Biblical Manhood - Marriage

[Rigatoni]

I'm interested in becoming a godly man that can one day lead a godly wife in marriage, founded in Christ. I've never been in a relationship with a woman before, but have played around with flirtation and chasing girls, and it's caused a lot of issues with trust and with my masculinity.

I really want to take this seriously as it's an honest desire the Lord has given me. It would take someone awesome for me to be interested, definitely not run-of-the-mill, but I want to be ready for when He does bring her into my life. The heart of a woman, especially if she genuinely loves God with all her heart, is not something to play around with, especially especially because it can come back to bit you in the a** one way or another.

What qualities do you expect to develop to become a godly man the Lord is pleased with and whom can lead His daughter in the future? Here are a few I thought of for now, but may post more later.

• Love of God's Word - must be knowledgeable in the scriptures and build his house upon the Rock. If you don't know Jesus, you don't know genuine love, and are incapable of giving it.
  
• Compassionate, gentle, selfless and humble; pride can be very destructive in marriage. Must be willing to serve and die to himself to an extent?
  
• Just yet merciful, slow to anger. Knows when to put his foot down and take the initiative and confront, but is very careful in doing so.
  
• Strong in his masculinity,
  
• Dependent on God yet courageous and merciful when needed
• Mature and able to lead, but maintains his sense of wonder and doesn't get too serious
• A sense of humor and playfulness to help encourage himself and his wife, as well as others. It goes a long way sometimes.
• Affectionate and flirtatious when married; perhaps to a mild extent when courting.
  
• Maintains strong authority and integrity, to no compromise on his beliefs or allow corruption into the relationship, nor each other.
• Physically strong or strong in another sense to protect her physically.
• A strong relationship of faith with the Lord to pray through any challenges and to remain faithful during trials. Also able to resist temptation; satan will try to destroy it.
  
• Good communication and people skills to work out issues together - which will sooner or later arise - and to help avoid them. Able to forgive and learn not to take things personally.
  
• Guards his heart by taking his thoughts captive, as well as his body - the temple of the Holy Spirit - by taking his eating habits captive.
  
• Sexually, emotionally and physically intimate: unafraid to open up to her in trust and willing to show how he feels. Also doesn't deny her in doing the same, as it could have really hurt her and cause her to turn on him to an extent.
• Puts Christ as the center, since it's all about Him, is a picture of His love for His bride the Church, as is a deeper revelation of His love.

Instead of focusing on our lack of companionship, we can all instead focus on getting ready for when He reveals her to us, and mature friendships with other believers while we wait. Any others y'all can think of?

 

[GospelS]

Can women participate too? I mean I totally believe in 1 Timothy 2:11-12 and try to keep it as I also feel the same. So I don't want to be misunderstood as someone trying to teach men.

I just wanted to add regarding being a good steward of everything that God has already given to you- time, finances, gifts/talents, health, friends, people, business, faith, material things, all possessions including information, i mean everything...

Thanks for listening and allowing me to speak.

 

[Rigatoni]

Can women participate too?

Of course! I would love to hear from the other end of the spectrum too. Perhaps what godly women look for in a spouse, and the type of daughter of Christ they aspire to become.

I just wanted to add regarding being a good steward of everything that God has already given to you- time, finances, gifts/talents, health, friends, people, business, faith, material things, all possessions including information, i mean everything...

Interesting. Could you elaborate on this?

I could see a godly man not just being focused on caring for his wife, but also for all that God has entrusted to him.

 

[GospelS]

Perhaps what godly women look for in a spouse

Well, first and foremost, a sense of spiritual security.

and the type of daughter of Christ they aspire to become.

She aspires to bring beauty and life to everything and in every way she can.

Interesting. Could you elaborate on this?

I could see a godly man not just being focused on caring for his wife, but also for all that God has entrusted to him.

What I mentioned about being a good steward goes both for men and women, and I was talking about while they are still single, in preparation for becoming and training themselves to be godly. How you care for others and all your stuff tells a lot about how you will treat your future spouse and children. I wouldn't think God would be pleased to bring you a spouse if He is already disappointed with how you care for the things/people He already placed in your life. Of course, once married, your focus is and has to be caring for your wife, and she helps you out with caring for other stuff God has entrusted to you both.

