blogging isn't really my thing although I suppose it's always a possibility. I'm a full stack software engineer so I don't really need to in order to do the e-nomad thing, if I can work 100% remotely.

If you're living in different places a vlog makes sense. It would supplement your income. People eat it up. That could fund the enterprise.

~bella

 

[bèlla]

Back on topic...

The video doesn't have the transcript but the bullet points are good. I'll touch on one briefly.

Does it increase your motivation for ministry and service?

This is so important. If you don't get anything make sure you remember this. I know someone who had an amazing teaching gift. She was a fireball like Beth Moore and her knowledge ran deep. When she picked up the mic you were on your feet. The anointing was clear.

But she chose the wrong partner and it destroyed her ministry. He wanted to do the same. But he didn't have what she possessed. He took over and pushed her out. I asked why she no longer taught and he told me he sat her down.

If you've ever experienced righteous indignation you'll know how I felt. Something told me to be quiet. Let him talk some more. I did and he let it all out. It was important lesson I never forgot about the danger of wrong alignments. It pains me to recall it. She was incredibly gifted.

The Lord permitted it for me to see the price I'd pay for doing the same. I wasn't dating anyone and hadn't done so for years. But the gravity of loss was felt. Her feelings led her astray.

~bella

 

[GospelS]

America isn't normal, at least not any more. And the situation isn't much better in most first world nations these days.

I've lost faith in marriage in America, and in church we often create more hurdles to clear before anything happens.

Agree. But take heart. His remnant is everywhere. I made a mention of this here in this same thread. Some people building their own religion tall enough to reach heaven, forgetting that one must be born again.

I see why marriages are so unstable and people so lonely especially in the US. So much doctrine being built up into Babylon, the heights of Christianity at their tallest but so destructive and powerless. Like that priest and Levite in the story of Good Samaritan, most seem to be going. Sadly, that makes it hard to see the truth and you are not even aware. Preachers idolizing marriages and deceiving many by using scripture to serve their evil purposes, having a form of godliness but lacking power.

"My house will be a house of prayer. But you have made it a den of robbers." Insensitive to the voice of the Spirit with itching ears gathering teachers to suit them. You speak one language, yet so divided. Come out of her people. You don't know what evil you are doing to yourself. "He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."

The kingdom of heaven is not about words. The righteous shall live by faith.

 

[Rigatoni]

Short but powerful sermon I stumbled upon. We should fight to keep ourselves spiritually and sexually pure, to the glory of God and as a gift to present to our future God-given spouse. We can have greater victory over sin by staying in the Word: i.e. memorizing, meditating on and studying scripture.

"I have hidden your word in my heart hat I might not sin against you." -Psalms 119:11

 

[Rigatoni]

Reinforcing traditional gender roles by emphasizing biblical masculinity, and what it means to be a man of God. There is a difference between a man and a woman. We are commanded to act like men (1 Corinthians 16:13).

An effeminate man can't be a husband, for he would be expected to lead his home for the benefit of their wife and children, no matter how costly it is to him. Christ gave Himself completely, until there was nothing left to give. He is also our protector who stood in front of His bride to protect her, and He stands in front of each of His children. For a husband to perform these acts of selflessness it would require strength, love and courage.

We need to grow in character to imitate Jesus' example, younger men especially. The primary characteristic we need is love, which is: self-giving, sacrificial and selfless. It doesn't matter how much we hurt, the extent we suffer, if our expectations aren't met nor if our desires aren't meant. It's about us dying for our wife and children, to live for something greater than ourselves. It's our job as husbands and spiritual leaders - the headship of our homes - to take the brunt of everything and anything this world will throw at our family. Caring for our wife is our primary responsibility as a husband.

Work ethic and discipline are very important in the development of biblical men. Knowing who Jesus was when He walked this earth and imitating Him based on the Gospel accounts will also help in our development to be the men God called us to be.

Love makes a man strong and fierce - to fight like a tiger. Sacrificial love and service would make him defy armies and stand his ground, not because he's fearless but because he is courageous. The more you're conformed to the image of Christ, the more you love. We shouldn't aspire to be like John Wayne, Vin Diesel or Dwayne Johnson who are all flawed, but to be like Jesus - the perfect example of what a man should be.

 

[Rigatoni]

While making the post above, I was convicted for my intentions of seeking a woman over the years. It's been for selfish reasons and desires: to satisfy my deep need of love and satisfaction, to overcome feelings of loneliness and for enjoyment that would come from selfish gain. This sermon is a wake-up call for me as to how much commitment, dedication, responsibility, work and selflessness it takes to have a wife.

Marriage can also be a very powerful form of sanctification, which I also had desired and expected. But I think our enjoyment should come from being Christ-like to our spouse. It's not about what we can take but what we can give. If God brings His daughter into our life for the purpose of marriage, we better treat her well and reflect Jesus' character. He will hold us to a high standard.