 

[Rigatoni]

Well, first and foremost, a sense of spiritual security.

Leading her spiritually is crucial, I'm sure. If she is going to exchange time mostly spent with Jesus to be faithful to her husband, she would expect to see Jesus in him.

She aspires to bring beauty and life to everything and in every way she can.

Seems like a canned answer. I would think she should aspire to be submissive and supportive to her husband in Christ, while at the same time cautious not to compromise her walk with Him or the commitment to her spouse.

 

[Rigatoni]

Found this inspiring.

 

[GospelS]

Leading her spiritually is crucial, I'm sure. If she is going to exchange time mostly spent with Jesus to be faithful to her husband, she would expect to see Jesus in him.

Well, yes and no. I meant husband being anchored in Christ. She feels she is safe when she knows her husband is strongly anchored to the Lord.

Seems like a canned answer. I would think she should aspire to be submissive and supportive to her husband in Christ, while at the same time cautious not to compromise her walk with Him or the commitment to her spouse.

Being submissive and supportive to her husband is something that comes naturally to a godly woman. Proverbs 31 women is not “aspiring” that.

 

[Rigatoni]

Being submissive and supportive to her husband is something that comes naturally to a godly woman. Proverbs 31 women is not “aspiring” that.

I don't necessarily agree with that. Trust is earned, as is respect. Here on earth we'll always aspire to be godly, that's the whole point of sanctification and marriage in general. That's why I seek a godly marriage with a fellow blood-bought believer: not only for support and companionship, but also so I can grow spiritually with her and have a better picture of Jesus' love.

 

[GospelS]

I don't necessarily agree with that. Trust is earned, as is respect. Here on earth we'll always aspire to be godly, that's the whole point of sanctification and marriage in general. That's why I seek a godly marriage with a fellow blood-bought believer: not only for support and companionship, but also so I can grow spiritually with her and have a better picture of Jesus' love.

Christ in her is the motivation for her aspirations. It flows from within her no matter how another person treats her. Your spiritual condition does have an impact. In bringing beauty and life to everything in the home is how she becomes supportive to her husband. A godly woman is able to do that and be submissive at the same time.

I'm not sure how a man would find her supportive if she has no aspirations within herself. To bring beauty and life is godliness deeply ingrained in women to be able to help her husband. It is Christ in her. She is given wisdom to do that; or she might get imbalanced if things outside her determine her godliness.

 

[Rigatoni]

Christ in her is the motivation for her aspirations. It flows from within her no matter how another person treats her. Your spiritual condition does have an impact. In bringing beauty and life to everything in the home is how she becomes supportive to her husband. A godly woman is able to do that and be submissive at the same time.

I'm not sure how a man would find her supportive if she has no aspirations within herself. To bring beauty and life is godliness deeply ingrained in women to be able to help her husband. It is Christ in her. She is given wisdom to do that; or she might get imbalanced if things outside her determine her godliness.

 

[GospelS]

You've already earned her trust if she married you. You keep that trust. Christ died in vain if you’ve to earn her every time. If she has embraced the beauty and life of Christ in her then she is able to truly support and submit just by being herself, not by her own strength but by the spirit that lives in her. Yes, we’ll still always aspire to be godly, and it is being sanctified and perfected through marriage.

 

[Rigatoni]

I don't necessarily agree with @GospelS 's view on trust, so I looked up a sermon on it.

My view is that trust can fluctuate within marriage, since both a husband and wife still have their sinful nature and can break that trust off and on to varying degrees. That's the whole reason for the vows of for better or worse. That's also why Christ has to be the center of the marriage, and why both members need to have a strong relationship with Him. They can't rely on each other too much.

It's for sanctification and is a picture of God's unconditional love. Good character and godly love tested over time builds trust.

 

[GospelS]

I don't necessarily agree with @GospelS 's view on trust, so I looked up a sermon on it.

My view is that trust can fluctuate within marriage, since both a husband and wife still have their sinful nature and can break that trust off and on to varying degrees. That's the whole reason for the vows of for better or worse. That's also why Christ has to be the center of the marriage, and why both members need to have a strong relationship with Him. They can't rely on each other too much.

It's for sanctification and is a picture of God's unconditional love. Good character and godly love tested over time builds trust.

Yet vows couldn't keep many marriages and brought many into bondage. The letter kills, but a new covenant is written in our hearts through the Spirit that gives life. Christ is in you. To be godly is to continually depend on Him who is already in us (Spirit), instead of our own strength (flesh nature). To a spiritual person, it comes naturally as we are made in God’s image, although perfected through this life here on earth.

I’m not perfect but it seems to me you are contradicting yourself while in it you are actually agreeing with me. And if we think otherwise, may the Lord reveal that to us as we learn and mature. I love this thread and I’m glad we discussed.

 

[Rigatoni]

I'm picking up on some very strange spirits in this thread. Things have seemed very "off" lately, so I'm going to rebuke them just encase. Spirits of satan hate godly men and will use various means to try to feminize them for control or to take them down - something all men of God need to be aware of, especially within the confines of marriage.

The Lord Jesus Christ rebuke the spirit of confusion. For it is written: "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace--as in all the congregations of the Lord's people." -1 Corinthians 14:33

The Lord rebuke the spirit of fear. For it is written: "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." -2 Timothy 1:7

The Lord rebuke the spirits of lust and sexual immorality. For it is written: "Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." -2 Timothy 2:22

The Lord rebuke the spirits of anger, wrath and unforgiveness. For it is written: ""In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry," -Ephesians 4:26

The Lord rebuke the spirit of bondage and slavery. For it is written: "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." -John 8:36 and

The Lord rebuke the spirits of guilt and shame. For it is written: "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." -1 Peter 4:8 and "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." -1 John 1:9

The Lord rebuke the spirit of bitterness and complaint. For it is written: "Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”" -Nehemiah 8:10

The Lord rebuke the spirit of drunkeness. For it is written: "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit," -Ephesians 5:18

The Lord rebuke the spirit of greed and want. For it is written: "The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing." -Psalms 34:10

The Lord rebuke the spirit of doubt and unbelief. For it is written: "See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God." -Hebrews 3:12

The Lord rebuke the spirit of anti-Christ. For it is written: "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death." -Romans 12:11 and "You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." -John 8:44

The Lord rebuke any other spirits of satan. For it is written: "no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD." -Isaiah 54:17

 

[ReesePiece23]

That's a lot of very hard stodgy work. But a lot of it can afford to fall by the wayside if you're maintaining a high level of humility and aren't taking yourself super seriously. Seriousness IS good, but for goodness sake LAUGH when things go wrong.

For instance, dreams aren't a linear thing; they move and evolve with the times and failure is JUST seeing that in motion. It's never 'the end' - if you mess up the cake, just add oats to the botched mixture and turn it into cookies. It's not a disaster.

I personally like calibrated masculinity. Yes, I'm a bearded beer drinking male, but I'm not SO out of touch with my feminine side that I can't dial up the sensitivity when warranted. If you only ever have 'alpha gear' then you're seriously limiting your opportunity to connect on that deep psychological level that carries marriages into those oak anniversary realms. So some beta traits are actually a good thing in context. If your wife slips into neotenous mode under stress (like, literally starts playing with teddy bears and unicorns) then they're even more desirable. If they're prone to anxiety attacks then you're going to really need to apply a feather touch. Pulling the proverbial sword from the stone and yelling "I have the power" isn't going to get you very far in those situations.

A lot of it though, you can actually embark on together. I hope you don't think that you need to reach this high spiritual level BEFORE you meet them, because that would be silly. Some of it you won't actually be able to dial into until you know who you're dealing with, and have well and truly fallen in love with them.

To do all of this alone would actually be counterproductive. Keep your eyes peeled now I'd say. And see if anyone is on your level.

 

[GospelS]

I see why marriages are so unstable and people so lonely especially in the US. So much doctrine being built up into Babylon, the heights of Christianity at their tallest but so destructive and powerless. Like that priest and Levite in the story of Good Samaritan, most seem to be going. Sadly, that makes it hard to see the truth and you are not even aware. Preachers idolizing marriages and deceiving many by using scripture to serve their evil purposes, having a form of godliness but lacking power.

"My house will be a house of prayer. But you have made it a den of robbers." Insensitive to the voice of the Spirit with itching ears gathering teachers to suit them. You speak one language, yet so divided. Come out of her people. You don't know what evil you are doing to yourself. "He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."

The kingdom of heaven is not about words. The righteous shall live by faith.

 

[Rigatoni]

• Proclamation of the word of the living God
• Intercessory prayer
• Sacrificial love
• Suffering

 

[ReesePiece23]

^ Propaganda.

Step back and view objectively. It's literally four and a half minutes of gas lighting.

 

[Marumorose]

I'm interested in becoming a godly man that can one day lead a godly wife in marriage, founded in Christ. I've never been in a relationship with a woman before, but have played around with flirtation and chasing girls, and it's caused a lot of issues with trust and with my masculinity.

I really want to take this seriously as it's an honest desire the Lord has given me. It would take someone awesome for me to be interested, definitely not run-of-the-mill, but I want to be ready for when He does bring her into my life. The heart of a woman, especially if she genuinely loves God with all her heart, is not something to play around with, especially especially because it can come back to bit you in the a** one way or another.

What qualities do you expect to develop to become a godly man the Lord is pleased with and whom can lead His daughter in the future? Here are a few I thought of for now, but may post more later.

• Love of God's Word - must be knowledgeable in the scriptures and build his house upon the Rock. If you don't know Jesus, you don't know genuine love, and are incapable of giving it.
  
• Compassionate, gentle, selfless and humble; pride can be very destructive in marriage. Must be willing to serve and die to himself to an extent?
  
• Just yet merciful, slow to anger. Knows when to put his foot down and take the initiative and confront, but is very careful in doing so.
  
• Strong in his masculinity,
  
• Dependent on God yet courageous and merciful when needed
• Mature and able to lead, but maintains his sense of wonder and doesn't get too serious
• A sense of humor and playfulness to help encourage himself and his wife, as well as others. It goes a long way sometimes.
• Affectionate and flirtatious when married; perhaps to a mild extent when courting.
  
• Maintains strong authority and integrity, to no compromise on his beliefs or allow corruption into the relationship, nor each other.
• Physically strong or strong in another sense to protect her physically.
• A strong relationship of faith with the Lord to pray through any challenges and to remain faithful during trials. Also able to resist temptation; satan will try to destroy it.
  
• Good communication and people skills to work out issues together - which will sooner or later arise - and to help avoid them. Able to forgive and learn not to take things personally.
  
• Guards his heart by taking his thoughts captive, as well as his body - the temple of the Holy Spirit - by taking his eating habits captive.
  
• Sexually, emotionally and physically intimate: unafraid to open up to her in trust and willing to show how he feels. Also doesn't deny her in doing the same, as it could have really hurt her and cause her to turn on him to an extent.
• Puts Christ as the center, since it's all about Him, is a picture of His love for His bride the Church, as is a deeper revelation of His love.

Instead of focusing on our lack of companionship, we can all instead focus on getting ready for when He reveals her to us, and mature friendships with other believers while we wait. Any others y'all can think of?

Matthew 22:37-40 says "Jesus said unto him,Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great acommandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets"
You follow these two commandments and God will print all the good qualities in your heart and you will be a godly man!
May God Bless you

 

[Rigatoni]

Matthew 22:37-40 says "Jesus said unto him,Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great acommandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets"
You follow these two commandments and God will print all the good qualities in your heart and you will be a godly man!
May God Bless you

I appreciate your feedback dear sister.

I think that's crucial to the Christian walk. But this thread is more geared towards preparation for marriage, and how to be not only be a good husband who treats his partner well, but a spiritual leader as well. I feel called to prepare and it would be my glory.